Meeting Him, Why Won’t Men Approach You & How To Make It Happen Today!

Single Woman Guys Won't Approach Her Why

I‘m a pretty cool, calm, confident guy and wouldn’t you know it, part of what I used to do for a living is approach women. So when I hear a woman ask,

“Why Won’t Men Approach me?”

You can assume I know all the reasons why and so much more.

You can also assume my cocky ass has a thousand more opinions than answers on this subject.

I would love to separate the facts from the opinions but I’ve found that’s kind of boring so you’re going to have to settle for both.

Don’t mind the exasperated tone in my voice – it’s because I’ve just gotten out of an argument between a man whose clueless on how to interact with women and a woman who believes the “approach” is strictly a man’s job and how women are NOT allowed to approach a man.

Which is entirely absurd if you ask me…

If you want to approach a guy or if you want him to approach you… do it or make it happen!

What better way to test a man’s confidence and strength around a beautiful woman such as yourself than to call him out on those very things… instantly by smiling at him and just saying “Hello”.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…

What you’re going to learn today comes from many angles of this approach thing.

But first – here’s the absolute number one reason why men won’t, can’t, or don’t approach women.

Men fear public rejection.

That’s why they’re more likely to approach a single woman than a group of women.

That’s why you’ll see him talking to”her?” and not the hot girl whose face is buried in her phone.

Nothing scares a guy more than approaching a woman – for whatever his reasons are – than thinking she’ll make a quick fool out of him in front of everyone which will sting worse for literally months or years to come.


If you want a guy or guys to approach you – make sure you ARE approachable.

Yeah – somewhat easier said than done.

Here is exactly several reasons a guy will use to explain a woman who is un-approachable:

  • You’re on your phone or texting at the wrong time or way too much.
  • Your real personality aside, your persona may scream “up-tight” or “bitch.”
  • You’re always walking too quickly possibly with your head too high or too low.
  • You won’t make any real eye contact at all.
  • You don’t smile when you get closer.
  • Your gay friend looks like your hot boyfriend and he’s BIG!
  • It feels inappropriate or like he has to always interrupt you. If you’re closing yourself off we’re less likely to move in.

Here are the EXCUSES a guy will use about him on why he won’t, can’t or doesn’t approach women:

  • Not many men are incredible conversationalists. Their excuse then becomes, “I don’t know what to say!
  • They feel like they wouldn’t have a chance with you.
  • They don’t want to get beat up if your boyfriend is luring around the corner AND…
  • They just assume you have a boyfriend, husband, or thug close by ready to pounce their ass into a bloody pulp.
  • They’re not all the brightest bulb on the porch – where did they ever believe approaching a woman in a loud club was a smart thing to do. If you ever had to scream to approach a woman you know what I mean.
  • They don’t feel “dressed up” enough, just got out of work, feel “irregular”, or they’re standing in line at a market shopping for frozen dinners and hair gel.
  • They over think it and by the time they come up with anything to say, you’re already gone.
  • They feel they have to be clever and unique and they’re not.

Here is a big part of the problem:

In this forum post a woman asks:

I have had this issue for a long time now. My female friends describe me as “hot”. My male friends and people i know well describe me as “hot” but yet no man has ever ever ever dared to approach me (…) So my question is if i am so hot then why aren’t men approaching me? A friend once told me “you’re to hot and they feel intimidated by you and they think you’re most probably taken by the way you look”

If I am so hot then why don’t men approach me?

So yes – perhaps men are definitely are intimidated by you.

Perhaps they do assume you’re already taken.

That would definitely go along with the facts I’ve experienced and found.

But… and this is the part that really makes the difference between being approachable or not.

Everybody tells her how hot you are?

Do you believe it yourself?

Do you believe it so much you feel like you “deserve” to be approached?

Do you believe your “hotness” is the cause of your “issue”?

In all fairness “pretty girl” your issues seems to be coming from you.

And I’m NOT being mean I just have a different way of seeing it.

You see your mind can control your body, your face, and your overall appearance.

If you are for one, thinking you deserve to be approached your “look” may be easily perceived as a little stuck up.

