It seems to me approaching or meeting people isn’t really a problem at all. At least for those who have some confidence and can talk to random people.
The real hard part is the next step…
Exchanging phone numbers or some contact information which is relative.
(Now if you ask me getting a social media address just delays the next step and I don’t feel like counting it today. 🙂 )
Think about it.
WHEN do you ask for it? HOW do you ask for it? How should you work it into the conversation? Should it be obvious you’ll be calling for a date?
Is the technique different for guys than it is for women? For that fact should a woman ever ask for it anyways?
Is it the guys sole responsible “duty” to make it easy on her by asking for it, so she doesn’t have to?
If a guy doesn’t even ask for it, does that mean he doesn’t want it or he’s not interested in getting it?
Finding a way to contact someone again without coming off as an ass, overly demanding, perverted, creepy, displaying too much difference, nervous, sketchy, or every other adjective used to prove how there seems to be so many more ways to fail than to succeed.
It’s almost like we’re setting ourselves up for failure before we even begin the game and to make matters worse, we can talk about it all we want, we can practice it or the right words and it won’t make a difference in the world.
When the right moment arrives I assume most people just miss it and wind up regretting it. Sometimes they get lucky and if a second chance comes up become twice as worried only to screw it up again.
What’s your favorite way to get their number?
Do you use the class technique David D gave out years ago to smooth it all out.
Then, just as I’m turning to walk away, and we kind of disconnect, I turn back and say,
“HEY! Do you have email?”
Of course it’s old advice. It was given before Facebook and Twitter or Snapchat or Instagram, I think you’re getting the point.
Nowadays everything we do involves our phones BUT again it does NOT make those transition periods any easier does it.
The surroundings often come into play too.
In a bar or club … We ALL assume any exchange of personal information is because we’re looking to set up a date. Who knows maybe this makes it easier because there are no hidden agendas.
The transition happens when we’re having a good time and want to “pick up where we left off” or something like that.
At work… it’s just nice to be able to contact someone when it’s needed so the exchange is taken or seen as a business arrangement. It’s safe to assume that a close business arrangement with a co-worker can easily lead to going out sometimes to get a few drinks after a hard day’s work.
The transition happens when we’re unable to contact a co-worker when we need them and for most people, just happen. No pressure or nothing tough to think about.
Any other place, at least the few I can think of right now, anything goes, doesn’t it?
I mean if we meet someone in a supermarket and we’re friendly and flirty, the assumption is we’re exchanging info to meet at a later date or to get to know each other better first.
A guy will assume it’s a date. She might assume he’s just being friendly but maybe she’s just not sure.
Maybe she doesn’t understand or realize that a guy is rarely, if ever, looking to become friends with women they meet. There’s always something more.
Actually I think women DO understand it but choose to downplay it “just in case” they read the signals wrong and they want to play it just a little aloof like, “Oh he can’t possibly be interested in me… he was just too friendly… I’m sure he’s this friendly with everyone.”
The point today is transitions and the next step.
How to go from a casual conversation to an exchange of information which will go somewhere or lead to seeing the other person again.
The easiest way might be to find a common interest outside the generals surroundings and mention how it would be cool to possibly do it sometimes.
“That sounds great, maybe we’ll do it one day… Here’s my number let me put yours in my phone and we’ll see what happens.”
Another easy way would be to cut the conversation off at a high point (because we’re busy people 🙂 ) and say,
“This has been great but I must get going. We’re definitely going to continue this talk later on so let’s exchange numbers.”
Seems to me it doesn’t sound that difficult at all IF and these are some pretty big “if’s”:
IF we don’t downplay the agenda.
No hidden or masked goals.
You know when we pretend to just want to be friends and then start texting stupid sexy pics or don’t act flirty but the first message we send is a big flirt.
Being congruent is very important and that goes for men and women.
IF we’re genuine in our approach and are actually excited about getting to know someone.
Chances are lots of guys can’t figure out who she is quickly or they want to keep their sexual options more open than their “girlfriend” options.
Does that go for women too? Or do you just give him the benefit of the doubt even if he doesn’t excite you enough within a few minutes to want to know more about him.
All these transitional and “next step” questions are important to consider for single people looking for something more out of their dating experiences.
Do YOU know the answers?
Chances are if you’re not meeting enough people and getting to that all important next step, you haven’t thought about it very much, or thought about asking the right questions, and yes, you might not be “out there” as often as you should.
That all might go without saying but…
I think if that’s you TODAY would be a great day to not only start asking the right questions but also to start finding answers which will work for you sooner than later.