Why Does A Guy Stare At A Woman But Not Approach

Why Do Men
Man Staring

Men stare because they feel physically attracted to you. He’s either scared, nervous, or unsure on what to say. He won’t approach or know what to say.

Some fear the approach as much or more than speaking in public.

They get nervous.

They think about too much about what to say and if they can not come up with something clever, they don’t approach.

Some even think you’re amazingly hot and can only think of telling you how beautiful they think you are.

A comment they know every guy has already said to you sometimes a thousand times.

Men are not conversational driven like women.

We’re not taught how to approach a woman in school.

We have to go by our friends while growing up, pickup movies where the nerd somehow gets the girl in the end, and worst of all, we get shot down a lot.

Some men also don’t really know how to talk to a woman.

They don’t understand how much you can turned on, or how much attraction a man can make with just his body language, attitude, and words.

And when they do realize it that puts even more pressure on them…

Because now they believe if they screw up the conversation you’ll never give them a second chance.

Here is what I used to do which might be some help or insight into how some men think when it comes to approaching women…

I notice her from afar. Wow. She’s hot. A friend of mine might even smack me on the arm and say,

Dude. Look at her. She’s incredible.

I would check her out casually and turn away quickly when she caught me.

I didn’t want her to think I was like every other guy.

I didn’t want her to think I was objectifying her body.

Let’s say I was out playing pool and I noticed her. I would use every opportunity to admire her beauty but I would find every excuse to not approach her.

  • She probably has a boyfriend or worse yet married.
  • She wouldn’t like me.
  • I could embarrass myself if she shot me down.
  • If I only knew what to say to get her interested enough in me but I doubt that’s going to happen.
  • What if she says something hurtful or worse yet, calls me an ugly loser.
  • Who am I to believe I could ever have a woman like her. I’ve never even been given the opportunity so I wouldn’t even know what to do if she talked back.
  • I could stutter like some fool and really look pathetic.

Men are generally drawn to the physical attributes on a woman.

When we see a girl that we are highly attracted to there’s a mysterious force ( attraction ) which draws our eyes to her.

Some guys stare right at the breasts.

Some try to position themselves to check out her ass.

Some gaze at her eyes hoping and praying she will approach him and magically they will run off together. Okay this one is absurd but believe me, it does happen.

I remember seeing this incredible woman at a baseball game and by the end of the ninth inning my mind had us doing boyfriend and girlfriend stuff together.

And let me tell you I can’t remember a thing about who won the game or who was playing, but I still can see her in my mind… and that was over twenty years ago.

Consider this…

If the attraction mechanism that is put inside a guy is that powerful imagine how powerful the fear associated with approaching a woman is.

Years ago us guys could get smacked up pretty hard for approaching the wrong woman.

We could even lose our lives.

Imagine a group of 20 humans living as animals in the wild.

Chances are during our small lifetime we would be extremely lucky to even come across another group.

Therefore if we were to approach a woman we felt attracted to and failed, we could ruin our chances with every limited available women in the group (that wasn’t a family I hope.)

Us guys stare because we’re attracted to one or more physical features on a woman.

It varies from man to man although there are some features most men are attracted to.

We won’t, don’t, or can not approach because:

  • Fear of failure and sometimes success.
  • The women we have approached in the past were rude and made us feel like a loser for just wanting to talk with them.
  • Some women appear unapproachable to us.

We stare because it’s a driving force of our sexual energy.

For me it’s the shapes. I love the shape and curves on a woman’s body.

The way the small of her back flows smoothly into her hips.

The soft curvature of her butt which I feel inside my mind being cupped in my hands as we kiss…

And ALL guys gets those same emotions even though we have different preferences in what we’re attracted to.

The real truth…or why does a guy stare at a woman but not approach will and has always come down to one thing – he’s feeling attracted to you but is either too scared, nervous, or clueless on how to approach you.

