His Silence Is Driving You Crazy…So Why Would A Guy Ignore You?

Man Alone Quite Silent Ignoring You

Don’t you hate it when the passive aggressive man gets under your skin?

How about when you really do like him but for some reason his silence drives you crazy?

It could be the one thing you don’t like about him.

Whether his mysterious silence tugs on your natural curiosity or pisses you off because it all seems so pointless, you can not help to wonder…

WHY! Why would a guy ignore you?

We all can agree male – female interaction is almost always often situation based.

Meaning, when your husband is ignoring you or withdrawing, that is very different than some (now) not-so-friendly guy at work who one day just stops talking to you. Both are as equally different than your new boyfriend going silent at certain times and other times talking your ear off.

How about when you’re out trying your best to meet a single guy but the ones you really want don’t even notice you. Almost like they are “ignoring” you too.

Of course let’s not forget about the guy who’s into you one minute then ignores you completely to flirt with your friends or when he’s with his buddies it’s like you DON’T EVEN EXIST!

It’s clear a man’s silence (whatever his reasons are)  can leave you confused, sometimes hurt, and when he’s ignoring you even a little pissed off so let’s dig a little deeper into why it happens.

Men don’t go silent unless there’s a real reason to do so.

However with that said – as it’s covered in my newly released book at “Why Do Guys…” the reasons were created long ago which is covered in the “silence is safety” section:

You can read all about it and pick it up right here:

Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings

But… and this is a big but – you should know now (because I’m telling you)  some men go silent or only appear to ignore you because they literally have nothing to say AND they’re actually quite comfortable in the silence.

Here’s the first reason and it’s first because this silence – ignoring problem is more prominent when you’re in a relationship with a guy:

He might ignore you because he knows it pisses you off.

This is otherwise known as passive aggressive behavior and it usually happens when there’s a major breakdown of communication in the relationship.

He could feel misunderstood, unheard, ineffective, and he doesn’t know how to bring his feelings out in the open to you OR he’s been made to feel like you won’t listen anyways.

Yes – it’s a childish thing to do but age doesn’t always guarantee mature actions especially when someone feels helpless to make a change.

Iif this is your case read through some of these articles so you can stop this type of (lack of action) from ruining your relationship even further:

Katie and Gay Hendricks – Relationship & Communication Experts.

And definitely read through my personal advice section on communication which is right here: How You Communicate To Others More Effectively.

Some guys just get bad advice and use it on you.

They believe you rope a woman in, ignore her, and she’ll want you more. So in this case it means he likes you but really doesn’t understand how things are “supposed” to work with women.

Keeping in mind that tactic actually does work for lots of men – at least in getting your attention or curiosity. So to some guys if it’s worked before, they’ll continue the same tactics on every woman until they find one it works on.

“They act aloof and disinterested around a woman they like – when in FACT, they’re just intimidated by her beauty, charm, or intelligence.”

How To Get 3 Types Of Guys To Be Themselves & Lose The Game Playing Attitude

Here’s a reason NO woman ever wants to hear but it must be said:

He’s not interested in you at all.

He believes the best way to make you go away is to ignore you. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and/or he’s not at all good with confrontation. (Probably both.)

This usually happens when a woman gets too aggressive, needy, or pushes a guy into a corner. He wants you to go away but doesn’t have the know-how, balls, confidence, and sometimes tact to tell you.

He’ll be pleasant and nice but you’ll find he’ll ignore you every chance he gets. To him it’s just easier that way.

Another very valid reason you could be ignored…

Because he’s not very good with women.

I know – not good with women???!! I dare say it but It’s absolutely true and unfortunately it’s very common among men.

Some say the percentage of men who are not good with women runs about 90 to 95%. That’s a pretty high number making the next part something all too likely to happen to you.

You see “this” guy gets nervous around you. He’s very shy and perhaps even borderline introverted. He could be so insecure just the thought of talking to you causes a severe case of lock-jaw.

He might even fear that if he opens his mouth he could literally scare you away. His silence has little to do with you and originates from the fact he’s shy and doesn’t believe he knows how to talk to a woman he likes – therefore being silent just kind of happens.

At Why Do Guys and my simple approach to men I break down men into two type so if you want to learn about this type go here: Type 2: The guys who DON’T get you.

Next up…

Your friend, boyfriend, or some guy you’re dating always seems to ignore you ONLY when he’s with other people.

