There are several types of women – which one are you?
Are you the type who doesn’t have any luck meeting guys?
Maybe you’re the one who can meet them but they never really do it for you?
Do you go on date after date only leaving frustrated because sometime during the date you decided – this guy has some serious issues!!!
So you might ask,
“Where is the advice for women who have no problems attracting men but they’re just not the type of guys I really want anyways?”
Maybe you just meet losers or guys who are more than willing to give you everything you want – and they’ve only known for you fifteen minutes.
(I heard you loud and clear on the loser thing so read these two articles if that’s a problem for you: Why Do Some Guys Turn Into Losers AFTER You Start Dating Them? and this one about the guys you’re meeting and how to handle them better: How To Get 3 Types Of Guys To Be Themselves & Lose The Game Playing Attitude.)
You know THEM all too well.
He’ll show up at your door dressed up holding flowers to hide the desperate look on his face. He feels so lucky to have this chance to wine and dine you he wouldn’t dare disagree with anything you say.
And of course if you show any kind of displeasure from the moment he’s more than willing to make it all better for you.
But first he needs to figure out what’s wrong with you… every second of the date as he constantly asks,
“Is the food alright? How’s your drink? Are you okay? You look bored. What’s wrong? Did you have a bad day? How was work?”
Makes you want to rip your hair out, doesn’t it?
Makes you want to go home and beat your pillow senseless.
So you just go home and fall asleep with the tv flickering on – because it feels less lonely than a quiet dark room… and you think:
“Why can’t I just find a “normal” man!!!”
But not just any “normal” guy.
He has to do something to you mentally and physically. He has to make you feel something – anything! He has to at least know what the hell he is doing from time to time with you.
And most of all – he has to enjoy a life of his own and at least know how to fake his confidence when he’s around you.
But think about all this for a second…let’s go in a different direction.
Have you ever thought about how the man feels?
He believes YOU have all the choices.
He thinks all you have to do to find a guy is show up somewhere and smile.
And maybe he’s half right.
He finds it’s completely unfair the he’s the one stuck doing all the work…while you sit and complain about every other guy who’s the nicest one on the world – but you just don’t want “them.”
They just don’t understand how you can feel so little for someone who is willing to be more than any other guy you’ve ever been with before.
He’s not going to cheat on you.
He’s not going to forget your birthday.
He’s going to do the dishes and he never forgets to put the toilet seat down.
So on one end you have the single guy who rarely dates and even more rarely gets a second one.
On the other end you have single women with guys pleading for your attention but you only want the ones you can’t have or are considered to be “bad” for you.
The problem we’re ending up with is a ton of single people going down the same road, with the same attitude, with the same desperation but living what appears to be completely difference experiences.
The men get angry –
“She can have anyone she wants, what is she complaining about?”
Well if she can who ever she wants – why is she still single?
The women turn bitter –
“All the good guys are taken and even if I find one, he turns out to be the same old jerk I’ve dated before.”
Well if all the good ones are taken perhaps you’re only attracted to men who are not attainable.
Setting yourself up for failure.
For years and years I personally chased women who were in no way attracted to me. I had no clue on how to attract a what I believed was a more “beautiful” woman.
But even after I learned “how”, it still only increased my odds a little.
This was because I had so much self-doubt in my ability to have, keep, or please her – it just a became a lot easier to fail.
I knew how to handle failure.
I was a master at recovering from rejection.
It was this whole – “What do I do when I DO get it?” which quite literally drove me to set myself up each and every time to take the easy “rejection” way out.
This may go without saying but…
If you fear success more than failure you will ultimately fail or fail to get what you really want.
Just MAYBE you’re settling for second best because it’s easier and you know you can handle it.
In reality, this is my opinion… my belief… both fears are the same.
When you’re afraid of winning you’re afraid when you do win, you will also fail at THAT new experience. (As in how do you handle all this new success you found or you’ll question if you really deserve it.)
Am I sounding too deep for you? I won’t apologize because that’s just how you’re seeing it.
You’re reading so deep into it all and making it much more complex than it is.
You’re taking a simple problem and only increasing your anxiety making it almost impossible to grasp the simple truth behind it all.
And I can tell you (or any woman who has very little trouble attracting men, just not the ones you want) you’re doing the same thing with every “greater possibility man” you meet.
