Advice on How and Where To Meet A Guy, Getting Out Of Your Own Way

Meet Great Guy Couple Out Way

Women fall out of my personal newsletter at Why Do Guys…? occasionally. The reasons are usually, “I don’t need you anymore… Thank You!” with a big smile and a grateful note telling me how much I’ve helped them.

I’ll be honest, it feels good.

Once in a while it’s too many emails or it wasn’t what I thought I needed but that’s okay. You see I pay for all the subscribers and honestly it’s no fun paying for someone who doesn’t want to be there.

Well recently one took a leave of absence because, and I’m paraphrasing,

“Your advice only centers around quality men, the good ones… and not where to find a guy like that.”

I will admit I first thought she was looking for advice on men who always only let her down but then my brain woke up from this long winter nap.

She just did not know WHERE the good guys were all hanging out.

She wanted to know HOW to find them, and then of course how to attract them and possibly how to have them “willingly” commit to her. (Yeah I hear you… Let’s not put too much pressure on this guy, right?)

Well here are my thoughts on meeting a man…

How To Meet A Great Guy Who Might be Perfect For You.

Hope you don’t mind doing homework because here’s your assignment:

#1: Write down everything you love to do. 

It doesn’t matter what it is and it doesn’t even matter if you’ve done it before. Explore the DOING of what makes you happy.

#2: Write down the places you feel the best while you’re there. 

Again, it doesn’t matter what it is: Wherever it is then you find yourself in the best mood – write it down.

This is important because you want to give yourself the best chance at being in great mood when you first meet a guy.

Now…

Think about your “perfect” guy. Not his looks. Not how he makes you feel. Not the future life you want to share with him.

Think about – okay – imagine what you think HE might love to do also.

#3: Write down where that type of guy would be doing the things HE loves to do.

This one is tougher because you have to put yourself in someone else’s mind but it’s not impossible so just do your best. Don’t get too down or hard on yourself if you struggle with it.

I’d love to write it for you but this is YOUR PERSONAL list which is only slightly different than your list of the things you love to do. Writing it for you would give you something mean for me.

Got it?

Cool.

Take a look at both lists.

Are there any similarities between them?

Do they match up in any way?

Are you doing the things you love or did your list consist of things you WANT to do but never make the time?

If so – THAT needs to change starting NOW.

Not tomorrow. – today!

Make the plans first and then go back to your lists.

The point of writing these things down is to give you something REAL to refer to and not something just loosely running around your head that you seriously intend to do but never find the time.

Make the time.

Okay… BUT WAIT…

Here’s some advice you’re NEVER going to hear from some lame “dating advice” online mag-site which only tell you what you want to hear so they can get you to click on some stupid ad so they can get their three cents. (Guess I hit a nerve on myself there) But I digress…

AFFIRM with yourself right now the truth about dating and meeting men and life in general.

Say,

“Chances are – I’m NOT going to meet a great perfect guy for me in any of those places!”

“I have NO expectations doing anything I love aside from just ENJOYING being there because it makes me HAPPY!”

This is how life works.

This is how it all comes together.

Remove ANY and all pressure and you’ll be free from all the mind-chatter and you’ll FEEL BETTER.

I can almost guarantee the next love of your life won’t be WHERE you expect to find him so STOP LOOKING and LET it happen.

You’re going to meet him when you least expect it and I just want you to be ready and in a great mood when that moment comes your way.

Expectations – having goals – working towards something is great all BUT putting so much emphasis on the outcome makes it extremely difficult to enjoy the present moment.

Imagine going through all that above and within a few weeks you still haven’t met a great guy. You’re going to feel let down ,disappointed, hurt – like you’ve been wasting your time.

And it’s exactly those feelings you want to avoid because you will transfer them over and put even more pressure on yourself when you do meet that guy you find yourself thinking about.

Don’t go there.

Enjoy the process.

Live it in.

Immerse yourself in having fun and being in a great mood.

Transfer that over to the men you run into and he will appear.When you least expect it in the place you least expected it too.

Here’s another thing you’re not going to hear often…

Think about one of those places you like to go. A place that makes you happy and feel good.

Imagine meeting a guy there with the same interests as you.

Wouldn’t that be so cool?

Sure it would, of course.

BUT…

You also want to meet a GREAT guy, don’t you?

Well consider this FIRST.

You LOVE to read and you’re looking for a guy who loves to learn and dabble in the written word.

So you head out to book signings, bookstores, libraries (if they still exist) or anywhere that you’re going to meet people with the same interest.

Good job!

Here’s the part you never hear because no one wants to hear it or believe because it kind of sucks…

Just because a guy is into the same things you are into, just because you share the same passion, just because you find yourself in the same place doing roughly the same stuff:

How in the world does that equate to HIM being a GREAT GUY?

It doesn’t!

While you’re there getting your latest novel signed – he could be there looking up the latest suggestion he got advised to from some forum on how to do some pretty evil shit. (He didn’t want to use the internet because he thinks everyone is watching him.)

The point is:

Sure – WHERE you meet him can be important or related to his character but it’s not a guarantee.

Don’t go there or do those things thinking you’re going to meet a great guy – qualify him and his character AFTER you meet him.

Never forget that last part. Just because you meet a guy in church and he acts all religious does NOT make him a great guy.

ALWAYS test his character.

ALWAYS qualify him to YOU as soon as you meet him.

“What is hard to understand is that why men and women IMPULSE BUY into relationships all too often and yet those very same people are not impulsive at all… except when it comes to relationships. Maybe some of them are, may some of them are not but based on the vast majority of sad stories of relationships going bad, lots of them could’ve been avoided if certain things were done to avoid entering yet another IMPULSIVE RELATIONSHIP.”

Why You Don’t Value Your Relationships & Why Breaking Up Is So Hard To Do

Now the next part is equally important…

Getting out of your own way!

Woman Jumping Out Her Own Way

Most men and women I know that struggle in the beginning – when they meet someone that is because they:

Get in their own way.

They become submerged in their own thoughts making it difficult to communicate in an attractive free way.

They spend way too much time thinking about what to say and how the other person is going to react or accept what they’re saying that is often comes out in strange ways.

So…

It’s very difficult to tell yourself not to think. Probably impossible.

It’s just as tough to to tell yourself to stop doing it.

The easiest way to overcome this problem is to focus on one thing…

Getting out of your own way.

The rest will (mostly) take care of itself.  (Generally speaking of course because I’m positive some of us DO need some real advice and help to learn better communication skills.)

It’s all the self-talk you engage in when you find yourself close to a man you’re attracted to which takes you out of the moment, away from the present, or just somewhere else.

Attractive communication and conversations always have these elements:

  • Actively listening to what the other person is saying.
  • Showing a real genuine interest in what the person is saying.
  • Engaging each other in a fun way which includes learning anything.

It’s totally understandable when you tune out people who have nothing interesting to say. I understand if I haven’t engaged your interest enough today you probably skipped over everything I’ve written so far.

I wouldn’t blame you at all because that’s my problem to solve or overcome.

BUT we’re talking about the people you ARE interested in.

The ones who take you out of the present and seclude you in your thoughts because you’re trying so hard to NOT say the wrong thing or screw it up.

The absolute truth of meeting people and then communicating your most attractive self or to make incredible first impressions only really requires you to do ONE thing good or better than you might have in the past:

Get out of your own way FIRST so something special is allowed to happen naturally.

Here’s a “trick” you can use starting today. It’s helped me and I’m positive it can help you to overcome this getting in your own way and out of your head problem.

Consider everything you’ve read today about getting in your own way.

Think about how many people have this very same problem. (Trust me – it’s a lot!)

Now…

Have you ever felt embarrassed over something you did?

Maybe you tripped over something, spilled a drink, said something stupid in front of your boss. Anything.

