I was sent an “article” (I use quotes because the value of this information is in doubt) about men who “step out” on their women.
Step out. You gotta love these old terms that journalists keep using because they evoke emotional pictures in your mind.
The woman’s question to this – (COUGH) – “advisor” was “I don’t know why, but I keep attracting jerks.”
Now this advisor is a “VP of Romance” (Yeah, right) of a very popular online dating site. (And since we all know that men don’t know anything about “romance,” this advisor is a woman.)
She proceeds to describe bad boys and why women are attracted to them, because they are “philanderers and con artists.”
Wow, strong words.
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My Opinion on the Post
Well, I cover this in my e-books, along with the breakdown of the “bad boy” and how you can use the good parts of his personality. Her use of the term “con artist” is out of bitterness. Some “bad boys” are just plain criminals that women fall for because they lack the self-esteem to hold to a higher standard. Bad Boys are not necessarily those penitentiary romances, folks.
Bad boys are men that have the right combination of qualities to make them interesting to women, but some character flaws that make them unsuitable for a long-term commitment. These guys are like ecstasy for women primarily because there are so many guys that BORE the hell out of them.
Bad boys attract women because they have all the right confidence traits that women genuinely desire. The downside is that many of these bad boys are genuinely assholes.
I believe that most guys out there are good at heart. We want a good woman that won’t nag or control us (and they don’t WANT to do this, but most guys let them, so they oblige.)
If we find a truly amazing woman with her sh*t together, we know we’d gladly trade in the case of Trojans for a more established “relationship.” And I hear about these all the time from guys who find her, but then proceed to get obsessed with her and scare her off.
This is why I always tell you to D.O.W. – Date Other Women!
It keeps your perspective, allowing you to not scare off the really worthwhile woman when you meet her. It keeps you from doing all the crazy obsessive things that push them away and ruin their attraction.
In this article, this writer then finishes up by saying:
“While you’re working on all this, don’t stop dating. But do be a little choosier. … Resist the temptation to jump right into a relationship with the first decent guy you meet, however.”
Huh? So if a guy dates around, he’s a philanderer. He’s a bad-boy and not desirable. But she’s saying it’s okay for a woman to date several men and that makes her “choosy.”
WTF???
Welcome to the Double Standard that NO ONE talks about. It’s okay for women to date a lot of guys and be choosy, because MEN are the ones to be watched out for, but a man has to woo her and romance ONLY her to see if he passes her tests for true love.
Puh-lease.
I smell what you’re cookin’, honey, and I’m leaving the kitchen.
While I’ll agree that there are guys out there who do fit the role of the man who “sleeps around” on women, he’s pretty darn rare in this day and age. And getting rarer every day thanks to our cultural awareness and a society of men that are now afraid of date-rape charges, sexual harassment lawsuits, and getting their balls cut off at the root in the new dating world.
It’s only one guy in twenty that knows how to stay cool without getting giggly around a really attractive woman. And one in ten of those guys is even capable of the “player” lifestyle.
Think about it:
How many guys do you know that you could honestly call “players“? And how many are really “bad boys“?
In reality, these terms are thrown around as labels for guys after the fact. If she couldn’t keep him interested, he becomes a “player.” If all her girlfriends thought he was hot and knew he wouldn’t stick around, he was also a “bad boy.”
Most guys I’ve seen out there who DO have the skill and qualities to date many women are:
1) Up front that they’re not looking to settle down with one woman yet (which makes most women want to date and tame him even MORE), and
2) if a woman is lucky enough to find one of them, she KNOWS what she’s getting into here. She’s just happy to have found a guy who doesn’t try to propose or pledge his undying love on the second date.
It’s time to realize that you’re grown ups, ladies. You’re adults. We’re all responsible for our actions. Nobody made you go crazy over that guy you KNEW wasn’t going to be a long-term commitment. He didn’t manipulate or trick you. You jumped in like a nine-year-old kid doing a cannonball dive in the deep end of a pool.
There’s a saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME.
Gentlemen, I’m not into Female Bashing, I’m into MALE EMPOWERMENT. I tell you the things you need to hear and understand to feel good about being a MAN again. This world we’re in has suddenly made it unfashionable to have an XY chromosome.
Being a man is cool, Beavis… it absolutely ROCKS. And I know that the best thing is to LOVE women for who they are WITHOUT hating that I’m a red blooded MAN.
Love the smell of women, their crazy tests and head games, and love their soft squishy parts. But be sure you love the fact that women still want and need real MEN.
