13 Real Reasons Why A Guy Will Not, Can Not, or Does Not Text You Back

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As promised in my last post I’m going to cover many reasons why a guy can not, will not, or does not text you back.

This can help you to alleviate any stress you might experience when your phone goes quiet. Also it can help you decide when it’s time to move on.

You’ll also notice a few of them have to do with how you acted or act with regards to your phone.

Avoid those little mistakes, follow my two text routine, and I’m positive men will get back to you regardless of some of the reasons listed below.

In no particular order of course…

1. He’s busy at work.

You may think this is obvious but unfortunately I’ve known a few women who will text him at work as a little game. If he is willing to put his work aside for one minute – he must be into you.

You must remember not every guy always carries his phone with him and not all of them have jobs which makes it possible to get back to you.

2. His phone service sucks.

If you’re assuming your phone always works and every text you send is received you might assume yourself into over thinking why he’s not getting back to you.

The truth is not only do a few texts get lost in the digital world, some get lost while several are sent. He could easily miss it or accidentally skip over it.

3. He has a wife or girlfriend who is close by.

Ouch!! Yes I know but just what if you didn’t know he was seeing someone else. What if you didn’t know he was even married.

Although this may not be the most common reason you must admit that it can and unfortunately does happen.

4. He’s on a date.

Not too many “smart” men I suppose would dare answer another woman’s text back while he’s on a date.

If you know he’s seeing other women or you send the text during a popular “date” time rest be assured he might have been on a date with another woman.

5. He’s having sex with another woman…or man.

As above, think about when you’re sending a text. I have actually been in this situation myself. My phone was close to the bed and I was smart enough to put it on vibrate but that didn’t stop me from hearing the end table shake.

It was two messages from a “girlfriend” trying to get a hold of me at three in the morning while I was having sex with a woman.

6. You send him too many “forwards.”

Don’t we all have a friend like this? She’s the one who constantly sends forwards. sometimes up to ten or fifteen a day.

Sure I understand it’s just who she is and yes it can get annoying but what this leads to is…Me deleting many of her message without even looking at them.

She doesn’t realize that if she wants to send me anything but a forward I might not even look at it because I delete so many of her messages in the first place.

7. You don’t send him any real pictures of you.

This may be for the casual “online” dater. He’s happily shared many “real” pictures of himself but you either refused or failed to send him anything but a real picture of yourself.

Send him too many or little pictures that are genuine and you’ll hear the “texting” chirps from the digital crickets motioning he’s not listening or reading them anymore.

8. He’s not interested or attracted to you.

David says this…

If after going out on a date with a guy you have texted him twice without a return text, DELETE THAT NUMBER! – 
He Is Not Texting or Calling – When Is It Time To Delete His Number?

It happens and as David states sometimes there’s no chemistry. Sometimes the attraction just isn’t there.

There’s a definite possibility he’s just not into you. Don’t take it personal because it’s all just a part of the dating process and you and O both know, rarely ever does a person go though life without being rejected at least once.

9. He thinks texting you back too quickly goes against the “dating code.”

Trust me this happens often.

Men get stuck on trying to follow whatever rule of dating they were taught. If I text her back too quickly…If I wait a perfect amount of time she’ll think I’m hard to get.

Of course this is easily solved by giving him a chance to get back to you.

Other than that if he’s not getting back to you immediately there’s a more than high probability he’s trying to follow the rules of not being needy.

You can always follow through quickly with a phone call.

If you do this – please stop it and you will notice guys getting back to you quicker.

We may not figure it out but if the pattern is consistent you’ll notice certain guys are not texting you back – because they know it means a phone call.

Now whether he wants the call or not may not have much bearing on your case but the fact remains…if you follow a text or two with a phone call this could be why he isn’t answering your messages.

10. He’s driving somewhere.

Sometime the reason is simple. It’s not safe. He doesn’t check his phone every time it buzzes. Especially when he’s driving.

Give it some time before you write him off because we all probably spend too much time on our cars.

11. His battery is dead/ phone sucks / or is always lost.

We all know men and women like this.

Their phone is always broken. They always lose it. The batteries are always dead.

Think about “who” you’re texting and how responsible he is with certain things in his life.

