There she is…
Maybe she’s over in the corner booth avoiding the glaring eyes.
Perhaps her eyes are locked in a book, her legs are crossed tightly and her hair is shielding her face.
Maybe she’s surrounding herself with her girlfriends. They act as her shield from single guys who only annoy her and make her not want to ever leave her house.
She’s blocking entry from a guy like YOU because for whatever her reasons are, she is not interested in being approached.
At least that is what she wants you to believe.
I’ve done a little research.
Hoping to find some real answers.
I also know many women read my work so if you’re a woman, and you think you have a real answer, please, by all means…
How does a guy approach you when you’re putting out a vibe that you do NOT want to be approached?
The most common advice given on this “touchy” subject is, don’t waste your time approaching women who are not interested.
You’ll just get rejected and it’s a waste of time and confidence. Great advice. Sure it is.
But you know what, where’s the challenge in that?
What if it’s only a vibe and she doesn’t know she’s doing it?
What if she’s only “stand-offish” to stop the weak and non-persistent guys?
What if it’s just HER way of avoiding something because she doesn’t believe in herself?
Here’s my take on it all based on my real-world experiences and from watching lots of other guys succeed here too.
How To Approach the Apparently Un-Approachable Woman.
First the truth.
Under most normal circumstances the first impression you see from anyone is their persona.
They are only letting you see what they want you to see, and most of the time they’re just being social.
A second reality is…. consider your approach. If you’re creeping her out, have little charm or social tact, full of cheesy pick up lines, show weak or unattractive body language, or have had zero success in this area at all, then perhaps THAT could be a real problem.
The un-approachable is one thing but if ALL women are acting the same way, we must admit we’re doing something wrong… right?
Let’s now consider exactly WHY a woman would not want to be approached.
Here’s the short list.
Ten Reasons Why a Woman Would NOT Want to be Approached:
- She’s not interested in meeting anyone at that time. Perhaps she has recently suffered from a bad break up or has experienced a traumatic event.
- She’s been approached or “hit on” way too many times that day.
- She’s in a bad mood or having a terribly unlucky day.
- She’s worried about how she looks or whether you will actually like her. In other words has low self-esteem or is too nervous meeting new people. Let alone it being a smart man like yourself.
- She’s shy and introverted. She don’t handle social approaches and she avoids them at all cost.
- Her first impression of you falls well below any guy she would consider dating, and she is NOT interested in being nice just to spare your feelings because you just might not get the hint.
- She’s out with her girlfriends and it’s a girls night out. No guys are allowed…period.
- She has boyfriend and is currently in a steady relationship. She wants to avoid any undue drama. She has invested way too much time to risk it for any guy.
- She’s married to a jealous guy who always pops up at the worst times. He’s mean and she is worried just by talking to her, you risk getting beat up.
- She’s dating me and knows every so-called trick in the book There’s nothing you can do to “up the ante” in her mind. 🙂
WARNING: Whatever her reasons are, it’s best to understand that unless you’re doing something which would repel even the most approachable woman, do NOT take the rejection personal. If you do you will never, and I mean never, break through a tough persona. Especially if she believes the best way to keep you away is to be rude and demeaning because it’s quick and efficient.
The best method to approaching a woman is to give her YOUR present. You can read more about that in an article I wrote here: Approach Women – Give Her Your Present Because It Just Doesn’t Matter.
In short, this means whatever mood she is in you must always stay in YOUR present and at the same time, bring her to HER present state if she is not there. Yes. It’s easier to say than it is to do.
So for example, consider a woman shopping quickly because she wants to go home. She is living in HER future.
Make her present situation more enjoyable than her future, going home eating and relaxing, and you WILL succeed at connecting with her.
Now’s let’s break down that list above.
1. She’s not interested in meeting anyone at that time. Perhaps she has recently suffered from a bad break up or has experienced a traumatic event.
Have you ever seen the “Wedding Crashers” when Will is picking up women at a funeral. Don’t go there…please.
First, do NOT be afraid to piss her off, just a little.
Let her know you’re a persistent guy and you don’t scare away easily. Keep your emotions more stable than hers. If she can get a bad emotional reaction from you, it’s over.
However, you CAN use humor to lighten her mood.
You’ll want to stay away from trying to solve any problem she appears to be having.
The last thing this woman wants is some random guy telling her his opinion and offering condolences on her problems.
I’m going to suggest for this girl, you CAN pick the lamest pickup line you can come up with. Make sure it’s absolutely outrageous. Let her see you know what she’s up to and you’re not going to settle talking to her persona.
