When He Thinks of You?
When your name pops up on your man’s phone, what do you think goes through his head?
Is he excited to talk to you?
Does he feel compelled to respond right away?
Does he read your texts but then leave you waiting for a response until most of the day has passed?
Or does he completely ignore your messages?
The truth is, there’s A LOT going on in his mind when it comes to you.
Memories, emotions, anticipation of the future (is this going to be a good interaction or a bad one?)…
All these things flash through his mind in the blink of an eye. And his response (or lack thereof) is more of a gut feeling than a well thought out decision.
The same is true when it comes to how he views your relationship in general.
If you’re having a hard time getting through to him, chances are he feels bad about the relationship.
It probably isn’t a conscious thing, but a bunch of factors make him instinctively feel like the relationship is more a source of pain than pleasure. We’ll get into this more in a minute, but at the end of the day, “pain VS pleasure” is the ONE factor that determines whether he wants to be with you or not.
In other words, if he has a gut feeling that your relationship is a source of pain, then no amount of logic, convincing, or begging will change his mind.
His mind is already made up-from the inside out.
We need to change that. We need to make him instinctively feel drawn to the pleasure of a relationship with you.
If you can accomplish that ONE thing, then he will be the one chasing you. So let me show you how I’ve helped women all over the world pull it off.
The Movie Trailer Method
Your mind is an anticipation machine.
The human brain is marvelous and complex, but its most amazing feature is its ability to experience the future before it arrives.
In fact, getting what you want in life really comes down to one simple thing: The ability to see the future in your mind’s eye before it actually happens. This skill, above all else, separates those who get what they want in life from those who don’t.
Why is this skill so important?
The answer is simple.
The more detailed your mental map of the future, the easier it is to see which paths to take in order to reach the outcomes you desire.
The more detailed your mental map, the more powerful you become. Like a master chess player, you can anticipate traps and sidestep them before they fully form. You can also try out dozens of moves in your mind’s eye before choosing the best one.
But I’m talking about real life, not a game. People who learn to use this skill live charmed lives. Everything just seems to unfold in their favor.
Is it luck?
Is it magic?
It’s simply an enhanced ability to play out various possibilities in the mind’s eye and recognize the choices that will bring the most pleasure and the least pain.
But here’s the tricky part.
Seeing the future is not like skipping ahead to the last page of a book to see how the story ends. Your future is not a single, linear path. Rather, there are a hundred different ways your
future could unfold.
Changing just one variable in your life can have a cascading effect on every other variable.
Things can get confusing fast. It’s hard to anticipate how all the different variables will interact.
Fortunately, I have a solution. It’s like a shortcut that gives you most of the benefits without the headache of trying to anticipate how every little thing will interact.
What is this solution?
It’s knowing which variables to focus on. Knowing where to focus your attention is the key to getting more of what you want in life.
When it comes to relationships, there’s one variable I want you to focus on. I want you to become an expert at noticing this one variable.
And I want you to learn how to manipulate this variable so you can have the relationship you want.
Okay, here it is:
I want you to become an expert at triggering the right kind of mental movie trailers other people have playing in their heads.
We are all running mini movies of the future in our mind. People do it automatically all the time. They don’t practice the skill intentionally. They even take it for granted. Most never bother to question the super quick movie trailers that pop in and out of their thoughts all day long.
That’s good news for you!
Because it gives you a tremendous advantage when trying to change the way someone feels about you.
The fact is, no one’s in the director’s chair. No one is controlling the mini-movies that blip in and out of your man’s mind.
Since no one is directing this movie, you can waltz onto the set and change the storyline.
And you can do this anytime you want.
Why These Mini Mental Movies Matter So Much
Have you ever received a social invitation and immediately decided you have no desire to attend?
How does that happen?
How is it that you instantly know you don’t want to go?
Simple. In a fraction of a second, you played a mini mental movie of the entire experience.
Actually, that’s not quite right. It wasn’t the “entire experience”. In reality, it was more like a movie preview. Just little clips showing the highlights. And like a good movie trailer, each clip pulled at your emotions.
You saw a super-speed version of what it would be like to accept the invitation. You pictured yourself feeling bored. You pictured yourself walking back to your car when it was over, wishing you had spent your free time doing something else.
Your mind created a mini-movie to help you make a decision. It happened lightning fast, and mostly outside your consciousness.
But you were left with a distinct FEELING that turned you off to the idea.
Your mind is remarkably good at this. It’s the process by which we decide what we want.
If you are a person who struggles with anxiety, you may not love this feature of your mind.
You may prefer to be more like a cat who is blissfully at peace with the present moment, not concerned about things to come next year, next month, or even tomorrow.
Neuroscientists who study the concept of memory tell us the marvelous ways our minds encode, store, and retrieve life experiences. As we learn, we generate increasingly complex and accurate models of the future.
You could say the purpose of our memory is to allow us to predict the future.
If I remember that chocolate cake tastes better when it’s moist, my brain anticipates a better experience when I choose to eat it now rather than letting it grow stale.
