Why Does A Guy Stare At A Woman But Not Approach

Why Do Men
Man Staring

Men stare because they feel physically attracted to you. He’s either scared, nervous, or unsure on what to say. He won’t approach or know what to say.

Some fear the approach as much or more than speaking in public.

They get nervous.

They think about too much about what to say and if they can not come up with something clever, they don’t approach.

Some even think you’re amazingly hot and can only think of telling you how beautiful they think you are.

A comment they know every guy has already said to you sometimes a thousand times.

Men are not conversational driven like women.

We’re not taught how to approach a woman in school.

We have to go by our friends while growing up, pickup movies where the nerd somehow gets the girl in the end, and worst of all, we get shot down a lot.

Some men also don’t really know how to talk to a woman.

They don’t understand how much you can turned on, or how much attraction a man can make with just his body language, attitude, and words.

And when they do realize it that puts even more pressure on them…

Because now they believe if they screw up the conversation you’ll never give them a second chance.

Here is what I used to do which might be some help or insight into how some men think when it comes to approaching women…

I notice her from afar. Wow. She’s hot. A friend of mine might even smack me on the arm and say,

Dude. Look at her. She’s incredible.

I would check her out casually and turn away quickly when she caught me.

I didn’t want her to think I was like every other guy.

I didn’t want her to think I was objectifying her body.

Let’s say I was out playing pool and I noticed her. I would use every opportunity to admire her beauty but I would find every excuse to not approach her.

  • She probably has a boyfriend or worse yet married.
  • She wouldn’t like me.
  • I could embarrass myself if she shot me down.
  • If I only knew what to say to get her interested enough in me but I doubt that’s going to happen.
  • What if she says something hurtful or worse yet, calls me an ugly loser.
  • Who am I to believe I could ever have a woman like her. I’ve never even been given the opportunity so I wouldn’t even know what to do if she talked back.
  • I could stutter like some fool and really look pathetic.

Men are generally drawn to the physical attributes on a woman.

When we see a girl that we are highly attracted to there’s a mysterious force ( attraction ) which draws our eyes to her.

Some guys stare right at the breasts.

Some try to position themselves to check out her ass.

Some gaze at her eyes hoping and praying she will approach him and magically they will run off together. Okay this one is absurd but believe me, it does happen.

I remember seeing this incredible woman at a baseball game and by the end of the ninth inning my mind had us doing boyfriend and girlfriend stuff together.

And let me tell you I can’t remember a thing about who won the game or who was playing, but I still can see her in my mind… and that was over twenty years ago.

Consider this…

If the attraction mechanism that is put inside a guy is that powerful imagine how powerful the fear associated with approaching a woman is.

Years ago us guys could get smacked up pretty hard for approaching the wrong woman.

We could even lose our lives.

Imagine a group of 20 humans living as animals in the wild.

Chances are during our small lifetime we would be extremely lucky to even come across another group.

Therefore if we were to approach a woman we felt attracted to and failed, we could ruin our chances with every limited available women in the group (that wasn’t a family I hope.)

Us guys stare because we’re attracted to one or more physical features on a woman.

It varies from man to man although there are some features most men are attracted to.

We won’t, don’t, or can not approach because:

  • Fear of failure and sometimes success.
  • The women we have approached in the past were rude and made us feel like a loser for just wanting to talk with them.
  • Some women appear unapproachable to us.

We stare because it’s a driving force of our sexual energy.

For me it’s the shapes. I love the shape and curves on a woman’s body.

The way the small of her back flows smoothly into her hips.

The soft curvature of her butt which I feel inside my mind being cupped in my hands as we kiss…

And ALL guys gets those same emotions even though we have different preferences in what we’re attracted to.

The real truth…or why does a guy stare at a woman but not approach will and has always come down to one thing – he’s feeling attracted to you but is either too scared, nervous, or clueless on how to approach you.

