I‘m a pretty cool, calm, confident guy and wouldn’t you know it, part of what I used to do for a living is approach women. So when I hear a woman ask,
“Why Won’t Men Approach me?”
You can assume I know all the reasons why and so much more.
You can also assume my cocky ass has a thousand more opinions than answers on this subject.
I would love to separate the facts from the opinions but I’ve found that’s kind of boring so you’re going to have to settle for both.
Don’t mind the exasperated tone in my voice – it’s because I’ve just gotten out of an argument between a man whose clueless on how to interact with women and a woman who believes the “approach” is strictly a man’s job and how women are NOT allowed to approach a man.
Which is entirely absurd if you ask me…
If you want to approach a guy or if you want him to approach you… do it or make it happen!
What better way to test a man’s confidence and strength around a beautiful woman such as yourself than to call him out on those very things… instantly by smiling at him and just saying “Hello”.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…
What you’re going to learn today comes from many angles of this approach thing.
But first – here’s the absolute number one reason why men won’t, can’t, or don’t approach women.
Men fear public rejection.
That’s why they’re more likely to approach a single woman than a group of women.
That’s why you’ll see him talking to”her?” and not the hot girl whose face is buried in her phone.
Nothing scares a guy more than approaching a woman – for whatever his reasons are – than thinking she’ll make a quick fool out of him in front of everyone which will sting worse for literally months or years to come.
If you want a guy or guys to approach you – make sure you ARE approachable.
Yeah – somewhat easier said than done.
Here is exactly several reasons a guy will use to explain a woman who is un-approachable:
- You’re on your phone or texting at the wrong time or way too much.
- Your real personality aside, your persona may scream “up-tight” or “bitch.”
- You’re always walking too quickly possibly with your head too high or too low.
- You won’t make any real eye contact at all.
- You don’t smile when you get closer.
- Your gay friend looks like your hot boyfriend and he’s BIG!
- It feels inappropriate or like he has to always interrupt you. If you’re closing yourself off we’re less likely to move in.
Here are the EXCUSES a guy will use about him on why he won’t, can’t or doesn’t approach women:
- Not many men are incredible conversationalists. Their excuse then becomes, “I don’t know what to say!“
- They feel like they wouldn’t have a chance with you.
- They don’t want to get beat up if your boyfriend is luring around the corner AND…
- They just assume you have a boyfriend, husband, or thug close by ready to pounce their ass into a bloody pulp.
- They’re not all the brightest bulb on the porch – where did they ever believe approaching a woman in a loud club was a smart thing to do. If you ever had to scream to approach a woman you know what I mean.
- They don’t feel “dressed up” enough, just got out of work, feel “irregular”, or they’re standing in line at a market shopping for frozen dinners and hair gel.
- They over think it and by the time they come up with anything to say, you’re already gone.
- They feel they have to be clever and unique and they’re not.
Here is a big part of the problem:
In this forum post a woman asks:
I have had this issue for a long time now. My female friends describe me as “hot”. My male friends and people i know well describe me as “hot” but yet no man has ever ever ever dared to approach me (…) So my question is if i am so hot then why aren’t men approaching me? A friend once told me “you’re to hot and they feel intimidated by you and they think you’re most probably taken by the way you look”
So yes – perhaps men are definitely are intimidated by you.
Perhaps they do assume you’re already taken.
That would definitely go along with the facts I’ve experienced and found.
But… and this is the part that really makes the difference between being approachable or not.
Everybody tells her how hot you are?
Do you believe it yourself?
Do you believe it so much you feel like you “deserve” to be approached?
Do you believe your “hotness” is the cause of your “issue”?
In all fairness “pretty girl” your issues seems to be coming from you.
And I’m NOT being mean I just have a different way of seeing it.
You see your mind can control your body, your face, and your overall appearance.
If you are for one, thinking you deserve to be approached your “look” may be easily perceived as a little stuck up.