However, if I remember that chocolate cake is my weakness, I may cut the serving in half and put the other half out of sight to remove the temptation, using better judgment for my health.
If a large dog chased me on my way home from school as a child, I may still anticipate negative emotions from the idea of approaching a large dog even twenty years later.
Here’s my point.
Memories give us the ability to anticipate what is coming next: pleasure or pain.
You may not see where this is going yet, but stick with me. These concepts are critical to understand.
They are simple concepts, but things I need to remind you of, to “activate” your mind so they will be fresh concepts as we dive into the foundational methods of this course.
Humans are motivated by many things. But almost all motivation comes down to either the pursuit of pleasure or the avoidance of pain.
Your ex’s decisions are no different. He is motivated the same way. But how does he know which decisions to make to pursue pleasure and avoid pain?
His memory creates the movie trailers he uses to “see” the future. His brain is an anticipation machine. It is automatically making judgments about what he should do next to avoid pain and
The reality of your current situation is that the movie trailers his mind is playing are showing him potential pain or a lack of pleasure in being with you.
We’ve got to change that!
Now for some good news and some bad news.
Bad news first:
We cannot go back in time and change his memories.
But the good news:
We can alter his feelings about the future without changing memories from the past. There are certain trigger points that cause people to re-evaluate old memories in a new light.
Basically, we’re going to change the theme of the mini movies in his head that affect his feelings about your relationship.
We’re going to change the sound track.
Change the lighting.
Selectively choose clips that highlight the fun, exciting adventure he could have if he chooses to make you the most important person in his future.
Allow me to provide a few examples to get us on the same page. We are talking about “aha” moments that change his perspective.
The memories have not changed, but the way he SEES them can change dramatically.
Here’s an example from my own experience:
I was once hired as a consultant for a company that provided relationship advice. The owners of the company were highly complementary toward me.
During our work together, my self-esteem began to inflate considerably because of their frequent recognition of my “unusual talent.”
It was nearly six months later when I discovered their long-term plan to sell me their entire business (at a highly inflated price). This dramatically shifted my perspective!
Suddenly, I replayed all the discussions about my talents for running such a business. At the time, I had been surprised they would admit I could run the business as well – if not better – than they could.
Now, looking back, I see the ego-stroking as false flattery designed to make me want to buy their business. That eye-opening moment changed my view on our relationship and the game I was involved in.
I’ll offer another example.
Jane Austen’s novel “Pride and Prejudice,” (which has been made into multiple movies over the years) tells the tale of Elizabeth, a young woman who can barely stand the sight of Mr. Darcy.
Throughout the story, Elizabeth is under the impression that Mr. Darcy is proud and selfish. This is based on several reliable things she had seen and heard.
However, at the end of the story, Elizabeth discovers she was wrong. She had misunderstood the actions and intentions of Mr. Darcy. Suddenly, she recognizes his true valor and goodness.
She sees that he is more interested in the well-being of others than his own reputation.
In the end, it wasn’t Elizabeth’s memories that changed. It was her understanding that changed. It shifted in a way that caused her to anticipate great pleasure from being with Mr. Darcy in an intimate relationship. And of course, they lived happily ever after as a married couple.
Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It:
Your mission is to tamper with the anticipation machine running in your ex’s mind.
Specifically, your mission is to change the mini movies that play in his mind when he thinks about spending time with you. You’re going to get those mental trailers to work in your favor.
There is no other way.
You have no chance of restoring your relationship unless he sees a relationship with you as a path toward pleasure, absent from any level of pain that would cancel out that pleasure.
Fortunately, The Relationship Rewrite Method was designed as an answer to this complicated problem. This system helps you find a way to be the leading lady in his life. To convince your ex – not only to let you play a part – but to make you his star.
You see, a memory is just a form of anticipation based on past experience.
Most people think of memory in the form of stories to be remembered and shared. That is what psychologists call “declarative memory.”
But there is another kind of memory called “implicit memory.”
Implicit memory is the kind you use when you get on a bicycle and instinctively recognize (or remember) how to balance. Implicit memory is not something you can put into words. You just
know how to ride the bicycle.
Declarative memory can be transferred to another person in the form of a story. But you can’t transfer the implicit memory for how to balance on a bike.
In other words, your ex can tell his friends,
“First she did this, then I said that, and then we got into a big fight.”
That’s declarative memory.
Implicit memory cannot be transferred using words.
He cannot transfer the memory of what it feels like to kiss you.
Your job is to change the implicit feel of the mini mental movies that automatically play when he glances down at his phone and sees your name.
We have to start small and gradually rebuild his gut-level emotional reactions to you.
It’s possible that seeing your number come up on his cell phone causes an instant twinge of anger mixed with fear and regret. Those are implicit memories triggering the wrong kind of response.
The fights or strained relationship that led to your breakup may still dominate the mental movie that plays in his mind when he considers picking up the phone to talk with you.
We need to change that mental trailer so your name brings the same excited anticipation Hollywood tries to create with a really cool movie preview. We’re going to rewire his expectations and help him see a new future with you.
