13 Real Reasons Why A Guy Will Not, Can Not, or Does Not Text You Back

Guy Busy Not Texting Back


As promised in my last post I’m going to cover many reasons why a guy can not, will not, or does not text you back.

This can help you to alleviate any stress you might experience when your phone goes quiet. Also it can help you decide when it’s time to move on.

You’ll also notice a few of them have to do with how you acted or act with regards to your phone.

Avoid those little mistakes, follow my two text routine, and I’m positive men will get back to you regardless of some of the reasons listed below.

In no particular order of course…

1. He’s busy at work.

You may think this is obvious but unfortunately I’ve known a few women who will text him at work as a little game. If he is willing to put his work aside for one minute – he must be into you.

You must remember not every guy always carries his phone with him and not all of them have jobs which makes it possible to get back to you.

2. His phone service sucks.

If you’re assuming your phone always works and every text you send is received you might assume yourself into over thinking why he’s not getting back to you.

The truth is not only do a few texts get lost in the digital world, some get lost while several are sent. He could easily miss it or accidentally skip over it.

3. He has a wife or girlfriend who is close by.

Ouch!! Yes I know but just what if you didn’t know he was seeing someone else. What if you didn’t know he was even married.

Although this may not be the most common reason you must admit that it can and unfortunately does happen.

4. He’s on a date.

Not too many “smart” men I suppose would dare answer another woman’s text back while he’s on a date.

If you know he’s seeing other women or you send the text during a popular “date” time rest be assured he might have been on a date with another woman.

5. He’s having sex with another woman…or man.

As above, think about when you’re sending a text. I have actually been in this situation myself. My phone was close to the bed and I was smart enough to put it on vibrate but that didn’t stop me from hearing the end table shake.

It was two messages from a “girlfriend” trying to get a hold of me at three in the morning while I was having sex with a woman.

6. You send him too many “forwards.”

Don’t we all have a friend like this? She’s the one who constantly sends forwards. sometimes up to ten or fifteen a day.

Sure I understand it’s just who she is and yes it can get annoying but what this leads to is…Me deleting many of her message without even looking at them.

She doesn’t realize that if she wants to send me anything but a forward I might not even look at it because I delete so many of her messages in the first place.

7. You don’t send him any real pictures of you.

This may be for the casual “online” dater. He’s happily shared many “real” pictures of himself but you either refused or failed to send him anything but a real picture of yourself.

Send him too many or little pictures that are genuine and you’ll hear the “texting” chirps from the digital crickets motioning he’s not listening or reading them anymore.

8. He’s not interested or attracted to you.

David says this…

If after going out on a date with a guy you have texted him twice without a return text, DELETE THAT NUMBER! 

He Is Not Texting or Calling – When Is It Time To Delete His Number?

It happens and as David states sometimes there’s no chemistry. Sometimes the attraction just isn’t there.

There’s a definite possibility he’s just not into you. Don’t take it personal because it’s all just a part of the dating process and you and O both know, rarely ever does a person go though life without being rejected at least once.

9. He thinks texting you back too quickly goes against the “dating code.”

Trust me this happens often.

Men get stuck on trying to follow whatever rule of dating they were taught. If I text her back too quickly…If I wait a perfect amount of time she’ll think I’m hard to get.

Of course this is easily solved by giving him a chance to get back to you.

Other than that if he’s not getting back to you immediately there’s a more than high probability he’s trying to follow the rules of not being needy.

You can always follow through quickly with a phone call.

If you do this – please stop it and you will notice guys getting back to you quicker.

We may not figure it out but if the pattern is consistent you’ll notice certain guys are not texting you back – because they know it means a phone call.

Now whether he wants the call or not may not have much bearing on your case but the fact remains…if you follow a text or two with a phone call this could be why he isn’t answering your messages.

10. He’s driving somewhere.

Sometime the reason is simple. It’s not safe. He doesn’t check his phone every time it buzzes. Especially when he’s driving.

Give it some time before you write him off because we all probably spend too much time on our cars.

11. His battery is dead/ phone sucks / or is always lost.

We all know men and women like this.

Their phone is always broken. They always lose it. The batteries are always dead.

Think about “who” you’re texting and how responsible he is with certain things in his life.

You may cherish your phone more than him. You may carry extra batteries or have some charger hidden deep in your bag but most men I know will never have a charger hanging from their back pockets.

I also know men who constantly leave their phones and are in a perpetual state of getting back their contact list because they just don’t pay attention to the details of their phone life.

12. He is showering or doing something in the bathroom.

Two facts about guys – the good and the gross… We shower. Some longer than others. Mine lasts about a half an hour. And we got to use the bathroom.

Remember it’s easy to be away from our phones for a period of time and then go do something else. The next thing we know we haven’t checked our phone in a couple of hours.

This could easily be the case.

At this point I think it’s best to remember there are many possibilities which have little to do with you on why a guy doesn’t instantly text you back.

Last but definitely not least…

13. He is masturbating.

Hey…truthfully I banged out some personal gratification at the strangest times but one more common time would be right before a shower.

And I’m known for taking forever!!!! In the shower and getting ready to go out. Geeeshh where was your mind?

Self-gratification, shower, getting ready, then perhaps going to work and suddenly a typical guy might not get back to you for ten hours. It all adds up.

That about covers many of the reasons of why a guy won’t, can’t or doesn’t text you back. 

I’m sure I’ve missed a few or more so please feel free to add your own below or better yet – tell me your what you’ve experienced and I’ll let you know what I think.