When you’re torn between a fear of failure and a deeper fear of success you will ultimately destroy and miss the tiny much simpler moments.
Not just any moment but the actual event where within a fraction of a second – something wonderful happens and if it often does if you’re not paying close attention.
It could be a real connection.
A mere smile.
A twinkle in his eye.
A flip back of your hair.
A soft handshake with meaning and a deeper hug with such great anticipation of something more.
A true sexual connection filled with so much chemistry it could have you landed back against the wall with your legs gripping his body tighter and tighter.
You know what I hate more than anything about my passion to help men and women find a relationship that works?
I fear giving it all away for free.
I do. I really do!
I feel like if I (without any regard to my financial success) give away my most passionate and inspiring secrets I’ll be relegated to a second-hand job taking away my freedom forever.
Sound familiar to your dating problem?
Afraid if you give it all away you’ll only find you can’t handle the success or something will take it all away from you anyways.
Or take away something more desirable to you. (Eventually having to settle for something or someone less because at least you know you can handler that.)
Sometimes that’s how those fears work.
That’s how they cripple you when those moments arrive.
Sending your mind racing elsewhere as every possible future event rushes through your mind in a flash.
The mere possibility of when you do go head over heals into some endeavor you don’t feel confident about the ending (like meeting a greater man) it’s not so much about missing the moment but what if he takes away something you are confident about…
And you, your mind, your body, your heart, and your every movement will do everything in its power to stop that from ever happening.
If you want to steer your fear in the right direction, use it for good. Use it the way it was meant to be used – to HELP you.
Use it by first not giving up on those moments where something can and will happen.
Because I can guarantee if you’re not getting the guys you really want you’re throwing away those moments which can change everything for you into an anxious moment filled with “what ifs” and self-doubt.
We’ve come a long way in what supposedly started out with a few a simple questions.
I maintain this for each and every woman who feels like you’re not ever going to meet the best man for you…
It’s not always about the fear of losing something so obvious.
Like for a successful woman it could be about losing her independence which leads her to giving up on those critical moments where the real magic could happen.
Sometimes it’s about a fear you’ll lose your identity when you do find that stronger man you so desire.
Sometimes it’s about setting yourself up to fail because you don’t feel confident enough to keep that better man in your life.
And sometimes it’s because men and women, each in their own self-sabotaging ways believe they have no control over the situation and staying single in the very least – means staying in control. Accepting complacency over risk.
When in reality IF both sexes believes and acts as if the other side has the advantage you unknowingly but sort-of willingly give up your control on the outcome of your dating life.
You’re meeting and attracting men – BUT you’re still SINGLE.
Is it the type of guys you’re meeting? They’re just not “doing” it for you.
Is it you – are certain fears always getting in the way? Self-sabotaging yourself at what seems to be “perfect timing” once again.
Do you blame it on just bad luck or circumstance?
Maybe you’re too busy and you find yourself constantly choosing career over a relationship.
Let me ask you this…
Do you believe you KNOW WHY but you just can not find a way to get past it. Like something is holding you back from moving up and on from wherever you feel you are right now.
The real question is then – if I haven’t touched upon your answer yet – if I haven’t given some perspective that made you think, “Yeah – you know – you’re right Pete.” – then where do you go from here?
How can this all be solved once and for all?
AND do I really have an answer for you so tomorrow EVERYTHING will be different for you?
The answer is YES…. and NO.
I have lots of answers as to why women are still single even though they would “prefer” not to be. Some of them are quite unique. Some of them are just basic… stuff. Some of them we covered today with all the fears and missing those important moments OR how it could be the type of guys you’re meeting – which then it’s obvious THAT can and should be changed immediately.
BUT are you ready to listen because I’m not one to hold back the dirty sordid details. Sometimes my mouth goes in overdrive and the TRUTH slips out.
How about the NO part.
The obvious is clear – I have no idea who you are or what your specific problem is and giving you advice simply becomes yet another quick tip article which can be helpful but tends to lead you someplace for the answer which you will either choose to follow or not OR chalk it off as another peddler pushing a quick fix when your heart is telling you – there’s more to my problem that can be fixed with a few words written on some page or in some video.
This all means I have to write for the masses and try to make it as personal as I can for you so it FEELS like it was written just for you.
Mind you – NOT an easy task.