Two – if your esteem or reasons for believing your good-looking are coming from other people, your body language may display weak tendencies which transfer all too easily to guys in many ways

One way is that when a guy gets that from you – maybe you’re shy – maybe you’re not BUT they automatically assume it’s going to be a very tough conversation.

Whether you can talk your ass off or not, if your body displays to any man like he’s going to have to work way too hard just for a one-sided conversation – you’ll scare away lots of men because, as I mentioned above, not all men are incredible conversationalists.

Some of them need YOU to nudge him just a little.

You, and lots of other women are going to hear how your body language needs to be open and relaxed if you want more guys to start approaching you.

But you’re not going to hear how possible that is without getting so self-conscious you come off as a nervous wreck.

The easy way to relax is to start with your mind and let the body follow.

This is especially true for women because you are so much more in tune with your body than most men. This goes beyond positive affirmations. (You’ll drive yourself crazy doing those while some guy is checking you out.)

You take care of your “issues,” your responsibilities, find your “quiet” mind and your body will know how to open up.

Here’s the take away on all this approach stuff.

Men are scared shitless to approach a woman anywhere, anytime, in any place and their fears come from a thousand different areas.

You want more men – or probably the RIGHT guy to start a conversation with you – MAKE sure you’re available, your body language is open, AND just do your best to now look like a nervous wreck – with a secure thought in your mind – MEN are by far hundred times more nervous that you are.

If all else fails or won’t work for you…

Stop what you’re doing – make eye contact – hint a smile – and walk over to him and JUST SAY HELLO!

Trust that by doing that the better man WILL step up to meet you and the weaker guy will probable fall to your feet leaving you in complete control of the conversation.

(Which I won’t lie, could be a good thing or a bad thing. We’ll talk about that later or when you sign up to the secret dirty truth about men below – you’ll get that and more… deal?) 

If all THAT fails – just meet him halfway.

It’s just starting a conversation people. NOTHING MORE – NOTHING LESS.

Don’t put so much emphasis on the outcome.

Maybe you’ll walk away with a way to contact each other again – maybe you won’t.

Maybe he’ll turn out to be a prick.

Maybe you’ll meet your next husband.

You just never know until you try.

Okay – since lots of guys have stopped by to read this – make sure you leave your opinions, scary stories, odd beliefs, or whatever below. Help some women out or not. Don’t care – just say what’s on your mind and move on.

If you’re struggling terrible with approaching women, there’s plenty of real help and advice out there for you that you can pick up privately.

You can start here at DiaLteG TM – Where To Meet Women and Removing The Fears Of Approach Naturally

And if that doesn’t do it for just pick up what got me past all the nonsense and fears – mind you it’s advice on approaching women only – my REAL suggestion would be to just do some inner work, learn to talk to women, and how to create attraction, and the rest will take care of itself. That’s what you’ll find on the page above.

Oh yeah – the approaching women thing – read this if you want, it’s filled with great advice:  What Women Want From Guys Who Approach Them & A 4 Question Quiz On How and then pick this up from the “master” himself: Approaching Women and Starting Conversations

Back to the women in the house…

Miss me?


Nothing beats this article when it comes to making a great impression which will undoubtedly lead to MORE REAL & CONFIDENT men approaching you:

Woman Smiling Make Great Impression
“Body language, eye contact, and smiling are just three components in making a good first impression. How to look, feel, and act confident around men. Making people feel relaxed around you and conveying that you’re in control. Winning people over, including men,  through your confident personality.”

In fact I would go through ALL of her material which you’ll find here: Mirabelle Summers – Using Your Best Asset to Attract Men – Yourself. Scroll down past the products on that page and you’ll find several articles to pull it all together for you.

Now that you know where I stand on this subject, like it or not, share it with your friends or better yet, why don’t you tell me how you REALLY feel about it all. 😉

I would especially like to hear from you guys on why you don’t approach some or all women.

Lastly, you MUST sign up to the secret truth about men below. Lots of great tips and the inside stuff to help you understand men better which will take care of this approach problem you might be having.

Sign up below for your free copy of my 80 page book – “The Silent Man – Why men go silent, ignore you, or fail to share their feelings.”

