Men like to stare. It’s no secret.
So How DO you deal with guys always checking you out, but never approaching or worse yet – just plain staring at you with that creepy look in their eyes?
Let’s face it – you don’t want them all to talk to you. You’d not only never get anything done or get anywhere, but you’re just not interested in some of them.
You can snub them. Give them a dirty look. Never look them in the eyes. Turn your back and keep your distance.
I’ve seen lots of women do that. Honestly all that does is either piss them off or switch on their “challenge trigger.” If that’s okay with you then go for it.
You can smile at the guys you want to talk to. You can hope they get hint. You can flip back your hair, rub your thighs, walk very slowly by them and wink – but let’s be honest here – that scares away lots of men because they’re just not mentally (or sometimes physically) prepared to meet you.
It seems you have a few choices:
You noticed a guy is staring at you and you’re a little curious:
- Engage him with your eyes, keep your body language open, and hope for the best.
- Avoid being surrounded by your girlfriends and set yourself up in a public but discreet area. Men are less likely to approach woman in a very public place.
- Do NOT bury your head or fingers in your phone. If you have to keep busy remember to look up once in a while. Men need the right opportunity to get on with their business.
- Smile softly. Laugh with your friends and then go ahead and give him a quick look.
- Learn to make a good first impression – Make A Good First Impression With Men
You just got a creepy look from a guy and the last thing you want is to give him an opening to come to you:
- Discourage the unwanted by avoiding eye contact, hide yourself discreetly, or perhaps even surround yourself with people you know.
- Position your body away from him and keep yourself in a very public place. If he has to declare his approach to you which will put him on the spot publicly, he’ll be less likely to get up the nerve.
- Grab a book, a phone, a pen, any sort of prop which can keep your attention occupied so he believes you’re extremely busy.
- If you’re with your friends laugh often and NEVER look his way no matter how hard it is. I understand that’s difficult but I know you can do it.
Men (typically)stare at you (women) because they’re experiencing some sort of attraction towards you. At “Why Do Guys…?” you can find a more in-depth meaning behind it all here –> If Men Are Always Looking At You – What Does It Mean?
Basically, to a guy, it feels good to experience attraction and since our physical attraction can be felt from just a quick glance of you – we will allow ourselves to stare often.
How long or how intently, or how it’s done depends on the guy and his situation in life.
Now that you understand why, how to either avoid him approaching you or give him the okay to come over, we must talk a little about something called your self-conscious thoughts or your projections of your self-image.
People with high social anxiety tend to over think and believe even in a very crowded area, not only is everyone staring at them, but more importantly they are being judged by those very same eyes.
It has been proven we are born with a feature or instinct and we use this ability to protect ourselves. As very lightly told by these two out sourced posts:
- Is Everyone Really Staring At You? (Popular Science)
- Are people really staring at you? (The University Of Sidney)
For some us that instinct proves to be socially harmful because it enhances our anxiety and causes us to either believe people are judging us.
When I was a much less confident person I believed people were seeing the bad in me. The terribly matched clothes. The ugliness in me. The pathetic hippy nerd with no real ability with women.
Funny how we take what see in ourselves and project them onto the leering eyes. Which is why it is often called “Projection.”
When I became more confident in myself suddenly people were not staring at me – they were either believing I was famous, recognizable but not known, or for women, they were suddenly attracted to me and were caught actually fantasizing about me.
The projection I experienced changed from one of a negative belief of myself and being judged, to a positive, often attractive, view of me from afar.
From a look of disgust to admiration based solely on what I believed about myself. From a pathetic meaningless existence to a handsome sexy guy with way too many women admirers.
I firmly believe if you want to know how to deal with guys staring you must first understand how you’re projecting your image and seeing yourself through what you believe is their eyes. When in reality you have no idea what they are thinking.
Now of course, you’re going to be right from time to time. If it’s that obvious a guy was staring at your ass then he probably was AND it’s because you do have a lovely butt.
But when you can’t see how others might find you attractive this whole staring business becomes something you have to deal with.
You can see it as a compliment, albeit not a clever one, or an indication you ARE approachable, or any positive thing about yourself OR you can choose to deal with it negatively by secluding yourself in your negative thoughts about yourself – thus enhancing your social anxiety.
Obviously, sometimes this is beyond your direct control. So how doyou deal with it:
By doing whatever you can to increase how you feel about yourself and suddenly those stares will not mean so much anymore. Perhaps you won’t even notice them anymore. Perhaps you’ll walk a little taller when one of those really cute guys catches your eyes and you find yourself giggling inside.
However you choose to deal with the stares – however you choose to see them – never forget your internal beliefs will ALWAYS be projected on to the thoughts of others AND everyone, everywhere, in every social environment, are experiencing the same thing you are.
Just as you project your image – they too project their image on to you.