His Silence Is Driving You Crazy…So Why Would A Guy Ignore You?

Man Alone Quite Silent Ignoring You

Don’t you hate it when the passive aggressive man gets under your skin?

How about when you really do like him but for some reason his silence drives you crazy?

It could be the one thing you don’t like about him.

Whether his mysterious silence tugs on your natural curiosity or pisses you off because it all seems so pointless, you can not help to wonder…

WHY! Why would a guy ignore you?

We all can agree male – female interaction is almost always often situation based.

Meaning, when your husband is ignoring you or withdrawing, that is very different than some (now) not-so-friendly guy at work who one day just stops talking to you. Both are as equally different than your new boyfriend going silent at certain times and other times talking your ear off.

How about when you’re out trying your best to meet a single guy but the ones you really want don’t even notice you. Almost like they are “ignoring” you too.

Of course let’s not forget about the guy who’s into you one minute then ignores you completely to flirt with your friends or when he’s with his buddies it’s like you DON’T EVEN EXIST!

It’s clear a man’s silence (whatever his reasons are)  can leave you confused, sometimes hurt, and when he’s ignoring you even a little pissed off so let’s dig a little deeper into why it happens.

Men don’t go silent unless there’s a real reason to do so.

However with that said – as it’s covered in my newly released book at “Why Do Guys…” the reasons were created long ago which is covered in the “silence is safety” section:

You can read all about it and pick it up right here:

Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings

But… and this is a big but – you should know now (because I’m telling you)  some men go silent or only appear to ignore you because they literally have nothing to say AND they’re actually quite comfortable in the silence.

Here’s the first reason and it’s first because this silence – ignoring problem is more prominent when you’re in a relationship with a guy:

He might ignore you because he knows it pisses you off.

This is otherwise known as passive aggressive behavior and it usually happens when there’s a major breakdown of communication in the relationship.

He could feel misunderstood, unheard, ineffective, and he doesn’t know how to bring his feelings out in the open to you OR he’s been made to feel like you won’t listen anyways.

Yes – it’s a childish thing to do but age doesn’t always guarantee mature actions especially when someone feels helpless to make a change.

Iif this is your case read through some of these articles so you can stop this type of (lack of action) from ruining your relationship even further:

Katie and Gay Hendricks – Relationship & Communication Experts.

And definitely read through my personal advice section on communication which is right here: How You Communicate To Others More Effectively.

Some guys just get bad advice and use it on you.

They believe you rope a woman in, ignore her, and she’ll want you more. So in this case it means he likes you but really doesn’t understand how things are “supposed” to work with women.

Keeping in mind that tactic actually does work for lots of men – at least in getting your attention or curiosity. So to some guys if it’s worked before, they’ll continue the same tactics on every woman until they find one it works on.

“They act aloof and disinterested around a woman they like – when in FACT, they’re just intimidated by her beauty, charm, or intelligence.”

How To Get 3 Types Of Guys To Be Themselves & Lose The Game Playing Attitude

Here’s a reason NO woman ever wants to hear but it must be said:

He’s not interested in you at all.

He believes the best way to make you go away is to ignore you. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and/or he’s not at all good with confrontation. (Probably both.)

This usually happens when a woman gets too aggressive, needy, or pushes a guy into a corner. He wants you to go away but doesn’t have the know-how, balls, confidence, and sometimes tact to tell you.

He’ll be pleasant and nice but you’ll find he’ll ignore you every chance he gets. To him it’s just easier that way.

Another very valid reason you could be ignored…

Because he’s not very good with women.

I know – not good with women???!! I dare say it but It’s absolutely true and unfortunately it’s very common among men.

Some say the percentage of men who are not good with women runs about 90 to 95%. That’s a pretty high number making the next part something all too likely to happen to you.

You see “this” guy gets nervous around you. He’s very shy and perhaps even borderline introverted. He could be so insecure just the thought of talking to you causes a severe case of lock-jaw.

He might even fear that if he opens his mouth he could literally scare you away. His silence has little to do with you and originates from the fact he’s shy and doesn’t believe he knows how to talk to a woman he likes – therefore being silent just kind of happens.

At Why Do Guys and my simple approach to men I break down men into two type so if you want to learn about this type go here: Type 2: The guys who DON’T get you.

Next up…

Your friend, boyfriend, or some guy you’re dating always seems to ignore you ONLY when he’s with other people.

Guys Hanging Out Being Silent You

They could be his family and he’s worried you won’t approve of them and in some rare cases he’s worried that they won’t approve of you.

They could be his friends and he hates acting like a boyfriend in front of them because it makes him feel less manly.

I call him Mister DPD – or Mister Dual Personality Dude.

He’s the guy who only ignores you when you’re with other people and although it’s not the worst thing in the world – it does suck when it’s happening to you, but the reasons are not always severe and can be overcome with a little effective communication and a whole lot of patience IF you really like the guy.

However… be warned, men who fall under the DPD category tend to be that way in many other areas so keep your eyes out for him.

