You went out on a date with him and had an amazing time.
There was definitely chemistry and if you could describe the date with one word, it would be “Magical!”
It was so much fun you did it again and just when you thought the first one was incredible, the second date was even better. How rare is that?
You just can not wait until the morning because you know without a doubt, he had a great time too and these kind of connections don’t happen as often as you’d like. Finally, right?
You wake up with a huge smile on your face and eagerly grab your phone to text him how he made you feel. After all you felt like it was the right thing to do. Besides you’re wondering if he felt the same thing because he just had to.
You grab a cup of coffee. You don’t want to seem TOO eager. You slowly but methodically text him what you thought was a great romantic statement. You were thinking outside the box this time and doing something a little different. You text,
“You make me happy. ;)”
And you wait… and wait… But the eerily silence from your phone was, if possible – deafening!
Within hours of your message and him not writing back it starts to drive you crazy sending all sorts of thoughts racing through your mind,
“Why didn’t he text me back? Is something wrong? What happened?!!!”
Of course you want to believe that something is wrong. You start thinking that maybe, just maybe, your text didn’t get through. Now your stuck because if it did get sent (which is highly probable) and you text him again, you could come across as a little needy. Torn between a need to know what happened and your eagerness to text him again… just in case.
You’re smart. You wait. You’ve been through this before and even though it seemed he felt the connection too, maybe he’s just a little slow on the texting.
The next day comes and goes and NOTHING.
He’ still not returning a simple text as if that’s really tough to just tap a phone a few times. You’re a little angry, confused, and you’re not going to wait any longer. You DESERVE some kind of response from him.
So against everything, you text him again,
“Everything ok? :)”
Finally!!! Your phone chimes, you got a message. He responds and your heart can not wait to read it – you think – this is going to be good. With a huge smile on your face you grab your phone and read,
“Yeah, just leaving the grocery store now.”
He’s got your blood boiling over and you’re even more confused. So you start thinking,
“Wow. What happened? How do you go from a few great dates after all the chemistry we had. After all the flirty emails and our first phone conversation…things were going great. I really need to know what’s going on with this guy.”
And the only way you know how to get the answer you’re looking for is to ask him with another text the very next day,
“Did I do something to upset you?”
Now if that’s not enough to drive any woman crazy then I don’t know what is. I can literally hear all your fists out there clenching hard your fingers are hurting because you’re so angry, completely confused, and even more upset because you feel like you’ve lost something without even getting a real chance.
And the worst part of all is – you feel you did nothing wrong!
Why would a guy just bail on you like this?
What could possibly cause him to run for the hills and how do you stop something like this from happening again?
Obviously there are many reasons a man takes off on you so quickly.
In this case it could easily be something simple like he was just looking for sex or a quick lay and when he didn’t get it – moved on. It could be his texting habits. Maybe he’s not not a very good at it.
Or it could be something you never even considered before because it can not be possible… or could it?
Just maybe – What you actually experienced was different than him. Men and women can and do experience totally different things on a date. Usually it’s the guy who thinks she’s into him when she’s not. But it does happen to women too. It happens.
But you’re sure SOMETHING was there. You’re totally convinced he FELT it too.
Let’s go back to the beginning.
Think about the sort-of story I shared with you. Notice how the details of the actual date are missing. That makes a big difference, doesn’t it?
Obviously something happened which might have just as easily pushed him away. Something small or big, it doesn’t matter. All it takes is one or two things and you got a guy giving you the silent treatment and not looking or pushing for another date.
It’s what (sometimes how) you’re communicating to a man on a date that may seem okay on the surface, but it’s not felt the same way by most men.
It doesn’t feel like you’re making a big mistake because you’ve avoided doing the obvious wrong things like talking about your ex, complaining about your job, having bad breath, etc…
But it’s still happening… and in the case above… the WHY might appear hidden, but it’s there. It’s in the details of the “next day” text that was sent.
Communicating a relationship to a man too quickly is practically guaranteed to send him running.
“He calls, he follows through, he’s thoughtful, he’s chivalrous, he’s gentlemanly, he WANTS a commitment with you. But sometimes it takes a few weeks for us to figure all of that out for ourselves.”
Now I know for a fact you’re aware of the bigger things and I bet you don’t act too needy or pushy too. That’s obvious but it’s the little things you might be doing which is causing the problem and they may seem so harmless that you often miss them.
You pay so much attention to avoid making the big mistakes, the little ones just float on through. They sail past your radar but hit him HARD!
Strange as this next part sounds, it’s the absolute truth for most real guys.
If a man has a great time with you the last thing he wants to hear is how you make him happy.
Weird I know. But remember this is coming directly from a guy… me.