Of course YOU ( as a woman ) play your part too. :) You MUST be open to the approach… Meeting Him, “Why Won’t Men Approach Me and How Do I Make It Happen”

If that doesn’t help you, you can always try using a pickup line on him – Don’t Wait For Him To Approach You! Pick Up Lines For Women

Or even this one: How To Approach A Guy At Work – He Wants to Be Noticed

If you’re looking for more answer on why guys do the things they do… make sure you check out my totally free site filled with all sort of great answers about men, including the staring thing —> “Why Do Guys…?”… Peter White

22 comments… add one

  • dave Reply

    Still amazed that ANY guy would make the approach! Numbers show that fewer and fewer men are approaching women, probably because they are fed up with the game. Is the United States the only country in the world with so, so many companies in business to retrain an entire legion of men who would have women approach them and get some value for once? Are we really surprised that it has come to this? Maybe it will give men some value.

  • Frank Reply

    many of us men are getting tired of being rejected all the time, and with so many women nowadays that have an attitude problem and play very hard too get, and that is certainly the reason why we will not approach.

    • funsized Reply

      Were the girls rude to you when you tried to approach them? I realised these days guys dont approach girls much

      • Telling The Truth Reply

        most of the women are very nasty nowadays when i will approach them, and i see it happening to the other men too. the women of today just play too many games and certainly need to grow up, that is why it is very hard for us men since their attitude doesn’t help either.

        • Peter White Reply

          But what if I were to tell you that attitude (granted sometimes is a sign of a bitchy personality) is really just a test, not a game. I know from my experience when I learned to pass those so-called “bitch shield” tests the women I found underneath were far from immature.

          • fred

            This is exactly what is meant by “playing a game.” There is no reason why a woman shouldn’t just be nice to me the way I am nice to others and the way she is nice to her friends and there is nothing preventing except a decision on her part not to be. I too learned to pass these tests long ago and it made me want even less to be involved with those women. It sets up a dynamic right from the beginning where their value is as a person is higher than mine and sets the tone for the entire rest of the relationship of “you are only worth something if I say so” Furthermore these “tests” don’t determine anything except which guys are willing to put up with shittiness from the girl. It’s really no different than if I asked you to pass a spelling test before I “let you” sell me a car THAT I WANT TO BUY.

  • funsized Reply

    Hmmmm now I know why the guys only stare at me without making any move. But staring too hard can cause women to feel uncomfortable, I always thought the guys have issues with me or detest me henceforth they kept staring

    • Peter White Reply

      I would say most guys or people in general won’t stare if they don’t like what they see or detest them. Granted some people are just plain rude.

      If you get the feeling men are staring at you because they don’t like what they see, it is often an internal thing. In other words you’re feeling self-conscious.

      Is there something about yourself or the way you look you don’t like?

      • funsized Reply

        Yeah ..I dont find myself pretty or attractive. Either they stare at my face or look at my legs. And one guy commented to his friend that I am leggy…I become even more self conscious. My legs are not nice to be stared at..

        • Peter White Reply

          What do you like about yourself? What do you feel is your most physically attractive part of you?

  • funsized Reply

    My eyes I love them, almond shaped. I have been complimented before that I have beautiful eyes

    • Peter White Reply

      But do YOU love them or are you just going by how other people have mentioned how they look to you? Think about a time you felt like the sexiest woman alive. Maybe you were walking somewhere, maybe a guy was just about to kiss you, maybe you woke up that day feeling exceptional…

  • funsized Reply

    Yes i love them truly , it is not because other mentioned to me. Sexist woman alive?Sometimes i did feel that I look pretty.

  • AbsolutelyTrue Reply

    many women are very hard to approach today since they will tell you to leave me alone, and i had this happen to me already. women are certainly a lot more nastier these days, and years ago it was much easier meeting a good one with the help of many families and friends that would introduce you to the one that they think would be right for you. my aunt and uncle have just celebrated their 65th year together, and i was there. that shows you how much different the women were years ago.

