You must know that it’s pretty difficult to judge what a guy’s THINKING from the way he’s ACTING.
Just about every woman I know – client or friend – has griped at some point about “guy talk” and how men frequently seem to actively mask their true intent with bizarre and misleading actions and behaviors.
Some of the most common complaints that I hear:
– They hang out in large, blokey groups while “on the pull”, and indulge in chugging games, belching, and catcalling (while honestly believing that they’re really trying hard to attract a woman.)
– They try to portray themselves as “players“, whose major claim to fame is an ability to seduce any woman they want.
– They try to flirt with you by using toilet humor and making themselves the butt of jokes (hardly the stuff of romance novels!)
– They assure a woman that they’re interested in a committed and loving relationship – and then disappear the next morning.
– They act aloof and disinterested around a woman they like – when in FACT, they’re just intimidated by her beauty, charm, or intelligence.
There are soooo many different ways that men inadvertently confuse us women!
And it’s not just CONFUSION that’s the issue here. In fact, some men can act in ways that actually TURN WOMEN OFF.
After all, who’s actually attracted to a modern-day Don Juan, a self-deprecating bad flirt, or an ‘I’m-above-it-all’ King of Cool?
The saddest part?
Most of these guys aren’t even doing it on purpose. Usually, these behaviors are being used as an ego shield – something to hide their REAL personality (and insecurities) behind.
But does the average woman have any clue that this is what he’s up to?
Of course not!
She just gets confused, disgruntled, and – ultimately – discouraged by his apparent lack of interest, lack of subtlety, or cavalier approach to sexual love.
So how do you get a guy to drop the act and just be his REAL SELF?
How do you get him to ditch the facade and get authentic about who he really is – and what he really wants?
How are you supposed to figure him out, if he can’t even be straight up about the most basic things??
Fortunately, the power IS in your hands.
By including just a few tried-and-true methods in your bag of social tricks, you can set him at ease and get him to relax enough to reveal his truth.
(By ‘his truth’, I mean his sense of authenticity … his real personality, who he REALLY is, and what he REALLY wants.)
Incidentally, being your authentic self is an INCREDIBLY attractive characteristic to possess.
But it’s not easy – most of us have been brought up to act and behave in a certain way. We’ve been taught to mask parts of ourselves that others might find unattractive.
When you’re able to be your true, honest self, and embrace CLARITY in your personality and life, everything literally just seems to fall into place. Life becomes much easier – and you’ll finally start attracting the kind of men who are prepared to love the REAL YOU.
I can point you towards a fantastic course that’ll teach you how to attract the right kind of man for you, and make him love you, trust you, and ultimately commit to you…
You’ll find that course right here:
But enough of that for now…
Let’s take a look at the 3 main problem-male personas that women who are active on the dating scene face.
1. The Player – Wanna Be (or Not) Pick Up Artist.
This is the guy who prides himself on his ability to insinuate himself into the pants of just about any woman he chooses.
He thinks that because he knows how to manipulate a woman into liking him, through using certain behaviors and patterns of speech, then he’s “successful” with women – and with life in general.
After all, he’s living every guy’s most primal dream: he can sleep with a different gorgeous woman every night of the week if he feels like it.
(At least, this is what he tells his friends.)
You might hear this guy being referred to by his mates as a “pick-up artist”.
He might have a “wing-man”, somebody who he goes out picking up girls with.
This “wing-man” will frequently introduce his player friend in a rehearsed manner that promotes the player’s “high value” as a man.
“Hey, this is my friend Brad. He dated Miss November. Nice!”
“Check out this picture of Ashley’s last girlfriend – how HOT is THAT?”
(Cue carefully-chosen photograph of said player with a beautiful woman in a bikini.)
If the player is skilled, these little “routines” will be done in a way that skillfully, deliberately piques your curiosity. The average woman isn’t expecting a man to have the nous to
manipulate her so subtly – so she falls for the bait, every time.
The point of these ‘player strategies’ is to make you think that he’s not affected by your own particular brand of beauty or charm … that you’re nothing special, and that, in fact, you’ll be lucky to get him.
Through their literature, these PUAs have told him that, in order to get past YOUR “bitch-shield” that you naturally possess as an attractive woman, he has to demonstrate to you that you are nothing special to him.
Because you’re used to being pursued by desperate, supplicating men (as the popular theory goes), this lack of interest will intrigue you, and you’ll begin to wonder why he’s not chasing after you.
Before you know it, you’ll actually be chasing HIM – all because he didn’t demonstrate any interest in you at first, and made it clear that plenty of other women are interested in him.
