“3 questions which can change your dating and relationship forever. This is why you’re attracted to the bad boy and why the nice guy just doesn’t do it for you. There’s little value in something you don’t have to work for. Bad boys offer something those nice guy don’t and it’s why too many of you pick the wrong guy for you.”
Written by Christian Carter.
You’re about to spend the most useful 5 minutes you’ve ever spent on improving your future love life.
There’s something I want you to do that I KNOW will improve your natural ability to read into a man’s behavior and his mind.
And learning to do this homework could mean the difference between being HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.
Whoa… that’s pretty intense – I’ll tone it down for a sec and give you something to take your mind to off some of the potential negative stuff that you might be thinking about here…
Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where Carrie went to Paris with her lover?
Carrie’s in Paris with her boyfriend and begins to wonder if she made the right decision to move away with this man who, deep down inside, she know’s doesn’t want the same type of life and relationship she does.
As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”, has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile with his lost love after realizing his undying love for Carrie.
And of course, as with all good TV, the two find each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes his love.
Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full of great drama!
Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you back up. So what does the story of Carrie’s love life have to do with YOUR love life?
More than you might think – but we’ll get to that. That’s why this week I’m giving you a short homework assignment – and this is what could be the most valuable 5 minutes you’ll ever spend on your love life:
I need you to think about one of the first things I recognized about women way back in junior high – it’s something I still see it today in our “grown-up” dating world.
Why don’t women pick the right guys?
Or even more to the point – why do women pick all the wrong guys?
If you’ve had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you’ve got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I’m talking about.
****Right Now**** Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.
Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minute or two each:
- What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren’t “available” that is attractive to women? And to you?
- Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a “bad boy” – or found out soon into things?
- Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make a great companion but you’re not attracted to or share a “connection” with?
Don’t cheat yourself… Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5 minutes of time and think about just these questions…
Trust me – it’s AMAZING what you can actually learn about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time.
It’s maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!
I’ll give you some more time… Ok, so you’ve thought about it. Let’s share our thoughts and compare notes.
*As a quick inside reminder:
This exercise is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now and in the future.
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it’s hard to get free of.
But for some reason, women don’t want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions.
I’m not going to give you ALL the answers right now, but I’m going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself – as it’s a much more effective way of learning.
So…. I’m gonna address the last question first about “nice guys”.
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled “What’s Wrong With Nice Guys?”.
Here’s a little quote from the article:
“…Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense.
Since women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning “I must have him!” feeling.
That’s why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be ‘okay,’ it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free,” she says… Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out “bad boys” because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.
I disagree that there’s something “wrong” with the fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”…
My friend also made the point that the “mainstream” psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.
There’s something to the idea that woman don’t feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys” who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.
A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy” doing nice things, but it doesn’t CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman. Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested. But it’s like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems… It’s hopeless.
And wouldn’t you know it – it works the same way for “nice women”.
Being a “nice girl” can’t “convince” a guy to like you just because you do sweet things… It just doesn’t work like that.
I’ve had women be the “nice girl” with me in the past. There’s two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me.
Any attraction that was there started falling away.
THE TRUTH of the matter is – kissing up, convincing and being too “sweet” can kill attraction.
Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can’t control and aren’t very aware of.
Being too “nice” sends a signal to the “deep” part of the mind that tells you “this person isn’t desirable and is lower status”.
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it’s what happens with us humans.
People don’t value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around “nice guys”, they end up unconsciously thinking, “This man isn’t desirable, I shouldn’t date or pursue this guy”.
Ok, there can be another reason, but I won’t discuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the “nice” persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus “nice” people are self-selecting and are actually and less confident and less attractive.
In the nice guys defense – they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren’t able to see it – or see it as something they want.
Women don’t develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.
Which leads us to the “bad boy”!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.
Of course, I don’t believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that’s triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior.
You’ve seen it.
Bad boys often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama – often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.
When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree. Then I ask them about some of the relationships they’ve had in the past.
And guess what?
Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they’ve dated men they knew fit the “bad boy” profile.
What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more! So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?
The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL.
“We had a great connection”.
Some women call it “chemistry”.
The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things.
Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake I see women make.
It’s the most common reason why the thousands of women I hear from can’t find the love and fulfillment they’re looking for.
You can find more great advice from Christian here at Meet & Attract Him: