Doesn’t it just plain suck when you feel all good inside and someone, a friend, a relative, or even just someone you just met, takes you out of the great mood – not purposely, but it happens.
Their good intentions made you question something in your life which you thought was great and suddenly you find yourself thinking and wondering – just maybe – maybe – they were right.
Today’s letter is about keeping your power for yourself so others don’t affect what is known as your “frame” and that’s just the tip.
If you find yourself listening to others blindly and it’s affecting you negatively – this is a letter you don’t want to skim over – read it all and learn how to stop that from happening so you can stay positive, attractive, and in control of your life and frame.
Oh yeah, you’re also going to learn what really happens when you resort to playing games or manipulating men and what being attractive
It was written by Mirabelle Summers.
Have you noticed something funny?
A lot of the techniques and strategies for being attractive to MEN are also applicable when it comes to being attractive IN GENERAL.
Once you start applying the tips and techniques for attracting MEN that you’ll find in these newsletters and the MYS product library, you’ll feel the positive repercussions in all areas of your life: your family, your friends, your job.
When you make BEING ATTRACTIVE a real priority, you begin to have MAGNIFICENT relationships with EVERYONE in your life.
It’s not just about the men!
It’s an interesting concept, isn’t it? Because it leads to the concept that men are ACTUALLY not all that different from everyone else.
What MEN find attractive is often what EVERYONE finds attractive … and, in fact, is also what will help you to enjoy the kind of success in your life and work that you’d ALSO like to enjoy in your personal romantic relationships.
When you step back and take a look at how successful you feel in the ‘attracting men’ part of your life, you can use the resulting evaluation as a kind of ‘self-calibration barometer’ to evaluate how you are behaving in general … and whether there are any areas of your life that may need to be changed.
For example, if you’re pretty successful with men, it’s a reasonably safe bet that you’re also doing pretty well in OTHER areas that require social skills (such as familial and business relationships.)
But if you’re lagging behind with your dating and relationship goals, it could be a ‘warning sign’ that you might need to work the aspects of your character that handle ALL social interactions
… such as your ease in social situations, your self-confidence, your self-image, and so on.
This is also a KEY strategy for making sure you are authentic and genuine at all times … because, as I hope you’re aware by now, truly authentic women never resort to game-playing, manipulation, or following arbitrary rules in order to attract the man of their dreams into their lives.
TANGENT: Incidentally, not everybody is as scrupulous as you and I. There are plenty of books and resources available which will actively encourage you to manipulate and trick men into feeling what they THINK is ‘attraction’ for you.
Unfortunately, when you get right down to it, this kind of attraction is nothing more than what a cat feels for the piece of yarn you’re dangling in front of it: the instinct to CHASE.
When you resort to trickery and manipulation to attract men, YOU become that piece of string.
You’re attractive as long as you’re playing the game … but as soon as you stop, and relax, and become YOURSELF, the attraction just fizzles out.
Being genuine is more important than you probably realize when it comes to forming the kinds of relationships you want, with the MEN that you want.
When you listen to your OWN voice, and your OWN opinions, you’re much more likely to attract somebody who is a good ‘fit’ for YOU into your life.
And if you had the perfect man but let him slip through your fingers… I bet you always wonder “What if…”
If that sounds like you, I urge you to see if that elusive ex still thinks about you (and wants you back): 3 Ways to Tell If He Still Wants You Back
Of course, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t be blindly taking advice or following anybody else’s opinion as truth…
Instead, I’m saying that you should always run new ideas past your own internal Opinion-Generating Machine before you ACT on those ideas.
Follow somebody’s advice blindly, and you are setting yourself up for pure, unmitigated DISASTER.
Here’s a little story to illustrate what I’m talking about. (Incidentally, this story is actually based on the experiences of a client of mine … but I’ve changed her name to protect her privacy.)
This woman – we’ll call her Sharon – has been seeing her boyfriend for the past 6 months. They are in love, and are committed to one another.
