You Had A Few Amazing Dates With Chemistry But He Still Disappeared

Couple Amazing Date He Disappears

You went out on a date with him and had an amazing time.

There was definitely chemistry and if you could describe the date with one word,  it would be “Magical!”

It was so much fun you did it again and just when you thought the first one was incredible, the second date was even better. How rare is that?

You just can not wait until the morning because you know without a doubt, he had a great time too and these kind of connections don’t happen as often as you’d like. Finally, right?

You wake up with a huge smile on your face and eagerly grab your phone to text him how he made you feel. After all you felt like it was the right thing to do. Besides you’re wondering if he felt the same thing because he just had to.

You grab a cup of coffee. You don’t want to seem TOO eager. You slowly but methodically text him what you thought was a great romantic statement. You were thinking outside the box this time and doing something a little different. You text,

You make me happy. 😉 

And you wait… and wait…  But the eerily silence from your phone was, if possible – deafening!

Within hours of your message and him not writing back it starts to drive you crazy sending all sorts of thoughts racing through your mind,

Why didn’t he text me back? Is something wrong? What happened?!!!

Of course you want to believe that something is wrong. You start thinking that maybe, just maybe, your text didn’t get through. Now your stuck because if it did get sent (which is highly probable) and you text him again, you could come across as a little needy. Torn between a need to know what happened and your eagerness to text him again… just in case.

You’re smart. You wait. You’ve been through this before and even though it seemed he felt the connection too, maybe he’s just a little slow on the texting.

The next day comes and goes and NOTHING.

He’ still not returning a simple text as if that’s really tough to just tap a phone a few times. You’re a little angry, confused, and you’re not going to wait any longer. You DESERVE some kind of response from him.

So against everything, you text him again,

Everything ok? 🙂 

Finally!!!  Your phone chimes, you got a message. He responds and your heart can not wait to read it – you think – this is going to be good. With a huge smile on your face you grab your phone and read,

Yeah, just leaving the grocery store now.

Surprised Woman Text Back

He’s got your blood boiling over and you’re even more confused. So you start thinking,

Wow. What happened? How do you go from a few great dates after all the chemistry we had. After all the flirty emails and our first phone conversation…things were going great. I really need to know what’s going on with this guy.

And the only way you know how to get the answer you’re looking for is to ask him with another text the very next day,

Did I do something to upset you?

Now if that’s not enough to drive any woman crazy I don’t know what is. I can literally hear all your fists out there clenching hard your fingers are hurting because you’re  so angry, completely confused, and even more upset because you feel like you’ve lost something without even getting a real chance.

And the worst part of all is – you feel you did nothing wrong!

Why would a guy just bail on you like this?

What cause him to run for the hills and how do you stop something like this from happening again?

Obviously there are many reasons a man takes off on you so quickly.

In this case they could easily be something simple like he was just looking for sex or a quick lay and when he didn’t get it – moved on. It could be his texting habits. Maybe he’s not not a very good at it.

Or it could be something you never even considered before because it can not be possible… or could it?

Just maybe – What you actually experienced was different than him. Men and women can and do experience totally different things on a date. Usually it’s the guy who thinks she’s into him when she’s not. But it does happen to women too. It happens.

But you’re sure SOMETHING was there. You’re totally convinced he FELT it too.

Let’s go back to the beginning.

Think about the sort-of story I shared with you. Notice how the details of the actual date are missing. That makes a big difference, doesn’t it?

Obviously something happened which might have just as easily pushed him away. Something small or big, it doesn’t matter. All it takes is one or two things and you got a guy giving you the silent treatment and not looking or pushing for another date.

It’s what (sometimes how) you’re communicating to a man on a date that may seem okay on the surface, but it’s not felt the same way by most men.

It doesn’t feel like you’re making a big mistake because you’ve avoided doing the obviously wrong things like talking about your ex, complaining about your job, having bad breath, etc…

But it’s still happening…

Communicating a relationship to a man too quickly is practically guaranteed to send him running.

“He calls, he follows through, he’s thoughtful, he’s chivalrous, he’s gentlemanly, he WANTS a commitment with you. But sometimes it takes a few weeks for us to figure all of that out for ourselves.”

Do You Want to Learn the Secret to Keeping a Man Interested in You?

Now I know for a fact you’re aware of the bigger things and I bet you don’t act too needy or pushy too. That’s obvious but it’s the little things you might be doing which is causing the problem and they may seem so harmless that you often miss them.

You pay so much attention to avoid making the big mistakes, the little ones just float on through. They sail past your radar but hit him hard.

Strange as this next part sounds, it’s the absolute truth for most real guys.

If a man has a great time with you the last thing he wants to hear is how you make him happy.

Weird I know. But remember this is coming directly from a guy… me.

That’s relationship talk. That’s girlfriend talk. That is how a man and woman talk when they’re already committed to each which means – communicating it too early starts to FEEL like a relationship to him.