You may cherish your phone more than him. You may carry extra batteries or have some charger hidden deep in your bag but most men I know will never have a charger hanging from their back pockets.

I also know men who constantly leave their phones and are in a perpetual state of getting back their contact list because they just don’t pay attention to the details of their phone life.

12. He is showering or doing something in the bathroom.

Two facts about guys – the good and the gross… We shower. Some longer than others. Mine lasts about a half an hour. And we got to use the bathroom.

Remember it’s easy to be away from our phones for a period of time and then go do something else. The next thing we know we haven’t checked our phone in a couple of hours.

This could easily be the case.

At this point I think it’s best to remember there are many possibilities which have little to do with you on why a guy doesn’t instantly text you back.

Last but definitely not least…

13. He is masturbating.

Hey…truthfully I banged out some personal gratification at the strangest times but one more common time would be right before a shower.

And I’m known for taking forever!!!! In the shower and getting ready to go out. Geeeshh where was your mind?

Self-gratification, shower, getting ready, then perhaps going to work and suddenly a typical guy might not get back to you for ten hours. It all adds up.

That about covers many of the reasons of why a guy won’t, can’t or doesn’t text you back. 

I’m sure I’ve missed a few or more so please feel free to add your own below or better yet – tell me your what you’ve experienced and I’ll let you know what I think.

Make sure you also check out my answers to women on questions like this and more at –> Why Do Guys…? Totally originally, all me 😀  You can find lots of answers there to help you understand men better.

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55 comments… add one
  • Cassidy

    Hi Peter,

    I met this guy at the gym and he is really nice. Come to find out he’s a personal trainer and trained me outside of the gym. He texted me afterwards inviting me to a rooftop party with his friends and I attended and enjoyed myself. Once the party ended he invited me back to his place for drinks and to hang out. I accepted the invitation and had a great talk with him. He told me “he’s looking to be in a relationship, but doesn’t want to force it”(what does that mean?) I did not have sex with him…

    Afterwards he invited me out to eat at a restaurant and had a great time and same thing again was invited back, but left his home without doing anything. We still kept in touch, but not as much as before. I tried inviting him out my treat but it tends to decline whenever I do saying he can’t make it or he has plans. He hasn’t made plans to hang out again. He is inclined to date other people, but he never said he was.

    I’m not sure if he is interested or just wanted to sleep with me? I tend to over analyze everything with men because of my history with them

  • Shoshanna

    I think a HANGOVER is a very important reason that you missed 🙂

    • Peter White

      I never (not) got back to a woman because I was hungover. That’s clearly a woman thing. :p

  • Debra

    Hello Peter. even after reading almost all your articles I still don’t get a couple things!
    So I met this guy online about 40 days ago and we have been talking everyday ever since. He took me out for dayes, dinner, took me to a really nice place for my birthday dinner,even spoke with my dad trough facetime, so it’s seems for me that his intentions wasn’t just for a hook up.
    We workout at the same place so we used to see each other a lot. But a month later, after out first night together he started to be more distant , not texting that much, but still showing that he is around me.Sometimes if I text him he don’t reply but couple hours lates he shows up with a totally different subject.
    So I asked him if was everything okay , that if he wasn’t interested anymore he could just tell me and I would walk away, no big deal.
    He sent me so many texts asking me please to not have that idea that he is not interested. That he really is. Said he is sorry but he have been working a lot ( but only thing I see he doing that he makes sure to post on snap is he is fishing or making bbq or at the beach) and said that he really like to hang out with me and he promised that is nothing wrong.
    But still not sign of him!
    Should I just back off too?

    I really appreciate the time you take to help us!
    Thank you

    • Peter White

      Hello Debra,

      I would back off a little. It’s obvious he’s still holding on to his single life freedom. Something many of us guys find so difficult to give up.

      We tend to feel like we must give up that freedom when we commit to a woman. OR how we’re so used to doing those things without a woman, including her would feel strange or borderline intrusive.

      He doesn’t seem ready to take that next step and pushing it or asking him if he’s interested anymore will unfortunately make him feel like he has less freedom.

      Now… if he’s lying to you about what he’s doing, then there’s a problem and something you might want to consider before you go further with him.

