Are You Dating In Your League Or Out Of It? Approaching Men You DO Want


You have to allow your natural attractive self to happen around ALL men. Not just the ones you’re not attracted to because of the butterflies.

How does one even know what league they are in? Honestly, I feel pretty. I’m confident. I will approach guys. But I’m tired of doing that. I think I come off forward. It took a long time for me to get that far, but now that I’m here, I don’t like it. Guys I’m naturally attracted to never approach me. Guys who I’m not attracted to at first do approach me. And we talk, date, whatever. I try to have friendships with them sometimes, if the attraction never comes. But somehow I hurt them. I’ve never been able to have hang out guy friends because of that. But, I really want to know how the other half feels. What does a girl gotta do to feel some butterflies?
(I have this 1920s cocktail diamond ring I wear on my right middle finger. It’s an heirloom. My friends say I need to take it off.) What do you think?

ello Ash,

There’s no exact way to tell what “league” you’re in. Only YOU can decide that for yourself and then let others come to their own conclusions.

People will tend to think what they want and there’s not much you can do about that. If you do not allow others to decide that for you or let their opinions affect you one way or another, then it won’t matter what “league” they think you’re in.

Remember – only focus on things you CAN control.

The bigger picture or questions here are:

“Why are you NOT approaching the guys you ARE naturally attracted to?”

“Why are you only attracted to guys who won’t or do NOT approach you?”

“Why are you acting differently around those who you are attracted to?”

It seems that you are acting different around the guys you feel who are out of your league. You’re probably trying too hard to not screw it up with them. You’re not letting your natural inner attractiveness come through with those guys.

You need to find a balance. A common ground. Somewhere in the middle where you’re not a different woman to certain guys just because you’re feeling it for them.

It’s certainly a key to attracting those you actually DO want.

Natural attraction is merely a side effect to a situation and a connection when two people engage each other without fear of rejection.

When you’re worried or fear rejection with the guys you are attracted to, you will only block its primary instinctive function and you WILL find yourself acting below the league in which YOU decided you’re in.

Of course that goes without saying the often missed:

Certain people will ALWAYS avoid dating outside their social norms because of a fear of reprisal, in other words what their friends think of them impacts them too greatly.

Certain people will ONLY attempt to date those outside their league or social norms only to validate the low self-esteem they are feeling inside.

Certain people will ONLY attempt to date those outside their league BEFORE they do the necessary work to bring themselves up. Sort of like a couch potato who is overweight and complacent trying to date a fitness trainer.

Certain people will only ever date below the league they feel they are in because they let others decide their attractiveness and fail to admit fully how great they are.

For example: I know a girl who is just okay. She’s attractive in her own way. She has many attractive features. But her personality and the guys she chase actually makes her less attractive and she scares many men away because of that.

She always whining they she can’t find a “real” guy when the truth is, she only chases or find herself falling for guys who only date the hottest women around.

She continually finds herself trying to land the one guy which she feels she can never have.

She’s using the failures to validate her internal low self-worth and firmly believes IF and WHEN she can finally land a guy like that, she will admit to herself that she is worth it but with each rejection or one night stand that turns out badly she tells herself, “See I told you. I’m not that attractive. I’m just average.”

She definitely acts different for each league of guys she encounters because for the men she puts below her she’s more free and easy and creates a natural attraction to them.

For the ones she puts above her she pulls back a little, tries to make it happen, puts them on pedestal, makes herself too available, is more willing to put up with bullshit from them, AND looks to them to validate her attractiveness.

All of which normally spells failure with the men she’s most attracted to.



hink about WHY you are so attracted to guys who do not approach you.

They offer a greater challenge to your Ego.

“The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.” Attracting Men and How To Make A Great First Impression With No Games

They are less likely to be so needy or desperate to date you.

Their mysterious or distant attitude entices you more.

They are aloof, seemingly indifferent, and chances are… they NEVER have to approach women which allows them to be more selective.

The somewhat easy way to get those guys are to fully develop a robust social life where you’re constantly meeting new people just by doing things. This is where you date friends of friends or the guys you accidentally bump into while you’re out doing things.

That way, no one ever has to approach another. It happens naturally.

Secondly, find that inner balance so you’re not trying so hard around those who DO give you butterflies. I understand it’s hard because those butterflies tend to keep you anxious and nervous but trust me when I say, most guys won’t see what you’re feeling because they too are wrapped up in their own internal self-talk.

ALWAYS use the uneasy feelings inside to give any guy the opportunity to make it all good.

The better men will relax you just enough. That does not mean they will make the feelings go away, it only means they are used to it, don’t judge you for it, don’t decide you’re attractiveness by it, and often find it charming, cute, and sometimes sexy.

Now… about that ring of yours…

Doesn’t make a difference at all. Leave it on. 🙂

From a guys point of view we either don’t care, don’t notice it too much, only care unless it’s on left ring finger, and not too many of us will assume you’re “too” rich for us to bother.

Hope all this helps you out Ash and thank you for writing in… please don’t forget to visit my sit just for women giving you lots of answers on men appropriately called, Why Do Guys…?

….Peter White

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