“Hey Peter,
Your emails have been really helpful so far! I’m currently stuck in a weird situation though. I got a new job and one of my new coworkers is really great. We tease each other and she touches my shoulder when
walking past me an awful lot. I’m not really sure how to convey any
message back to her (assuming she’s actually trying to convey them to
me in the first place). The workplace is a whole different monster to
deal with. I suggested we do something outside of work yesterday and
she just told me that it would be tricky to find a day we are both
off. The over-thinker in me doesn’t know how to take this. Is she not
ready? What are my options here?
Thanks!
-xxxx
Hey xxxx,
Thanks for writing and I appreciate you letting me know my emails are helping you.
Ahhh workplace romances – They are tricky. I’m not against them entirely as long as you both are on the same level. I must warn you about the consequences of getting together and then breaking up, but if you’re willing to risk it, why not.
Live life to the fullest.
Here’s my rule – if she’s single – she’s ready.
She may choose to not get too deep into a relationship with a man because of her time is limited and she’s focusing on a career, but rarely will women give up dating altogether. They’re still looking for fun and they’re still interested in keeping their options open – just in case someone comes along.
First let’s look at how you act when she touches your shoulder. What I do and what you must do stop yourself over thinking the situation, turn it around on her. You want her to start over thinking it a little.
Call her out on the touching immediately but do so with flirty accusations.
“Hey now. You keep groping me like this people are going to start talking.”
“A little lower…I’ve got an itch…lower..lower…lower…wow that was easy.
I didn’t realize how gullible you are.”
“A little lower…I’ve got an itch…hey now…not that low…didn’t the bosses
make you watch the sexual harassment video when you were hired.”
The key here is to start accusing her of hitting on you in a fun way. You want to create a little friction and frustrate her just a little.
If she pulls away and never touches you again she probably wasn’t into you in the first place or she’s against dating in the work place. Both are reasonable occurrences. She may get nervous or fearful of losing her job. All things must be considered when dating in the workplace. Most of the time it depends on what the job is. Don’t over think it because you’ll drive yourself crazy wondering what everything she is doing means.
Test her quickly by getting her to qualify herself to you as I mentioned above. That way you won’t have to over think it. She’ll act accordingly and then you’ll know without a doubt.
Next up – Never suggest to a woman to do something with you.
I can guarantee most of the time they will opt out. When you suggest you’re not really offering anything. You’re implying (or as she sees it as hoping) she will make the decision to do (something.)
That puts the role of male on her.
She’s a woman. She’s feminine. You’re male. You’re masculine. Stick to those roles 99% of the time and women will respect you more and assume you’re a sexual possibility.
Suggestions do the opposite and you’ll find yourself eventually trying to prove to her you’re a man and not a non-sexual friend.
Trust me. It’s easier to date and show a little sensitivity as the relationship progresses then it is to climb out of being a non-sexual friend.
Now I bet you’re wondering what the alternative is if you can not suggest…
Well your options are…
1.) Tease and frustrate her just enough so she’ll make time for you. When you do it right she’ll find a way to make it happen. When you stir her attraction enough to compel her to believe you’re a great catch and she’s missing an opportunity, she’ll make it clear enough. That’s when you tease her a little about fitting her in your busy schedule before you reluctantly agree to go out with her.
This is your best option – do it indirectly – no advertising or you’ll be seen as a cocky bastard looking to get laid.
2.) – Persistence. Women love a man who is persistent when it comes to getting what they want.
It’s tricky – “Well what about the last Tuesday of January 2013. I’ll put in the request and if I’m single I’ll give you a call.”
You also have the option of a late night or an early morning meeting.
“Oh you’re don’t stay up that late…I didn’t know you had a bedtime. Haha! That’s so cute. I bet you wear pajamas to bed with little duckies on them
too.”
The idea is to first of all again Don’t Suggest – You’re doing something
she should join you because it’s going to be fun – of course make sure it is.