Of course YOU ( as a woman ) play your part too. :) You MUST be open to the approach… Meeting Him, “Why Won’t Men Approach Me and How Do I Make It Happen”

If that doesn’t help you, you can always try using a pickup line on him – Don’t Wait For Him To Approach You! Pick Up Lines For Women

Or even this one: How To Approach A Guy At Work – He Wants to Be Noticed

If you’re looking for more answer on why guys do the things they do… make sure you check out my totally free site filled with all sort of great answers about men, including the staring thing —> “Why Do Guys…?”… Peter White

28 comments… add one

  • dave Reply

    Still amazed that ANY guy would make the approach! Numbers show that fewer and fewer men are approaching women, probably because they are fed up with the game. Is the United States the only country in the world with so, so many companies in business to retrain an entire legion of men who would have women approach them and get some value for once? Are we really surprised that it has come to this? Maybe it will give men some value.

  • Frank Reply

    many of us men are getting tired of being rejected all the time, and with so many women nowadays that have an attitude problem and play very hard too get, and that is certainly the reason why we will not approach.

    • funsized Reply

      Were the girls rude to you when you tried to approach them? I realised these days guys dont approach girls much

      • Telling The Truth Reply

        most of the women are very nasty nowadays when i will approach them, and i see it happening to the other men too. the women of today just play too many games and certainly need to grow up, that is why it is very hard for us men since their attitude doesn’t help either.

        • Peter White Reply

          But what if I were to tell you that attitude (granted sometimes is a sign of a bitchy personality) is really just a test, not a game. I know from my experience when I learned to pass those so-called “bitch shield” tests the women I found underneath were far from immature.

          • fred

            This is exactly what is meant by “playing a game.” There is no reason why a woman shouldn’t just be nice to me the way I am nice to others and the way she is nice to her friends and there is nothing preventing except a decision on her part not to be. I too learned to pass these tests long ago and it made me want even less to be involved with those women. It sets up a dynamic right from the beginning where their value is as a person is higher than mine and sets the tone for the entire rest of the relationship of “you are only worth something if I say so” Furthermore these “tests” don’t determine anything except which guys are willing to put up with shittiness from the girl. It’s really no different than if I asked you to pass a spelling test before I “let you” sell me a car THAT I WANT TO BUY.

  • funsized Reply

    Hmmmm now I know why the guys only stare at me without making any move. But staring too hard can cause women to feel uncomfortable, I always thought the guys have issues with me or detest me henceforth they kept staring

    • Peter White Reply

      I would say most guys or people in general won’t stare if they don’t like what they see or detest them. Granted some people are just plain rude.

      If you get the feeling men are staring at you because they don’t like what they see, it is often an internal thing. In other words you’re feeling self-conscious.

      Is there something about yourself or the way you look you don’t like?

      • funsized Reply

        Yeah ..I dont find myself pretty or attractive. Either they stare at my face or look at my legs. And one guy commented to his friend that I am leggy…I become even more self conscious. My legs are not nice to be stared at..

        • Peter White Reply

          What do you like about yourself? What do you feel is your most physically attractive part of you?

  • funsized Reply

    My eyes I love them, almond shaped. I have been complimented before that I have beautiful eyes

    • Peter White Reply

      But do YOU love them or are you just going by how other people have mentioned how they look to you? Think about a time you felt like the sexiest woman alive. Maybe you were walking somewhere, maybe a guy was just about to kiss you, maybe you woke up that day feeling exceptional…

  • funsized Reply

    Yes i love them truly , it is not because other mentioned to me. Sexist woman alive?Sometimes i did feel that I look pretty.

  • AbsolutelyTrue Reply

    many women are very hard to approach today since they will tell you to leave me alone, and i had this happen to me already. women are certainly a lot more nastier these days, and years ago it was much easier meeting a good one with the help of many families and friends that would introduce you to the one that they think would be right for you. my aunt and uncle have just celebrated their 65th year together, and i was there. that shows you how much different the women were years ago.