Show no fear and stay clear of the cocky funny routine.
Social proof in this situation is more important.
Demonstrate your higher status quickly.
Use persistent light-hearted humor and GET HER to SMILE QUICKLY and then bust her ass a little that you were able to do it.
2. She’s been approached or hit on way too many times that day.
I would use heavily sarcastic humor based on what every other guy does.
Change her emotional state by letting her see you know what is going on. I’m not saying to sympathize with her. That should be avoided.
She knows or assumes you don’t really care anyways so why bother acting like you do.
Just be real.
You can try the opposite.
Turn it around and tell her how sad it is that no guys are hitting on her.
How you couldn’t stand seeing her like this.
Apologize for all those other guys for being lazy and scared shitless of talking to her.
This type of woman has seen and heard everything and you can separate yourself quickly by NOT trying to be different.
Be genuine and real and convey a solid message that you DO understand what she goes through and you might have a little empathy for her plight BUT you just don’t care.
One of the best ways to do this is to lead in with how you’re sick and tired of being approached yourself and you’re considering joining an all male club so you can be left alone.
Don’t be afraid to use an extremely lame pickup line on her as long as she knows you’re joking and give her as many of them repeatedly over and over until she cracks and starts to laugh.
Throw them at her one after the other quickly.
Unwavering confidence and boldly straight-faced. Show weakness and you’re done.
3. She’s having a bad day or is in a bad mood.
Get her laughing quickly without looking like a clown. Again I’ll remind you of Laugh Her Into Bed.
Take her far away from her present state of mind by introducing a fun flirty story which allows her imagination to enter a better frame of mind.
Again as above it’s not your job to solve her current problems so don’t try.
This one is tough because even if you get her laughing it may be hard to progress. Or worse yet you’ll spend all your time trying to make her laugh and you’ll forget about creating an attractive connection or at least a spark of it. You might end up quickly as her next friend so be warned.
Your best bet is to ignore her mood all together.
Don’t let it affect you.
Have you ever heard how women can change their emotions quickly and how their minds never seem to be made up, well this is where you can use it to your advantage.
So she’s having a bad day.
We ALL have them.
She’ll get over it unless you ask questions about it and attempt to console her.
If all else fails, move in quickly, get a genuine smile, exchange numbers quickly, and get out quick.
4. She’s worried you won’t like her. She get nervous meeting new people.
Compliment her in a very unique way which will lead to more than a one word answer.
I have known plenty of women who are like this and if you can compliment them on something they have never heard before, they will open up quickly.
This article might help you come up with more clever and unique compliments. I wrote it just for that: Approaching With Charm – How To Find The Perfect Compliment to Start A Conversation
This is different from reassuring her that it’s okay to talk to you.
I feel that comes off like you’re patronizing her which will get you nowhere.
In other words, don’t approach her with “kid gloves” just because she appears nervous.
If you act strong and confident, she will be more comfortable talking to you. As if I need to say that.
Your confidence in talking to her must be displayed quickly. Show no fear and you will ease her own fears. If you’re nervous you’ll make her even more nervous too.
Get this woman to blush quickly and then steer far away from complimenting her after the first one.
Don’t over do it because she won’t trust your sincerity.
NEVER use a canned line on this type of woman if you could avoid it.
If you can not find something to say that is unique to her that really does interest you, I say why are you bothering to approach her anyway or just say “Hello” and choose something, anything from both of your surroundings.
The idea of getting past this persona is to make her feel good about herself with a quick compliment and move away from that quickly. She ease, and be comfortable so she’ll feel comfortable too.
Let your “easy” approach carry over to her and convey it indirectly.
5. She’s shy and introverted. She don’t handle social approaches so she avoids them at all cost.
Your job is to above all else, make her feel comfortable talking to you. You’re going to have to set a tone immediately that’s it’s okay she is shy BUT that you’ve got it handled.
Use a quiet approach with very little energy. You do not want to scare her away or get in her face. There’s no reason to be rude.
Finding myself faced with a shy woman I might even mention her shyness by teasing her just a little about it. You don’t want to over do it and I wouldn’t suggest you keep that topic up.
Just use it as a lead in to get her talking.
That is key to a woman like this…
Get her talking about something she excels at. Something she feels confident about. It might be tough to find or come up with quickly but I’ve found most women will give you all you need and will happily start talking about themselves.
Different women are good at different things and if you get her talking about something she feels highly comfortable doing, she’ll be more likely to lower her shyness.