Invite other co-workers you’re trying to get to know to make her more comfortable if you wish.
Then be persistent and do not take no for an answer. You have a thousand
clever little excuses of why she’s soooo boring and predictable and then you tease her all about it. Keep it fun and keep her laughing while staying confident and assured she’s going to say yes. Because you’re irresistible.
Workplace or not if you want to date any women, don’t wait around looking for signs she likes you. There’s always ways or tests as I mentioned above to determine that.
Just assume she’s into you until she gives you every reason against it.
Good luck xxxx and thanks for sharing and trusting my opinions to get you headed in the right direction. Of course any follow-up questions are always possible.
You’re going to be reading this question because I liked it in the upcoming
newsletters, (of course your’ name will be unpublished. If I get any advice from
the other guys or women I will pass it on to you.)
I appreciate it.
Have fun with it,
-Pete
Thanks for your response!
In reply to some of the things you’ve mentioned and some more details
that I’ve remembered:
I know she’s ok with dating at work because she mentioned dating one
of her friends that used to work there.
She mentioned people she knows outside of work that got a job there
and said “my…now-ex..” – was that an opening for me to say
something? They had just broken up the day before (my brother
overheard her at school)
Also she smiles whenever she sees me and whenever we happen to lock
gazes as i’m walking towards her to ask her something about work. (i’m
still really new on picking up signs from women. I was just told how
to figure it out a couple months ago at my last job)
The biggest problem I have at the moment with moving things along is
that I only see her about once a week at work now. We just became
facebook friends but I don’t have her number. I’m assuming making
plans or doing a bit of flirting over facebook is a bad thing? Could
you maybe talk a little about guidelines for facebook and texting?
It’s always a grey area for me and for other people I talk about it
with. I’m guessing you’re going to say I need to work on getting her
number and then talk to her on the phone to make plans. I’ve caught
myself in a weird situation these days where I get girls numbers by
mentioning making plans and then giving them mine to let me know when
they’re available. This has worked about the last 3 times I’ve tried
it and was suggested to me by a past co-worker.
Thanks!
-xxxx
You’re most welcome xxxx.
The “my now ex” is most likely her way of telling you she’s single and she’s looking to do better next time.
I would blow it off and ignore the statement. It’s a test to gauge your response to her being single. She wants you to reveal your feelings and if you do, it might come across as being too interested.
There’s nothing wrong with being interested in her but she, and all women need you to demonstrate indirectly you are qualifying her first. Which means getting to know her first. So you can make the right decision.
This keeps you as the challenge.
If you must repsond to her “ex” statement playfully flirt back about how she is deal breaker because she can’t keep a man like you. This is dangerous ground so if you feel you are not good at it, avoid it because you could just piss her off too much. I do it all the time but I also failed many times before I found the right balance.
WARNING: The last thing you want to do is blatantly agree with her that men are bad and her ex was a terrrible person. You don’t know him or his story. Keep it that way for now and don’t judge him in front of her ever. He does not exist in your eyes. He’s the past and allow her to convince herself you are a possible great present, and future with her.
Smiling is always a great sign of a fun, happy, open, and social women. Don’t allow yourself to read too deeply into and you won’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure her out. Just assume it’s part of her personality and it’s one of the reasons you’re interested in her.
I would suggest play/tease/have fun with it with her while across a room. Stick your tongue out at her. Make her laugh after she smiles. Don’t look away. Have staring contests with her and don’t let her win. Then laugh at her a little.
She’s testing you to see if you’re staring at her and are willing to smile back because she’s looking for a man with the qualities that also represent her attitude I mentioned aobve. Fun, happy, open, and social.
FACEBOOK flirting. Nothing wrong with it. What I’ve found works great is to very occasionally leave a comment on a picture which is relevant and not random. Leave her guessing. Make her come to you at work to get the answer or to talk about what you wrote. Or even better, you can use it to get her to give you her number because she’s dying to know the answer.
