Why Does A Guy Stare At A Woman But Not Approach


Some fear the approach as much or more than speaking in public.

They get nervous.

They think about too much about what to say and if they can not come up with something clever, they don’t approach.

Some even think you’re amazingly hot and can only think of telling you how beautiful they think you are.

A comment they know every guy has already said to you sometimes a thousand times.

Men are not conversational driven like women.

We’re not taught how to approach a woman in school.

We have to go by our friends while growing up, pickup movies where the nerd somehow gets the girl in the end, and worst of all, we get shot down a lot.

Some men also don’t really know how to talk to a woman.

They don’t understand how much you can turned on, or how much attraction a man can make with just his body language, attitude, and words.

And when they do realize it that puts even more pressure on them…

Because now they believe if they screw up the conversation you’ll never give them a second chance.

Here is what I used to do which might be some help or insight into how some men think when it comes to approaching women…

I notice her from afar. Wow. She’s hot. A friend of mine might even smack me on the arm and say,

Dude. Look at her. She’s incredible.

I would check her out casually and turn away quickly when she caught me.

I didn’t want her to think I was like every other guy.

I didn’t want her to think I was objectifying her body.

Let’s say I was out playing pool and I noticed her. I would use every opportunity to admire her beauty but I would find every excuse to not approach her.

  • She probably has a boyfriend or worse yet married.
  • She wouldn’t like me.
  • I could embarrass myself if she shot me down.
  • If I only knew what to say to get her interested enough in me but I doubt that’s going to happen.
  • What if she says something hurtful or worse yet, calls me an ugly loser.
  • Who am I to believe I could ever have a woman like her. I’ve never even been given the opportunity so I wouldn’t even know what to do if she talked back.
  • I could stutter like some fool and really look pathetic.

Men are generally drawn to the physical attributes on a woman.

When we see a girl that we are highly attracted to there’s a mysterious force ( attraction ) which draws our eyes to her.

Some guys stare right at the breasts.

Some try to position themselves to check out her ass.

Some gaze at her eyes hoping and praying she will approach him and magically they will run off together. Okay this one is absurd but believe me, it does happen.

I remember seeing this incredible woman at a baseball game and by the end of the ninth inning my mind had us doing boyfriend and girlfriend stuff together.

And let me tell you I can’t remember a thing about who won the game or who was playing, but I still can see her in my mind… and that was over twenty years ago.

Consider this…

If the attraction mechanism that is put inside a guy is that powerful imagine how powerful the fear associated with approaching a woman is.

Years ago us guys could get smacked up pretty hard for approaching the wrong woman.

We could even lose our lives.

Imagine a group of 20 humans living as animals in the wild.

Chances are during our small lifetime we would be extremely lucky to even come across another group.

Therefore if we were to approach a woman we felt attracted to and failed, we could ruin our chances with every limited available women in the group (that wasn’t a family I hope.)

Us guys stare because we’re attracted to one or more physical features on a woman.

It varies from man to man although there are some features most men are attracted to.

We won’t, don’t, or can not approach because:

  • Fear of failure and sometimes success.
  • The women we have approached in the past were rude and made us feel like a loser for just wanting to talk with them.
  • Some women appear unapproachable to us.

We stare because it’s a driving force of our sexual energy.

For me it’s the shapes. I love the shape and curves on a woman’s body.

The way the small of her back flows smoothly into her hips.

The soft curvature of her butt which I feel inside my mind being cupped in my hands as we kiss…

And ALL guys gets those same emotions even though we have different preferences in what we’re attracted to.

The real truth…or why does a guy stare at a woman but not approach will and has always come down to one thing – he’s feeling attracted to you but is either too scared, nervous, or clueless on how to approach you.