That’s relationship talk. That’s girlfriend talk. That is how a man and woman talk when they’re already committed to each which means – communicating it too early starts to FEEL like a relationship to him.
When you’re deep in the “flirty” or escalation dating stage and you’re still getting to know each other you want to:
- Challenge him more.
- Expect nothing from him.
- Communicate to his Ego or his “sexual side.”
- Lure him in and let him chase you a bit.
After a date or two do not text, write, or say anything that is relationship type:
- “I like you.”
- “You make me happy.”
- “Thanks for the incredible evening.”
What you DO want to text or say is:
- “Stop thinking about me :p”
- “Hey sexy – that woman is checking you out.”
- “Glad to show you a great time.”
You see how the mood or interaction changes. How it’s a completely different level of communication you’re having with him.
You’re not pressuring him at all. You’re appealing to his Ego and not his “nurturing” side. You’re being fun and flirty. You’re making him feel like he’s got “it” but you’re also challenging him to come get you.
The impact you need to make on a man in this stage must do those things first.
That’s ALL they (your communication) needs to do and nothing more.
Challenge him the right way and he’ll think about you more AND he’s far less likely to just disappear or send you mixed signals back.
“Neediness in an emotional and material sense is one of the biggest roadblocks to greater attractiveness. Sure, guys may get the occasional kick out of being your knight in shining armor, but… “
If you expect nothing back you’ll be less likely to respond as a long time girlfriend would. You’ll avoid sending that huge red flag most assume is – “overly clingy or needy.”
When you appeal to his “ego” or his “sexual side” and avoid his “nurturing” side you’ll leave a lasting impression that tells him indirectly that what he’s doing is working and ALL men want to feel accomplished in this area.
Just don’t give away everything and tease him into it.
Okay…so you had a great date, there was definitely chemistry, and the connection was more than obvious to both of you.
If you find he is still disappearing I encourage to think about what I’ve shared with you today. Think about what you did after the date or dates which may have caused him to run or go silent on you.
The next time you find yourself in this situation which you will because you’re not giving up dating just because of this foolish man… stick to this new plan and notice the change in him.
Men are not scared little creatures who can’t handle things but in a way, in the beginning they sometimes act that way around a woman who is pushing relationship early. Whether she know she’s doing it or not.
There are lots of reasons why (after a date or two) a guy disappears on you to never be heard from again or too suddenly go from lots of contacts to once a week or even less.
Today’s reason – communicating a relationship too early or making him feel like he’s in one already is certainly a BIG one which is all too often overlooked.
This is most common when you feel there’s a lot of chemistry and excitement between you and him. It’s too easy to start acting different because you’re excited – why wouldn’t you be, right?
Most of the dates you go on probably fizzle out and go nowhere.
SO… so must stay within the moment and keep it all in perspective.
Don’t get too far ahead of yourself and you definitely don’t want to get too far ahead of where he is.
This is the PERFECT time to step back a little, let him think about you, enjoy yourself in the spaces in between, and LET HIM CHASE you.
Here are two wonderful articles to help you in that area. One was personally written by me over at Why Do Guys…?
“When a man feels compelled or is inspired by you enough to pursue, it activates the hunter instinct inside of him. His focus narrows. His eyes widen. He feels ALIVE and manly. It draws him in.
He wants to know without a doubt he’s good enough to match your challenge and this amplifies his attraction towards you.
One thing that makes a man FEEL like he’s a guy – inside and out – is when you become attracted to him because of something he’s doing that is again, causing it to happen”
The other was written by Rori Raye:
“Men love to pursue you. Let him chase you. Create the right space so he can come to you. Men like to feel like they’re winning you over. Stop doing and start being. Allow him to progress naturally. He won’t think you’re not interested. If he’s attracted to you he will not stop because you’re not showering him with love.”
When a guy feels challenged enough by you and you trigger his instinct to pursue you – he’ll be far less likely to just disappear after a date or two IF and ONLY if you don’t make the unfortunate mistake mentioned today.
Give him some space. Give him some time to think about you. The chemistry is NOT going anywhere for a while. Let his attraction and desire build because that practically guarantees there will be even MORE powerful chemistry on the next date.
Don’t jump too far ahead. Stay within the right frame. Stay within the moment and the context of dating – because it’s NOT and NEVER WILL be a relationship until he emphatically declares to you with actions and words that he is now committed to YOU.
“Better dates start with listening and enjoying. First dates are evaluative. Don’t waste them with a guy by forming opinions of him before the date itself. You don’t know him yet. It’s unattractive. It makes you nervous and self-conscious. Stay in the moment. Doing so will help you relax more and worry less. This is HOW you can enjoy some amazing dates with a guy and get him to feel attracted to you at the same time.”
Let’s move on to the BIGGER picture of the disappearing man because you DESERVE the truth.