Guys Hanging Out Being Silent You

They could be his family and he’s worried you won’t approve of them and in some rare cases he’s worried that they won’t approve of you.

They could be his friends and he hates acting like a boyfriend in front of them because it makes him feel less manly.

I call him Mister DPD – or Mister Dual Personality Dude.

He’s the guy who only ignores you when you’re with other people and although it’s not the worst thing in the world – it does suck when it’s happening to you, but the reasons are not always severe and can be overcome with a little effective communication and a whole lot of patience IF you really like the guy.

However… be warned, men who fall under the DPD category tend to be that way in many other areas so keep your eyes out for him.

Try to understand that sometimes he means the best and it’s not a big deal but other times, as in acting different around his friends, or treating your differently when he’s with other people is typically a bad sign. Consider your relationship with the second guy very carefully.

This problem in isolation is not always that bad especially if you know it’s happening BUT if he’s ignoring you in situations like this and doesn’t fulfill what listed below – then I’d say the ignoring problem is more to do with him just stringing you along or keeping you on the hook until someone he feels is better comes along:

Here’s the list:

Okay, onto the next reason you might be ignored… this next one has another acronym: NDD. he also falls under the “not good with women” category.

He’s too much of a nice guy and becomes easily embarrassed. He refuses to chase, hit on, or flirt with a woman.

I call him “Mister NDD or  – Nice and Differently Disabled. That was me so I know  way too much about him.

This guy is all too aware of what is happening between men and women. He sees other guys constantly hitting on you and flirting with you. He assumes those guys are only out to get in your pants and some of they actually are (as I’m sure you already knew that.) … BUT he doesn’t know that you know.

The last thing Mister NDD wants is for you to see him as one of those guys. He wants you to see him as being different. He wants you to see him as liking you for you and not just another dude trying to get in your pants.

This is his weird little way of showing you he actually LIKES YOU.

Yes, I know, by ignoring you? How? What? Why?

While those (other) guys are all up in your butt trying and trying, he’s dreaming of being with you and doesn’t have a clue on how to make it happen.

You will notice that he only talks to you when no one else is around. He waits for you to be alone. He plans his days or times around making sure he gets your full attention. He will also leave quickly if someone else comes around.

Sound familiar now? Hope so because believe it or not, especially among a younger school or college crowd or a guy from work, he’s very common.

There are Mister NDD’s everywhere if you know where to look and now that you know the signs to look for.

He doesn’t enjoy talking to you.

Friendly or not. He doesn’t want to lead you on.  He’s ignoring you because he’s just doesn’t enjoy talking to you and doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea.

Sure – he may be a little arrogant or full of himself but if you’re here asking this question and your situation is about a guy who tends to ignore you a lot – then there’s a good chance you’re attracted to him and he is not feeling it for you.

Next strange but very probable reason…

He’s just living his life – you’re NOT being ignored.

Sometimes your paths will cross. Sometimes they won’t.

Unless you really catch his eye or you’re a blast to be around he won’t make of an effort to spark up a conversation.

Of course this does not include waitresses, cashiers, or any friendly public “service” worker who do their job quite well. If you’re ignored in that situation then it’s probably because he’s “out of it” totally, engrossed in a conversation with someone else, or you’re unfortunately doing a terrible job and he’s too nice to say anything about. But I’m positive you’re not here for that reason.

You have to understand men who are or who appear to be naturally successful attracting women usually don’t make women a priority.

It may appear you’re being ignored when in reality you’re over-thinking the situation.

I see it happen to lots of guys and with women it’s no different. They somehow believe she(he) is doing something, anything, pondering or even fantasizing about him or her because they either caught each other’s eyes or talked once.

Never assume he is doing something to you and you’ll increase your chance at meeting some incredible guys.

In conclusion…

This area of silence and being ignored is very large – which is why I’ve been able to write so much about it which you should definitely check out over here:

The Silent Man Ebook will Help You Understand Men Like Never Before.

You’ll never be left guessing or wondering why he isn’t sharing with you, why he isn’t opening up to you, why he disappears then comes back again only to leave once more, why he ignores you just when things are going great, and why he seems to randomly and suddenly stop contacting you.

Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings

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287 comments… add one
  • Christi

    Oh he is a Aquarius I’m a Scorpio

  • Nivia


    Iam a college student.
    Made a lot of friends but there is one guy in my class who is very close to me , kinda best friends . He dosent like my ex nor does wanys to talk about it. We are 3am friends actually but since last few days he suddenly started ignoring me . He used to text me everyday , call me whenvere i wasnt there around and he loves to hold my hand and says he feels secure. Always loves to be my side no matter what happens and always compliments as lifeline and you are attractive and stuff but as i told you he is acting wierd since last 3 days and his silence is actually driving me crazy. I like him but cannot say if iam attracted to him and same about him and one thing wierd is i always catch him staring at me . This situation is really getting awkard and on my nerves.
    Please help!

  • Trinity

    Ok I’m gone start off by saying this Guy got my number took me on two dates I thought we really click when we’re in front of each others our conversation last for hours but as soon as we away from each other he don’t reply til hours afterwards yes up front he told me his conversation over the phone really sucks but I said I understand that but I really don’t understand it cause some days he’ll reply right back or answer but on most of the days I can text him and he want text back at all til 3 or maybe or in the morning and even sometimes he want even text me back period

  • sarah

    Thanks for your post. I think i need to let it out. I met a guy on my holidays back home. We hit it off. he worked as a Diplomatic in my home town. I am Asian and he is from the state. after I went back to the country where I live and work,he visited me twice. We had a great connection. and he said He will no longer work in my home country and he got transferred to another country soon. I felt so sad and tried not to attach him emotionally. But he said he will visit me again. after he went on holidays back to his home in the state, He still tried to help me for my school applications which he encouraged me to get scholarship in the US. we said we missed each other. I stopped texting him for one week coz i didnt want to disturb his family times and he reached out to me later But just before he moved to another country for diplomatic, he changed not texting me a lot or he sounded just a friend. I initiated conversation a few times. my last time was I let him know that i was not selected for scholarship. We started talking about it and I told him I would move back to my home country and try another times for scholarship. Then he ignored me totally on messenger and I saw him online sometimes but never reached out to me. I felt hurt. after over one month we didnt talk, I uploaded my new pic on facebook and he liked it. I dont have any idea at all. 🙁 I felt so hurt but I still could control my feelings and never confront him.

  • Lo

    Hi Pete!
    I found where to comment in the right topic!
    I’ve been friends with this charming guy for the past 10 months. We became good friends and when we started to get more comfortable with each other(as friends I mean), he asked me all these questions about my love life in general. Back then, at some point of the discussion he said: “I hope this doesn’t change anything between us, but when we first met I liked you.”.
    And then a few months later, when we were in his car, he admitted to me again that he liked me (but always referring to the past). I told him he already told me back then, but he said “No, I mean recently.”
    I’ve kind of figured out that even though he was talking in the past he meant he liked me in the present, because when I called him on the phone to have more explanations he acted quite cool about it, although at some point of the conversation he said: “well, did you like me too back then?” and I said no… but truth is, I think I do. I’m not saying this because I’m shallow, it’s just that up until that time I just saw his as a really good friend with whom I would have many things in common and probably I was starting to be interested in him, but since I am usually very busy with my studies I hadn’t been paying attention to what I was feeling until he hit me on the head with that declaration.
    Anyway, the problem now is that he’s busy with his thesis and he’ll be leaving for another city soon and I’m feeling like we are drifting apart because he has taken some distance ever since. I am saddened by this because (feelings aside) I don’t want to loose him as a friend and I don’t know if he has taken some distance because of my “rejection” or because he’s just very busy, or (third and worst option) because since he acts like he’s Casanova around me (he tells me all about the other girls he dates, which at the beginning I thought to be funny, but now since it’s mostly what we end up talking about I’m starting to think it’s done on purpose) after my rejection he is just not interested anymore.

    Maybe you can help clarify some of my thoughts! 🙂 I know I should probably ask him directly what’s up, but seen as he is, I don’t think I would get the truth, or there is a chance I would scare him off.

  • Natasha


    I am a 29yr old, dating this 30yr old military man. And it has been going great, as far as I know. We have been seeing each other for about a month, not long at all. When we are together, he doesn’t talk much, he seems closed off or shy. I do have to strike up most of the conversation. He is very cuddly, hand holding and lots of kisses – we have been intimate.

