ust so you know, I’m thinking about you. 🙂
On my quest to help women meet, approach, and actually date MORE guys, preferably the ones I teach, I went out searching for us. That is where we would be and how to find more of us.
In all honesty I thought this was a no-brainer. You go out and do things, and you’ll naturally find guys, right, because we ARE everywhere.
The humorous truth came to me when I noticed this little How To Meet Guys Wiki Article which made me laugh for many reasons. So much so I felt I had to add my opinion to it.
Their first tip is part of a three-part “thing”:
1. Look for guys who are going out for the night.
In other words, get out more often.
2. Look for guys out and about.
So, while you’re “getting out more often” … (ahem ahem) look for guys.
3. Look for guys by following your hobbies.
Now we have, do things you love. I suppose by getting out more often and oh yeah, don’t forget… look for guys.
4. Look for guys online.
Computer dating… stay in and “shop” for a guy like you were buying something. Free shipping. Downside, you might not like it when it (he) shows up in your mail and you’ll have to return it. Bummer.
One more thing, make sure you look out for guys too.
5. Meet guys through other friends.
While you’re out, make some friends and look for guys who are doing something, anything, possibly something you love, like a hobby of yours, and then meet their guys friends, and their guys friends, and you get the picture.
Part 2 was about communicating the right things.
6. Be friendly.
Yep. You’re going to have to be nice. Smile. Actually I suggest you follow my list over here Advice on How and Where To Meet A Guy, Getting Out Of Your Own Way because as a guy, this is what we want from you.
7. Make him work for you.
Not too hard, okay? If you play too hard to get we might not think you’re into us. Some of us are also quite lazy when it comes to meeting women.
You might have to lure us in. If we get the hint you’re even a little into us AND we’re attracted to you, we WILL work harder.
I suppose if he won’t work at all and is still attracted to you, screw him and I don’t mean fuck him. I’m just saying if you lure him a little and he’s not responsive, hooking up with him might mean you’re stuck doing all the work all the time in a one way relationship.
8. Communicate something beyond your good looks.
As much as I like this statement, it’s practically impossible to communicate effectively with someone with just your good look. Sure it “sets the stage” but that’s about it.
And what about the women who don’t have much of a good look? Where does this statement lead them?
This is how I see it…
Whether you have it or not, use it! Attraction MUST come first.
Let’s all admit after that communication will have to be there anyways. Just saying it won’t change a thing unless you know HOW to communicate.
9. Don’t be afraid to make fun or yourself.
A great tip, definitely. Humility, down-to-earth, fun, easy to get along with, these are traits every man wants from the women they can expect to see themselves with years down the road.
Now I wouldn’t over do it but if you take everything so seriously you’re doing yourself any favors.
10. Don’t stick around too long.
Yep, nothing ruins a first date quicker than dragging it out. Also you’ll be less likely to sleep with him that first night which is a rule if there never was to follow… NEVER sleep with a guy on the first date IF your intentions are to build something more.
Part 3 seems to be a little off point. It was asking you to separate yourself from others.
A good thing BUT I thought it was an article on how to meet guys.
Now… if you want more guys to notice you then this IS a good thing but I can tell you from a guy’s perspective, since most of us are not really good at the whole approach thing especially when you’re the life of the party or surrounded by your friends, or just happen to be the hottest woman in the room… you don’t want to blend in too much however maintaining a low-key easy to approach stance works much better for us.
11. Don’t play into stereotypes.
What are you going to do IF you are a stereotype? 🙂
This article was asking you to just be yourself, that is clear, but since most people find it impossible to just relax and be themselves when they first meet someone new, I have a different way of looking at it.
If “being yourself” is not working for you… read and do the exercises I propose: Ask These Questions Before You Start Relying On Luck To Meet More Guys.
Easy there. I’d say for guys… flirting with everyone is a good thing. For women it tends to backfire only because most guys don’t know how to handle a woman who flirts with every other guy.
They get confused. They don’t know how to handle it. They don’t know if you’re doing it for them or if it’s just who you are.
Make sure, when you’re surrounded by lots of people or are in a public place that he knows you’re flirting with him specifically and although you might entertain the idea of involving another guy, your intended target is clear.
Also, use it sparingly.
If you don’t know HOW to flirt, read this: Flirting With Men – How To Do It With Compliments and Fun. ( Even better flirt below in the comment section and if I’m in the mood, I’ll show you some tricks to the trade.)
13. Be outcome independent.
Strange wording but all this means is….
Stay in the present. Do NOT put so much emphasis on the outcome of what is happening.
If you want to meet more men and have something happen AFTER, then you must stop thinking about what might happen while you’re doing it.
Moment to moment.
Sure you can plan for the future but you can never live there.
Remember, the choices you make in the NOW determine your future.
kay so yes, I stole or borrowed nicely 🙂 a popular list. Doesn’t make me too cool does it? Haha!
What does make me cool is that number one, I’m a guy and I can tell you meeting men, based on the first part is really just that easy.
Meeting the type of guys you would want to date more or see beyond a friendly conversation is simply a matter of following the rules I put in place here: Advice on How and Where To Meet A Guy, Getting Out Of Your Own Way.
Now I totally understand all this simplification is taken the wrong way.
I understand lots of women have absolutely no problem meeting guys, it’s meeting the men you’re feeling it for and who feel the same way AND who actually do something about it is where even simple advice becomes difficult and at times very confusing. (Especially for those of you who may suffer from sort of social anxiety or feel to shy to do anything about it.)
My answer to this is, and I’m being totally serious here:
Learn how attraction works for guys beyond sight.
Meaning we see, we feel, we want but to want more from you than just something casual, looks won’t get you to our second stage attraction.
Transitioning from attraction to love and beyond are not so obvious and most of the time are counter intuitive.
This means no matter how logically you try to figure it all out or more importantly figure us out, you can’t create those feelings by trying to convince our heart.
You create feelings by triggering our emotional side and yes we DO have them.
Based on my experience the women I wanted to spend more time with engaged a part of me which made me feel like every moment apart from her, was just “filler” until the next time I get to see her again.
I imagine if you can make any guy feel that way you didn’t do it by trying, you did it by BEING or becoming a perfect complement to his life.