Although they’ve made no plans to get married or anything of the sort, Sharon’s boyfriend has shown her that he loves her many times over in the way that he acts around her, and the things he does for her.
The two of them live together in a small one-bedroom apartment, and are quite happy there.
Sharon’s mother and father, however, are not so impressed.
Sharon’s mother wants to see her Sharon happily married with a ring on her finger … and hopefully, with a bun in the oven before too long (if you’ll pardon the expression.)
Sharon’s father doesn’t care too much about the wedding, but he ‘knows what men are like’ and wants to make sure that this guy is REALLY as committed to Sharon as he says he is.
One day, over Sunday lunch, Sharon’s parents sit her down and ask her when she’s going to be getting married.
They tell her that a verbal commitment is NOT the same thing as a SHOW of commitment (i.e. a ring), and that, as they have always said, ‘actions speak louder than words’ … so when will they be setting a date?
At first, Sharon brushes their questions off.
After all, she and her partner are happily in love, and she knows he wants to be with HER. As far as she is concerned, people are together because they WANT to be, not because they HAVE to be.
But if that’s the case (says her mother), if he’s so sure he wants to be with her, why DOESN’T he want to get married? Really, he should be thinking about what SHE wants, not just what HE wants … and Sharon has wanted to get married ever since she was a little girl, ‘remember, Sharon?’
Sharon goes home that day in a pensive mood.
Her parents have introduced an element of doubt into her otherwise happy life.
Here’s what is going through her mind …
If he DID want to be with her, SHOULDN’T he care about what she wants enough to ask her to marry him?
Could it be possible that he’s NOT, actually, quite sure about her … and that he might possibly just be biding his time and seeing if anything else comes along?
And that phrase of her mother’s keeps ringing in her mind … “actions speak louder than words” …
Before you know it, Sharon’s sense of security in her own relationship has been compromised.
She is worried and unhappy – and, worse, afraid to talk to her partner about how she truly feels (probably because part of her knows just how ridiculous those fears really are.)
Sharon ends up putting pressure on her partner about his intentions. She didn’t MEAN to, but the pressure from her parents began to get to her.
And – as is so often the case in these scenarios – her fears created a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She was afraid that her boyfriend might be ‘stringing her along’ with no intention of staying around for the long haul …
So, she began to act paranoid, needy, and insecure, constantly asking for reassurances and proof that he would NOT be leaving her.
This made her partner feel pressured and unhappy … which led to more insecurity from Sharon … causing more paranoia and neediness … causing more unhappiness on his behalf.
Finally, Sharon’s partner couldn’t take it any more. The woman he loved was happy, confident, secure Sharon – not this weepy, needy, insecure, demanding woman that she’d morphed into.
He packed up all his stuff, moved out of their apartment, and told Sharon he was ending it.
Here’s the REALLY sad part.
If she had listened to her OWN instincts and beliefs about her own relationship, instead of allowing other people’s opinions …
… (opinions motivated by God only knows what – mistaken good intentions at best) …
… to influence the course of her relationship and life, there is a very good chance that she WOULD have been married by now.
At the very least, she and her partner would very likely still be together.
The lesson in this little parable is as follows:
If you want to be genuinely successful with men (and, in fact, with life in general), you must learn to create your own ‘frames’ for your relationships.
Otherwise, your actions will forever be influenced by other people’s opinions … and you’ll be far less likely to act appropriately to your own situation.
WHAT IS A FRAME?
A frame is a useful concept that’s based in NLP (neuro-linguistic programming.)
A frame is basically a context, or a focus, for your thoughts and actions. It’s like a picture frame for your life: just as a picture frame provides boundaries for the image seen within, a frame provides your life with limitations … and can also open up all sorts of possibilities.
It all depends on the frame that you choose to operate out of.
For example, in Sharon’s case, her parents framed her relationship in the context of her partner being a ‘typical man’ who was probably out to just get what he could from Sharon without taking her needs into account.
