I want to talk about the Rule of Reciprocity today: an extremely powerful sales technique that plays on our nature as human beings.
Basically, the Rule states that when you give something to someone for “free,” they’re going to feel OBLIGATED to do something for you in return … even if it’s something of much greater value.
There are many ways to apply this “Rule” to women, and to make them feel “indebted” to you ( in a good way) .
The problem is, most guys do things for women CONSTANTLY and get NOTHING in return.
A student of mine, Gary, recently returned to the dating scene after breaking up with his girlfriend. He’s a smart, funny guy.
He didn’t have a problem with meeting new girls, getting phone numbers, and lining up dates …
But Gary had a pattern of being blown off by girls AFTER the first or second date.
This always surprised him.
He thought these dates went pretty well, and that he was laying solid groundwork.
He expected to see the girls again.
But when trying to line up the second or third date, he would run into resistance.
The girls wouldn’t return his calls, or they would make up an excuse about how “busy” they were.
Worst of all, some girls hit him with the dreaded line,
“You’re a really great guy, but I just like you as a friend.”
Which is chick-speak for, “you might as well give up, buddy, I’d sleep with my brother before I’d ever bang you.”
So, I asked Gary to tell us what his idea of a typical date consisted of.
He told us about his most recent effort, with a girl named Mandy. On the first date, he spent $100 taking her to lunch at a nice sushi restaurant.
On the second date, he took her to dinner and a movie. He chose one of the best Italian restaurants in town, ordered them a bottle of wine, and spent $250 on the evening.
At the end of the night she just gave him a hug goodnight, but Gary figured he was IN with this girl.
He assumed that on the NEXT date he would seal the deal… he just had to “play it cool.”
But when he called her to schedule date #3, she told him she was “really busy” and wouldn’t be able to see him that week. So he called her the week after that and left a message.
Two weeks later, and she still hasn’t called him back…
Gary was confused and disappointed. He was racking his brain trying to figure out if he did something wrong. It just didn’t seem to make sense …
“You’d think she would be appreciative!” he complained to us.
Gary knew that her ex-boyfriend had been broke all the time.
His idea of “dining out” was taking her to Taco Bell.
And now along came generous Gary, taking her to fancy restaurants, spending money on her…you would think she would be grateful, right?
He was actually making women feel UNCOMFORTABLE by spending that type of money and showering such attention on them.
Put it this way. Have you ever gone out for a meal with an acquaintance (not a close friend), and at the end of the meal, they grabbed the check and insisted on paying?
It’s a pretty hefty bill, and you expected you would be splitting the cost … but they insisted on paying, and wouldn’t take your money.
When someone does this for us, we feel appreciative, but we also feel slightly uncomfortable — because we feel indebted.
You feel like you want to buy THEM a meal, or something, as soon as possible.
Owing someone is an uncomfortable feeling.
This is where Gary went wrong. He was spending hundreds of dollars on a girl he was just getting to know.
He thought he was impressing her with his generosity, but it had the opposite effect.
After that $250 date, she gave him a hug goodnight and got out of there, because the fact that Gary was spending that much money on her made her feel uncomfortable.
When a guy shells out a substantial amount of money on a first or second date, and he hasn’t hooked up with the girl yet, it can backfire on multiple levels.
“Gosh, if he’s spending this much money on dinner, he probably expects me to put out at the end of the night…”
Or she’s thinking,
“There’s no way I’m sleeping with him tonight. If I do, he’ll think I can be bought and paid for… and that would make me slutty … “
By the way, this a woman’s “ASDM” (Anti-Slut Defense Mechanism) kicking in…
And meanwhile, he’s thinking,
“I better get more than a kiss on the cheek after all this. She just ordered a $40 entree!”
And so, underneath the pleasant dinner conversation, neither person is totally comfortable with the situation because it’s been burdened with expectations.
As a Mack, you’ve got to keep women in a comfort zone. You never want her to think you EXPECT anything.
You project the sense that you are a man with many options.
You send the message that SHE needs to impress YOU if she’s going to deserve more of your time in the future.
Spending more than $50 on a first or second date, or taking women to elaborate places, suggests that YOU are the one who is trying to impress.
It also telegraphs your interest, and when you do this, women stop viewing you as a challenge.
So instead of taking her to dinner on a first date, meet up for a drink or coffee. Hang out.
Let her grow more and more comfortable with you, stimulate her attraction triggers, and work the process.
Once you’ve hooked up with her, and decided she might be a “keeper,” THEN you can take her out to a nice dinner. Think of it as “rewarding” her.
When it comes to spending cash on women — whether it’s paying for a drink at the bar, or buying an expensive gift for a girl you’re in a relationship with–always think of it as a reward.
She has earned it because she has proved herself WORTHY of your time and money.
This is just one aspect of creating the new MINDSET that is going to make you incredibly confident & successful with women.
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Remember: Guys who flash money to women doesn’t make you original. To women, you’re just a dime a dozen.
In fact, it’s the guys who know how to cut through the small talk, and stimulate a woman’s emotions and imagination, who never go home alone.
Get specific strategies and techniques for starting conversations with women, getting their phone numbers and email addresses, inexpensive and cheap date ideas, and how to take things to a “physical” level smoothly and easily.
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