Pickup lines, openers, conversation starters, ice breakers… call them whatever you want but have you ever wondered if there was one line which could work for you?
When you think about all the women who you let pass by because you just didn’t know what to say it has to make you a little angry.
It also has to make you question “pick up lines” in general.
Maybe you don’t like the idea of trying to pick up women. Maybe no matter what words comes to mind they don’t feel natural. They’re just not you.
Perhaps you believed what I did for years and that was… Only PLAYERS use pick up lines!
These concerns are not unfounded. Players do “pick up” women and of course if you try to come up with some “magical words” to start a conversation, how could it feel natural.
It’s all rather frustrating because no matter how much it can piss you off or drive you crazy we still have to consider…
All the times an attractive woman passed us by because we drew a blank. We stood there with a dumbfounded look on our face. Speechless and staring blindly as she hurried by us.
There must be a way to break down the pick up and make it more natural.
There has to be a way to find a “line” which will work for us.
Some way to break it down logically to give us all at least half a chance to start a conversation without having it feel like we’re just trying to “pick her up.”
Here are some of my ideas and just some of what I’ve done to turn those overused lines or blank stares into real conversations and it’s something we can rehearse so it does become more natural and direct from us and not some canned line from a book.
I’ve found meetings always contain one or more of these variables and listed them in order of importance:
- The situation –> Where you are and what is happening around you.
- Our expressions –> Including body language and facial expressions.
- The inflection we project –> Our tone of voice and manned in which we speak.
- The timing in which it all happens –> When to deliver the words.
- Our intention of where we plan on taking the conversation.
- And lastly – the content containing our words or what we’re talking to her about.
Notice how content is last. There’s a good reason for this. Most of the time it’s not what we say but how we say it, the surroundings where “deliver” it and the moment it’s said.
Although you must consider terrible content can destroy it all depending on her and how bad it is once in a while but the rest, when not done right will almost ALWAYS destroy the content.
Now that we can see all the variable which are in play it has to make it easier to come up with some common examples we can actually (sort of) rehearse to make sure we’re ready for any approach we encounter.
Think about the situations you’re in a lot where you are speechless then write them down quickly. They contain surroundings so write down some quick conversation starts which include those surroundings.
Here’s an example:
Situation: A parking lot in the middle of the afternoon.
Surrounding: They are always windy which tends to put people on edge and they are almost always in a hurry to get to their vehicles or destination. We have pavement, cars, trees, and lots of people with a purpose.
Since there’s not much to pull from we can assume this is a difficult place to open a conversation. There’s lots of stranger danger happening too so we have to assume any woman would be hesitant to some strange guy approaching her.
We get give us the best chance of getting past it all by assuring the rest of the variables I listed above are all in place:
- Our expressions are friendly. Smile gently with a relaxed energy.
- Our inflections should be curious with a charming tonality in our voice.
- You would think the timing takes care of itself but if we’re too far away we have to yell or motion with your hands. Not appropriate and it doesn’t satisfy the last two statements and if we get close too quickly it might freak her out.
- The line should be delivered in passing and it must contain very little content and that can take care of the timing of it all and help to negate the problems.
- Our intention should be to start a short conversation with the goal of getting a quick email or number. Our intention is simply that we find her cute or attractive. Our intention is not hidden or misguided. This is NOT a meeting place and trying to make her believe we have an ulterior motive is borderline creepy.
Next up… The hard part… CONTENT: (Remember cars, wind, destination, walking, signs, trees etc…)
This is where we use our imagination to train our minds to come up with natural ways to start a short conversation so we’re ready when it happens. This won’t work perfectly but it does help.
Most of what we come up with probably won’t work but this kind of brainstorming means we’re willing to throw out the bad stuff to come up with a few “pick up line” which will work perfectly for us.
Remember to always consider our intention and to make sure we’re not wasting her time or ours.
“Excuse me… have you seen my car?” This might not work because it could lead to a good joke but already we’re being misleading.
“Excuse me…. Is this place still open?” This might not work because it makes us look stupid and it is also misleading.