Mostly I just wing it and hope it touches a few. The impact of my words beyond my scope are not always a quick rewarding thing leaving me to wonder on occasion if anyone is actually listening besides my wife and the echoes I hear as the words ring through my head.
But enough of that – let’s go back to the YES. It’s much more fun and exciting to write about anyways.
So… if you’re willing to listen.
Sit up straight. Grab a drink. Some coffee or a glass of wine. I prefer red wine, some real whisky (notice no E in whisky), or some homemade Rakia my father-in-law (being more than happy to supply my taste buds) fills me up and taunts me to drink more than him when I can. Let’s not forget the beer of my choice – Heineken.
Here we go.
Be completely honest with yourself.
Can you do that?
Seriously – mostly everyone I meet who is constantly bitching about not finding any kind of success in their lives are the least honest people (with themselves) while at the same time preaching to others how upfront and honest they are – how they’re just being realistic…
The truth just seems to pass them by, overlooked, and quickly pushed back into some black hole in their mind they’ve created for “things” or places they don’t care to explore.
You see I have an amazing strange ability to actually BELIEVE in YOU. (Okay not just you but everyone.)
I believe you’re smart enough to figure all this out – not maybe on your own entirely – it does help when another can help you to unlock it for yourself.
This means – somewhere inside that lovely brain of yours, you already do know the answer. You really do.
You just have to get past all the barriers you’ve put up to protect yourself and dig into all the madness each and every one of us has running around in our minds.
Those barriers are there – those feelings are real – and they’re scary!
I’ll tell you one of mine to show you how I’m far from exempt from it all. I get scared. I really do. My eyes water. My hands shake. And I’m quite the fearless guy – get to know me and you’ll see just how courageous I can be.
But once in a while I (all but tremble in fear) when I’m writing something that I feel is nothing like I’ve ever heard before. Like I just stumbled upon the answer to EVERYTHING for us mere mortal humans.
Why do I get scared?
Because it feels like if I let it out – it will be the end of me. Isn’t that how it always goes? A man realizes and finally finds or discovers an Epiphany and what usually happens – he drops dead.
And that scares the living shit out of me.
And that is not the alcohol talking either. I’m quite serious. I like to live. I enjoy it.
Success is ALL in YOUR MIND.
It does NOT exist out there in the world.
Whatever you choose to label as your success in anything you do means NOTHING because it’s not a tangible thing you can safely grab and say – it’s mine!
You find yourself with lots of money you worked hard for – are you successful?
You find yourself with the man of your dreams and everything appears perfect – is that success?
You have labeled or chosen to believe what success means to you and I guarantee no matter what it is – if you achieve it – happiness is not waiting for you there.
Be honest with yourself.
What does being in a relationship mean to you that by you being single (and feeling like you’ve got it going on) means so much less?
You see – you’ve linked your view of success to your happiness along with being in a relationship and you’ve demoted being single as kind of a failure, right?
Trust you would not be upset about being single and not finding the love of your life if you didn’t link or connect these items.
Which leads to once again…
The ANSWER is already in your BRAIN.
You don’t need me to tell you anything you don’t already know.
Now I’m not going to tell you what others do – how you have to be happy being single before you can fully enjoy a relationship – it’s true but for today, let’s skip it.
I’ll say this instead….
Being single is not being a failure or a success.
Being in a happy relationship is not also equivalent to being a success or a failure.
They are NOT linked by design.
The REAL problem might be that you’re looking at others and comparing yourself to what is “supposed” to be when NOTHING ever is supposed to be. Things either happen or they don’t.
You either MAKE it happen or you wait for something to happen.
If you were one of the only two people left on the planet living across from each other and yet him being a man and you being a woman still didn’t hook up – then sure – THAT is a problem. But this is not the case.
All this is leading to something very important – a bottled up or obvious frustration on your part of what is and what should be.
A feeling of fairness – how it’s not fair that you’re still single while so many others who you may even look down on are not.
A feeling that you deserve it – just because you’re a smart nice woman who has played by the rules.
A feeling that your overall success which is classified (only in your mind) is inherently linked to being in a happy relationship.
And here’s the one reason no one likes to hear or admit (especially those who won’t be honest with themselves) a feeling of superiority – feeling better than others who have what you want – which links itself to a desire to CONTROL things you have no control over… ever.
Nothing in this world is really fair.
Nobody “deserves” anything.
Success is not a definition – it’s a state of being.