Whatever happened you “felt” embarrassed because you were probably thinking about how others see you and how they were going to judge you for that very uncommon mistake you made.

Well guess what…

Most people will always judge you and honestly that’s their own thing.

No matter what you do or say they will always judge you based on their own experiences in life and how THEY see their world, not as to how you see yours.

And no – it’s not always bad – sometime’s it’s good but don’t go there.

Also, since you’re seeing how many people are stuck inside their own “loop” and are more concerned with not making mistakes themselves, or saying the wrong thing, or being embarrassed, belittled, or saying something stupid only to be judged by YOU for it…

Doesn’t it then stand to reason you should care little about how others may perceive you?

Most people are more concerned with their OWN lives (or daily battle) to be bothered with yours.

I figured long ago, not that I’m not noticed or that people don’t care, but the majority of us have an agenda all our own and can’t possibly take on the agenda of someone else too.

I’m not saying they choose to ignore us but the simple fact that…

If most people are wrapped up in their own daily lives, just trying to survive and find happiness themselves, why bother getting stuck so far in our heads (or in our own way) to please them.

This is NOT an excuse to become a rude ass and to stop caring about others.

It’s more of a good, no GREAT, to STOP trying to get your “attraction” to like you back when you have absolutely NO control over that part anyways.

You do have the power and control to get out of your own way which leaves lots of room and space to meet the right man for you.

Let it happen.

In conclusion….

Do your homework.

Make your lists.

Make his lists.

Refer to them casually.

See where they match up.

START doing anything and everything you love to do. Start doing things that make you happy so you feel BETTER – you want to be in a fun positive mood when you DO meet a guy.

Do your affirmations.

Chances are you’re not going to meet a guy where you expect it. You’re going to bump into him along the way.

STOP putting so much pressure on yourself.

Enjoy the process.

WHERE you meet a guy only makes the odds a little better he’s going to be a great guy so qualify him. Challenge and test his character. It’s very important that you don’t (once again) expect to meet a great guy just because he’s in a “nice” place.

Get out of your own way.

Let things happen naturally.

Get out of your own head.

People will see what they want to see and you have no control over that – being overly self-conscious only make the getting to know the good parts of you more difficult.

Communicate in an attractive way by:

  • Actively listening to what the other person is saying.
  • Showing a real genuine interest in what the person is saying.
  • Engaging each other in a fun way which includes learning anything.

“Learn how to talk to men through these amazingly simple tips from Mirabelle Summers. Start communicating with men on an entirely new attractive level. Rapport, listening, having fun, being humorous, and switching off your brain are keys to a successful conversation with a guy. Talking to men becomes simple and fun.”

Communication and Conversation Tips – How to Talk To Men

Getting out of your own way will also assure you’ll make a great long-lasting want-to-see-you-again FIRST IMPRESSION.

“Body language, eye contact, and smiling are just three components in making a good first impression. How to look, feel, and act confident around men. Making people feel relaxed around you and conveying that you’re in control. Winning people over, including men, through your confident personality.”

Make A Good First Impression With Men – Eye Contact, Smile and More

AND…

“It doesn’t have to be a game. Know how attraction works for him. Great impressions from the start. Men make judgments about you. Create a deep connection with him and you will attract him with no games. Ask questions. Stay in context. Learn about men. Be unpredictable. Create something more than physical attraction.”

Attracting Men and How To Make A Great First Impression With No Games

Be OPEN to meeting new people and not just the men you’re interested in because again, the right guy for you will rarely if ever be in the place you expect him to be.

There IS a great guy out there who is as close to perfect for you as he can be.

Now that you have the tools to make it happen – LET IT HAPPEN. Don’t force it and it will.

I do hope you’ve enjoyed today’s episode of the secret dirty truth about men. I realize this was more about you than men BUT hopefully you found what you were looking for today AND I’ve given you some useful REAL advice on meeting men.

Make sure you sign up below for lots of tips like this PLUS a world of information and advice to help you understand men like never before.

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