      If not, then yes, back off just as much. Do fun things without him. Enjoy YOUR life Debra.

      Maybe someday he’ll figure out that dating is not just dinners and taking a woman out, how it’s about experiencing things together in a way which allows us to get to know someone naturally.

      Thank you,

      Pete

  • KellBell

    Hi! I recently got out of a five year relationship that turned into an engagement then shortly after, he broke it off. I am making efforts to move on.
    I met this guy online and we went out. There was alot of attraction and chemistry which lead to sex. Yes we hooked up the first date. During the date he was very forward and made it seem like he wanted to see me again but it’s been 2 weeks since he’s asked me out again. I figure he’s dating other women. Also, I let him know I had a great time and wanted to see him again so I wonder if I put myself out there too much. Either way its all part of the experience. I don’t beat myself up because A. I had a good time and B. I haven’t dated in awhile! Any thoughts or feedback? I let him know I would like to see him again and I have quit texting him because although he always responds…I am the one initiating contact so I don’t even know if he’s into me. I guess I shouldn’t of slept with him so soon but it happened. Now what?

    • Peter White

      Hi KellBell,

      Unfortunately, way too many men will act like they want to see you again (when and if) they get even a remote sense they’re going to get laid that night.

      I’m not sure, based on what you wrote if he did ask you out again OR he waited a few weeks to ask you out again. Obviously the second one isn’t bad although I wouldn’t sleep with him the second time if you want something. That you probably already.

      Yes, it’s true. IF you want something more with a guy, you should hold off on sex for a while. BUT since it’s been a while since you dated and you are still getting your ummm “feet” warm again 🙂 AND you had a good time, it’s not the end of the world. You also know that.

      I would definitely pull back more than him.

      Even the dumbest guy in the world (with regards to knowing women) must realize that if you went out on a date with him, slept with him, AND told him you wanted to see him again, that you like him and are interested in him.

      Which tells me – pursuing him will more than likely lead you to just becoming a sexual buddy or not challenge or lure him in enough to want more than that. Yes, it’s true, guys DO love the chase… when it comes to something more.

      If he doesn’t get back to you with a reasonable request, consider it was a one time thing. Make sure his request is something which won’t make it easier for him to sleep with you again. Let him prove to you he wants something more IF it’s what you want from this experience.

      In the meantime – try again. It’s all part of the process of moving on and it seems like you needed this anyways… right? 😉

      Anyways, those are my thoughts and feedback KellBell,

      Pete

  • Iris

    Hey Peter!

    Soo I’ve been on a date with his guy 3 times already. Every time at his place.
    We slept together two times out of this 3 and I always slept over (he asked me to) and we cuddled, and talked a lot as well. Now I kinda like him, but also if he doesn’t feel the same it’s okay, at least I’d like more sex with him (more often).
    But we do text a bit, and yesterday I asked him out (like to the bar to listen to some blues band) and he’s seen the message but still hasn’t replied.
    Should I never text him again, even though I’d still want to have sex, and wait for him to text him back. Or just text him something like: I wanna sit on your face xD

    • Hey Iris.

      Chances are you’re becoming a “booty call” so I wouldn’t worry about the sex thing.

      I would expect if he isn’t looking for anything more that he’ll ignore your message from time to time. That’s his way of saying “I don’t want to give you the wrong idea about out relationship.”

      My personal suggestion if you’re only looking for sex with him is to text him less, text him at later times, don’t ask him out, send pictures, and do all that carefully and sparingly. THAT will let him know you’re okay with the just the sex thing. If you text him too often or are always looking for a reason to go out with him AND ask him, he’ll start to think you’re looking for something else.

      As for the “sitting on his face”. I’m not a big fan of getting that kind of message randomly but I imagine lots of other guys are. Since you know him better than me – I’ll let you make that call Iris.