Try to understand that sometimes he means the best and it’s not a big deal but other times, as in acting different around his friends, or treating your differently when he’s with other people is typically a bad sign. Consider your relationship with the second guy very carefully.

This problem in isolation is not always that bad especially if you know it’s happening BUT if he’s ignoring you in situations like this and doesn’t fulfill what listed below – then I’d say the ignoring problem is more to do with him just stringing you along or keeping you on the hook until someone he feels is better comes along:

Here’s the list:

Okay, onto the next reason you might be ignored… this next one has another acronym: NDD. he also falls under the “not good with women” category.

He’s too much of a nice guy and becomes easily embarrassed. He refuses to chase, hit on, or flirt with a woman.

I call him “Mister NDD or  – Nice and Differently Disabled. That was me so I know  way too much about him.

This guy is all too aware of what is happening between men and women. He sees other guys constantly hitting on you and flirting with you. He assumes those guys are only out to get in your pants and some of they actually are (as I’m sure you already knew that.) … BUT he doesn’t know that you know.

The last thing Mister NDD wants is for you to see him as one of those guys. He wants you to see him as being different. He wants you to see him as liking you for you and not just another dude trying to get in your pants.

This is his weird little way of showing you he actually LIKES YOU.

Yes, I know, by ignoring you? How? What? Why?

While those (other) guys are all up in your butt trying and trying, he’s dreaming of being with you and doesn’t have a clue on how to make it happen.

You will notice that he only talks to you when no one else is around. He waits for you to be alone. He plans his days or times around making sure he gets your full attention. He will also leave quickly if someone else comes around.

Sound familiar now? Hope so because believe it or not, especially among a younger school or college crowd or a guy from work, he’s very common.

There are Mister NDD’s everywhere if you know where to look and now that you know the signs to look for.

He doesn’t enjoy talking to you.

Friendly or not. He doesn’t want to lead you on.  He’s ignoring you because he’s just doesn’t enjoy talking to you and doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea.

Sure – he may be a little arrogant or full of himself but if you’re here asking this question and your situation is about a guy who tends to ignore you a lot – then there’s a good chance you’re attracted to him and he is not feeling it for you.

Next strange but very probable reason…

He’s just living his life – you’re NOT being ignored.

Sometimes your paths will cross. Sometimes they won’t.

Unless you really catch his eye or you’re a blast to be around he won’t make of an effort to spark up a conversation.

Of course this does not include waitresses, cashiers, or any friendly public “service” worker who do their job quite well. If you’re ignored in that situation then it’s probably because he’s “out of it” totally, engrossed in a conversation with someone else, or you’re unfortunately doing a terrible job and he’s too nice to say anything about. But I’m positive you’re not here for that reason.

You have to understand men who are or who appear to be naturally successful attracting women usually don’t make women a priority.

It may appear you’re being ignored when in reality you’re over-thinking the situation.

I see it happen to lots of guys and with women it’s no different. They somehow believe she(he) is doing something, anything, pondering or even fantasizing about him or her because they either caught each other’s eyes or talked once.

Never assume he is doing something to you and you’ll increase your chance at meeting some incredible guys.

In conclusion…

This area of silence and being ignored is very large – which is why I’ve been able to write so much about it which you should definitely check out over here:

The Silent Man Ebook will Help You Understand Men Like Never Before.

You’ll never be left guessing or wondering why he isn’t sharing with you, why he isn’t opening up to you, why he disappears then comes back again only to leave once more, why he ignores you just when things are going great, and why he seems to randomly and suddenly stop contacting you.

Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings

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287 comments… add one
  • Sophia

    Pete, I’m so confused and heartbroken over what men are doing… 2 months ago I met a guy working for the same company. We met outside of work, at a social event. I was not prepared, I was exhausted and had the worst looks ever. Yet, he ran at me and insisted soooo much that I stayed for the night. Like, I never saw a man insist so much! I had to leave eventually… He gave me a peck on my lips and later sent me a message about how I should really be there and that he’d come after me to the edge of the world. Of course I did not fall for such words – too much, too quick!! But I was polite and agreed to have a date the next day. He contacted me early in the morning but we had less than one hour together, due to work commitments. He made even bigger plans for us, gave me another peck on the lips, then… I heard NOTHING of him! I messaged to ask if the plan is still up but he said he had a car crash and spent many hours at the police. The way he explained it seemed genuine. However, the next day I had to leave back to my city… Fast forward 2 months later, I’m back and we meet at the office. He flirts a lot, compliments me, I do the same. However, I had to leave his side and ignore him on many occasions due to the nature of the work and to my supervisor having his eyes on me. Yet, he came around a few times to tell me how good I look in my work attire or to ask how it’s going. At the end of the day we said a quick bye. Later i texted him to ask what he meant about a specific thing he said. He never replied……….. We are still Fb friends. It’s not hard for him to reach my city (nor for me to reach his), so I don’t think distance is necessarily an issue. Plus, we work for the same company… and we have a very similar background, with passions & hobbies and all that (btw, he GUESSED some incredible things about myself – there was no clue at all for him to know, he just felt it within the first 5 minutes). It really hurts that he ignored my text after he appeared so smitten with me. I feel I was too powerful that day, I played with him a little, I maybe talked to much to other colleagues, seemed too confident and thus made him insecure (although deep inside I’m not). He seems the shy type regularly, troubled, critical of women with a big ego, perhaps really insecure of himself… and not the type who would get a lot of attention from females. But I like him. And I thought he liked me. I fear he might be scared of the competition and intimidated because I feel so good in this industry/company and I’m looking and feeling like a total “10”. Or is he just a jerk?…