He’s manipulated you. Another success for the PUAs.
But not if you’re smart!
You can cut through all this crap by not playing along with his silly games.
After all, you’re not interested in dating a player (that is, a man who’s interested in you for the CHALLENGE you present to him, not the woman that you are.)
You’re interested in dating a real MAN – someone who’s prepared to prove to you that he’s interesting and worthy of your interest, but who is ALSO self-confident enough to require that YOU be interesting to HIM.
If you know a player, and you think he could be worth the effort – as in, he’s not just some chump who knows how to seduce females, but a genuinely intelligent, creative man who’s just headed in the wrong direction romantically – here’s what you can do:
GIVE HIM ONE CHANCE, AND ONE CHANCE ONLY.
The moment a guy starts behaving in ways that you feel might be a trick to “get” you to feel or act a certain way …
For example, he might use the “Photo Routine”, which is where he shows you a stack of ‘holiday pics’ interspersed with photos of himself posing with other beautiful women (goal: to get you to feel jealous, and see him as a desirable guy)
Or he might try to ‘neg’ you, which is where he recognizes that you are probably ‘higher value’ than him, and attempts to equalize your social status by subtly putting you down verbally (for example, telling you that you’ve got something in your ear when you don’t) …
Remember that the aim of his “player” behavior is to prove to you that HE is the ‘catch’ here – more than you.
He wants to manipulate you into thinking that he’s actually doing you a favor by allowing you the opportunity to become interested in him.
Why is he trying to manipulate you like this?
To make it easier for him to hook up with you, of course.
He thinks that if YOU think he’s a real ‘catch’, you’re not going to shoot him down. End of story.
He doesn’t know that he doesn’t need to act like this to get your attention.
If you keep cool and don’t play into his games by becoming flustered, emotionally wrought, or jealous, then YOU keep the upper hand, YOU intrigue HIM, and YOU WIN.
2. The Inappropriate Humorist – Humor with no Respect.
This is the guy whose primary mission is to make you like him by making you laugh.
This is an admirable goal, and he’s got one thing right – laughter is definitely the key to a woman’s heart. If he can make you laugh, he’s usually worth hanging out with. Kudos to him for figuring this out.
However, this particular humorist is making one huge mistake: he doesn’t understand that, to get the girl, you need to couple HUMOR with RESPECT.
When you’re dealing with a guy who laughs at himself, invites you to laugh along AT HIM, and uses inappropriate humor like scatology (toilet humor) to get you giggling, he’s got a self-esteem issue.
He doesn’t understand that you can have a woman in stitches … but, if she’s laughing AT you, all the humor in the world isn’t going to unlock her romantic potential.
Guys who make this mistake are usually just really, really nervous. They want to impress you.
They want to make you laugh, and they want you to like them.
Their nerves make them choose the ‘easiest’ route to this goal – CLOWNING AROUND.
What you need to do in order to allow his true self to shine through is to build up his self-esteem where you are concerned. You need to make it clear that he’s a likable guy WITHOUT the use of inappropriate humor.
The best way to do this is to NOT call direct attention to his lack of humorous finesse (which would just make him MORE nervous) but to use a simple and highly effective technique known as “positive reinforcement training.”
Ironically, this is a strategy that’s actually been developed by animal trainers.
I’m not implying that men are like animals – but this ‘training’ method WORKS.
The concept is centered around REWARDING the behavior that you like (with the validation he’s searching for – a giggle or a smile) and IGNORING the behavior that you don’t like.
So, when he cracks a dumb joke, or tries to make you laugh at something that is not funny, don’t force a laugh. Don’t frown. Don’t ask him why he thinks that’s funny.
SIMPLY DO NOT REACT.
This is actually the most effective thing you can do.
To this kind of guy, NO attention is much worse than NEGATIVE attention.
So by ignoring his unfunny or inappropriate jokes, you’re sending a clear message that that kind of behavior is unwanted, and won’t help him get to know you better.
When you contrast the coldness of your withdrawal of attention with the pleasure he gets from your laughter reaction when he DOES do something worthy of a positive reaction (like making a genuinely funny joke, not making himself the butt of jokes)… he’ll catch on very quickly.
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT (reward what you like, ignore what you don’t like) is what will help him to realize that it’s his normal, relaxed, at-ease self that’s attractive … not his tense, jittery, clowning-around self.
3. Aloof/Disinterested. Pretending not to Care or Into You.
Sometimes, it’s hard to tell whether a guy genuinely isn’t interested – or whether he’s simply shy!
If you feel like there’s a spark there, but you just can’t seem to break past those boundaries, you need to suss out whether it’s true indifference or just shyness that’s raising the barriers.
The best way to do this is to get the bit between your teeth, and strike up a conversation with him.
Making this effort yourself, instead of waiting and hoping for HIM to do it, makes ALL the difference when it comes to figuring out what’s behind his coolness.
If he’s just shy, you’ll need to give him a few moments to warm up. Have a couple of questions prepared beforehand in case he’s a ‘listener’ rather than a ‘talker’ – and make sure they’re open-ended questions (ones that can’t be answered
with a straight yes/no.)
Once you’ve asked him 3 questions or so, you’re engaged in an official conversation – which is a prime opportunity for him to relax and see that his shyness isn’t scaring you off, after all.
And if he’s not loosening up and his demeanor’s not changing? Then that means one thing: simply that he’s not interested.
If he’s a nice person, he’ll still go along with the conversation – but don’t be fooled into thinking that ‘politeness’ equals ‘attraction’.
All the conversation in the world won’t make a bit of difference if that spark’s missing – and trust me, you can tell when it’s there and when it’s not.
If in doubt, simply remember this basic fact:
If he’s truly and genuinely attracted to you, YOU’LL FEEL IT.
Let’s consider what was covered today about these three types of men and what they mean or how they fit into your dating life.
Part of me wants to assume that if you’re meeting these types of guys it means two things:
You’re out there trying which is wonderful and commendable.
BUT you’re also starting to feel there are NO GOOD MEN out there who are single and actively dating.
This might be causing you to dig deeper and find a way to get through to the “fake” guys because you’re hoping there’s a real man underneath all the nonsense AND…
If you could just bring that REAL guy out of him you’d solve this dating problem once and for all.
AND you’ll finally meet a great guy for you.
Seems to me then you have a lot of amazing things going for you.
You’re willing to try.
You’re putting yourself out there despite all the risks of dating a jerk.
You’re hopeful and unwilling to let a guy fool you into thinking or believing he’s really that bad of a guy.
Unfortunately that very same TRUST and niceness you posses (which are certainly attractive traits and you know it just because guys don’t seem to be looking for it) you’re now starting to suspect is getting in your way and is stopping you from finding the relationship you deserve.
But it’s NOW getting in your way, this I know for a fact therefore you must solve this problem you’re having in dating men from an entirely different angle.
The angle you’re missing is gaining the right knowledge, skills and ability to be authentic, creative, and irresistibly attractive.
Getting a guy is NOT about catching him.
It’s all about freeing yourself from your past limitations and getting in touch with your most attractive self, and letting this guide you to living the lifestyle of your wildest dreams.
HOW to do that and so much more is all covered in my Get A Guy Guide and despite what the cover or title says you’re taught and shown through real exercises how you can guide YOURSELF and okay… get the guy.
Your approach so far has not worked and that pains me to say.
You may have achieved success in other endeavors in your life, like your career and your friends, but your relationships have remained the great unknown.
Now it’s time to find out what YOU can do to empower and prepare yourself for the right man and relationship when it comes along.
Rather than focusing on finding out what men want, finding out what men do wrong, and finding ways to trick them into wanting you, I want to teach you methods to develop your attitude and inner attraction so that you are able to see attraction when it happens, and know how to maintain it.
Do you want to simply observe your love life, or do you want to participate?
If you are serious about making positive changes in your approach to men and getting to the bottom of attraction, my book is essential to helping you move forward.
Everybody has areas in their life that they feel they can improve on or wish they could do better, and the fundamental first step is in believing that change is possible.
- Do you want to discover more about the kind of man you want?
- Do you want to recognize the ideal man when he comes along?
- Do you want to let go of the baggage and misconceptions that have previously held you back?
- Do you want to learn how to attract the right type of man into your life?
- Do you want to learn how to develop the right mindset that is going to draw men to you in a way you have never experienced?
- When you do attract him, do you want to know when to take it to the next level without jeopardizing your chances?
- Do you want to know what to expect from him, and what he expects from you in return, when you are in a relationship?
Yes, yes, yes, and YES!
Of course you do.
YOUR next step is to read this guide.
Take the game-playing out of dating, stop wasting your time on jerks, players, rude humorists, and guy who only act like they uninterested in you when you KNOW they are…
Thanks for listening… Your Friend:
Mirabelle Summers from Meet Your Sweet.
You can find more great advice and tips: Mirabelle Summers – Using Your Best Asset to Attract Men – Yourself