TEXTING works the same way. Be fun and flirty and keep it incredibly short. Never expect an answer. Never get upset when she doesn’t respond. Find something in common that happened at work you both know about and make a joke around it. Preferably teasing her a little. Keep it always short and never drag out the texts. Try to make sure she is the last one to text you.
Below you’ll find a post I wrote which should clear up the so called rule of texting.
I had this written and just read your last email.
Let me take a look at it and I’ll get back to you…
-Pete
I’m gonna elaborate on this since things have unravelled-
I thought it was a better idea to take charge so I found a specific
time for us to catch a movie and asked her- she said she had school
I gave an alternative time- she said those days were tricky since she babysat
I offered bowling since it doesn’t have time time constraints of
getting to a movie on time and she said “I’m not trying to push you
away but between school, homework, work, and babysitting I don’t have
a lot of time”
Now I want to believe this but this is almost exactly what I was told
by the last girl I asked out and then she proceeded to start dating
someone else a couple weeks later.
Anyways, I told her we’ll try to work something out and she said ok.
Part of me thinks I just fucked this all up. What do you think?
I do have another girl on hold so to speak that “definitely wants to
do something soon” but I am not as interested in her. However I could
use the experience I would gain from being around her because she’s
taking to everything easily and i’m not even really hitting on her I’m
just being polite.
Sorry if i’m going to start emailing you every problem situation I get
in but I am always at a loss for help and everyone else gives me mixed
advice with no clear direction.
Thanks!
-xxxx
“I thought it was a better idea to take charge so I found a specific time for us to catch a movie and asked her- she said she had school”
- Quick note here.
It’s been my experience to never take, ask, or include taking a date to movie.
I’ve included a video for you to watch because it will clear up this flaking idea with her. Most of it may not apply to your particular situation but there’s some important information which Carlos Xuma explains which will definitely benefit you. Discover how to solve one of the most annoying female habits: FLAKING! Watch this video presentation
Now…
Yes. She’s being a pain. She’s extremely busy. And yes, like the last girl, you are getting the feeling she will still find the time to date someone else. In other words you are getting the feeling she’s full of shit.
Whether she is or not is actually not important so please don’t take it personal.
She’s pulling away. And when women pull away, it’s best to pull back further.
She had her chance. She blew it.
On the other hand I’ve found when you create enough attraction suddenly their excuses disappear. Like they do when they start dating another guy after giving you every excuse.
You’ll learn all about that in Carlos’s video so I wouldn’t blow it off yourself.
This is what I believe you should now do in your situation.
Don’t wait to date other women for her. In fact date as many as you want even if it’s just one date before you find out you’re not into them.
Do exactly as I have mentioned about creating attraction with her, and every woman you meet.
Do not let her see that her schedule is a big deal to you. And trust me it’s not. Use it as an advantage or use it to disqualify her. With all that going on it means two things to you…
- You’re free to date other women and
- What kind of girlfriend will she be. Or how much time will be spent with you when she has a million other things going on.
But again, and I can not emphasize this enough…
Whatever she does, her choices, means nothing to you. In fact make it seem like you didn’t even notice she has blown you off.
Bust her ass back about it…
“When do you find the time to pee?”
“Hey, you know “ pick some random guy out, ”I think he likes you?”
The point is to again, never advertise, but indirectly suggest it means nothing to you.
- You don’t want to get angry with her or you lose.
- You don’t want to use it against her because you will lose.
- You don’t want to all of a sudden stop talking with her because you will lose.
- You don’t want to all of a suddenly start acting differently, except in creating attraction, because you will throw up a major red flag.
Okay xxxx, it’s not that you fucked up. It’s because you made some mistakes by trying to read her signs and then acting accordingly.
I know from years of experience, sure you’ll get lucky once in while by doing that, but you’ll rarely succeed with the women you want by taking that route.