    Some days he will text me NON-stop, cute photos, messages of how much he misses me, calls me his princess…etc. The next day, nothing. I know, I know, I don’t expect to talk every single day, and I know that all the gushy talk wont last forever. But, I guess I just feel I am getting mixed signals. Because the days he doesn’t talk to me, or when he does it’s very short “fine”, “not bad” “:)”….a few examples. And I am like, ok……..I’m doing great, thanks for asking (I don’t actually say that, lol) I don’t want to come across as needy, or be pushy. It’s just, I’m confused. I know that he is on coarse, and his exams and such are extremely stressful – as in, you can not fail a test or you are out!! So I am trying to be understanding in that sense, that maybe he’s just tired, busy and really doesn’t feel like getting together because he is in over his head. But why would he pursue me in the first place wanting a relationship? To now, not making a whole lot of effort…He seems like he adores me one second, and the next, zippo…..and he hasn’t made effort in wanting to plan to see each other next….YET, still texts me his like for me. I have stepped back, just to give him space and myself – so I don’t drive myself nuts thinking up stories that maybe he’s seeing someone else etc..

    Is there really a rule on who should text first? Or how many times a person should message? I feel like I have made effort, and now it’s his turn to. Should I just be honest and tell him that I feel I am getting mixed signals….and if he is still interested in pursuing something with me? I don’t want to annoy him though, or rush or push him away.

    Hope you have some advice.


  • Nayla

    There is this man…. He sent me a dm back in 2014 on IG.. we wrote each other back and forth on there for a bit and he wanted to meet me. I however never really like to meet guys online so I never took him up on that offer. Every once in while he would come back on my IG and like my pictures. So a month ago he went and like some of my pictures and his page is private so I just wrote him a dm and said thanks and said hi.. we started chatting again.. he eventually asked for my # and this time I gave it to him. We FaceTimed, texted and spoke on the phone for hours. Since I felt I kinda got to know him better I agreed to meet him. The day we were supposed to meet I cancelled on him and didn’t hear from him after that. I was going to be in his area so I texted him like a week or two later and we finally met. We got along great, talked about a lot of things. Before I left he asked when he could see me again?! He mentioned seeing each other.. I went on vacation for a few days and we texted a day or two before I was flying back home, and I mentioned going to see him straight from the airport.. he said yes! but somewhere along those texts he took something I said the wrong way. I tried texting and calling him when I landed which he didn’t answer. I called him the next day and still didn’t answer. I haven’t texted or called him since then. I just don’t understand what happened.. I’m a very honest person and I just don’t get it. I’m completely confused and kinda hurt by this whole situation..

    • Peter White

      I think you said it all, “somewhere along those texts he took something I said the wrong way” – What did you text him? Why did he take it the wrong way?

  • Shoshannah

    Thanks Pete!

    I’ve been on this website before… Last time I wrote it was about a taken guy who was first flirting with me and then giving me mixed signals – and I had a crush on him, so it was confusing and difficult for me. (Especially that he seemed really into me, I still believe he had – or has – a huge crush on me.)

    I followed your advice and decided to back off. Meantime another man appeared who I am recently starting to like more and more – nothing really happened, just a friend who recently made clear that he would like to be more than friends.

    But then, the taken guy now does exactly what the above post is about – he ignores me. He started to purposely, passive-aggressively ignore me. I’m sure it’s not in my head… Long story (stories) – I would have to describe details of many different situations, so just believe me – he is really making a point in many different situations to show me that he is friendly and great with anyone but me.

    I think he is still crushing on me, because when he thinks that no one sees, he can’t takes his eyes off of me. He also still ‘accidently’ bumps into me quite often. But then, whenever he has a chance, he will be passive-aggressively rude, he will stonewall me etc.

    I don’t know what his problem is. Maybe he is punishing me for my withdrawal. Maybe he thought I would fight for him and try to steal him from his girlfriend. Maybe he found out about the other guy (who happens to be his friend too, even more his than mine).

    In any case, this has helped me even more. I find his behavior simply rude, very immature, but mostly rude, he is really showing (sometimes publicly) lack of manners. So whereas a few weeks ago, I was in pain, so into him… I think I am not anymore. He helped me to kill the crush.

    I though some covert hostility is a reason that your post did not cover and it is an important and common one. Sometimes a man will ignore you, because he has some serious issue with you, he may be dealing with serious anger or even hatred. Hurt male ego etc.