You’re not better than them – they are not better than you.
EVERYONE is good at something. Everyone is GREAT at something. Everyone SUCKS at something too and THAT will NEVER change.
Control happens in micro-seconds and once it’s gone – it’s set free to do whatever it pleases in any way the universe unwinds it.
If I’ve released some anger in you – that’s good. Go with it or not. Let it out or keep it in. Process it all and get the root of WHY my words have made you upset or angry.
Does it FEEL like I’m trying to knock you down?
Are you taking it as a personal attack against who you are or what you believe in?
Does it feel like I’m telling you that the reason you’re still single when you don’t want to be is all your fault?
Maybe I am OR maybe I’m not – I understand I have no control over how you accept or interpret my words BUT…
I will GUARANTEE if you’ve followed along patiently or not – YOUR ANSWER to why this is all happening to YOU is so close to the surface of your thoughts – you can almost reach out and touch it.
Hopefully I’ve made you smile, made you think, perhaps even teared you up a bit, made you wonder, made you a little sad, made you a little happy, AND made you ANGRY too.
Explore it all.
So many people like to explore what’s around them in so many ways but miss or care to ignore the exploration of the deeper parts of their emotions and thoughts; why does that happen?
Because they’re AFRAID of what they might find could destroy the reality in which they’ve built their lives on – and that my friend is some scary stuff!
Except “reality” isn’t going anywhere. You can NOT destroy it. It’s constantly changing from moment to moment anyways. Going deep doesn’t destroy it – it merely manifests itself to you differently.
AND when it does – sometimes what is newly built or found is a much better place to live in.
Go there. Look around.
Whether you’re crying or smiling or angry or have a “pessimistic – yeah right” look on your face at this very moment.
We’ve gone there and it happened.
There’s no turning back an emotion. You can’t retrace your feelings to figure out where you’ve been or gone in an effort to figure out where you’re going to be next.
What I’ve shared with you today comes from my own personal journey and experiences in life. It’s a culmination of all my thoughts combined with the incredible minds I’ve encountered along the way.
The stuff that comes out is beyond me – it’s just me externalizing – sometimes coherently, sometimes not.
And today it’s led me from up there – the opening sentence to here:
I’m not the blaming type. I’m not going to say it’s our your fault or theirs (the past men in your life).
In actuality it’s probably a little of both and each one since of us affects the other in some way you can spend all day trying to figure out WHO started it all as in…
If you believe it’s the men in your life – the ones you want are clueless and do little to create the right feelings in you BUT they’re still GOOD men – then one could just as easily say it’s highly probable in your interactions with them – you are not communicating to them in a way which allows that man you crave so much to come out.
If you believe it’s all on you – how you maybe screw it up all the time – love the wrong men – sabotage yourself – run from things when they get too heavy or scary – always choose career over love – or whatever… then one could just as easily say those men while interacting with you – are not communicating to the special place inside you which makes you feel fearless and ready to accept and take on the challenge of crossing a line you never allowed yourself to traverse before.
Forget the blame game. It’s not a dead-end it’s a nasty circle of despair and frustration leading nowhere.
Despite how it feels right now – I BELIEVE in YOU.
I’ll reiterate from above replacing the word “everyone” with you.
YOU are good at something. You are GREAT at something. You SUCK at somethings too and THAT will NEVER change.
Control happens in micro-seconds and once it’s gone – it’s set free to do whatever it pleases in any way the universe unwinds it.
MANAGE those micro-seconds and it will all be okay. Try to control them to your pleasing and it won’t be okay.
We’ve certainly come a very long way today and I do hope from all this introspective and my crazy thoughts on the universe and dating and the relationship we have with the world around us that you’ve FOUND YOUR ANSWER somewhere in the middle of it all.
If not – go further until you find it because it’s there – up there in that very smart brain you’ve been supporting your entire life.
The ONE key we’ve not touched upon is readiness.
Partly because it’s just coming to me now and partly because I’m torn between (as mentioned above) giving it all away for free (even the answers I don’t have) and helping you unselfishly which is absurd; because when it comes to feeding myself and enjoying the outward pleasures of life outside my imagination I must earn a wage or salary. (Let’s not be afraid to admit it’s nice to get paid for doing something we love. Tell if I’m wrong – please.)
Are You Ready?
Are you ready to stop being single?