What we need to get you doing is ACTING for yourself and letting women FOLLOW you. Not that other way around. That’s a big reason why those “next” guys end up with the women we wanted. The ones who appeared interested so we asked them out.
We attempted to act on their lead and not by taking the lead ourselves.
I know this next part sounds counter intuitive but it’s the truth.
Women do not want to be asked out on dates.
Wow. Really. I just heard a million women screaming at me.
But it’s true.
They want magic. They want a story to tell. They want to believe that things just happened between the two of you.
And how do you do that or give yourself the best opportunity to make it happen?
You lead your life living a Real Alpha Male role and women get caught
up in it and also find it difficult to get out. I hate to say it…but you
set the trap, you’re the bait, and well, you know it goes from there.
You’re eating lobster instead of running around trying to hunt down some defenseless deer.
That’s how the guys do it that just seem to have women falling all over them.
It’s great you are beginning to objectify what happened with your work buddy. This is an incredible opportunity to learn more from this experience than you could ever believe.
I hope this letter opened your eyes and showed you how it’s not that you screwed up. Or even you made mistakes.
It’s the fact you’ve learned an important lesson when it comes to attracting women. You’ve learned what areas you need to work on more. You’ve learned how your approach to asking women out needs to be shifted a little.
You haven’t fucked up with this woman.
You’ve been given the opportunity to learn how to deal with flaky repsonses.
You’ve been given the opportunity to practice a natural indifference which comes along with “demonstrating indirectly” to woman you are an alpha male.
Forget about worrying too much about sending me emails. I enjoy this shit man. It’s what I do. I may not always respond back timely. But I will give what I can because I learn from this too.
Let me know what happens. I definitely want to know.
Let me know if you had any trouble understanding the points I’m making so I can clear up any confusion.
I’m also dying to release your situation on to the public. I feel every guy out there needs to read this.
Good luck XXXX and have fun with your situation. It’s these types of shifting my perspective I used to quickly enhance my experiences with women.
I learned to have fun with my mistakes and take away an extreme amount of new knowledge which can be put in practice immediately.
-Pete
I don’t mind if you use my situation.
The points you make in your emails are spot on with things i’m going through and your descriptions of how you were in the past are almost TOO MUCH like myself, it’s kind of creepy in a way but it’s why I signed up for these emails.
So let me ask you this: I want to see this girl outside of work, obviously, or also seeing any other girl out with me anywhere but you don’t want me to suggest doing something and you don’t want me to ask them out- how do I do stuff with them? And when it DOES come to doing something with them considered an actual date- how will I know when they are ready to consider an actual date?
Also I’m wondering about my current approach that I’ve done with the last couple of girls I was interested in. I’ve been flirting with them and texting them and then we will go and “hang out”. These outings are essentially dates but without the pretense that it is a date so there’s no pressure (mostly for me). Is this good? I mean they want to do things with me so that’s good but am I messing up on something in terms of being clear where I want things to go? Should I not worry about it and keep doing random things with girls until something starts to happen between us naturally? That’s kind of where I’m at with the other girl (the one that isn’t my coworker). We hung out twice and she wants to do something else soon. We’re both really into film and I was going to invite her over to watch something. This girl I have no really made too many passes at other than playful text messages and when we get together we’re both kind of awkward. Its apparent that neither of us has much, if any, experience in dating. I don’t want to a) make it seem to her like i’ve put HER in the friend
zone, or also b) develop friendship with her so that if I do want to make a move on her she’s not suddenly surprised I have feelings (feelings that I’m not sure are even there, at this moment. Mostly i’m sticking with her right now because It’s all i’ve got going for me)
Oh and also you didn’t answer my question about getting phone numbers by giving them mine first. In relation to that could you cover a bit about getting phone numbers in general such as when it’s time to do it.
-XXXX
Hey XXXX,
Dating is not essential.
Getting alone time with a woman is.