There’s been an overwhelming shift lately on the problems women are having with men. We know this because people like me can track searches on Google.
Why men disappear and every similar phrase is a big clue that you’re tired of it and you want answers to this “silence” or modern “ghosting” problem.
Which means everyone and anyone who sells something related to it has changed their lead-in pages to reflect this trend. (Don;t get me wrong – I’m not upset by it – the foundation of sales is to not try to sell something; it’s to find out what people want and get it to them. So it’s all good. You get what you’re looking for and the seller makes a profit. Win – win, right?)
The GOOD news is now there is a ton of material you can pour over to help you out.
The BAD news is too much information can be crippling. Give me a choice of two or three and narrowing down the right decision is easy – however when given 10 or 20 – makes it extremely difficult to decide and practically impossible to know IF the decision is the right one for the problem.
Stay with me here. I AM getting to a point of the problem of the disappearing man because I sincerely and seriously want to help you out the best I can.
Three examples of experts I respect and admire using the disappearing man angle:
Christian Carter – his newsletter is now titled, Learn Exactly What To Do When He’s Pulling Away That Will Have Him Begging You For Commitment.
Meet Your Sweet – a group of attraction and relationship experts which includes Mirabelle Summers (however this one in particular I believe is from Slade Shaw who is prominently and proudly posted here) have this video lead-in: Discover the Real Reasons Why Men Lose Interest… If you’ve ever felt abandoned, rejected or confused by a man’s behavior, then you NEED to watch this video.
The title of his product is appropriately titled. Why Men Pull Away and it’s a HUGE seller.
And not lastly by any stretch of the imagination – even the dear and sweet Rori Raye has thrown this line into her newsletter sign in page, No More Stalling, Fear Of Commitment, or Pulling Away… These Simple Changes Will Remind Him He Wants You – And Only You.
Again – GOOD news for you – with articles like mine today and everyone pushing the concept of men PULLING away and disappearing – you’re guaranteed to not only find the answer you’re looking for but also HOW to STOP it from happening to you again.
The BAD news is which one to choose.
You’re of course welcome to check them all out in your free time. It could take some time but it’s worth it IF you want this solved once and for all.
I’m going to make it much more simple for you IF this is the direction you want to go.
IF you want to know the real inner working of the male mind and how to attract any guy. Trust you’re going to learn why men disappear from that alone because they KEY to keeping a man around is to DO things and COMMUNICATE attractively – one helps the other.
IF you want relationship – love – feminine energy – loving yourself – communicating that to men; Once again – taking care of those details and done HER way will undoubtedly solve your disappearing man problem especially in you invest in her Circular Dating Secrets which are in: Targeting Mister Right program.
Relationships – Love – Feminine Power – that’s no other than Rori Raye. Start here with her newsletter and/or the mister right program and/or her famous Ebook, Have The Relationship You Want.(Incidentally – more proof of point – here’s a short but spot-on right article she let me post: Three Ways You’ll Push A Man Away – How To Inspire His Total Devotion.)
IF you want something predominately devoted to why men pull away with a few added things to get you through it all, such as communication secrets for a great relationships, interviews with men, then that’s going to be Slade Shaw and Why Men Pull Away.
Why Men Pull Away Ebook – You can start by watching their video intro: Discover the Real Reasons Why Men Lose Interest… If you’ve ever felt abandoned, rejected or confused by a man’s behavior, then you NEED to watch this video
Sorry – we’re not done yet because this is where it all get really interesting.
Long, long ago – back in the early days THIS man came up with what is now known as a streak of genius.
He’s the guy who HAS just disappeared on a lot of women and it’s not the entire premise behind the book – but from his perspective you’re certainly getting an inside look – from a guy – about why men do this kind of annoying stuff.
“Why He Disappeared provides an insider’s view of the entire dating process. For the first time, you will observe your own behavior during dates, courtship, and relationships from a man’s perspective.
85% of the time that he disappears, it’s because of something you did on the date! Find out what that is.”
IF you’re looking for strategies from a guy who has disappeared on lots of women and knows how you can stop it from happening to you – then a great place to start would be his Ebook, Why He Disappeared and finish it all with his new
Love U comprehensive program.Love U is an extensive 26 weeks of powerful video coaching, complete with transcripts, audio, and exercises to help you understand men and find lasting love. His commitment to you is this,
Wow – I’m going to have to say we’re done today. I believe we’ve covered a lot and uncovered some interesting call them side-notes on the disappearing man AND the vast information out there so you’ll NEVER have to ask this unfortunate question or suffer through another guy going away without a reason.
Thanks for stopping by and hope you enjoyed this episode of the secret dirty truth about men and learned why a man might “ghost” after you’ve had what seemed to be a wonderful date filled with chemistry and fun.