  • Sky Reply

    Do you not think that you just haven’t spoken to enough woman? My one mate said a similar thing, that he had been rejected SO many times – it ended up being 5. Now 20, 30 times, that’s a lot, there’s enough rejection there to build a theroy about nastyness on, but I don’t think every girl is nasty. I’m nice to everyone – literally, I just wish men would actually approach me! I go out with friends and I smile and laugh and men just stare and if I go up and talk to them they just mumble. I know I’m different looking, I’m small and have long black hair, green eyes and literally porclein white skin. For a long time I thought I was weird and odd because they stare and maybe slightly smile if I see them but turn away abruptly. Men staring and not saying anything makes a nice girl self concious. I’ve spent hours trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. I’m a c-cup, I don’t curse, I smile a lot and all I can think of is that they think I’m weird looking! Men should try talk and if you pick up a vibe that she’s a ‘bitch’, walk away!

    • Good point Sky and thanks for sharing.

      “Men staring and not saying anything makes a nice girl self conscious” which of course makes her future reaction much more unpredictable. Wouldn’t you agree?

      Hopefully you’ve come to the conclusion you’re not weird looking. You painted a pretty good picture from my point of view.

      Keep smiling Sky,

      Pete

  • Michael Reply

    What Sky doesn’t realize is that it’s scientifically proven that guys are dumber when they meet a girl they like (look it up online, it’s no joke). It’s totally possible that those guys she mentioned were actually having a hard time breathing and deciding what to say, cut the guys some slack. You were self conscious because they were feeling self conscious with your presence. Kind of funny how that works.

    Mike

  • Em Reply

    I think I’m dealing with a guy like this. He did the whole staring thing. I finally told him I liked him. Said he was taken aback, flattered, but values me as a friend. Ok. That was it right? Wrong.

    It’s been months of him giving me these tender stares, smiles, caresses and hand holding while I slept once. Yes. As a teenager he was rejected. A LOT. He was a “loser” I remember seeing him around and being the boy toy of girls he liked but just laughed at him.

    Anyways. I already told him how I felt. I don’t think it’s my job to do it again. Why hurt myself a second time around ? His words told me what I needed to hear and I chose to believe him. I don’t want him to say “I thought we talked about this already. We are just friends “

  • Peter White Reply

    Hello Em,

    Guys like this may seem a little complicated to read but based on my experience he’s trapped in his own attraction.

    That means he’s either a little attracted to you but is looking ( actually hoping ) , dare I say it, a “10” will come along and erase the “loser” status he feels he has.

    He’s trapped himself in attracting a woman who might not even exist.

    It’s like this: Let’s say I have a friend I’m very close with but I’m not entirely convinced I’m feeling “physically” attracted to her. My eyes are elsewhere hoping the ones I consider “out of my league” will finally like me back.

    Not fair to you – that I understand. And revealing how you felt about him only made the situation worse. Unfortunately that happens often in cases like this.

    Most guys I know will always risk a friendship with someone they are highly attracted to and so I’m assuming when he says he “values it”, he’s just not feeling what you think he was AND his closeness to you is telling me you’ve become the object of every guy’s need to be emotionally intimate with the opposite sex.

    You’re right. I wouldn’t have that talk again. He needs to understand how all this closeness is hurting you BUT you must also do your part and get away from him – if you only want more and he’s stuck on getting someone else. ( Who may or may not exist. )

    I don’t now how affectionate he is but I do know he wouldn’t dare do those things with another guy unless he was gay. And if what he’s doing is hurting you or misleading you, then you have every right to walk away and find someone who likes being intimate with you in more than just a friendship way.

    This may not help but I do hope it’s cleared up some of the confusion you’re feeling.

    All the best to you Em,

    Pete

  • Gawker Reply

    Getting a woman into bed is more difficult than getting a man to the summit of Mt. Everest.

    I stare because women, like Mt. Everest, are beautiful but conquering it is near impossible so we men are left with just observing it.

    • Peter White Reply

      I thought that way for a while myself – so instead I just practiced on approaching shorter women. Even though I’m more attracted to taller “Everest” height women. Haha!

  • Then what? Reply

    Sometimes when I see a guy staring and if I get good vibes, I’ll smile at him they’ll usually smile back, but they still don’t always say anything. So my question is, if I’ve demonstrated I’m friendly and approachable with my body language and facial expressions, why wouldn’t they talk to me? Should I start a conversation when this happens and what would be a good way to do so?