  • Sky Reply

    Do you not think that you just haven’t spoken to enough woman? My one mate said a similar thing, that he had been rejected SO many times – it ended up being 5. Now 20, 30 times, that’s a lot, there’s enough rejection there to build a theroy about nastyness on, but I don’t think every girl is nasty. I’m nice to everyone – literally, I just wish men would actually approach me! I go out with friends and I smile and laugh and men just stare and if I go up and talk to them they just mumble. I know I’m different looking, I’m small and have long black hair, green eyes and literally porclein white skin. For a long time I thought I was weird and odd because they stare and maybe slightly smile if I see them but turn away abruptly. Men staring and not saying anything makes a nice girl self concious. I’ve spent hours trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. I’m a c-cup, I don’t curse, I smile a lot and all I can think of is that they think I’m weird looking! Men should try talk and if you pick up a vibe that she’s a ‘bitch’, walk away!

    • Good point Sky and thanks for sharing.

      “Men staring and not saying anything makes a nice girl self conscious” which of course makes her future reaction much more unpredictable. Wouldn’t you agree?

      Hopefully you’ve come to the conclusion you’re not weird looking. You painted a pretty good picture from my point of view.

      Keep smiling Sky,


  • Michael Reply

    What Sky doesn’t realize is that it’s scientifically proven that guys are dumber when they meet a girl they like (look it up online, it’s no joke). It’s totally possible that those guys she mentioned were actually having a hard time breathing and deciding what to say, cut the guys some slack. You were self conscious because they were feeling self conscious with your presence. Kind of funny how that works.


  • Em Reply

    I think I’m dealing with a guy like this. He did the whole staring thing. I finally told him I liked him. Said he was taken aback, flattered, but values me as a friend. Ok. That was it right? Wrong.

    It’s been months of him giving me these tender stares, smiles, caresses and hand holding while I slept once. Yes. As a teenager he was rejected. A LOT. He was a “loser” I remember seeing him around and being the boy toy of girls he liked but just laughed at him.

    Anyways. I already told him how I felt. I don’t think it’s my job to do it again. Why hurt myself a second time around ? His words told me what I needed to hear and I chose to believe him. I don’t want him to say “I thought we talked about this already. We are just friends “

  • Peter White Reply

    Hello Em,

    Guys like this may seem a little complicated to read but based on my experience he’s trapped in his own attraction.

    That means he’s either a little attracted to you but is looking ( actually hoping ) , dare I say it, a “10” will come along and erase the “loser” status he feels he has.

    He’s trapped himself in attracting a woman who might not even exist.

    It’s like this: Let’s say I have a friend I’m very close with but I’m not entirely convinced I’m feeling “physically” attracted to her. My eyes are elsewhere hoping the ones I consider “out of my league” will finally like me back.

    Not fair to you – that I understand. And revealing how you felt about him only made the situation worse. Unfortunately that happens often in cases like this.

    Most guys I know will always risk a friendship with someone they are highly attracted to and so I’m assuming when he says he “values it”, he’s just not feeling what you think he was AND his closeness to you is telling me you’ve become the object of every guy’s need to be emotionally intimate with the opposite sex.

    You’re right. I wouldn’t have that talk again. He needs to understand how all this closeness is hurting you BUT you must also do your part and get away from him – if you only want more and he’s stuck on getting someone else. ( Who may or may not exist. )

    I don’t now how affectionate he is but I do know he wouldn’t dare do those things with another guy unless he was gay. And if what he’s doing is hurting you or misleading you, then you have every right to walk away and find someone who likes being intimate with you in more than just a friendship way.

    This may not help but I do hope it’s cleared up some of the confusion you’re feeling.

    All the best to you Em,


  • Gawker Reply

    Getting a woman into bed is more difficult than getting a man to the summit of Mt. Everest.

    I stare because women, like Mt. Everest, are beautiful but conquering it is near impossible so we men are left with just observing it.

    • Peter White Reply

      I thought that way for a while myself – so instead I just practiced on approaching shorter women. Even though I’m more attracted to taller “Everest” height women. Haha!

  • Then what? Reply

    Sometimes when I see a guy staring and if I get good vibes, I’ll smile at him they’ll usually smile back, but they still don’t always say anything. So my question is, if I’ve demonstrated I’m friendly and approachable with my body language and facial expressions, why wouldn’t they talk to me? Should I start a conversation when this happens and what would be a good way to do so?

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