When you’re deep in the “flirty” or escalation dating stage and you’re still getting to know each other you want to:

  • Challenge him more.
  • Expect nothing from him.
  • Communicate to his Ego or his “sexual side.”
  • Lure him in and let him chase you a bit.

After a date or two do not text, write, or say anything that is relationship type:

  • “I like you.”
  • “You make me happy.”
  • “Thanks for the incredible evening.”

What you DO want to text or say is:

  • “Stop thinking about me :p”
  • “Hey sexy – that woman is checking you out.”
  • “Glad to show you a great time.”

You see how the mood or interaction changes. How it’s a completely different level of communication you’re having with him.

You’re not pressuring him at all. You’re appealing to his Ego and not his “nurturing” side. You’re being fun and flirty. You’re making him feel like he’s got “it” but you’re also challenging him to come get you.

The impact you need to make on a man in this stage must do those things first.

That’s ALL they (your communication) needs to do and nothing more.

Challenge him the right way and he’ll think about you more AND he’s far less likely to just disappear or send you mixed signals back.

“Neediness in an emotional and material sense is one of the biggest roadblocks to greater attractiveness. Sure, guys may get the occasional kick out of being your knight in shining armor, but… “

How To Be The Girl That Guys Want To Date

If you expect nothing back you’ll be less likely to respond as a long time girlfriend would. You’ll avoid sending that huge red flag most assume is – “overly clingy or needy.”

When you appeal to his “ego” or his “sexual side” and avoid his “nurturing” side you’ll leave a lasting impression that tells him indirectly that what he’s doing is working and ALL men want to feel accomplished in this area.

Just don’t give away everything and tease him into it.

Okay…so you had a great date, there was definitely chemistry, and the connection was more than obvious to both of you.

If you find he is still disappearing I encourage to think about what I’ve shared with you today. Think about what you did after the date or dates which may have caused him to run.

The next time you find yourself in this situation which you will because you’re not giving up dating just because of this foolish man… stick to this new plan and notice the change in him.

Men are not scared little creatures who can’t handle things but in a way, in the beginning they sometimes act that way around a woman who is pushing relationship early. Whether she know she’s doing it or not.

How would you like to learn a different style of communication to a guy so this sort of stuff is far less likely to happen to you?

It’s called the Instant Infatuation Formula.

Here’s all you have to do to get it right this second: Click here, open in a new tab, or download it safely to your computer or phone.

That’s it. No signing up. Nothing to watch or listen to for today. I realize you’ve been through enough already and it stops today!

All I ask is you put it to good use immediately and oh yeah, if you like stuff like that, make sure you sign up below to the secret dirty truth about men. That would be really cool of you.

Thanks for stopping by and hope you enjoyed this episode of the secret dirty truth about men.


Sign up below for your free copy of my 80 page book – “The Silent Man – Why men go silent, ignore you, or fail to share their feelings.”

  • The 6 main reasons men will go silent and ignore you. Once you know these you’ll never have to ask why is he not talking to you ever again.
  • 49 personal situations that reveal (from a guy’s point of view) about why he has stopped contacting you.
  • You’ll find out if it’s him or you so you can fix and best figure out what to do next. Finally get some closure to either move on or remove him from your life!
  • Start changing how you see men & how they see you by understanding how your communication differences might be stopping you from connecting with him or all men.
  • 80 pages filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about why men go silent. (Only one picture so when I say it’s full – I meant it!

Silent Man Cover

The Secret Dirty Truth About Men is a dual newsletter with one goal in mind – help you understand men so you can truly connect with them.

(18 years of age or older please due to some adult content and language. No spam will ever be sent to you! Your Privacy – Disclaimer – Disclosures is always respected. This free email subscription will also send you broadcasts and updates from my personal blog: Why Do Guys…?  Your info is private, never shared, sold or rented to anyone!)

5 comments… add one
  • Christie

    Great article. But what if we had a few amazing dates and I (the girl) write nothing? I want to let him be the pursuer, plus I am not a huge fan of texting. Good or bad idea?

  • Peter White

    Thanks Christie.

    If you want to let him pursue you, at least consider why you want that to happen.

    Is it a test? Something to prove to you how he feels. Something which might tell you he’s a guy who doesn’t quit so easily?

    Honestly – if I meet a girl who, after a real connection is made, never makes the effort to contact me ( at least randomly through a text or calling if that’s what you prefer ) I’m more likely to assume the interest just isn’t there. Or she’s too busy to bother. Or she’s dating other guys who perhaps she’s more interested in contacting.

    The assumptions are merely telling me that we may have hit it off – but it just wasn’t enough.

    This article was mainly for women who tend to “appear” too needy or go in relationship mode too quickly and send the wrong messages and it wasn’t meant to be something more.

    Just a reminder to keep it light at first and allow the attraction to build.

    You can write nothing and see if he eventually comes back BUT if you’re doing that for the wrong reasons – it becomes a power grab. Something which may prove to be a problem when he realizes he always fighting you for that power.