They had framed him as a selfish man who was not to be trusted.
Unfortunately for Sharon, her own ‘frame’ – although much more positive than this – was also much WEAKER than her parents’ frame. She allowed THEIR frame of her relationship to define and change the parameters of her OWN frame – EVEN THOUGH IT WAS FOR HER OWN RELATIONSHIP!
She allowed her parents to reframe her relationship for her.
THIS is the reason why it ended badly: because Sharon allowed her perceptions, interpretations, and reactions to her relationship to be REFRAMED by somebody else much less qualified than herself to do so.
I really cannot stress this enough:
If you want to be successful in life and love, you MUST be capable of framing your OWN relationships and experiences FOR YOURSELF.
What this means, in practical terms, is that you must put more energy into controlling your OWN relationships and your OWN perceptions, BASED ON WHAT YOU KNOW.
Yours is the opinion that is the most important, because YOU are the person who knows what is best FOR YOU.
Think of it this way: if Sharon had been a strong, confident woman, who was capable of maintaining her own relationship frame based on HER OWN PERCEPTIONS, she would have been able to comfortably listen to her parents’ attempt to negatively reframe her relationship for her … thank them for sharing … and then return to the comfort of her own home … all without turning a hair.
Look: reframing isn’t always a bad thing. It is entirely possible to POSITIVELY reframe an experience, for example, and thus feel better about what could have been seen as a ‘bad’ thing for you.
But you MUST be capable of comparing everybody else’s frames on your experiences to your own PERSONAL opinion and your own PERSONAL frame.
Don’t just swallow them hook, line, and sinker – or else you’ll never have your own opinion, you’ll ALWAYS be at the mercy of other people’s frames, and (of course) most people will not perceive you as attractive … because there is nothing attractive about a weak, unconfident, and insecure woman!
Just remember this: THE PERSON WITH THE MOST CONFIDENCE ALWAYS WINS.
The person with the strongest FRAME always wins.
If Sharon had replied to her parents with a confident, “Yes, and isn’t it great that I’m so happy and secure in my relationship that I don’t need a ring to feel safe?” … they would have been, initially, flummoxed … and then (I’ll bet money on it) actually HAPPY for her.
Think about it.
There are so many ways to get the committed relationship you have always dreamed of.
Maybe you already had it and didn’t know!
If you still have a man you think about, you should watch this short video:
Hopefully you have never found yourself in Sharon’s situation. You’re strong, confident, and aren’t always susceptible to others and the power or influence that may have over you.
But it does happen – you let your guard down for one minute – not because you were weak – but because you might have felt a little doubt inside. When someone close to you (who you deeply trust and love) makes it all to real – it’s hard to resist from “going there”.
Now that you know how and why it happens – how all too easily you can be misled into another person’s frame, you’ll be much more aware of it and you can stop it from happening to you again.
Not just in situations like this – but in every part of your life, your dating life, and in your intimate relationships too.
My Get A Great Guy Guide deals with issues like this and so much more. It’s all about you and how that relates to getting the right guy for you. How learning strategies of communication can attract a man and how it all starts with a powerful mindset of yourself.
You’ll also be shown how commitment really works for men so you’re not left guessing or find yourself at the whim of others telling how it is which only puts you in their frame.
There’s a special guide on how to control your emotions around men – again – it’s about building a powerful YOU and how to communicate that to men in a way which is attractive and doesn’t scare away the “good guys”.
You’re going to love and devour every word and when you do – finding and getting that great guy won’t be left to luck and guessing and trying to learn from the previous mistakes. You’ll make your own way – confidently and forward.
Watch the video first and then you decide: Obsession Trigger that Make Great Men Crave You – Get a Great Guy Guide – Make Men Love You While Avoiding Time Wasting Jerks!
I’ll talk to you again soon …
Mirabelle Summers from Meet Your Sweet