  • The 6 main reasons men will go silent and ignore you. Once you know these you’ll never have to ask why is he not talking to you ever again.
  • 49 personal situations that reveal (from a guy’s point of view) about why he has stopped contacting you.
  • You’ll find out if it’s him or you so you can fix and best figure out what to do next. Finally get some closure to either move on or remove him from your life!
  • Start changing how you see men & how they see you by understanding how your communication differences might be stopping you from connecting with him or all men.
  • 80 pages filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about why men go silent. (Only one picture so when I say it’s full – I meant it!

Silent Man Cover

The Secret Dirty Truth About Men is a dual newsletter with one goal in mind – help you understand men so you can truly connect with them.

(18 years of age or older please due to some adult content and language. No spam will ever be sent to you! Your Privacy – Disclaimer – Disclosures is always respected. This free email subscription will also send you broadcasts and updates from my personal blog: Why Do Guys…?  Your info is private, never shared, sold or rented to anyone!)

25 comments… add one
  • Anonymous

    Basically, it is an innate fear that swells up in most men’s guts when they see an attractive woman. I couldn’t care less if I am chatting with what I see as an “average” attractiveness gal, but if I see her as in the top 30% of all women in regards to beauty, that’s when the adrenaline spikes and the likelihood that I pass on an approach increases tremendously. I am working on making more of those cold approaches though.

    • Isn’t it amazing how so many guys willingly give up their power to an attractive woman because of a little adrenaline in their body. The very same thing which has helped every living soul accomplish so much despite their greatest fears.

  • Snowhite

    Great article Mr. White! But I’ve been wondering how I could make a guy contact me or at least make friends with me when I’ve had made him feel embarrassed in front of his officemates on our first meet. I can’t give the details but I just want to know what sort of a move should I do to make him feel that we can still talk and be friends? I’m a bit shy to do the first move tho.

    • Peter White

      “Thank you Snowhite” and I must say those are three words I never thought I would ever have a reason to write. 🙂

      Hey so what, you embarrassed the guy. Honestly I think he’ll get over it. Of course the more attractive he thinks you are, the longer that could take.

      I would try some very light self-deprecating humor near him or close enough so he hears what is going on.

      Let him see you’re willing AND capable of taking it and that you’re not against it. Maybe he’ll get the hint.

      Since you really can’t “make” a guy contact you, you’re going to have to make amends yourself. Shy or not, put him at ease by introducing yourself casually.

      I would try a light compliment, something you do see, and then lead in to introducing yourself. From there you should be able to tell if he’s over the embarrassment yet or still has a hang up about it.

      At that point Snowhite it’s up to him.

      Lots of men will get over it and he doesn’t well then his issues of being secure in himself are definitely stopping him from moving on which has little to do with you or your actions.

      On my journey to becoming the man I am today, I was always shy and all too easily embarrassed in front of women who I was attracted to… Because I wanted them to “like me” so bad. I would “act” reserved and was afraid to do anything out of the ordinary.

      So that’s a warning and a little insight into the guy you might be dealing with. Do not take it personal if that’s his case.

      As I got better, so did the threat of ever being embarrassed and I became quite frank and sometimes blatantly honest with my “attractions.”

      If that’s his case, if he’s even somewhat “secure in himself”, trust me, he’ll be fine so don’t worry about it. Just introduce yourself, forget it happens, and maybe later down the road you can both laugh about it.

      Hope that helps you out a little and the best to you,


  • We Need Encouragement Too...

    thanks for these writings, they are helpful. as women trying to read men, we need encouragement and information on what to look for so we can help the process along…maybe you already have some articles on that, I just found your site. I have a friend that I have connected with on two prior occasions, not “all the way.” Both times one or both of us was uninhibited enough thanks to alcohol etc. but since then, we can’t quite seem to get over the fear. our attraction is powerful, but I don’t think either of us wants to rely on getting drunk anymore as a means to move forward. so we’re both stuck in fear, which leads to lots of second guessing myself. what signs could I look for to get the encouragement to be more bold?

