“What being low maintenance means to a guy. The mentality you must have. What a relationships and falling in love is. Preventable mistakes to avoid. What guys are really into and what it means to you. Shake the old beliefs. Change your perception. No more assumptions.”
Have you ever found yourself making the same mistake over and over simply because you didn’t know any better at the time?
We’re all human – from time to time we unintentionally make the occasional blunder due to a bunch of mistaken assumptions running in the back of our mind.
These false beliefs keep us blissfully unaware that our ill-informed decisions will actually lead us to disaster!
And you know what?
This isn’t a bad thing in itself because learning from our mistakes adds to our body of knowledge.
However, wouldn’t you want to AVOID making these boo-boos if you COULD?
This is why you need to UNLEARN any incorrect notions that could cloud your better judgment.
Sometimes, it just takes another pair of eyes to identify the mindsets that could drive you towards perfectly preventable mistakes.
How many times have you gotten into a situation that yielded bad results because you had the wrong ideas in mind?
Certain perceptions of men can mess up your chances of having a great relationship with them.
When we assume given things about the opposite sex, your actions could PREVENT the relationship from going in a healthy direction.
Thus, let’s take a look at a couple of the most common myths about men which you need to steer clear of:
#1: Guys are into “low maintenance” women.
Actually, this wouldn’t be a problem if the term “low maintenance” wasn’t misconstrued in the first place.
Oftentimes, when some misguided women hear this adjective, they equate it to having no opinion of their own and being a complete PUSHOVER.
This attitude reminds me of the 1950’s housewife archetype often portrayed in TV sitcoms of the same era. You know what I’m talking about: Sugary-sweet on the outside, but brimming with unspoken emotions on the inside.
She’s the one who’s afraid to mess up a perfectly good relationship by speaking up too much. This is the kind of girl who has regrettably shut off her ability to express her feelings in a healthy way.
Sadly, this glaring misconception is unconsciously driving many women to behave in a very NEEDY way.
In the back of their minds, they take the idea of being low-maintenance to such an EXTREME that they’ve become a mere shadow of their former selves.
Being “low maintenance” in the truest sense of the word is defined by REALISTIC qualities.
This is a well-adjusted, reasonable person who doesn’t throw a fit when her partner unwittingly makes the occasional offhand remark. (And I emphasize “OCCASIONAL”, as opposed to “habitually”, but anyway…)
This is also the kind of girl who can properly manage her feelings MOST of the time and keeps emotional meltdowns to a reasonable minimum.
When it comes to mood swings, low maintenance women don’t often have these and only under the most stressful of circumstances.
All in all, this is an ideal picture of what low maintenance is all about. Therefore, it’s NOT about being so laid-back to the point where you’re frazzled and out of breath from trying to please a guy’s every whim… …or even TOLERATE selfishness.
And being low maintenance is definitely a far cry from transforming into a disturbingly submissive version of yourself.
Remember, there’s a difference between a cool girl that doesn’t get upset over the little things… …and the emotional SLAVE who doesn’t have any purpose aside from sacrificing her dignity and independence in the name of “love”.
The mentality you should have is that a relationship is NOT the only thing you have going for you.
If you would make a map of your life right now, would you say it’s dominated by huge chunks of land exclusively reserved for a boyfriend?
Or does this map have equally allocated areas meant for your family, friends, career and hobbies?
Even though we’re always talking about how to get into a good, healthy relationship, you have to understand that this is only ONE PART of your multi-faceted self.
The SUM of your pursuits in life defines who you are.
If you build your universe around whether you’re single or not, your resulting actions will create a very unattractive impression of neediness.
You wouldn’t want anyone to believe that having a boyfriend is the ONLY thing that motivates you in life, right?
You know you’re TOO GOOD to act like that.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s WONDERFUL to have a partner who adores and respects you. That crazy rush you feel when you fall in love can greatly inspire you do great things in the other areas of your life.
However, my point is that you should still retain a good sense of PERSPECTIVE when you *do* get into a relationship.
What that means is that you’d be just as fine even if you didn’t have a boyfriend at the moment.
Your life was just as fine before you met him, and you can certainly leave if you’re not being treated the way you should be.
Of course, I don’t mean this in an arrogant way nor am I suggesting that our partners should be the pushovers instead!
All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t be scared to leave the comfort zone of your relationship if it isn’t helping your personal growth.
Also, in no way should you cover up your true feelings by waiving your right to SPEAK UP if you need to (i.e. when the terms are unfavorable).
A good relationship is always a TWO-WAY street, so don’t let the low-maintenance myth (or rather, misconception) tell you otherwise.
#2: Falling in Love is Eternal Bliss Guaranteed
The other common trap women fall into is the assumption that those butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings you first get when you meet someone will remain CONSTANT in the relationship.
However, this just isn’t going to happen.
Even happily married couples who’ve been together for decades know that their initial infatuation for each other evolved into a deeper and more MATURE sense of loving.
This kind of love goes beyond the initial rush that all new couples go through.
This is the love that’s weathered countless emotional storms, power struggles and other CHALLENGES.
The end result is a rock-solid relationship that doesn’t constantly require you to feel the heart-quickening rush found in infatuation.
But there’s no reason to panic over this fact of life. You shouldn’t be afraid of outgrowing this primary stage in your relationship since better things are headed your way.
Over time, the falling in love stage will eventually be replaced by something more powerful in the long run. It’s just that you’re going to go through a series of trials as a couple before you get there.
Don’t buy into the myth that loving your guy as you do now will be enough to get you through the years. Remember that neither of you are perfect; somewhere along the way, your “little” differences are going to catch up to you. (I’ve heard of couples breaking up over their brand of toothpaste, but hopefully your own relationship won’t go to that extreme!)
I’ll be honest with you here – you’re going to FIGHT tooth and nail over things like this, and you’re going to wake up and smell the coffee sooner or later.
But power struggles are NORMAL after the familiarity settles in.
If you can accept the reality that love will inevitably undergo a transformation over time, then you’ll have no reason to worry about the growing pains in your relationship.
Otherwise, insisting that everything will run smoothly or take care of itself will BLIND you to speedbumps in the future.
Of course, I’m not saying you shouldn’t enjoy the moment because being HAPPY is the point of having a relationship, right?
You just have to be aware that things will change eventually.
However, you can stay happy as long as you’re cool with having to deal with the reality check phase in due time. (No need to worry your pretty little self about stuff UNTIL you have to!)
All in all, finding happiness in a man’s arms is best done by keeping a REALISTIC perspective no matter how head over heels you may feel at a given moment.
There are a lot of impractical beliefs and notions that we women are unnecessarily exposed to in these modern times.
Like it or not, picking up unrealistic perceptions of love and dating is just a TV show or DVD rental away.
In this confusing sea of misinformation, a sassy girl definitely needs to keep her wits afloat!
For the most part, whatever we read in books or see onscreen are distilled versions of life at best.
It doesn’t necessarily reflect what happens in REAL situations!
So we can’t project unrealistic fantasies onto real life and NOT expect to run into problems!
The real world naturally includes the complexities of human behavior.
You need to keep this in mind when considering what men want from us and what we should expect from them.
Take the game-playing out of dating, stop wasting your time on jerks, players, rude humorists, and guy who only act like they uninterested in you when you KNOW they are…
Thanks for listening… Your Friend:
Mirabelle Summers from Meet Your Sweet