Our intention is to make a future contact because we find her attractive and we’re curious. We want to get to know the brains behind the beauty. Hiding that fact is one reason we draw a blank.
Hiding it makes it feel unnatural. Hiding it (in this case) leads to indecision and if we use a “pick up” she will most likely feel like she’s being picked up.
Based on all this including the variable listed above, for this hard to meet place I’ve come to the conclusion our best bet of success is a genuine upfront hopefully unique compliment of what we’re looking at and how we intend to get to know her.
“A stunning beauty among all this steel and concrete – I must have your name.”
“A windy day like today and your hair seems to love it – What’s your name?”
Notice the quick compliment and then the immediate getting her name. From there it’s much easier to let her know you intend to get her number in your phone so you can contact her later. Keep it quick and simple. It’s best to make sure she has your number and name too so don’t forget to introduce yourself.
YOU: “I absolutely love that dress. It’s perfect for a gorgeous day like today. Hi… my name’s Pete.”
HER: “Awww thank you… I’m Celeste…. and you really like this dress? I’m not sure about it myself.”
YOU: “Well I’m glad you wore it today Celeste because you got my attention. Make my day twice. Take my phone and put in your number so we can catch up later.”
Hand her your phone towards her heart and give her a real but light smile. Make sure she waits a second so you can call her that way she’ll have your number too.
HER: “Give a strange guy I just met in a parking my personal phone number. I don’t normally do that kind of thing.” (She’ll probably smile back.)
YOU: “Haha! Understandable. But it’s okay. Tell you what. I only promise to call you 20 times a day and text you 10. No more.”
HER: “Okay… Haha! fine! Just remember you promised no more than twenty because after that I’m sending you straight to my voice mail. Got it?”
That is just one example I came up with off the top of my head.
Imagine all the possibilities and ideas we can come up with when we think about a more appropriate meeting place or time.
When we follow the list of variables and make sure we’re good at every piece – the pick up line which will best for us suddenly becomes a natural extension in our life.
Yes. This does take some thinking and a little bit of imagination but it’s worth the work because it makes meeting women beyond just some canned opener. It trains us to believe and behave as if we’ve done it a thousand times.
And yes. Failure is part of the process. Don’t take it personal though. Not everybody is going to be as responsive as Celeste was and not everything we try is guaranteed to succeed all the time.
The purpose is to:
- Learn and understand what is actually involved in meeting women.
- Learn and understand what certain situations require so we’re best trained to handle them.
- Make conversation starting easier by having lots of great ideas and then having fun trying them out even if we fail.
- Get quickly past “freezing up” and the fears often associated with the so-called “pick up.”
Another piece of all this is to remember the pickup line that works best are the ones which lead into a conversation naturally.
They are open-ended and display our greatest assets and a confident fun open personality.
- Go ahead and use a totally overused line but make sure you know and she knows it is a joke.
- A woman assumes if you approach with a line, canned or not, you are interested in her. Don’t try to hide it. Don’t compliment her continually but let her know, subtlety, that you are giving HER a chance to get to know you.
- If you must, pretend she is not attractive at all. Don’t let her looks lead you in any way. They are not important. You want her to qualify herself to you with her personality.
- As far as compliments go… When you first see her and want to approach her take one second to realize the first thing that attracted you to her and don’t mention it at all! Trust me, it is what every other guy has already said to her.
- Know your attractive personality, inside and out. Saying, “Hey…buy me a drink.” Won’t work unless you’ve mastered the cocky/ funny guy, and that actually is you.
- Be consistent in your approach with who you are and stay away from acting like someone else just because you might think it’s what she wants.
- Remember to always have fun with it all and do NOT take it so seriously.
Learning this “skill” is not very different from learning how to do anything else. It just takes a little practice and a little “training” until it all becomes practically instinctive to where you don’t have to think about it at all.
The pickup line that works for you will come down to knowing yourself too and knowing your surroundings so pay attention to everything you might have missed before.
Another huge part of it all is… RISK!!!
Not only will it help you to overcome any fear or reserve you have about this pick-up stuff but on a side note – no matter what you do women absolute love men who are willing to take a risk just to get to know them better.