    • Hello,

      I believe I’ve already explain why guys don’t approach. Perhaps this other one I wrote will pain a clear picture of what is going on in our heads.

      What Goes On Inside His Mind – From The Moment Of Approach And Beyond
      http://www.dialteg.org/what-inside-his-mind-moment-of-approach/

      Then I would definitely read this one:

      Screw The Rule Of Who Approaches Who!
      http://www.dialteg.org/screw-the-rule-of-who-approaches-who/

      I think you should start a conversation with ANY guy you’re interested in. Remember this though, it’s JUST a conversation. Hopefully it will be exciting and there will be some chemistry but you just never know.

      Some women are afraid they’re taking the lead if they start the conversation, or that it’s his “responsibility” to do the approach because it proves his confidence or it shows he’s interested BUT the first meeting, the first conversation, I feel is open for anyone to start.

      After that, depending on how it goes, yes it is definitely HIS game to proceed with and take the lead.

      The best way to approach ME is just some good soft eye contact, a pleasant “hello”, and then just talk. Yes, even approaching a guy like me is that easy. No pressure at all.

      IF you want more on that and how the conversation could go then please read this final one I wrote:

      http://www.dialteg.org/advice-how-where-meet-guy-getting-out-your-way/

      It should help you “get out of your own way” so some magic is more likely to happen in the first few minutes.

      Hope that helps with your “then what?” :)

      Pete

  • DreadfulAffliction Reply

    HEllo if this blog is still on Pete ..please answer me this

    So this guy was staring at me.not once but 65 times. we were at a college fair ( im not in colllege, he is) So he just kept on staring at me and kept passing by my side again and again.and once we made an eye contact it lasted for like 8 seconds until i looked down and i heard him sigh and make this weird confused face expression. Now you may think he likes me but thats not the case. BEcause he is in college and he is the most popular guy in his class, and his batchmates are hot as hell. And im not even prettty..

    and its been a year. and i pretty much forgot the whole thing and talked myself out of it that its just my illusion

    BUT I went to the college fair again this year, and again he did that staring thing. Pretty intense this time. I didnt have a crush on him before but the intensity of his stare pretty hit me. and now i cant stop thinking about him but it is too fatal because he is too much out of my league

    I want to know why he would stare at me?? should i read into this and text him on facebook ( which could end up an embarrassment maybe) or should i leave this??

    SORRY FOR SUCH LENGTHY POST PETE THANK YOU.

    • Hello,

      I think he was only staring at you 64 times. :)

      Guys have all sorts of preferences so I would see NO reason why he wouldn’t find you attractive.

      Me, I’m will almost check out a woman with an under-bite because I find that attractive. Why? Well I have a good guess but that doesn’t matter.

      What matters is something which may not be so obvious to you. Why would believe ANY guy might be out of your league and why you don’t think you’re pretty enough for him.

      I won’t make false promises and tell you he’s madly in love with you or that even things might work out, BUT I will say believing in yourself, your ability to attract, and NOT putting any guy you don’t know on a pedestal based on how you feel about yourself should come first.

      I’ll be honest, some women are probably out of my league, yeah I know (hmmphh) BUT you know why?

      NOT because of my looks or how I feel about myself, BUT because I will in all likelihood never be (or put) myself in a position to make any kind of connection with them.

      I realize it sucks to be rejected, to put yourself out there, but in the whole scheme of life (and like) I can practically guarantee you it’s best to take a little risk rather than let something gnaw at your mind for long periods of time.

      Give it a try and as long a you don’t predict, stay in the present, and avoid taking somebodies else’s choice personal… you’re going to feel better, different, hopefully less confused by making some sort of purely casual connection with him.

      That’s a long way of saying… say Hello. Start a conversation with him. Talk about something and if you can, do it in person because over Facebook is not always the best choice.

      And please, let me know how it works out.

      Yes, this blog is still on. 😀 Now go talk to him.

      Pete

  • Summer Reply

    Hi Pete,

    I have the same problem like DreadfulAffliction.

