Women appear to be hesitant to say “Hi” to guys they don’t know and even more fearful of approaching them.
The reasons usually are:
- It’s a man’s responsibility.
- I don’t want to show interest because if I do, he won’t feel like a man.
- I don’t want to show interest because what if he doesn’t like me back.
- What if he thinks I’m too forward, doesn’t that scare guys away?
- I wouldn’t know what to say after. He just makes me so freaking nervous.
- I’m way too shy. I’ve always been that way.
- I overthink EVERYTHING and my mind freezes up.
What is YOUR excuse of not approaching a guy?
Guys I’m naturally attracted to never approach me. Are You Dating In Your League Or Out Of It? Approaching Men You DO Want
Let’s talk about this “interest” thing from a guy point of view (mine) because it’s a big one.
Men are just like women in many ways.
They project on to the world when they are feeling inside.
If you walk up to a guy who believe every woman wants him, well then yes, he’s going to believe you are interested in him just by saying “hello”.
If you walk up to a guy whose thoughts are always locked in his mind – he probably won’t think twice about it and until something else happens, it’s doubtful he will think you’re interested.
If you walk up to a guy who less confident, less aware of women, shy, or nervous, he’s going to be so self-conscious his thoughts will be mainly about what to say next. He won’t think full “interest” until later when he “overthinks” the interaction.
If you walk up to a guy in a pub or bar, well yes, chances are he either thinks you’re looking for a free drink OR you’re hitting on him.
If you walk up to a guy in a market, he’ll be a little thrown off, stumble, but he will be wondering why.
If you say hello to a guy at a concert, he’ll think you’re just having fun and meeting people.
If you “hit up” a guy online and it’s dating site, he’ll assume you’re interested in him a little.
IF you message a guy on a social media site, he’ll quickly check you out and then, based on your profile will assume interest or not.
Lastly, your body language might play a factor in his assumptions on why a random woman just decided to say hello.
Women and men seem to be different (during the approach) in one clear way:
When a random man approaches a woman she will normally be hesitant believe he wants something from her. That “something” can be anything from her phone number to yes, even sex. What she believe he wants depends entirely on the situation (the context) and, what she is projecting on the world based on how she feels and her past experiences.
When a random woman approaches a man he won’t normally assume she wants something and this usually depends on where it happens and how attractive the woman is. A man is not so suspicious of a woman starting a conversation with him. He’s less guarded and (social customs aside) less judgmental of the reasons why it’s happening.
My point is:
Every guy you start a conversation with will have a different idea of what is happening based on the man, the context of where it is happening, and then a small amount of how attractive she is.
Don’t let some guys pass you by because you’re waiting for HIM to approach YOU. Screw The Rule Of Who Approaches Who!
There doesn’t seem to be an absolute rule in this area. There are way too many variables in place to fully determine whether the guy thinks you’re interested in him or not.
So let’s make a rule. One which makes sense in every situation. One which stops all the wondering or caring about what it all means.
Here’s my thoughts on that rule.
Yes, it’s not good to fully chase a guy. It’s not good to show enormous interest in a guy early on. We should work for each other.
However, since guys are not always good at determining a woman’s interest and are less suspicious when approached by a woman, it’s ABSOLUTELY and recommended you show a little interest very early on BUT just saying “hi” to a guy does NOT appear to be a clear way to do that.
With some guys, you’re going to have to talk to them first. It’s unavoidable.
Just saying “hello” is not showing interest in most situations. You’re merely opening a line of communication.
It’s what you do AFTER which makes a the difference.
“The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.” Attracting Men and How To Make A Great First Impression With No Games
Now the rule has to have context.
If it’s a public place where people hook up all the time, I would NOT suggest you start too many conversation with guys. Let them come to you.
If it’s on an online dating site, assume your first message is a sign of interest and back off quickly so he can take the lead.
If it’s on a social media site, (this is a tough one) most guys are going to assume interest also so I’d back off a little too. (Not as much as an online dating site) Let him check you out and decide where to go from there. Do NOT show too much interest online because I believe most average men will assume interest anyways.
I’d make a context rule about “street approaching” a guy but I just don’t see too many women who are even willing to try that one. Haha!
Any public place including work, go ahead and say hello but during your short talk you must show a little interest, a little encouragement for the guy to understand what is going on. (Of course if you are actually interested in him.)
Pick Up Lines For Women – If he’s staring at you, don’t stare back… approach him and find out for yourself why he’s checking you out: Don’t Wait For Him To Approach You! Pick Up Lines For Women
You will NOT appear too forward if you do it right and remember:
You are NOT showing interest by saying hi in those circumstances, you’re merely starting a conversation with someone, that’s it.
It’s what you say or do after the conversation which shows interest. That’s where you want to be a little less forward, a little more encouraging and open, but definitely NOT too forward.
I’m always an advocate that everyone should talk to everyone and be less concerned by what it all means, where it’s all going, and so on.
Let’s face it – when two people want to hook up and they’re capable of making it happen, things will happen naturally.