There are several types of women – which one are you?
Are you the type who doesn’t have any luck meeting guys?
Maybe you’re the one who can meet them but they never really do it for you?
Do you go on date after date only leaving frustrated because somewhere in the night you decided – this guy has some serious issues?
So you might ask,
“Where is the advice for women who have no problems attracting men but they’re just not the type of guys you really want anyways?”
Maybe you just meet losers or guys who are more than willing to give you everything you want – and they’ve only known for you fifteen minutes.
You know him all too well.
He’ll show up at your door dressed up holding flowers trying to hide the desperate look on his face. He feels so lucky to have this chance to wine and dine you he wouldn’t dare disagree with anything you say.
And of course if you show any kind of displeasure from the moment he’s more than willing to make it all better for you.
But first he needs to figure out what’s wrong with you… “Is the food alright? How’s your drink? Are you okay? You look bored. What’s wrong? Did you have a bad day? How was work?”
Makes you want to rip your hair out doesn’t it.
Makes you want to go home and beat your pillow senseless.
So you just go home and fall asleep with the tv flickering on – because it feels less lonely than a quiet dark room…
Why can’t you just find a “normal” man!!!
But not just any “normal” guy.
He has to do something to you mentally and physically. He has to make you feel something – anything more. He has to at least know what the hell he is doing from time to time with women.
And most of all – he has to enjoy a life of his own and at least know how to fake his confidence when he’s around you. But have you ever thought about how the man feels?
He believes YOU have all the choices.
He thinks all you have to do to find a guy is show up somewhere and smile. ( And maybe he’s half right. )
He finds it’s completely unfair the he’s the one stuck doing all the work…while you sit and complain about every other guy who’s the nicest one on the world – but you just don’t want “them.”
They just don’t understand how you can feel so little for someone who is willing to be more than any other guy you’ve ever been with. He’s not going to cheat on you. He’s not going to forget your birthday. He’s going to do the dishes and he never forgets to put the toilet seat down.
So on one end you have the single guy who rarely dates and even more rarely gets a second one.
On the other end you have single women with guys pleading for your attention but you only want the ones you can’t have or are considered to be “bad” for you.
The problem we’re ending up with is a ton of single people going down the same road, with the same attitude, with the same desperation but living completely difference experiences.
The men get angry –
“She can have anyone she wants, what is she complaining about?”
Well if she can who ever she wants – why is she still single?
The women turn bitter –
“All the good guys are taken and even if I find one, he turns out to be the same old jerk I’ve dated before.”
Here are the WOMEN’S BIGGEST FEARS DATING:
- She won’t be physically/sexually attractive to him
- She won’t be able to create an emotional connection
- She will not be able to get him to commit to her
- She will scare him off when she shows her “real” self – (If she becomes needy/clingy/emotional) – i.e., she will lose the emotional connection she creates (him pulling away or becoming distant)
- He will abandon her (materially and emotionally) for another woman
Well if all the good ones are taken perhaps you’re only attracted to men who are not attainable.
Setting yourself up for failure.
For years and years I personally chased women who were in no way attracted to me. I had no clue on how to attract a more “beautiful” woman.
But even after I learned how it still only increased my odds a little.
This was because I had so much self-doubt in my ability to have, keep, or please her it became easier to fail.
I knew how to handle failure.
I was a master at recovering from rejection.
It was this whole – “What do I do when I get it?” which quite literally drove me to set myself up each and every time to take the easy “rejection” way out.
This may go without saying but…
If you fear success more than failure you will ultimately fail or fail to get what you really want. Settling for second best because it’s easier and you know you can handle it.
In reality both fears are the same. When you’re afraid of winning you’re afraid when you do win, you will also fail at that new experience.
Am I sounding too deep for you? I won’t apologize because that’s just how you’re seeing it.
You’re reading so deep into it all and making it much more complex than it is.
You’re taking a simple problem and only increasing your anxiety making it almost impossible to grasp the simple truth behind it all.
And I can tell you (or any woman who has very little trouble attracting men, just not the ones you want) you’re doing the same thing with every “greater possibility man” you meet.
Torn between a fear of failure and a deeper fear of success will ultimately destroy the tiny much simpler moments.
Not just any moment but the actual event where within a fraction of a second – something wonderful happens.
It could be a connection.
A mere smile.
A twinkle in his eye.
A flip back of your hair.
A soft handshake with meaning and a deeper hug with such great anticipation of something more.
A true sexual connection filled with so much chemistry it could have you landed back against the wall with your legs gripping his body tighter and tighter.
You know what I hate more than anything about my passion to help men and women find a relationship that works?
I fear giving it all away for free.
I feel like if I (without any regard to my financial success) give away my most passionate and inspiring secrets I’ll be relegated to a second-hand job taking away my freedom forever.
Sound familiar to your dating problem?
Afraid if you give it all away you’ll only find you can’t handle the success or something will take it all away from you anyways.
Or take away something more desirable to you. ( Eventually having to settle for something or someone less because at least you know you can handler that.)
Sometimes that’s how those fears work.
That’s how they cripple you when those moments arrive. Sending your mind racing elsewhere as every possible future event rushes through your mind.
The mere possibility when you do go head over heals into some endeavor you don’t feel confident about the ending (like meeting a greater man) it’s not so much about missing the moment but what if he takes away something you are confident about…
And you, your mind, your body, your heart, and your every movement will do everything in its power to stop that from ever happening.
If you want to steer your fear in the right direction, use it for good. Use it the way it was meant to be used – to help you.
Use it by first not giving up on those moments where something can and will happen.
Because I can guarantee if you’re not getting the guys you really want you’re throwing away those moments which can change everything for you – to an anxious moment filled with “what ifs” and self-doubt.
We’ve come a long way in what supposedly started out with a few a simple questions.
I maintain this for each and every woman who feels like you’re not ever going to meet the best man for you…
It’s not always about the fear of losing something so obvious.
Like for a successful woman it could be about losing your independence which leads you to giving up on those critical moments where the real magic could happen.
Sometimes it’s about a fear you’ll lose your identity when you do find that stronger man.
Sometimes it’s about setting yourself up to fail because you don’t feel confident enough to keep a better man in your life.
And sometimes it’s because men and women, each in their own self-sabotaging ways believe they have no control over the situation and staying single means staying in control.
When in reality both sexes believes and acts as if the other side has the advantage you unknowingly but willingly give up your control on the outcome of your dating life.