Whatever path your mind chose to take on our little journey of words if you still feel something is holding you back then I will only propose it’s because you just don’t feel ready yet to feel and accept a certain love in your life.
It goes all ways.
Ready to love – ready to BE loved – feeling capable and ready to love another – feeling capable and ready to ACCEPT love from another too in a way which is selfish and selfless at the same time.
My very strong recommendation – if this is you – based on my reasons above – same in the “ready” sense of selling, buying, and getting paid doing what I love to do…
Are you ready to stop being single – Are you READY FOR LOVE?
Now that you being single has been fully explored above and beyond what you might have even expected from my corner website…
STOP worrying about being single – it will only manifest itself in ways which are unfortunately but truthfully – unattractive actions or reactions.
No more questions as to why you’re still single. You’ve gone there, it’s time to go someplace else.
Ready For Love would be a good, no GREAT place to go from here.
It was produced by a man more talented in this area than me. You can find his (article page and full catalog) here on my site. His name is Christian Carter.
It will pick you up where you’ve been left today.
It will help you to stop worrying so much about being single.
First the focus (of the program) is on you, your fears, any and all insecurities you’re carrying or have hidden from yourself, your anxieties, and your possible self-sabotaging actions which could be stopping from being ready for love.
The second part is getting you ready to OPEN up yourself to love. Figuring out things you might be doing that push men away. The fears that work against you. Compatibility in relationships and the values contained within them.
Then releasing you from self-defeating thinking and behaviors which keep you stuck in a negative never-ending circle.
There are three more parts to get you there – click here for more information on how you can get yourself completely ready for love.
This program is EXACTLY designed for you if you came to this post asking the question the title states – You’re meeting and attracting men – then why are you still single.
The return policy is amazing – if you don’t like – ask for your money back. Your investment in yourself is secure so it’s all good.
If you’re not sure if Christian’s advice is solid: Take a look at the articles he’s allowed me to share with you here OR you can simply sign up to his newsletter and hear it all from him for free.
Our journey for today is almost complete.
You can soon go back to your personal story and I’ll happily go back to mine.
I’ll conclude with a quick bullet point list of where we’ve gone today and all the reasons why you might still single.
Remember this quick list may not fit your reasons exactly. Stick to the parts you NOW feel is your own based on the honesty I asked of yourself:
- Relying on luck to make it happen for you.
- Meeting the wrong type of guys.
- Not knowing how to bring out the real man inside him.
- Expecting too much or too little from the guys you’re dating.
- Not knowing how a man thinks or what he feels.
- Acting differently around the men you do want or are attracted than the others.
- Fears – a fear of success and failure wrapped up.
- Torn between the two fears as you cycle back and forth.
- Not paying attention and missing the critical moments when good things happen.
- Not being completely honest with yourself.
- Not truly believing in yourself enough.
- Not believing you already have the answer inside you.
- Unwilling to explore your true feelings.
- Thinking success is something real or tangible when success is in you.
- Giving relationship “status” more important than being single.
- Waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen.
- A belief that life should be fair.
- A belief that you deserve it for your own reasons.
- A possible feeling of superiority over others.
- A need to control long-term.
- A mismanage of the micro-seconds in your present.
- Trying to find blame or fault in yourself or others.
- Not being officially and unconditionally ready for love.
- Not being ready or feelings capable of accepting love.
I can NEVER thank you enough for making it this far. I’m a little proud of you and myself too.
Capturing your attention and getting you to think on such a level most are afraid of is not only a feat for myself – but an even more respectful of you and your willingness to go there with me.
My newsletter which you can sign up for below doesn’t always go this far.
Sometimes it’s just a few quick tips on understanding men from me or someone else. Sometimes it’s a sharing of a dirty little secret about men I’m not SUPPOSED to tell.
My guarantee is that it can be something special and touching at times and although I’m not the most entertaining guy in the world – I’ll at least try not to just phone it all the time.
It would be great to see you on my newsletter. Of course it’s free for you.
So I’ll see you there, right?
“It’s my belief that creating a long-lasting natural attraction is nothing more than how you communicate to others the belief you have in yourself. A great relationship always starts with a feeling that is was meant to be.
Your guy friend, Pete”
Peter White – Why Do Guys…? | DiaLteG TM and here: How to Meet & Attract Your Next Date | Communication Skills & Natural Relationships