Do you think it’s fair that “he” gets to look at other women but when you’re caught checking out a guy – he gets mad?
As if you’re going to leave him for some guy you haven’t even met.
Is this a double standard?
Perhaps a little but I feel there’s something more going on which has everything to do with what makes a man feel attraction, his self-esteem, and some common misunderstood facts men have about women.
Here is what I believe…
Women look at other women more than they look at other guys but I’m guessing 90% of men do not know this. Hence the misunderstanding part.
5% of them DO realize it but this is then overridden by a “hole” in his self-esteem. Meaning he feels less desirable than the guy you were checking out.
This causes him to react from his insecurity rather than act from his confidence.
That leaves a whole 5% percent of men who will play along with you and tease you about him.
The numbers I have come up with has been assessed from my large experience in being a man and teaching guys – about you. So I feel very strongly about them.
Let’s look at this problem from the core of a man.
Men are into looks more than women. We all agree men feel that gut level of attraction by what he experiences primarily through sight.
Now women will choose a mate not by looks alone but, in short terms, his confidence and his personality.
In other words her instant attraction is not really instant in how she chooses. It takes more time.
Sure looks will play its part but I feel over all there’s something more going on for her to devote her attraction.
Okay then what happens when a man sees his woman looking at some other guy?
You guessed it…
He’s thinking he is not good-looking enough.
He’s thinking he could easily lose her to some better looking man.
This is because his reaction is based on how he feels attraction and not how she does.
Some men will then, because his logical way at looking at things, rationalize a prediction in their heads that goes like this,
“What if she meets a guy whose life and personality is as good as mine, except he’s some stud than can have any woman he wants…? I bet he’s richer than me. She settled with my average looks and now she’s waiting or hoping something better to come along.”
You see we (men) learn at some point in our lives there are plenty of other guys who are better looking than us AND that women have more choices than we do.
Couple those together and you get a false premonition or presumption that if she has a choice – she will chose a guy like us, but better looking of course.
So when he gets angry that you’re checking out another “dude” his self-esteem is fully tested.
If it’s high enough chances are you’re all good.
If it’s not – then you may see your boyfriend or husband become almost instantly jealous.
Please consider these circumstances:
- He IS good-looking -> They were chosen solely on their looks. He gets scared and jealous when you’re looking at someone who may be better looking.
- He’s NOT good-looking -> They were chosen by their personality alone which means SHE DOES NOT FIND ME ATTRACTIVE. Aha! Big one here. If we believe it’s not our looks that attracted you to us – we’re more likely to consider the fact you don’t find us physically attractive.
- He’s not “female aware” -> They don’t realize how many women stare and compete with other women more than they do with men. They don’t understand women dress for other women. Or how women are more critical on how another woman looks and not how another guy is appealing or not.
- It’s expected of men to stare -> which makes it okay. But this is not expected of a woman so when she does it, it MUST MEAN SOMETHING like “I’m not good enough for her because she can find another guy just like me who is better looking. Put another way – in his eyes it feels natural to stare at a woman and it means nothing more than him thinking between his legs. However when a woman does it – it’s not natural – she’s not into look like he is – so again, it must mean something and this meaning is usually that she is not satisfied with him physically.
Okay now – if you’re thinking it’s still not fair…
If he gets to stare at her breasts making you feel like you’re not “hot” enough for him, then you must be allowed to check out some guy’s “package” without fear of starting a stupid fight.
After all he already has you. Shouldn’t THAT be enough to convince him how you feel?
Well my opinion is that you’re right!
So let’s go there.
My girlfriend has a “thing” for cops. Yeah I know not very unique – men in a uniform “helping” people…what’s more hotter than that right?
I’m willing to bet lots of woman fantasize about it.
So how do I handle that?
Do I get all bent out of shape?
Do I get jealous or worried I’m going to lose her to some guy who may arrest her? ( Not to say she’s a delinquent. 🙂 )
Well the first time I brought it out of her or teased her about it a curious thought entered my mind.
And I suggest if you’re having problems with your man on this whole staring thing you may want to consider some form of this “experiment.”
I offered to one day buy or rent a uniform of my choice and to surprise her with it. I will help her live out her urge of attraction and quite frankly on the side – I get to “get her off” in a new way.
So if you’re man gets angry every time he catches you staring at some other guy, or if you feel “trapped” into hiding your natural urge to occasionally check out some dude, first please consider my four points above to understand him better, then either find a way to reassure his “ego” by talking to him (casually) into some role-playing.
I know it won’t solve the problem entirely because after all it’s his self-esteem or “ego” as the root cause but it can help to alleviate a future stressful moment AND help to make you feel more free to act natural, without having to worry you’ll hurt his feelings all the time.