  • Bethany Rosario

    There’s this dude I see working at the dining center all the time. I noticed him because he noticed me first, at least that’s what it seemed like to me. Wherever I would sit, it seemed he always walked by somehow and looked at me. Then I remembered that I had asked him to see the lost and found awhile ago for a shoe that I lost. Then I wondered if he thought that I asked to see the lost and found just because I wanted to talk to him (which was not the case because I actually lost a shoe). Anyways, today I was sitting with some girls from my dorm and when I go to sit down, he’s there talking to one of them. And so I’m a little shocked, but I sit down. And they talk for a bit and he leaves. So I’m sitting there thinking that was the perfect opportunity for him to say something to me, but he didn’t. And I can’t talk to guys, I’m much to nervous, believe me, it just won’t happen. Anyways, so after the girls I was sitting with left, he comes over and says something about how he’ll just clean the side of the table I’m at real quick. Then he leaves. And then I leave.
    I don’t even know what happened! Is this all in my head? Why didn’t he introduce himself when I was right there? And why did he come back just to wash the table? I don’t understand, I mean, I didn’t even notice him until I saw he was looking at me, and then I started to be aware of his presence. Please give me some advice!

  • Ted

    As a guy I simply can’t handle the rejection, the few relationships I had the girl showed definite interest first before I did anything. In terms of dating I never approach unless it’s 150% certain she’s interested.

    i found out there was a girl in my floor, super hot, that was interested in me a while back but I didn’t see the signs and/or blew it somehow, I’n regretful but honestly I would have had no idea what to do with her. She’s a female athlete and I’m an math major nerd. She would have gotten sick of my nerdity and I would have gotten tired of trying to live in her world. All her dozens of friends are athletes, a ton of them guys.

    • Thanks for sharing Ted. I used to be the same way. I needed to know without a doubt she’d be or was interested in me before I’d make any kind of move.

      My advice which worked for me…

      Don’t read too far into any interaction with a woman. You were thinking about dating when you didn’t even meet her. Focus on starting a fun cool conversation, create some attraction, find something in common, ask questions about her.

      If you do that, or did that you would’ve realized how she WAS interested in you despite the differences you saw in the future.

      Avoid assuming you know who she is too (or any woman) because in reality, getting to know her (the right way with the right questions) is where you create the attraction. If you got her to reveal her nerdy side to you, she’s going to start feeling something for you.


  • The Actress

    I worked with this guy temporarily, and liked him, but was always afraid to approach him. I guess I felt he didn’t like me, I don’t think I’m that bad looking, I could fix some areas which I am working on really hard, even my social skills. I felt may be he never liked me and didn’t want to bother him, didn’t want to waste either of our time. I don’t know, he was hard to read I guess, I still like him, but after the 15th, I’ll never see him again. I guess I could have tried, I was the less approachable one, perhaps, he felt I snubbed him, that could be a huge possiblility. Not its too late, I’ll never see him again, so, there’s another one out the window.

    • Peter White

      Today’s the 11, that leaves you a few days to at least open up to him and get some kind of contact information , right? . 🙂

      You know I sued to believe that talking to someone who I felt was out of my league was a waste of time too, I was wrong.

      You’re putting way too much emphasis on the outcome and not the sharing of information or just getting to know someone.

      It’s never a waste of time to engage in a conversation with someone with no expectations at all because we can take away so much just by talking with them. And you never know when a small conversation could help you land a different guy later on. Trust me I’ve seen it happen.

      I learned by talking to lots of women that they were not teaching me directly but through them I was learning how to attract other women. The same goes for talking to guys too. If you limit yourself to just guys who you are attracted to and think it has to be something different for something to happen, you’re going to miss a lot of opportunities and lessons.

      I would say, most of the time, two people end up together not because they had an agenda but because something happened… they connected and clicked and then realized they want something more.

      Go into ALL your interactions blindly with no expectations. Stop focusing on the outcome and start focusing on the moments and you’ll soon realize how it affects you positively and it just might help ease your anxieties and frustrations around men.

      Thanks for sharing,


  • Arie

    I started taking some dance classes a few months ago, but I’m super shy so I don’t go around socialazing a lot, I only talk with people who talk to me first… Most of my classmates are elderly people which makes it easier to keep a conversation going. However, the first day of class I noticed a guy around my age range, I believe, and I have wanted him to approach me ever since. I’ve managed to have eye contact with him, but I dont remember which of us initiated it, I also think he has looked my way when he makes it late to class but I dont look back to him to confirm, perhaps its just wishful thinking… Also, once I positioned myself near him just so he could take me to dance (he only did after others told him I was avaible tho), we talked a bit but I was way too nervous to make any sense.. It seems like he’s good at making friends, he talks with most people at class without problem.. But he doesnt talk to me, so it gives me the feeling that hes just not interested at all.
    I also find it intimidating to approach him. If I ever were to approach him everyone in class would notice.

