Wow that first comment and your reply to it was hilarious haha. My issue is that when a guy or man stares at me my instinct is to turn my face to them with the serious “don’t mess with me” face in aim of intimidating them and what happens is I stare them down until they finally look away. But after I feel like this is not what I should have done but I feel like if I don’t do it then it’s like I’m too weak to defend my ground or something but I also feel staring back actually adds fuel than putting the fire out. I’m 23 and not the most experienced but I’d like to hear your opinion on what I should do in those defensive impulse moments. I’m not the type to yell. Quietly confident is the goal. I’d like to chill that situation down and not feel intimidated by the guy and carry on with whatever I was doing.
Cheers enjoy the weekend !
Thank you 🙂
I’ve been taught to convey my confidence to women and/or to open up something with her (even if it’s just a casual conversation), is to lightly look in her eyes (without being creepy of course) and to NOT look away until she does.
My confidence with women was so bad that when my mentor David DeAngelo first told me about this “not so secret trick”, I went out and did it with every attractive woman I saw.
The results were amazing AND I saw the many responses from women and noted them down.
Some looked away quickly although not in disgust.
Some stared back and held the eye contact for a little longer.
Yes, a few rolled their eyes at me, I know, the nerve of them. 😀
Once they looked away it would not start with their head. Their eyes would normally look down either to the right or to the left. Both of which meant something subconsciously to me and to her. Something NLP teaches us.
Some of them would gaze in other directions and within each direction we can predict why to a certain degree just not 100% accurately because we’re dealing with human social situations which, without any real controlled experiments, the results can be misleading or predicted to suit a pre-made hypothesis.
Eyes Up and Left: Non-dominant hemisphere visualization – i.e., remembered imagery (Vr).
Eyes Up and Right: Dominant hemisphere visualization – i.e., constructed imagery and visual fantasy (Vc).
Eyes Lateral Left: Non-dominant hemisphere auditory processing – i.e., remembered sounds, words, and “tape loops” (Ar) and tonal discrimination.
Eyes Lateral Right: Dominant hemisphere auditory processing – i.e., constructed sounds and words (Ac).
Eyes Down and Left: Internal dialogue, or inner self-talk (Ad).
Eyes Down and Right: Feelings, both tactile and visceral (K).
Eyes Straight Ahead, but Defocused or Dilated: Quick access of almost any sensory information; but usually visual.
Let’s conclude something from all that also noting that again, in nature, when eyes lock, it’s a prelude to fight or flight BUT fight in normal (Male female) social circumstances can mean assert dominance or direct confidence. Flee normally means submissive, less dominant, or avoiding confrontation.
These three are the most common.
Eyes Straight Ahead – Don’t approach me. Work harder to get my attention. I’m too wrapped up in my thoughts to even notice.
Eyes Down and right (Feelings, both tactile and visceral) – Possibly wants to be approached or flattered that a guy is noticing her. Fairly submissive. Somewhat confident.
Eyes Down and Left: (Internal dialogue, or inner self-talk). Submissive. Possible internal thoughts of self-esteem or “why would he be checking me out?” or “He’s looking at me…” slightly abashed. Possibly wants to be approached but doesn’t feel approachable.
The next four are less common when it comes to approaching women (from my personal experience) and are more applicable when asking someone questions and noting their responses or as they are speaking.
Eyes Up and Left.: (remembered imagery) Could be thinking about last time she was approached.
Eyes Up and Right: (constructed imagery and visual fantasy) Could be fantasizing about being approached with a negative positive outcome.
Eyes Lateral Left: (remembered sounds, words, and “tape loops”) Remembering last time she was approached and the conversation.
Eyes Lateral Right: (constructed sounds and words) Could be thinking about what to say when approached, just in case. Sort of a rehearsal.
Keep in mind all this happens within a second, it’s our subconscious reaction or action. After that it becomes something else (intermittently) because our conscious mind tries to influence the situation or direct what is happening.
“You can snub them. Give them a dirty look. Never look them in the eyes. Turn your back and keep your distance.” How To Deal With Guys Staring At You
As humans we’re extremely good at reading body language and eye movement for detection but our conscious mind tends to override, influence, deflect, divert, or cause something else.
In other words we tend to get in our own way destroying the natural human mating ritual which I believe ALWAYS starts with eye contact.
My advice to you ( yes I know… finally Hahaha!!!) depends on what you want to happen. You were not exactly clear so I’m going to guess you want the guy who is staring to leave you alone.
If that’s the case – yes, staring him down is not the best option because that’s when we get the (fight or flight) happening. That’s when we, as men, try to show our confidence and gauge your interest in us.
My experience tells me a woman who refuses to acknowledge being gazed upon does this:
Eyes Straight Ahead – Don’t approach me. I’m too wrapped up in my thoughts to even notice or care. I don’t want to be approached.
She then distracts herself casually with anything (while at the same time taking notice of the guy to protect herself) and gets on with her day.
Staring back intently is not a good option unless you want something else to happen.
Staring back will intimidate lots of guys, as long as you hold your gaze longer than them but it will not give you as consistent results and just de-focusing, ignoring, pretending he’s not there, protecting yourself by not turning your back entirely, distracting yourself, and then getting on with your day.
Hope that helps you out (and other women too) and of course helps guys to understand when a woman is actually giving a clear signal that she wants to be approached or left alone,
Thanks for asking… Pete