Laws of Attraction #4: Eliminating the halo effect to eliminate approval seeking, give value to yourself, & to maintain high status.
It’s been noted in the last few posts that good-looking people tend to have more advantages over the rest.
Below is a short explanation of how it happens which will lead to another rule of attraction. This will make it extremely helpful to becoming a more attractive person by eliminating some common obstacles to overcome…
Approval seeking – A comparative devaluing of oneself – A lowered status – The appearance of being needy.
The most common reasons to this advantage is called the halo effect. A term coined by psychologist Edwin Thorndike in 1920.
“The halo effect is a cognitive bias that occurs when an initial positive judgment about a person unconsciously colors the perception of the individual as a whole.
When forming a first impression, observing an initial attractive feature—perhaps beauty or strength—can make the person appealing, making it difficult to revise that impression based on new or opposing information. For example, an attractive individual may also be perceived as interesting, ambitious, or funny.”
The perception of attractiveness, fame, or wealth certainly does open more doors to those who are perceived to have it; this is without question and needs no other explanation.
The unfortunate outcome of this effect happens when one individual is under it, giving the person emitting the halo, higher status – thereby the latter relinquishes or lowers their status in the process.
This happens as sort of an exchange which can be often seen from the “better looking” as approval seeking and more.
It sounds complicated as stated but it’s not.
When one seeks the approval of another consistently, they will always be seen as less attractive, needy, and as having lower status.
All those combined can make anyone less attractive because of the lower value they place on themselves, along with the conveyance of being needy and seeking approval coupled with this lowered sense of value.
Value is EXTREMELY important when attracting another because we give more value to something we work harder to get, and any lessening of the value equates to being easy to get or not worth a real effort to be with that person.
This all means – When the halo effect is obviously given to another, we might seek their approval and instantly convey lower status which decreases our value, making us much less attractive.
Can this Halo Effect be completely eliminated from us or will we always be prone to its effect?
Some say yes, some say no. That’s open for debate.
However, what is clearly NOT debatable and has been proven over time, rather than trying to eradicate a human condition which appears to be ingrained within us…
The far better more productive approach is to assure:
- One does not seek the approval of another under ANY circumstance.
- One must never devalue themselves by comparison, whether it be health, wealth, fame, or a physical attractiveness.
- One maintains equal status and never offers up this status as an exchange for attention, love, intimacy, or even friendship.
If all that is achieved competently through inner work – the actions of that person will negate the power of the halo effect, and make that person more attractive to others who – as you might have guessed it:
Seek YOUR approval, devalue themselves, and offer up their status in exchange for attention, love, intimacy, of friendship.
This rule is VERY important in becoming a more attractive person, and since it’s maintained or achieved through inner work PLUS a communication of that inner work to others practically guarantees a measurable success when practiced and performed correctly.
Let’s lightly dig into each one and see how they can be overcome and then used to attract another.
Say these words to yourself out loud and you will know exactly what it means and why it’s such an unattractive trait.
“Please like me because without you I am nothing. I base my role and effect in this world on how others see me. I do not feel whole by myself, I NEED another to complete me.”
When your self-esteem is directly tied to how others perceive you and when you don’t feel complete unless others approve or like you, then attracting another becomes something else. That “something else” will ALWAYS be unhealthy and non-productive.
Now it’s clear what MUST happen to eliminate approval seeking although it’s not always easy to do and takes time:
Build your self-esteem.
Understand and learn the true effect you DO have on the world and take responsibility for ALL your actions, thoughts, and emotional states.
Complete yourself and find a way to feel complete in many other areas of your life outside of relationships.
Unwind the connection between how others see you and how you see yourself objectively.
Sure – sometimes others will see something about you that you will not, and that view can be helpful in life, but – OBJECTIFICATION of yourself is a skill which must be researched, learned, and experienced to its fullest capacity.
There are NO shortcuts.
Value or self-worth.
“The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.”
When you feel deserving of something which is outside of jealousy, pettiness, and a superficial need to feel like you are owed something “just because” then you attain of high value of yourself.
When you understand and realize the importance you have in the world, regardless of size or reach – you’ll feel a strong high value of self.
When you conceptualize the effect you have in the world – regardless of proportion or size of that effect – you’ll maintain a strong sense of self-worth.
You ARE important.
You ARE useful.
You CAN be helpful.
You HAVE something to give and do so without expectation of something in return.
You CAN receive and accept help and fully recognize the usefulness of others.
You are not so easily swayed or convinced.
The actions you take come from those beliefs you hold closely and then, and only then, will you proceed.
This is not the whole of holding yourself with high value, but it forms the basis and foundation of it, so it’s a very good start.
Everyone is selfish. We must be that way to a certain extent. It is an irremovable piece of our existence and functionality in the world we perceive.
However – don’t confuse these necessary forms of selfishness with self-worth and high value. They do meet and intersect at some points but they are NOT the same.
The more selfish you become – the less attractive you will be!
Status is often characterized or given scale (ratings) through our social interactions we encounter and how they are played out, yet there’s more complexity within it most fail to see or recognize.
It’s an integral part for everyone regardless of population size or the constructs of that population.
Even a human who finds himself living alone on a island devoid of humans can be found searching and scaling the status or level of comparison to what is encountered everyday.
One’s social life is not constricted to just humans.
You give that plant on your desk a lower status than you. You rate your pet as having higher status over the plant. The objects you use along with the tools that help you are given status based on their usefulness.
Once that is understood, then it becomes clear STATUS can be given, taken, accepted, relinquished, and even unaccepted unilaterally in a group.
Social status is the confinement or strict definition of how it is related to other people. Here’s a great definition:
“In sociology or anthropology, social status is the honor or prestige attached to one’s position in society. It may also refer to a rank or position that one holds in a group, for example son or daughter, playmate, pupil, etc.
Social status, the position or rank of a person or group within the society, can be determined two ways.
One can earn their social status by their own achievements, which is known as achieved status.
Alternatively, one can be placed in the stratification system by their inherited position, which is called ascribed status.
Achieved statuses meaning also what the individual acquires during his or her lifetime as a result of the exercise of knowledge, ability, skill and/or perseverance.
Occupation provides an example of status that may be either ascribed or achieved, it can be achieved by one gaining the right knowledge and skill to become socially positioned into a higher position of that job; building a persons social identity within the occupation.”
These differences and similarities (universal status and social) are in part where your attractiveness to others is made and offers a reasonable logical explanation and the means to assure it is not given or taken lightly, especially, as noted above, as an exchange for attention, love, intimacy, or friendship.
Status is in essence a RATING system to help our brains categorize the world around us which in turn makes it easier (arguable helpful) in determining where we fit in that world.
We CAN choose to not follow a rating system.
We can choose to not categorize the world around us outside of scientific discovery and educational purposes.
We can choose to accept that everything in the world is equal and deserved in its own right to exist.
But that’s not usually enough and most fight these concepts because they feel superior to that of which isn’t capable doing or being something more.
In the mindset of any feelings of being superior or better or more capable or less than or greater than is where STATUS has its greatest strength to lessen the attractiveness of anyone who CHOOSES to think that way.
Eliminate to the best of your ability this “rating” system…
Refuse to exchange your status for something in return for that of which you can supply yourself internally…
Adopt the mindset that equality is not something you grant another, be it a rock or the person on the street dressed in shabby clothes, AND it’s not something which can be granted to you too by another….
Equality is a GIVEN and a CONSTANT and should be treated as such being no different than what makes a perfect math problem eloquent, simple, and beautiful.
This mindset or attitude if you prefer that term, is the mark of an attractive person because without exchange of status, not only does one avoid giving it up, one also refrains from giving it in exchange for something which can be achieved internally.
The “Halo Effect” may not be avoidable, it may be ingrained in our subconscious, it very well may be one of the many human conditions which in today’s society can cause more harm than good, especially with regards to being an attractive person…
However – the strength of its affect can be negated, and when that is achieved in even the smallest ways, will certainly be seen as an attractive trait reversing and giving that individual a Halo that is not used as such, but is shared.