Men like to stare. It’s no secret. So How DO you deal with guys always checking you out, but never approaching you to start a conversation or worse yet – just plain staring at you with that oh-so-creepy look in their eyes?
Let’s face it – you don’t want them all to talk to you. You’d not only never get anything done or get anywhere, but you’re just NOT interested in meeting them let alone talking to some of them.
You can snub them.
Give them a dirty look.
Never look them in the eyes.
Turn your back and keep your distance.
I’ve seen lots of women do that. Honestly all that does is either piss them off or switch on their “challenge trigger.”
If that’s okay with you then go for it.
You can smile at the guys you want to talk to or would them to approach you. You can hope they get hint. You can flip back your hair, rub your thighs, walk very slowly by them and wink – but let’s be honest here – that scares away lots of men because they’re just not mentally (or sometimes physically) prepared to meet you.
It seems you have a few choices based on the outcome YOU want to happen.
Here they are… Let’s say:
You noticed a guy is staring at you and you’re a little curious:
(Meaning you do want to meet him or have him approach you.)
- Engage him with your eyes, keep your body language open, and hope for the best.
- Avoid being surrounded by your girlfriends and set yourself up in a public but discreet area. Men are less likely to approach woman in a very public place.
- Do NOT bury your head or fingers in your phone. If you have to keep busy remember to look up once in a while. Men need the right opportunity to get on with their business.
- Smile softly. Laugh with your friends and then go ahead and give him a quick look.
- Learn to make a good first impression – Make A Good First Impression With Men
You just got a creepy look from a guy and the last thing you want is to give him an opening to come to you:
(Meaning you DO NOT want to meet him or give him any encouragement to approach you or talk to you.)
- Discourage the unwanted by avoiding eye contact, hide yourself discreetly, or perhaps even surround yourself with people you know.
- Position your body away from him and keep yourself in a very public place. If he has to declare his approach to you which will put him on the spot publicly, he’ll be less likely to get up the nerve.
- Grab a book, a phone, a pen, any sort of prop which can keep your attention occupied so he believes you’re extremely busy.
- If you’re with your friends laugh often and NEVER look his way no matter how hard it is. I understand that’s difficult but I know you can do it.
- Basically do the opposite you would do in the case above.
Men (typically)stare at you (women) because they’re experiencing some sort of attraction towards you.
(At “Why Do Guys…?” you can find a more in-depth meaning behind it all here, If Men Are Always Looking At You – What Does It Mean?)
Basically, to a guy, it feels good to experience attraction and since our physical attraction can be felt from just a quick glance of you – we will allow ourselves to stare all too often.
How long or how intently, or how it’s done depends on the guy and his situation in life.
Now that you understand why, how to either avoid him approaching you or give him the okay to come over…
Let’s talk a little about something called your self-conscious thoughts or your projections of your self-image.
People with high social anxiety tend to over think and believe even in a very crowded area, not only is everyone staring at them, but more importantly they are being judged by those very same eyes.
It has been proven we are born with this feature or instinct and use this ability to protect ourselves. As very lightly told by these two out sourced posts:
- Is Everyone Really Staring At You? (Popular Science)
- Are people really staring at you? (The University Of Sidney)
For some that instinct unfortunately proves to be socially harmful because it enhances your anxiety and causes you to sometimes believe or feel others are constantly judging you..
Take me for example…
When I was a much less confident person I believed people were only ever seeing the bad in me. How bad my clothes matched. How ugly I was. Or just a pathetic hippy nerd with no real ability with women.
Every negative thought I had about myself made me believe and feel like that was what they were seeing when they looked at me or just saw me.
People often take what they see in themselves and project those feelings onto the leering eyes.
Which is why it is often called “Projection”.
However – the proof…
When I became more confident in myself suddenly people were not staring at me – they were either believing I was famous, recognizable but not known, or for women, they were suddenly attracted to me and were caught actually fantasizing about me.
Changing how I felt myself suddenly changed how others saw me and therefore my new projection was that of a positive thing and not a negative judgment against me.
From a look of disgust to admiration based solely on what I believed about myself.
From a pathetic meaningless existence to a handsome sexy guy with way too many women admirers.
If you want to know how to deal with guys staring you must first understand how you’re projecting your image and seeing yourself through what you believe is their eyes.
When in reality you have no idea what they are thinking.
Now of course, you’re going to be right from time to time.
If it’s that obvious a guy was staring at your ass then he probably was AND it’s probably because you do have a lovely butt and he finds it attractive. It suits he eye.
But when you can’t see how others might find you attractive this whole staring business “suddenly” becomes something you have to deal with.
You can see it as a compliment, albeit not a clever one, or an indication you ARE approachable, or any positive thing about yourself OR you can choose to deal with it negatively by secluding yourself in your negative thoughts about yourself – thus enhancing your social anxiety.
Obviously, sometimes this is beyond your direct control.
So how do you deal with it?
By doing whatever you can to increase how you feel about yourself and suddenly those stares will not mean so much anymore.
Perhaps you won’t even notice them anymore.
Perhaps you’ll walk a little taller when one of those really cute guys catches your eyes and you find yourself giggling inside.
However you choose to deal with the stares – however you choose to see them – never forget your internal beliefs will ALWAYS be projected on to the thoughts of others AND everyone, everywhere, in every social environment, are experiencing the same thing you are.
Just as you project your image – they too project their image on to you.
No one is exempt from the internal thoughts and responses which come from other people’s stares.
Your self-conscious thoughts will tend to project on to them how you feel about yourself which means – YOU have every means at your disposal to handle those stares and to deal with those guys based on them too.
It goes both ways.
You must first of course know what you want from the situation.
There are generally two things you want to happen.
You’re either being stared at and you want some of those guys (or even just one) to approach you, meet you, or start a conversation with you.
You’re tired of being gawked at by strange creepy guys and you want to know how to stop it from happening.
The list above of what to do is general. Most of the time it works but it’s probably not something you don’t do instinctively or know how to do anyways.
Which leaves you with the last option.
In EITHER case – your projections, your self-conscious thoughts, how you feel about yourself, how you see yourself is the most effective way to deal with guys staring.
The ones who do matter – who you DO want to talk to – will see an open woman who is approachable. Who is confident, secure, and ready to meet new guys.
The ones who don’t matter – and you wish to stop them from staring at you – well unfortunately, aside from not looking back or ignoring them – or secluding yourself from their prying eyes – they’re going to stare.
It’s kind of what creepy guys do.
You’re now left with once again – your projections, your self-conscious thoughts, how you feel about yourself, how you see yourself is the most effective way to deal with guys staring at you…
Because it’s practically guaranteed that they better more confident, aware, and how great you feel about yourself means those weird strange guy stares won’t make a difference at all to you.
You simply won’t let them affect you anymore which leaves them powerless and makes their stares less bothersome. It just won’t matter anymore to you.
That about covers today’s episode of the secret dirty truth about men. Hope you found the answer you were searching for and it has helped you gain a better insight into men, yourself, the projections you make, and how you see yourself is generally how others will see and respond to you too.
PLUS – of course – how to make sure that any negative feelings you’re having about some weird dude staring at you does not have to affect you anymore.
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“Identifying your “limiting beliefs” and the common situations with men that create them.
But don’t worry… you’re not strange, messed up or weird. We’ve all been there. You most likely took on these self-defeating beliefs to try and deal with the pain you felt, and to help make sense of it all.”