    My suggestion, in this article, is more of a give and take kind of thing. Not a test. Not something to get a guy to chase you blindly and it wasn’t meant to be a “power play” of any sort.

    It’s all about balance, give and take, and effectively communicating the type of person you are.

    You can give a little BUT he must too which means sometimes you’ll contact him randomly and sometimes he’ll do it too and the only reason that contact is made is because a thought has crossed the mind which included the other person…

    From there I believe that’s when the good stuff happens.

    When something develops you didn’t expect or how things “just happened” and you ended up on an unplanned date.

    I think the way to think of it all is – again stick to the so-called rules listed above and avoid communicating a relationships way too early which generally pushes others away…

    Just make the contact because you have something share – a reminder – a gift of laughter – even something to pass the time when you’re “getting your oil changed” and steer away from “trying to get something” like getting a guy to chase you because that says you’re only in it to get something. People don’t respond as well when they feel someone’s doing that.

    Thanks Christie and of course if texting is not your thing – don’t do it. There are many other ways to keep in touch in this world.


  • Ash

    I was in a Similar situation like this with a man who was much older than me. We went on two dates, both times scheduled by him. Things were going great, we flirted through texting, planned a road trip together and he foresaw me in his future by saying we should go try all these different places. After the second date, he slowly disappeared, it would take him hours to a day to reply back to just one of my messages (I never sent more than just one if he never replied back) I never gave off the “I want a relationship” sort of vibe, I was just being flirty and bubbly, or myself I guess you could say. After our first date he started getting distant, he told me he had to reschedule our second date because he was crazy busy with work. After rescheduling he then tells me that he got called into work but he would still like to meet up for a quick lunch. So our second date wasn’t exactly long, we just ate lunch for an hour and a half and talked about a bunch of random stuff but then he tells me he would like to go out with me again. After that, he started vanishing, he “postponed” our little road trip, because he claimed he was too busy with work, and then eventually stopped texting me. After a few days of no talking I decided to ask him if he would like to go out with me a third time, and maybe make some moves on him to see where things go. But he just never replied back to me. Honestly, I feel I did nothing wrong, sure I may have sent him the “thanks for lunch I had a good time” text, but I never meant it in a “omg date me” sort of way, honestly I was just looking for a fwb or a casual ordeal, and I thought he wanted the same since he would flirt with me, and asked me on a road trip which in my mind meant sex would’ve been involved, oh well, no idea what happened with this one! But I look at it as his loss 😉

  • Lori

    I have a similar situation that occurred. But I want to know if this thing is dead in the water or if I can revive it a little bit.

    I met this guy by chance on a flight and we hit it off right away. I was always cautious not to text too much and have the push/pull creating more attraction and giving space; though I have been completely me and genuine. We had a great first date, and one where he insisted he didn’t want just a hook-up from me and that he saw us going “for a long time”. Next day I leave for a bit to a business trip, but he makes sure to texts me daily with long in-depth messages, etc. (I was abroad so we didn’t call)

    Our second date rolls around after I return and it is another great date. In fact I was the one being blindsided with how affectionate he was or quick to talk about introducing me to his buddies and also a couple references about us as a couple. After a few kisses goodnight he leaves saying he’ll give me a call the next day, seeing as how I was leaving for another overnight trip.

    Because he had been texting me more than I was him, I felt it was safe to send a ,”Hey landed safely, how is training going?” next day. And for the first time he doesn’t open or even acknowledge any communication until two days later. On the end of the second day I sent him a quick message , “Hey hope you had a great weekend. I know your busy but moving forward can you please just send a quick ‘Hey crazy weekend, tell you about it after?’ type message instead of ignoring.”

    He replied almost instantly explaining that before our next date (we were supposed to go out the following friday) that I should know he isn’t looking for anything serious with us atm and needed to be honest so I dont waste my time.

    Generally I take men at their word, and understood this to mean “looking for friends with benefits”, “not looking to commit and jump into anything”, and/or “Im not that interested anymore”.

    I was completely caught off guard given the build up and that I myself hadn’t really been looking to dive into this relationship yet. But I was open to if things progressed naturally after some time. So I was honest and said that casual hook-ups/friends with benefits isn’t really my style and that if that is the type of relationship he is looking for that is fine. But, I won’t do that type of relationship.

    I added I was looking forward to our other date, but I understood. and wished him well at work and to have a good week. (aka give him space)

    the thing is I dont regret what I said, It was the truth and I felt a little blind sided after his push for me knowing he was interested in more than a hook up during our first few dates. But I get this nagging feeling that he was more just trying to slow down (which i had no problem with, who wants a girl texting and wanting your free time every weekend?) and I cut it off prematurely when I could of just given more space no problem.

    I’d like to rekindle and still see if there is something there, even if it is just as friends because he is such an awesome guy. But I’d love your thoughts and advice. I haven’t contacted him since then and I have been doing NC so no watching his instagram or instastories (though he is 100% watching mine every time)

    • Lori

      Please ignore my comment photo. it was from 5 years ago and I still dont know how to delete it

Leave a Comment