Of course YOU ( as a woman ) play your part too. :) You MUST be open to the approach… Meeting Him, “Why Won’t Men Approach Me and How Do I Make It Happen”

If that doesn’t help you, you can always try using a pickup line on him – Don’t Wait For Him To Approach You! Pick Up Lines For Women

Or even this one: How To Approach A Guy At Work – He Wants to Be Noticed

If you’re looking for more answer on why guys do the things they do… make sure you check out my totally free site filled with all sort of great answers about men, including the staring thing —> “Why Do Guys…?”… Peter White


51 comments… add one

  • diane Aug 11, 2015, 2:00 pm

    I work with a guy that has been staring at me somewhat up close and at a distance for awhile now. he is very attractive and athletic. me myself am the same. I can look at him and it just seems that we both have the same response. I smile at him at times and so does he. we have small conversations at work. and we tease each other as well. now he is staring more and I catch him at times and they are longer stares than normal. I am interested, but am afraid of the work place thing, because one of my close co-workers said to me that he notices that he and I have some attraction for each other. he is a shy guy. I am africian American and he is caucasion.to my knowledge, he has no one and neither myself. help me plz……. I just don’t know what to do or what direction to take or should I just leave this situation alone.

    • Peter White Aug 12, 2015, 10:26 am

      Hello Diane,

      Workplace dating seems to be a hazy area in the world.

      I see it happen a lot BUT I’ve avoided it mostly in my life because it tends to complicate things. It puts more stress on a possible break up. Add to that the financial situation and countless other variables.

      However if you must, it feels like he’s going to take it to the next level naturally which is what you can hope for.

      Just stay open to it, increase the chances, suggest to him other things you’re doing, actually do more than hint because guys tend to miss that shit. Haha!

      Remember what you’re doing IS working so keep it up. It does not have to be any more complicated than that Diane.

      All the best to you,


      • Diane Aug 12, 2015, 5:22 pm

        thanks Pete. I want to ask you what would you recommend I say to break the ice with this guy without the conversation being awkward or going in a totally wrong direction? when I try to approach him at work, there seems to always be worker’s showing up while I try to talk to him, or pass by slowly to see what is going on, or looking at us talking from a distance. I haven’t dated in about three years, and am feeling a little rusty and nervous. he has a very strong personality, dominate, but can also be very nice. I have the strong personality, but try to be more on the reserve side until I get to know a person. help, help…. staying optimistic!! thanks in advance!!

        • Peter White Aug 12, 2015, 8:22 pm

          Hello again,

          You wrote me this Diane, “we have small conversations at work. and we tease each other as well.” I believe the ice has already been broken.

          Remember you’re at work. Conversations tend to be shorter there anyways so there’s little time for it to get awkward. There’s also always going to be people around, people are going to see you. If you’re not willing to see past that risk, where could this possibly go anyways.

          People can be a pain in the ass when it comes to “hooking up” because they can add a little pressure but you just have to find a way to shut them out. Remember if they find your life more interesting than theirs or if have they have a problem watching what is going on, then that is THEIR problem. Try not to make it yours too.

          Don’t worry it about the wrong direction. It sounds like he knows what he’s doing so just let him be himself and I’m sure he’ll take care of leading the conversation. That’s why I said just be open, let it hapen, don’t get in your own way.

          Here’s some reading you can do to help you out and hopefully give you more ideas and more courage…

          I believe you’ll find the second third useful. It’s about being open and getting out of your own way.

          This is one of my favorites I always recommend:


          Here is a report from the great people at the Penguin Method. It’s filled with great conversation ideas and concepts. I think you’ll find it more than helpful but hopefully it will also give you some confidence the next time you talk to him.


          Based on my experience at work, if he is feeling attracted to you, you have absolutely nothing worry about. Plus the more he’s feeling it, the harder it becomes for him. He might even appear nervous, anxious, or a little jittery. Do NOT take these signs personally as a bad thing because they are not. It’s simply all him.