Two – if your esteem or reasons for believing your good-looking are coming from other people, your body language may display weak tendencies which transfer all too easily to guys in many ways
One way is that when a guy gets that from you – maybe you’re shy – maybe you’re not BUT they automatically assume it’s going to be a very tough conversation.
Whether you can talk your ass off or not, if your body displays to any man like he’s going to have to work way too hard just for a one-sided conversation – you’ll scare away lots of men because, as I mentioned above, not all men are incredible conversationalists.
Some of them need YOU to nudge him just a little.
You, and lots of other women are going to hear how your body language needs to be open and relaxed if you want more guys to start approaching you.
But you’re not going to hear how possible that is without getting so self-conscious you come off as a nervous wreck.
The easy way to relax is to start with your mind and let the body follow.
This is especially true for women because you are so much more in tune with your body than most men. This goes beyond positive affirmations. (You’ll drive yourself crazy doing those while some guy is checking you out.)
You take care of your “issues,” your responsibilities, find your “quiet” mind and your body will know how to open up.
Here’s the take away on all this approach stuff.
Men are scared shitless to approach a woman anywhere, anytime, in any place and their fears come from a thousand different areas.
You want more men – or probably the RIGHT guy to start a conversation with you – MAKE sure you’re available, your body language is open, AND just do your best to now look like a nervous wreck – with a secure thought in your mind – MEN are by far hundred times more nervous that you are.
If all else fails or won’t work for you…
Stop what you’re doing – make eye contact – hint a smile – and walk over to him and JUST SAY HELLO!
Trust that by doing that the better man WILL step up to meet you and the weaker guy will probable fall to your feet leaving you in complete control of the conversation.
(Which I won’t lie, could be a good thing or a bad thing. We’ll talk about that later or when you sign up to the secret dirty truth about men below – you’ll get that and more… deal?)
If all THAT fails – just meet him halfway.
It’s just starting a conversation people. NOTHING MORE – NOTHING LESS.
Don’t put so much emphasis on the outcome.
Maybe you’ll walk away with a way to contact each other again – maybe you won’t.
Maybe he’ll turn out to be a prick.
Maybe you’ll meet your next husband.
You just never know until you try.
Okay – since lots of guys have stopped by to read this – make sure you leave your opinions, scary stories, odd beliefs, or whatever below. Help some women out or not. Don’t care – just say what’s on your mind and move on.
If you’re struggling terribly with approaching women, there’s plenty of real help and advice out there you can pick up privately.
You can start here at DiaLteG TM – Where To Meet Women and Removing The Fears Of Approach Naturally
And if that doesn’t do it for just pick up what got me past all the nonsense and fears – mind you it’s advice on approaching women only – my REAL suggestion would be to just do some inner work, learn to talk to women, how to create attraction, and the rest will take care of itself. That’s what you’ll find on the page above.
Oh yeah – the approaching women thing – read this if you want, it’s filled with great advice: What Women Want From Guys Who Approach Them & A 4 Question Quiz On How and then pick this up from the “master” himself: Approaching Women and Starting Conversations
Back to the women in the house…
Nothing beats this article when it comes to making a great impression which will undoubtedly lead to MORE REAL & CONFIDENT men approaching you:
“Body language, eye contact, and smiling are just three components in making a good first impression. How to look, feel, and act confident around men. Making people feel relaxed around you and conveying that you’re in control. Winning people over, including men, through your confident personality.”
In fact I would go through ALL of her material which you’ll find here: Mirabelle Summers – Using Your Best Asset to Attract Men – Yourself. Scroll down past the products on that page and you’ll find several articles to pull it all together for you.
Now that you know where I stand on this subject, like it or not, share it with your friends or better yet, why don’t you tell me how you REALLY feel about it all. 😉
I would especially like to hear from you guys on why you don’t approach some or all women.
Lastly, you MUST sign up to the secret truth about men below. Lots of great tips and the inside stuff to help you understand men better which will take care of this approach problem you might be having.