    This guy, he would always give me a stare and when I caught him looking, he would look away. Now, we became acquainted because of a school club and he would say hi to me after that. I would reply and smile but I wouldn’t initiate. I was too shy and he made me feel uncomfortable since he’s a very good looking and easy going confident kind of guy. It has been 4 months and now, he’s been ignoring me but still staring. He would stand next to me but not talk to me anymore. He would stare at me from across the room but doesn’t wave hi or calling out my name like he used to do before which I find quite flattering. I feel emotionally depressed ever since.

    I don’t think he’s the shy type for he would swing his arm around me when he feels he has a reason to do so. A few weeks back, we had a banquet and he joined my table. He said hi without looking at me. Then later that night, he approached this girl we shared our table with and I couldn’t bare it, I turned my back at them. I felt betrayed and reprimanded myself that I had been delusional all this while.

    But now, he’s doing the staring game again, standing next to me and all that ignoring thing. He would join my team, would talk to my teammates but not to me. I know that he could feel me staring at him, waiting for him to at least recognize me, but he wouldn’t.

    I don’t know what to do, Pete. I tried to approach him but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I feel a massive surge of shyness overcome me whenever I tried to. If he truly likes me, if a guy totally into a girl, he would do whatever it takes to get her, right? Especially him, with his confidence and easy demeanor with girls?

  • Parker Reply

    Hello.
    I think many of us girls have this problem of forming a crush on a really attractive guy whom we feel is out of our league completely. It’s been interesting reading everything you said Pete. For me, in many past instances guys have stared a lot but not have ANY attraction/feelings/anything romantic towards me. Guys are confusing, us girls – no matter how we perceive ourselves, we know a hot guy when we spot one. And while we know there are many better looking girls than us. Just the physical part.. We ask ourselves why an attractive guy would rather stare at us, when he has a pool of bikini body chicks to go for.

    So I question what you said… are we really sure that a guy likes what he sees just because he is staring at a girl?

    I also spotted this really attractive, 10/10 guy. I just admired him from a distance for like a week.. I can be impulsive and when I want to do something I do it. Have approached guys before. In some instances it worked and some it didn’t.  But I am super nervous around this guy.. I know I am pretty. I’m not gonna put myself down for a guy. But he is hot. Like super attractive. And it makes it harder for me to see myself be close or part of his life in a romantic way. He is a twin and before I had this crush on him, I couldn’t even tell them apart. Now I suddenly can. We often have moments of looking at each other, one day he even turned his head as I walked by.. as I walked – his head turned. And when I looked back at my friends behind me, I could see his eyes still on me. We got introduced that afternoon by a mutual friend and he smiled and we spoke a little. But it wasn’t a one on one conversation, which is what I wanted.

    From this point onwards, I need advice on what to do… to keep it casual but get his attention and make an impression. I want to do something/make a move without him feeling like it was I who actually initiated it. Because he can be super shy and quiet. That also makes me think… how can he be super hot and shy? His twin brother is talkative though.

    But any advice please… It would help

  • jass Reply

    Hi pete
    I have this guy in my class. We are doing the same course and we know each other for 2 years. In the starting of the course we were not knowing each other like he didn’t exist for me, but after some time in the middle of first year I felt like he feels shy when around me, like looking from the corner of this when we are sitting together in the class. I even caught him sometimes looking at me but then he suddenly look away. But now we have started saying hi to each other and how we are but nothing more than that. First I feel I may have mistaken that he is looking at but it happens like many times. He talk to every girl in the class but never me, sometimes he joins when we are having group conversation but he never interrupt me but in others’ case he do. I even tried to talk to him on Facebook like asking some help to start a conversation, he helped me but when I said thank you he didn’t reply me afterwards. I’m a really shy kind of person so i can’t approach him more than this. It’s really irritating me why he talks to others but reply me only with a yes or no. He sometimes look at me but I can’t say that I’m pretty sure he is checking out me (coz I don’t want to interpret it in my own way, it can be by chance looking). What I’m really worried about is why he go silent around me on the other side he talk to everyone in class.

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