          Let me know how it goes and best of luck to you,


          • diane Aug 28, 2015, 11:08 am

            hey Pete,

            thank you for your advise. it seems to be working. but one little hiccup…… he is playing HOT/COLD now…. hmmm… I think he now knows that I am paying more attention to him and now he sneaks glances at me when ever he possibly can. but at times I find myself not paying attention to those idle glances or stares with a smile. I have not approached him yet to engage in a conversation other than work. I have accepted another position in the company, and we both will still have a lot of contact with each other. I am not getting in my own way, but am curious by me doing this would this change some dynamics of what is already obvious? I feel that he wants the attention, but when I interact with other male employees, in a fun and joking way, he doesn’t like that. he seems a bit moody at times. and then he can be the nicest guy. I found out he had been in a long relationship with someone, and it did not go so well for him. to my doing a little investigating, he has no serious person right now, but my guess is that he is not sure of anyone at this time as far a friendship, or relationship. is he hiding something, or is he just not that interested in any type of relationship with a female at this time. my gut feeling is what is keeping me at bay because of uncertainty about his mixed signals or my own perception of them. I am just laying in the cut observing him but not making it obvious. what do you think????? thanks in advance. stay blessed!

        • Zozo Nov 6, 2015, 11:54 pm

          Just email him and tell him how you feel about him and how for the best just be yourself if it work is good if it doed’t do not feel embarrassed this is life happening good luck.

  • sandy Oct 15, 2015, 3:30 am

    Hi sooo this dude at work stares at me everyday I mean everday he started it he Walks by me too ensure that I see him he stars me down in the lunch area and it’s a work situation and I don’t feel like dealing with all the confusion he’s handsome but ugh! I haven’t said two words then today he mean mugged me I mean the scowel the whole nine and that pissed me off. Where they do that at? Confused much?

    • Peter White Oct 22, 2015, 7:54 am

      Haha! Hi Sandy,

      Sounds like he’s doing everything he can and beyond to get you to approach him because that’s his way of trying to get you to chase him. He probably feels more in control that way and therefore can dictate where the “relationship” goes. Meaning he feels it becomes his choice and option to get you in bed without making a commitment. He’ll use the “Well you came to me and I’m just not ready.” excuse to avoid ever committing.

      Granted that’s a generalized statement BUT it also clues us in on how he uses his looks to remain “conversationally” clueless. Unfortunately this technique CAN and DOES work extremely well on lots of women. Especially for guys who want to avoid the whole approach thing because they don’t want to come off a the chaser and scare you away.

      I wouldn’t know it if I didn’t try and use it myself very successfully until I learned a “better” way. I actually went out to practice this specifically in malls, bookstores, bars, etc…

      We engage you through eye contact, get you to think about us a little, maybe even doubt our real intention or attraction towards you, perhaps you might doubt yourself at this point or wonder why a handsome guy would be checking you out, after, (mostly) comes the frustration which tends to increase your sexual energy, something some women are not aware it’s even happening but it usually is, then perhaps anger and more confusion. Sound familiar? :)

      With such a wide array of emotions without even a word being said it’s clear to see how a greater form of attraction is created and all he had to do was, well what he did to you.

      I must give my opinion and since it’s a workplace “thing” I’d say he’s being an ass. Perhaps you can motion him to use his cleverness outside of work on another woman because if he can only pick up women at work, then he must not have much of a social life outside of work. (That is unless he uses workplace women against each other to get laid and/or make himself look better in front of his guys friends at work.)

      Just my thoughts there and I appreciate you sharing with us. Thank you,


  • Nadia Nov 21, 2015, 3:34 pm


    I am nadia. I basically born in an island near to Madagascar and I am married to a wonderful american man since 2010. we have a daughter together and we are happily married. I am very uncomfortable with my sister in law’s husband. He stares at me and he doesn’t talk. He and my sister in law loves to play with my daughter. which I do not have a problem. Well one day, at a family wedding he told me my dress is pretty which is just a normal blue dress. I told him “thank you my husband also said that to me”.

    since that time he never talk to me. just stare.

    Did I hurt my brother in law by my comment somehow? I just don’t understand. I spoke to my husband about it. He thinks that’s how he is.

    What do you think?

    Thank you for your time


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