  • Ash

    How does one even know what league they are in? Honestly, I feel pretty. I’m confident. I will approach guys. But I’m tired of doing that. I think I come off forward. It took a long time for me to get that far, but now that I’m here, I don’t like it. Guys I’m naturally attracted to never approach me. Guys who I’m not attracted to at first do approach me. And we talk, date, whatever. I try to have friendships with them sometimes, if the attraction never comes. But somehow I hurt them. I’ve never been able to have hang out guy friends because of that. But, I really want to know how the other half feels. What does a girl gotta do to feel some butterflies?
    (I have this 1920s cocktail diamond ring I wear on my right middle finger. It’s an heirloom. My friends say I need to take it off.) What do you think?

  • Loveurself

    There is a guy in my class who always stares at me. He probably doesnt know that he makes it so obvious; today when i walked into the dining hall he was there and saw me. As i walked in he looked towards me and then when i looked at him he was still looking. I felt awkward. I think we both looked away at that point. Then i saw him tilting his head to find me later. Does he like me or not? I think he is the shy kind. How do i confirm that he likes me and if so approach him? Help!

    • Peter White

      If a guy is staring at you, 99 times out of 100 it means he’s attracted to you. Like is something different.

      First… we feel attraction by sight.

      Second… we become interested in meeting you. IF that happens…

      Third… we get to know you and decide if we like you for more or less.

      That’s all there is to it. 😀

      Assume he is attracted and find a moment to say “Hello.” From there you’ll begin to get all the information you’ll need to know.

      All the best,


  • Rabbitfoot

    No clue how old this article but I’m going to comment it(might want to add a date somewhere).
    I stopped approaching girls. I actually overcame the fear or approaching but was ultimately disappointed. Maybe I’m just shitty at picking the right ones, but I always end up wasting time to no means. Most girls take me as shy and assume I WANT to be assertive and aggressive when really that’s not me at all. Then at some point one of us gets annoyed by the lack of initiative from the other and it doesn’t lead anywhere. One girl played around with me for some time. Showed me off to her friends, then dumped me. I assume cause she enjoyed the attention. Seems all the girls I approach want me to be something I’m not.

    • Peter White

      Not going to add a date to this article any time soon. 🙂

      Sorry to say IF you’re going to approach women you MUST be assertive. Not aggressive but taking or moving things forwards will tend to be your responsibility when YOU are the one approaching them.

      If women were coming to you that would be a different story.

      I’m not sure exactly what you meant by “always end up wasting time” but I’ll assume it means you never got anywhere because you approached them. They accepted you approach. But then you expected THEM to what? What was your goal? What was your purpose of approaching women?

      Seems like you need a higher goal if you didn’t have one.

      Me, my first goal in approaching women was to overcome the initial odd feelings. To get comfortable talking to women as who they really are “people with parts I don’t have” and not some hot goddess hiding in the corner.

      After that it was to get numbers and gain contacts. To expand my social life and get lots of new women in my life. They would have friends too. I could meet them. We’d meet up. I’d see them in places outside where we met and it was fun – knowing new people.

      From there my goal shifted to getting dates, intimacy, sex, and possibly find a woman where things might go further to possibly a girlfriend.

      At each stage I made new goals which went beyond the previous and it finally all came together.

      Now if all the girls you’re approaching want you to be something more, then I’d say you’re not reaching your next goal. Do you know what that goal is?

      Define what you wanted, what you got, what you now expect, and where to go from there.

      Hell I understand if you only want women to come to you or make the first move, or initiate the dating process because you don’t want to… and there are ways to achieve that but it doesn’t seem like by what you wrote that was your goal. If it was then you must set your life up in such a way where that will happen. Granted it’s tougher but I’ve seen it happen and actually done it myself. When I was playing music on the bar scenes women always came to me.

      I do appreciate you leaving your comments. Always good to hear.

      Thanks for sharing,


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