In this month’s Playboy, Christina Applegate says: “What if we had a bunch of guys trying to be more feminine to fit in with us? We like the maleness of men – the take-charge, take-care-of-everything attitude.”
Damn straight.
So here’s the deal:
While it’s generally accepted that women can date around and be more “choosy,” men have to deal with the universal stigma that they are expected to date only one woman. And, if by some stroke of fate, if you happen to have the abilities and skills to attract more than one woman, you might get labeled “bad boy.”
But women will love you anyway, no matter what the label is.
Face it: Women like “bad boys” because they know how to make women happy. Women will take the chance that he might not stay with them for the fun they give them in return. They’re REAL men.
Women also love bad boys because OTHER WOMEN love bad boys! Always remember that women want what other women want.
Bad Boy Formula Video Links -located here – If you enjoyed this article you’re going to love these.
Author Credit:
Carlos Xuma is the real deal. He has worked his way to the top of my list of people in which I trust his advice in my dating life, but also I trust in the business world. His methods combines a unique blend of eastern philosophy, intelligence, and humor into all of what he produces. You can feel his passion and his drive and if you look around, you'l begin to see how invigorating his drive really is. If you pay close attention his attitude will not only inspire and encourage you, he will keep find a way to keep your energy high and truly motivate you with his words.
If you're looking for inspiration from a not so typical source...
If you're looking to understand women...
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Or even if you're looking for a good read from a truly unique individual...
I believe you have found him in Carlos. I honestly do not think you will be disappointed with any of his proven material, his programs, his advice, or his ability to motivate you in every aspect of dating women, approaching women, attractive and fun conversations, being an Alpha Male, and the complete workings of your inner game.
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Below are some links to pages here. You will find everything you need to make your own decision and come to your own conclusion about Carlos Xuma:
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A full list of all his Programs - From Conversation with Women to Becoming an Alpha Male
Tons of Free Offers - Every video, quiz, or book here is free. Please enjoy. Just remember to thank Carlos and not me.
An Interview, transcribed, with Carlos Xuma by Peter White Part 1
A Transcribed Interview with Carlos Xuma by Peter White, Part 2
Who Is Carlos? An incredible Interview hosted by me, Peter White. If you're looking to learn who Carlos is from the man himself, this is where you can find it.
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My Opinion:
Very nice Carlos. Your passion is easily seen in everything you do, including your ideas about male empowerment.
I have a short story to add about this double standard issue.
I have a girlfriend who became single not too long ago and was back in the dating scene for the first time in a long time. So of course she came to for advice.
I of course told her to date several men at once and to not commit easily. She followed my advice and everything was going great until one of the men she was dating wanted a commitment. He wouldn’t leave her alone. He kept check on her at all times. He invested all his time in making her commit. (And no after several attempts on my part she still refused to send him to me.)
She was complaining non-stop about him and what he was doing but she also wanted to keep him around. Go figure.
I asked her if he knew she was dating other men and she replied,
“Yes of course.”
I then asked her if he was dating other women. Guys who are dating several women don’t normally act this way.
She replied with that cute shy although guilty look on her face.
“No!”
It wasn’t that he did not want to date other women. It was actually because,
1. He thought by giving up all his time for her she would eventually commit. Because he was showing how much he liked her.
2. He was a natural but was clueless on how he did get women. He did not understand the double standard he was living by was not male empowerment… it was female control.
You see me and this girl both agreed he was allowed to see other men but since he didn’t understand it was okay for him to do it, in fact it would even help him, he only dated her.
But you know what…she refused to tell him that. That way it would always be her choice. She also refused to let me talk to him because she was worried I would tell him the truth.
My point is exactly what I feel Carlos is talking about in this post.
Male empowerment is not living by the rules set forth in these double standard issues.
This is a rule I stick to:
If you’re dating a woman and she’s worth dating by your high standards, she is dating other guys. So you better get off your ass and start dating other women too. It’s your right as a man. It’s in your best interest, it’s in her best interest. Don’t let her fool you…
Dating several women at once can only increase the attraction she feels for you.
If she knows you’re only dating her because of how deeply you feel for her and how you gave up other women just for her, chances are, her attraction for you ill only go down over time. You’re actually decreasing the chance she will commit to you.
Thanks again Carlos.
Peter White – My Nice Guy’s Approach To Attraction – DiaLteG™
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Image: Roland Darby / FreeDigitalPhotos.net