That is if you want something to happen. Going out on dates puts way too much pressure on both of you to be something you’re not. Let’s face it. We’re not really ourselves when we go out on dates. It almost feels like a job interview.
You just have to do things together. Get her to do several things with you in one evening and she’ll assume it was sort of a date.
What’s more important is how you much fun and attraction is going on. Keep building it. Keep flirting. Keep “upping the ante“ so to speak and most women will let you know exactly when they’re open to more. If she’s shy you may have to go get it but trust your masculine instinct on this, because it knows.
It’s all about how you’re making her feel and honestly you don’t need dates to do that. I’ve only been on a few dates. I hate them. But I have no problem turning women on enough to call me up and say,
“Hey you. Meet me here.”
One way I do it is by opening up as many opportunities as I can with every women I’m interested in. I get them all attracted to me by being my Alpha Male self. As time rolls on we keep in touch with the ones we’re most interested in.
This time table means for some women it may not happen for months. For other weeks. For some one evening. You just have to keep a steady stream. It’s like having a flower garden which blooms all year. Each flower has its own time table to bloom. You keep watering them and making sure their constantly being fed and you eventually end with a garden that continually flowers for you.
Extreme patience + more opportunities = success.
You wrote,
“Should I not worry about it and keep doing random things with girls until
something starts to happen between us naturally?”
Yes. Exactly. Except in your experiences with women in the past, if this typically leads nowhere with women you really want, then you work on the skills or traits to attract those ones.
In other words, just doing things with women may never lead anywhere until you’re making them feel attracted to you, and your lifestyle is appealing to them.
As for the phone numbers. I feel it’s best to exchange numbers. Experienced women understand this. It shows them you’re not just phone number farming.
So never give your phone number to a woman unless they’re giving you theirs. There are exceptions but way too rare too even bother with.
The best way to get a woman’s phone numbers is to of course first make a great impression. Then you throw it in just at the end,
“I’ve got to go…” then as you start to leave, “Wait what was your number again…”
You can read all about in these two post by David DeAngelo- The Famous How To Get A Woman’s Phone Number And Email Address Within Three Minutes Of Meeting Her AND Carlos again, Dating Tips For Men – Methods to Get a Girl’s Number on Your Approach
Notice the similarities in the advice and keep in mind these are the two best in the business.
Tease her over it if she hesitates. Tell her it’s okay you’ll only call
her a hundred times a day. Demonstrate you understand how
OTHER guys can be a pain when it comes to calling and she’ll
assume you’re one of those guys tha gets it.
After she has given it to you then you can throw her yours.
I’ve given my phone to lots of women and told them to put their number in it just as an aside. Just make sure you have no half-naked chic posted on your phone.
The great part of this is she’ll look through your phone a little and notice what kind of numbers you have on it just to check up on you.
There’s no pressure in getting a woman’s phone number. Single women give it out all the time. Don’t put too much emphasis on it and she will not feel any pressure. When you put too much hinging on getting the number she will take this as a bad feeling and is less likely to give it.
“Great talking to you. Hey let’s continue this conversation later. Give me your number and I’ll wait the appropriate three days to call.” ( you get the absurdity of the waiting to call rules)
That above works. Below or anything similar, does not.
“We should go out sometime. What’s your number?”
One more note. If you know you’re going to see a woman again and it’s going to be in a public place like a bar, coffeehouse, club, so on…you can even get her to give you her phone number without ever asking. This is tricky and it takes some skills but I’ve found almost guarantees success.
Here’s one scenario. You’re having a great time with her the second or third time and you’re moving on.
“Got to go. Call me.”
“Wait…I don’t have your phone number.”
“Yeah. I kind of got the feeling you were a stalker so…”
We can touch more on later.
Keep me informed and I’ll get back to you later.
And thanks for allowing me to share your stories or journey, I truly appreciate it.
-Pete
Peter White
Thanks for stopping by and giving me the opportunity to teach you about attraction. Your comments and opinions are always appreciated.
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