(By the way, are you enjoying this free report so far? If so, you would love my relationship course. It has laser-targeted advice in a 6-step formula to win back the affections of your ex and make him yours for good. Click here if you can already tell this is the kind of training you want to invest in.)
Use the Power of Story to Touch His Emotions
“Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”
~ Chinese proverb
The human brain is wired for story.
Lisa Cron, a highly-acclaimed writer, wrote an entire book on the subject. Hailed as a “story guru,” Cron has explored the brain science behind the power of stories. She teaches other writers how to hook the human mind from the very first sentence. There is something special about how a story causes the human mind to pay attention.
Cron proposes that from the earliest times, humans have transferred information primarily through story. Stories are so memorable they can be used to transfer wisdom and knowledge from one generation to the next.
Stories prevent humans from making the same mistakes as those who came before them.
Stories also shed light on the way humans persevere and succeed in various circumstances.
Perhaps the most powerful way a story can be used is as a tool for changing someone’s opinion.
Stories don’t require effort to pay attention. Our minds are designed for stories. We naturally focus when someone transfers information to us in the narrative form.
In Paul Smith’s book, “Lead with a Story,” he makes the case that business leaders can “captivate, convince, and inspire” using stories in the workplace.
Smith relays hundreds of instances about influencing the minds of others by telling a simple story instead of relaying facts and information.
Smith and Cron have recognized the power of stories to transfer knowledge.
But here’s what I want you to understand. Stories make it easier for you to influence people.
They are more effective than trying to convince people with arguments, logic, facts, or begging.
I have experienced this firsthand.
I once attended a fundraising event for people living in the impoverished nation of Burkina Faso. I was unmoved by the statistics presented on how many children go hungry and how many families lack the basic necessities for good health.
Then the presenter told the story of two little girls who had been struggling together to survive the hardship of their lives, I was suddenly hooked.
I understood their plight on an emotional level. I immediately cared enough to take out my wallet and sacrifice what I could to help with the relief efforts.
Think for a moment about the variables of a court case. Think of all the factors that determine if a defendant will be found guilty or innocent by jurors in a trial.
Experts work diligently to narrow down the list of variables to those that will have the most powerful influence on the outcome of the trials.
Can you guess the number one factor that influences the jury’s final opinion of a defendant?
Experts tell us it’s not the facts of the case. They say it’s not the evidence presented. Rather, it comes down to who tells the most believable story.
If jury members can picture themselves in a vivid story and imagine the events unfolding the way the defendant claims they did, they will find the defendant “not guilty.”
If the prosecuting attorney tells a more convincing story, the defendant will most likely be found “guilty.”
How can I use this information in my everyday life, you ask?
Here’s how: we are going to craft a special kind of story to influence the perspective of your ex.
Stories evoke emotion and change minds. I want you to tell your ex the story of your relationship in a way that causes him to automatically begin to root for your relationship.
And yet, as you watch these movies, you begin to root for the criminals to succeed. You want them to get away with the loot and live happily ever after.
Doesn’t that seem strange to you?
Why do we root for thieves to succeed at stealing other people’s hard-earned resources? It’s because their life experience was presented to us in the form of a story.
The protagonist is the hero figure in a plotline – the person about whom the story is written.
There can be more than one protagonist in a story, as there is in William Shakespeare’s classic story, Romeo and Juliet.
In Romeo and Juliet, we root for the relationship of this young couple. Sure, we care about Romeo and we care about Juliet, but the relationship itself becomes as important to us as either character.
As you read or watch Romeo and Juliet, do you find yourself wishing they would just forget about each other?
Don’t you want them to put their own safety first and move on with their lives?
After all, if you really cared about Romeo and Juliet, wouldn’t you advise them not to put their lives in peril by pursuing the romance further?
Of course not.
That’s not what you root for. (It’s not what I root for either!)
We want them to be together.
We root for the relationship!
We see the beauty of life unfolding in the way they discover one another, and our hearts want them to be happy.
We understand the risks they take to breathe life into the new passion they discovered through love at first sight.
Here’s the point.
By making your relationship itself the hero of the story, you can cause him to root for the relationship.
Do you remember Allie and Noah from the Nicholas Sparks’ novel-turned-movie, The Notebook? The story of their relationship was a powerful tear-jerker.
As an 80-year-old man, Noah reads to his wife, Allie. She has developed Alzheimer’s and does not remember, yet she roots for the characters in the story of her own life as Noah reads
from her journal.
The story Noah reads to Allie is powerful. It is so powerful we pay money to participate in this story by going to a theater or purchasing the book.
If you’d like to tap into that power in order to get your ex rooting for the possibility that your relationship could once again breathe new life, then:
Using the power of story is only one of 6 powerful steps that will help you reconnect with your man, even in the worst situations.
Bring him back.
Save your relationship.
Get the happiness you deserve.
Always on your side,
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James Bauer is a dating and relationship expert who has coached couples to help them achieve a happier more productive marriage. He also helps women attract men with the respect principle, the hero concept and can also help you to get your ex back with the Relationship Rewrite Method.
Image by Rodrigo Souza found at Pexels.