Read this clever “expert article” at DiaLteG TM from David Wygant on creating her body language. How and Why Creating Her Body Language Makes You The Leader She Wants Hopefully it will help you make women feel more comfortable being approached by you.
6. Her first impression of you falls well below any guy she would consider dating, and she is NOT interested in being nice just to spare your feelings because you just might not get the hint.
NEVER treat her like a game, a prize, or an object. Just because she has attitude does not mean she is gaming the world for something better. She is not “normally” increasing the challenge, she is merely guarding herself which just so happens to look like a challenge.
This girl will sting your ass quickly.
I’ve been there myself quite a few times.
She will NOT spare your feelings.
She usually looks “stuck up” and has an aura of “I’m better than everyone” around her.
Don’t let her persona fool you. Most of the time it’s an act.
Some women like this DO have standards and they rarely will step outside their world for anyone so this won’t be easy..
These women usually respond better to demanding men.
Not that she wants to be told what to do but unless you’re persistent and absolutely rock solid she won’t give you a chance. She has a list of “go to” repellent lines which scare most men away quickly.
I would not be afraid to get her a little angry at first. Hell she probably will no matter what you say anyways.
Laugh at her anger if you must.
You might even have to give it right back at her. Who knows, maybe she primed for a “heated discussion.
Here’s an example:
HER: I’m sorry I’m not interested in meeting a guy like YOU. Go away!
YOU: So you’ve given up guys completely. Interesting.
HER: No. Just guys like you.
YOU: Been turned down way too many times huh?
HER: Excuse me I’m turning you down. I NEVER get turned down.
YOU: Maybe you just don’t try hard enough.
Another tip for her is to yes, definitely be cocky with a little humor, and never apologize when you do in fact piss her off.
I understand how challenging this woman can be.
Reverse the challenge and get her to qualify herself to you and you’ll break through her persona much quicker.
It’s also easier with a woman like this because of her emotional highness makes it an easy transition something different called “sexual tension.”
If you insist on approaching these types of women, make sure you ave the “cocky comedy” routine down and polished. Study from these two sources: Cocky Comedy Techniques and Meeting Women in Bars and Clubs from David DeAngelo. They’re the best.
In my opinion, this challenging woman gets boring quickly. Once I managed to open up a few, I rarely liked what was underneath but hey that’s for you to decide.
The good news is, if you can break through this persona, a pleasant smiling woman will come more natural and easy to you.
7. She’s out with her girlfriends and it’s a girls night out. No guys are allowed.
Tough one because you’re going to have to first get past her girlfriends to get to her. The most obvious strategy is to find the weakest link in her group.
I hate to say weakest link but it’s basically the one girl who is having the most fun and is more noticeably the sociable one of the group.
She’s your ticket IN, so to speak.
Encourage others to join in the discussion of your approach.
Introduce yourself quickly and learn ALL their names.
The most important part to remember in approaching women in groups is that only the strongest outgoing personalities can pull it off.
A Wingman will also help you in this situation. This is a stage like presentation and where you don’t have to interest them all, or put on a magic act, you MUST make a good impression and get them interacting with you quickly.
If you attempt a storytelling routine you’ll probably lose their interest quickly.
They are NOT there to listen to your stories.
They are there to escape from everyday life, catch up with their friends, and avoid any outside drama forced upon them.
Consider that your primary purpose.
The best part of approaching a group of women is that most men are scared shitless to bother trying. Just walking up to them confidently shows you have balls, courage, and care little to what others might think about you.
Once that first few seconds are over and you’re in… trust me you are IN.
The hardest part is knowing what to do next, which we’re not going to cover today.
8. She has boyfriend and is in a steady relationship. She wants to avoid any undue drama.
Seriously. I’m not touching THIS with a ten foot pole. 🙂
9. She’s married to a jealous guy who always pops up at the worst time.
Nope. Not going there too.
Women with jealous married husbands are off limits.
10. She’s dating me and knows every so-called trick in the book.
Honestly I’ve had lots of girlfriends who were and are approached by lots of guys.
Have fun with it. 🙂
Approaching the seemingly un-approachable women is not tough.
Stay away from the last three, follow some or all the common tips above and never get discouraged.
The tough persona is not impossible to get through and the worst it can be is a great learning experience.
If you fail, do NOT take it personal!
Understand all the reasons why some women just don’t want to be approached, and make sure you have some of the basics covered and just keep doing it. Eventually you’ll break through a few.