    • Peter White

      Sophia,

      Sounds like he’s all talk and no real action. Too many compliments. Too many promises with nothing to show for it. The thing is – what he’s doing or did worked on you so I’d be careful. Whether he’s playing a game or just aloof or doesn’t have the “balls” to follow through with anything doesn’t matter. What matters is – no action! And if you’re getting the feelings he’s insecure, worried about competition, or he’s intimated by you are not good signs when combined together with the lack of action.

      What will happen is YOU will have to be doing all the work, taking the leads, and following through to what he says he will do. This is generally not a good start. Be cautious. That’s all.

      Best of luck to you,
      Pete

      • Sophia

        Pete, thank you so much for reading and replying! I appreciate it so much!
        I am in no way contacting this guy again. One text left without a reply is enough for me. He clicks on my posts on social media but no action from him…

  • John

    You women really need to get over yourselves. If he’s ignoring you HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU. Please take the hint and move on.

    So if 90-95% of men are “bad” with women, that makes the men wrong??? I’d say if 90-95% do things a certain way, that’s the way it’s going to be. Maybe all women are “bad with men”. But that would imply taking responsibility for yourself, and women just don’t do that.

    And why do you have a problem with introverts? That’s about 40-50% of the population. It’s fine to have your preferences, but you’ve really cut the population of potential partners. Trust me, introverts find extroverts (and women in particular) extremely annoying and don’t want anything to do with them. But introverts make the most loyal partners. Oh well … have it your way. Just quit complaining when you can’t get what you want.

    • Neo

      Of all the comments on this thread, I think this one is the one which is the most truthful.
      Being an introvert myself, I find that some people just demand too much for too little return. They are the ones in a hurry to elicit a commitment when I’m still deciding if this is something I want to get involved with. When I don’t deliver the desired commitment in the too-short window of opportunity, I get friend-zoned at best and completely shut out or worse. I thus find it safer for me to just not take up the chase and continue to follow my own course.

    • Thanks John and you do have a point about the 90-95% thing AND honestly, I never considered the percentage of women that are bad with men. I believe BOTH are generally bad with each other just in different ways. Kind of the same way that both men and women define love differently. It comes down to a huge miscommunication.

      And no – I don’t have a problem with introverts. Don’t know where you got that from. I’m merely pointing out facts and mentioned how he “could” be silent because he’s insecure OR an introvert OR both. They’re not mutually exclusive.

      Thanks for sharing John – I do appreciate it.

      Pete

  • Kim

    I just have to comment on this since we’re going into February and Valentine’s Day…..my answer: there’s more than one girl in the picture (in his mind whether it is true or not). Example, high school—daughter is a percussionist and sees how these other percussion guys are like a pattern…..I’ve told her she can’t date any of them—because it’s a soap opera. The guy thinks he’s a stud and that more than one girl is after him—we’ve seen this time and time again with the percussionists she has to deal with. He plays the girls almost like against each other–so they vye for his attention more—now over time this eventually passes and a girl gives up and heads to someone else—-but they think they’re like the football players and to them it’s all a game about being popular. My daughter will work with them, but she’s seen enough to know–don’t trust any of them. Usually, the girls think they’re all his “best friend” and well—it’s just interesting to see—by the end he usually doesn’t end up with any of them—again just a game to these percussionists–they like all the attention and will sway with whatever one tries the most at the time–sad really. Some of these girls are smart, pretty and these guys have these girls acting like he’s the only guy in the room—it’s ridiculous.

    • Peter White

      Thanks for sharing Kim – luckily, in my opinion, the majority of men after school and college will lose the opportunity to do those things. Out of the few who don’t grow out of it they find out quickly without the opportunity to use other women like that, they have no real skills in attracting women. The last (leftovers) will continue to frequent bars or old social areas and continue on the same path which leaves only a few guys.

      Thanks again.

      Your guy friend,
      Pete

  • David M-H

    “He might ignore you because he knows it pisses you off.”

    It might also be – and we know this is impossible because women are never wrong – that you have seriously pissed him off and he realises that there is no possible way that you will ever admit to having done such a thing and he has become silent in reaction to the futility of trying to reason with a women who can never admit she is at fault, except to another women.

    • Since this sounds like something personal which has happened to you – sorry to hear David. However I’d refrain from ever equating “women” in the general sense of meaning ALL because lots of women will gladly admit they’re wrong.

      But you’r right – what you’re describing is a breakdown of communication and it’s valid reason why men go silent. Happens a lot. Just so you know I DO cover this type of thing in my book. I’m just a little less crass about it.

      Thanks for sharing. I do appreciate it.

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