    All the best! Scho.

  • Anonymous

    Hey guys have a problem i’m inlove with this guys t been four months now, and he starts acting strange, he ignores my calls saying “bbie will call u after an hour”and he doesn’t call after that and blames t all to work, but he tells me everytime when he call or he see me that he loves me and he’s not cheating on me, but I once caught him talking with a gal on the phone and I heard a gal saying love u, when I asked him he denied, im asking for an advice I feel like he loves me hes just busy or maybe I kust give him some time so that he can see that im the one…..I really don’t know

  • Jessica

    I am a Senior in High School and it’s hard for me to meet guys. I made a Tinder account and I met this guy. He and I got along very well and he and I were flirting and getting to know each other. I told him all about me telling him I am clingy and all love dovey and he tells me he’s completely fine with that because he’s the same way. He and I exchange contact info (SnapChat) and that’s when things got terrible. You see, I’d send him two messages a day. One in the morning to wish him a great day and one at night to tell him goodnight. To me that’s not clingy. Then whenever I was free, I’d want to talk to him and I’d be like “hi” and he’d reply. All fine and dandy right? It wasn’t until one day he just started distancing himself from me. It was the day after his biology test and I’m not sure what I did. Like he’d talk to me for like two minutes and then he wouldn’t reply. He would read my message and everything and just wouldn’t reply. This continued until yesterday. I told him that I was sorry if I made him upset or something and if he still liked me. Not even five minutes afterwards, he removed me on Tinder, he removed me from SnapChat and just seemed liked he wanted nothing to do with me but I do have him on another account that he had added me on. Now on that backup account, he hasn’t removed me yet and to me that means that there might be a chance for me to get back together with him. I had been crying all weekend and my friend suggested that I just give the guy a few days to think things over. I thought that’d be a good idea so now I’m waiting but I’m wondering. How does a guy that says he likes you and wants to date you and everything just unfriends you from his life completely? Is it me?

    • Peter White


      I understand it might be hard for you to “meet” guys BUT at your age, and in your position, you’re going to find at this time in your life, you’ll have the most options with guys. Not to say “meeting” them is easy, just that there is more abundance of single guys out there waiting to meet YOU. Using Tinder while in High School is NOT one of those areas I would suggest you look. That’s my honest opinion.

      The thing that went wrong here is that it turned into a “sort of” relationship way too early. What you were doing is easily seen, from a guys view, as a relationship and not a casually dating kind of thing. You’ll find lots of guys, (especially on Tinder) are not willing, ready, or capable, or even want that to happen.

      What you did, “two messages a day. One in the morning to wish him a great day and one at night to tell him goodnight.” is what two people do who are in a committed relationship. In that situation it’s not clingy at all. It’s sort of expected, right?

      Yes, messaging a guy like that, and then telling him sorry for contacting him too much or making him made will push a guy away and cause him to block you. Especially IF that guy doesn’t have the balls to be honest with you. Not really a stand up guy if you ask me. More like a prick who’d rather hurt a girl who is just figuring out this whole dating thing than be real with you and seeing your side of things too.

      I understand the cry. Let it out. But please understand or learn from this experience some very important things which will last you a lifetime.

      First – Your friend means well but giving this guy a few days to think about it is not really the answer based on the person he is which has been revealed to you.

      Second – Lovey dovey and all that IS a good thing and lots of guys will enjoy the attention BUT you must step through the stages of dating first. Which takes time. All guys like to at least feel like they’re making the decision to commit and when you take that role – it’s not typically a good thing to do.

      Third – do your best to first understand “relationship” act from “dating” act and ALWAYS take your time with every guy who enters your life. Men and women don’t respond well to instant relationships and from what I’ve read, that is what happened here.

      Fourth – this guy has revealed to you his character. Rather than communicate with you – he blocks you. He’s not ready (because he doesn’t know how or hasn’t learned yet ) to deal with women on a one-to-one basis. Something a real man has no problem doing. Given this – getting back with him or wanting it to happen will in all likelihood leave him with so much power over you, he’ll abuse that power, blame any relationship problems on you, AND eventually leave for a woman who he can’t seem to control.

      Now that you know what’s happening. Smile. You learned something at an age you can use it to work in your favor to find a better man.

      Sure, let it out but please let it go.

      Wishing you all the best,


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