      Your guy friend,
      Pete

  • A

    Need advice,
    Met a guy about 4mths ago and have been texting non stop since he was just out of a messy relationship & im stuck in a game over one with a partner thats refusing to seperate….
    I fancied him day one but really didnt know him but over the last while ive completly fallen for him, up to two weeks ago we hadnt seen each other & when we did we exchanged a kiss and parted ways,
    We kinda laughed it off as nothing well i did even though i knew ther was def something there between us, roll on a week and he goes to a family gathering claimed he passed on a single girl who made a play for him because of respect for me….
    The following day he says he cant do this anymore we need to cut all contact and hes gone…. their are real feelings kicking in & he just cant do it so no more texting
    Im totaly gutted heartbroken unable to sleep playing a game like im ok but inside im dying… i cant bear to look at my partner yet ive let what could possibly be my soulmate just walk away
    What the hell do i do???

  • jayme Anderson

    I accidentally buy dialed this boy a I really like and he replied whith a bunch of random letters and then I noticed and texted back “aww sorry I sat on my phone 😆” and he said “hahahaha that’s funny ” and I said ” yeah a little hahha” and I texted back and said ” your so weird kaden” he never responded so the next day I felt worried and so I texted him back and said ” sorry I wasn’t being serious” and he never responded. Did I make a big mistake ? Why didn’t he respond?

    • Hey Jayme,

      I don’t think you made a mistake at all. It was a little strange that you called him weird out of the blue like that but I don’t think it was that bad. If you did that to me I’d probably respond by busting your ass a little about “liking” a weird guy. 🙂

      But that’s me. There are guys or people who do take things a little too serious and personal. That could’ve easily happened and would explain why he didn’t bother getting back to you.

      That’s among other reasons like he didn’t feel like it, he didn’t want to give you the wrong idea about liking you back, he didn’t know what to say, etc…

      All in all, not a big deal as far as I’m concerned. Hey, your butt likes him. It’s no big deal. 😉

      If you run into guys who take things like this (trivial stuff) way too seriously, then I’m going to say it’s good that he isn’t getting back to you.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

  • Lisa

    Hi! I’ve dated a guy on and off for abt 10 yrs. We were both in relationships when we met, now we are both single and we recently rekindled things. There has been times when we sleep together and a day or 2 afterwards i txt him and he doesn’t respond, and he wont respond unless i txt him again. I can sometimes txt him 3 messages with no response and maybe wait a day later and txt again and he will respond. Why does he not respond my 1st or 2nd txt? I always have to initiate the 1st txt EVERY TIME! We may go 6 months at a time with out talkn because i tend to stop txtn when he doesnt respond and then i may txt him and he will immediately get on sex. What gives with this relationship?

    • Hi Lisa,

      Sounds like he’s only interested in having sex with you. It’s not a relationship if he’s not doing anything else with you and you’re doing all the work.

      Pete

  • Katie

    Hi,
    I met a guy on a night out and he took my phone to message himself because he said he wanted to remember me in the morning. The next day after sobering up I did some Facebook stalking and realised he was the hot guy I’d wanted to talk to in work for weeks but I had never had the courage to do so.
    Anyway we’ve been texting for 4 weeks now and we’ve been on our first get together (date but it wasn’t clarified), he paid and I laid on his shoulder in the cinema and he likes to call me princess regularly, we flirt a lot but he never says anything that could make either of us uncomfortable.
    The problem is he is terrible at replying, he can take anywhere between half an hour and 6 hours to reply, sometimes leaving it as seen and replying 6 hours later, this makes me anxious because I reply to a message as soon as it’s sent. However, I know he’s been on Facebook because it says when he is active or was last active so I’m unsure wether he’s ignoring me or playing it cool.
    When he does reply he always seems interested in the conversation and has no problem with continuing the conversation so I don’t think he’s trying to get rid of me but I’m unsure, I don’t know if he’s into me or not.
    Thanks in advance 🙂

    • Peter White

      Hi Katie,

      He’s into you. That’s all. 🙂

      He got your number. Took you out. Calls you princess. He was okay with you stalking him on Facebook. :p

      He’s playing it cool and/or doesn’t like to get right back to women while texting. I wouldn’t worry about the late replies unless it turns into days or a week a two. Then I’d assume he’s backing off or seeing other women more than you.

      So… keep your cool. Don’t text him so much. Let him get back to “courting” you. You don’t always have to be the first one to text him and I would suggest you let him get a hold of you just as much as you get a hold of him. Give him the opportunity to chase you a little.

      You’re welcome,

      Pete

  • Alma

    I think he could be dead can be a valid point too right? …..probably in a coma

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