Sooner or later, months or even years after separation, breakup or divorce, most single parents eventually decide that they want to have the warm of adult love back in their life. However despite what you might think your children can actually give you a major advantage when looking for love. It sounds crazy, but it’s true. In our new book on making true love appear in your life, called ‘First Date Magic’ we explain exactly why kids can help your love life.
Of course we are realistic. Kids certainly do place limitations on your dating activity, especially on your time, but that can be dramatically out-weighed by the quality of person that you could end up with.
You don’t need anyone to tell you that running a family single-handed is tough, but by the same token, it can also be seen as very a impressive skill by prospective dates. In other words, having great kids gives you an equally great CV. It shows you are organized, responsible, caring, nurturing and independent – all things that plenty of people out there prize very highly, especially as they reach their thirties and look for more substantial relationships.
The other thing to remember is that there are a lot of people in the same boat as you – single parents of the opposite sex. It’s often much easier to date someone who understands your situation and the demands kids make on your time and energy.
So if you’re feeling ready to meet someone new, don’t let your children hold you back.
What’s more, technology has made finding new love easy for single parents! The internet is the answer to single parents’ prayers. You don’t have to go to parties or bars anymore. Your local introductions website lets you check out prospective dates after the kids are in bed. What’s more dating websites give you a wealth of information about prospective dates. For example, their online profile should give you excellent clues about their attitude to children (i.e. do they want more, are they keen on making a blended family etc). Then you can get to know more about them via messaging on the site, and decide whether meeting them in person is worth a few hours of your precious free time.
If you do decide a First Date in person is in order, here are a few things to keep in mind the first time you meet.
1. Don’t talk about your children too much.
The first date is all about getting to know each other, not exchanging stories about the kids.
2. Keep your dating criteria in mind. Try not to get too caught up in the novelty of the situation. The person on the other side of the table has to measure up if they are going to be worth investing time and money on as you get to know them better.
3. Don’t let your children stand in the way. Your kids are used to having you all to themselves, so when you say you’re going out for the evening they can feel that it’s robbing them of attention. But as long as you’re not abandoning them with bread and water for dinner while you’re gallivanting around town, it’s perfectly OK to go out and have some adult fun. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. In fact, it could be quite the opposite. If dating makes you happier, it makes a happier home for everyone.
However, before you go out on your date it might be a good time to talk to your children and explain to them that while you’re going to spending time with someone else it doesn’t mean you love them any less – it’s just that grown-ups need friends too. A little reassurance might be all they need.
And if your first date goes well and you decide that romance is in the air, there are five things that you can do to help everyone get used to the idea of having new people around the place:
1. Don’t force your children to like your date. This is a recipe for disaster. Give them all the time they need to naturally develop a relationship.
2. Don’t expect your children to automatically like their children. If your kids have issues with your date, they’re likely to have a problem with their kids too. The best way to start is to meet your date’s children first, and then introduce your own children to them another time. Take things slowly, and remember they don’t have to become like long lost siblings from the very second they meet.
3. Your date will need time to feel comfortable with your kids.
4. Stay aware of your children’s feelings. Give them the reassurance and special attention they need to feel secure. Remind them that you have more than enough love in your heart for everyone.
5. Remember there is a balance between your family life and dating. There are times when your children have to come first, and your date must accept that. If they can’t, then sadly, it must be adios baby! You can always get another date, but your kids are your kids forever.
And this last point is perhaps the biggest and most important advantage to having kids when you’re dating.
If you stay true to yourself and to your kids, the person who gives you what you need to keep on being a great parent while you’re dating, will most likely also be a wonderful person to spend your life with too.
‘First Date Magic’ is packed with unconventional tips just like this for getting great first dates and finding the love of your life. Do your love life a huge favor and find out more of our secrets now at ‘First Date Magic’
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