You might have noticed I get a little pissed off when I hear a limited belief such as,
“ALL men only want women they can not have!”
I’ll get out my anger first. Lay out what I can for you and then touch upon the real truths about attraction.
First this is often the belief of a woman who was just been rejected or a woman who firmly believes men only want sex. She’s the one who believes men only want her for her body and probably suffers from some esteem issues.
But… we (men) just want to feel attraction and we want to be challenged.
We also want to feel secure and enhanced by a woman for a relationship to happen.
So if this belief or myth was entirely true “all men” would be miserably stuck with women they feel nothing for.
No man could ever be with someone he does want, therefore every guy out there is unhappy in his current relationship.
Could that be true?
Are all single men unhappy?
Okay. Aside from this being a bitter myth and my obvious sarcastic response there is some merit here.
I will admit I have found myself only wanting that which I couldn’t have but there’s always a story behind it.
Isn’t there always when it comes to men. 🙂
Let me explain.
I meet a girl I’m highly attracted to. We end up having a little fun and I want to see her again so I make it happen. After a few times I attempt to escalate physically with her and she turns me down flat. I feel like shit but I’m not broken. I’ll move on.
In the meantime here comes this other girl.
I’m not really attracted to her but she seems heavily into me.
She comes to me at a time when I’m still believing I can have the other girl. The more attractive one in my eyes. I’m choosing to ignore the failure.
So here the comes this other woman pushing and pushing me. I’m obviously not attracted to her and feel nothing beyond a friendship but she insists on trying.
And as certain conversations with her arise we find ourselves talking about dating and she throws out, “Men only want the women they can’t have.”
She wants me but I’m not attracted to her. I want the other one but she is not attracted to me.
Please take full notice to the one consistent item behind the story…attraction.
There is no feelings of attraction therefore there is very little or no chance.
We often don’t attract the ones we want the most because…
We act like we have too much invested with them. We offer no challenge. And there’s more…
You see it’s not just men who only want what they can not have, women are also guilty of this.
It’s obvious this myth lies in the mind of those who: Don’t truly understand attraction or embrace the reality behind it.
How do I know this?
Well first of all I’m a man who has fallen in love with several women who did not want me. Did I say several – try about a hundred.
Secondly, even if I would accept responsibility I would refuse to objectify each situation for what it really was or embrace the reality behind it.
Third – I believed attraction was an arbitrary decision women would make.
I believed they would use this decision to refuse to give me a chance.
I’m sure there are those thinking, “I know what attraction is really all about, but I still find myself attracted to those who don’t want me. Why is this? What do I continually do this to myself? What’s wrong with me? “
Nothing is wrong with you because remember attraction is not an arbitrary decision.
For a while I could only attract bigger women and I’m just not attracted to women that are much larger than me. I just don’t feel that sexual urge around them.
So without me even realizing it I would act differently around them.
I would act aloof, indifferent, or I would disregard how they felt about me because it really didn’t matter much to me.
Now… If you’re a woman who believes men only chase girls they can not have think about this the next time this thought enters your mind.
How us men feel our attraction is beyond our control. These feelings just happen.
If you learn to create these feelings you’ll find attracting men is a lot easier than you think.
You can also read this post A Secret About Men Women Do Not Know – The Paradox Of Attraction.
It will clear up some myths about how men feel attraction or the truth about how attraction works.
NOW…If you find yourself constantly falling for one of those guys who are always chasing girls you would assume is out of their league and if they would just give you half a chance – ask yourself:
- Do you really want a man who does not understand attraction?
- Do you really want a man who won’t accept responsibility for his actions?
- Do you really want a man who refuses to objectify his situation with women?
I’m going to guess NO. You do NOT want that kind of man.
But guess what, you have no control over your attraction either.
You’re going to fall for guys who naturally demonstrate a challenge to you and unfortunately some of them are doing that because they feel no attraction for you whatsoever.
This is the absolute truth about attraction and once you understand it, embrace the reality behind it, and learn some clever ways to build the attraction in more men – you’ll present a greater challenge because you can sit back and watch the chase knowing he’s not for you anyways.
You’ll spend less time reinforcing your limited beliefs and even less time trying to get a man to feel attracted to you.
Okay…so it’s not ALL men want what they can’t have – they want and need on a primitive level to work for your attraction.
It’s part of what makes a man feel like a man.
Give him that initial feeling and suddenly you might find more real men “not” chasing you but building attraction instead.
Please – if you have not read this I insist you do – it’s an incredible lesson no woman must ever be without. A Secret About Men Women Do Not Know – The Paradox Of Attraction