Written by Peter White – Creator of Why Do Guys…?
Laws Of Attraction #1: Never Let Their Looks Affect Your Actions.
Have you ever wondered why when you see somebody attractive it instantly affects you?
The short answer is:
A Specific part of the left side of the brain releases Dopamine which has been proven in MRI studies prominently performed by Kathy Fisher.
“In the brain, dopamine functions as a neurotransmitter—a chemical released by neurons (nerve cells) to send signals to other nerve cells. The brain includes several distinct dopamine pathways, one of which plays a major role in the motivational component of reward-motivated behavior.”
Dopamine is not confined and has many roles in our bodies but in attraction, it can be seen as increasing pleasure which makes it the motivational component thus when its released, some, and I emphasize “SOME” feel better for a short time.
It’s not a love drug – it’s a chemical that plays a role in bringing people together in attraction.
However – there is another chemical in play – Cortisol, which, like Dopamine serves many purposes in our body but, in sight-attraction increases when a person is stressed out.
“Sustained stress can lead to high levels of circulating cortisol, which can create an allostatic load. An allostatic load can lead to various physical modifications in the body’s regulatory networks. Changed patterns of serum cortisol levels have been observed in connection with abnormal ACTH levels, mood disorders (such as major depressive disorder), anxiety disorders, psychological stress, and physiological stressors such as hypoglycemia, illness, fever, trauma, surgery, fear, pain, physical exertion, or temperature extremes.”
This very loosely means, depending on a person’s past experience, lifestyle, and reactions to specific chemicals in their body, some may experience high levels of Cortisol which increases their anxiety and psychological stress when they see someone they find attractive.
Meaning – How you react may not be the exactly the same as someone else.
Some feel good, become happy and smile, others get nervous, become jittery, feel depressed, and act in ways what may seem to be well outside their normal character… for better or worse.
These different actions typically occur because of those two major chemicals but not everyone has the same exact reaction to any chemicals released in the body.
Take coffee for example which has many chemicals in it, but how a person reacts to them is not always the same. Some can drink it all day and boost their energy and feel fine while others take a sip or two and they become jittery and even queasy at times.
ANY chemical, ingested or produced inside of us may generally have similar effects but it is not 100% the same for every person.
The chemicals produced in our brains can have many different effects on us, some because of our current brain chemistry, which is either there, or has been developed based on our past experiences in life.
Which explains the many different responses from those who see an attractive person.
I like the explanation in this article the best:
“Every time, it was the same small sense of panic, embarrassment, and indignation. Aren’t people supposed to enjoy beauty? As it turns out, this isn’t just me being a colossal weirdo, at least according to neuroscience.
Even if they don’t mean any harm, hot people can be very, very stressful.”
I’ve given out advice before based on the negative reaction felt when faced directly in the glow of an attractive person and it states,
“Never let someone’s looks affect your actions.”
Seemed reasonable. Makes sense.
Putting another on a pedestal that quickly, or acting so differently in hopes of attracting them only sets the you as the looker up to fail more than succeed.
You’re immediately telegraphing to the other person lower status and in a way, how you’re not the chooser, you want to be SELECTED.
AND in attraction – that leaves you waiting, hoping, and eventually seeking approval which in turn makes you less attractive (non-physically) than them.
More eloquently stated by a non-attraction guru and told to me by my first mentor in attraction:
“If you let others tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. “
Although this rule – as we move from sight to the mating ritual is important, it doesn’t really give any ACTIONABLE things to do which would assure what being felt, isn’t going to lead to failure or all those negative feelings.
Seems impossible to “teach” someone or tell someone to please release less stress hormones when they see an attractive person… or is it?
What CAN be done is some inner work to decrease the stress levels already felt which can be accomplished in many different ways.
Rather than make this post extremely long, I’ll point you to a health article which covers all the basics on reducing stress and anxiety:
You can not erase the negative experiences, but you can certainly rewire a new experience to decrease the stress, AND gain a fair amount of control over everyday situations; making it far more likely to continue happening.
Today’s tip on Attraction still remains for its importance but it must be slightly altered based on the new information found…
Understand the initial attractiveness of another WILL affect you, so do what you can to keep and make it a positive experience.
Attraction is designed to bring people together and sometimes this means hijacking our brains and body to flood us with emotions.
These high levels can not be kept up and will dissipate soon. They also will come back as they ebb and flow with each sighting or meeting we encounter.
IF you feel anxious or nervous – it’s perfectly natural and NORMAL.
You CAN make the experience better with a little work on controlling the other stresses and anxieties you might be going through.
This rule or “tip” is to help quiet your mind so you can better connect with another, AND to stop all the negative effects which come about from being in a constant state of mind that puts YOU in their reality thus taking you out of your own.