66 comments… add one
  • Alice

    Hi Peter,
    I’ve met a guy online 3 months ago and I felt this connexion, we have many stuff in common and always found a subject to discuss, and he always replied to my messages, and he was always the one to start the conversation, until he asked me for a picture of me as he’s never seen me, and I refused.. because I lack confidence in myself and was afraid he won’t find me pretty enough, I said “no, maybe next time” because I felt that I needed more time, and he’s been ignoring me since that.I texted him after 2 days and he did reply, although he was cold and sent short answers, then the next day he sent me some jokes, and I thought we’re fine again and I laughed and replied as usual, but… no answer from him, it’s been 20 days now, I feel awful, does he like me or not? is it necessary for him to see me? What if he doesn’t like my appearance? I’m not exactly very beautiful, I’m average, but I really want to know what’s on his mind, and should I try and text him again?

    • Peter White

      Hi Alice,

      Yes, unfortunately, he’s keeping you around just long enough, or just close enough until he gets a picture and a confirmation that you are in fact a real woman with real intentions. It’s not all bad. Sometimes it is just about knowing the woman he is talking to is actually a woman. There are too many circumstances where men (and women) can be fooled through just messages.

      Now about your looks, you have no way of knowing how he will see you. How you see yourself might be completely different than how he see you. It’s a risk but a necessary risk. Beside sooner or later, if you want things to move forward, you’re going to have to see each other. Why wait so long that it makes it even worse or harder on both of you.

      Get these things out of the way as quickly as possible before you waste YOUR time with him.

      Remember, men find all sorts of women beautiful. Looks do mean something to guys, that’s true BUT what men find beautiful varies a lot. What you see as average, I’m sure lots of guys would disagree and see something more.

      If you’re going send one. Take many and pic your favorite.

      All the best,


  • B

    Hello peter
    I meet the guy online for about 5 months and he visit here he’s from other states,I’m from Asia country we are friends at first and we meet and you know we slept too soon our first meet,I was so tempted and regret because it was not my thing in fact I’ve been single for 2 years,we’ve been attracted to each other and comfortable and happy,and our second meeting we had sex again I’m tempted again,my question is we are not committed and we had sex there’s no title between both of us he said to me he likes me a lot but not ready for commitment because he has a baggage from his past he divorced from his wife last year,he said he just follow the flow is he really using me or I’m just a casual sex or I’m only a fling but he acting like my bf he kiss me more on my chicks,my head and hug me and hold my hand in front of the crowd but he mistakenly said that I never thought I will love a woman again I’m really confused of him,he set a dinner date with me for about 2 months ago and that date will happen today I Dont know what to do and ask him help me peter what should I do,I’m scared also once he will come back to his place what if he will not text me or call me again

  • Kayla

    Honey he just takes you for a booty call or he thinks your to easy and probably on the next day you guys will probably have sex that sounds like he only wants sex from you his using you end the relationship with him if you love him thean get your heart broken

  • Theresa

    Hi my name is Theresa. So this guy which I really liked was texting me every day , but then he completely STOPED texting me I’ve even texted him to see how he is doing but he never responded back and I’m feeling a little hurt. Is it me I wasn’t texting him alot if he didn’t respond or kept texting him every minute I’m just wondering if I did something. I really appreciate it if you helped me?

  • Beka

    Hey! So I am looking for advice about a man I met at work about four years ago. Right away we hit it off and began to hang out. We would go to lunch, hang out, and enjoyed just being ourselves together. We were always attracted to each other since day one. We messed around a few times. He had to move and we ended things well. A few years passed we both got into serious relationships and lost touch. We both got cheated on during our serious relationships. Out of the blue he messaged me to catch up and grab breakfast. We began talking again. He would message me every day. I would always wait for him to initiate texts and he did so I never worried about doing it. We agreed to be exclusive and inform the other person if we found some one else. We also mentioned that we did not only want it to be physical but we enjoyed each others company too. We really have an emotional and physical connection. A month passed and before I knew it, it felt like we were more like a fwb situation and I honestly never wanted that but possibly something more. Couple days ago I told him I got asked out on a date. He asked me what I said and I told him “it was a hard pass lol” the guy was a creeper. Just out of curiosity I asked him if he would be upset if I had said yes? He said we weren’t dating and it was not his place to say. He kinda hurt my feelings because even though we are not dating I would care if he went out with some girl. So I responded back with “dont worry I dont want to date you or anything lmao” he jokingly responded with “damn dont sugar coat it so much lol” and we exchanged a few messages back and forth. We always use FB messenger so you can always tell if they have read the message. I sent him one that said I was such a liar and he asked why? It is at this point he stopped looking at the messages or responding. I nervously told him I meant to send that to someone else. Then after a few hours I sent him ” I have feelings for you. I cant be your fwb. Im sorry” he has not even looked at that message or the “I meant to send that to someone else”. He has not been actively online either. I feel like I just dug myself into a hole. It has been almost 4 days with no communication and he still has not even looked at my messages. My previous relationship really messed me up so as soon as I started to feel something I kinda freaked because I got the vibe he did not want anything serious. I am scared he is going to never respond and I will lose a really good friend. I have left him alone and not sent anything but I feel like I need to talk to him in person. But if he wont even look at my messages how is he going to feel about seeing me? I wish I would have just let things naturally occur now but at the same time I am fragile right now and cant afford to get hurt. And this one would really hurt. He is the first man I have had feelings for since my ex cheated a year ago. Do you think he was mad that I said I did not want to date him or thinks I am playing games? Maybe he knows I have feelings without me saying I do and he does not reciprocate? I am lost af.

  • Jay

    Hi Peter,

    Been really good friend with a guy for past 3 months and we shared lots of things together and learning about each other as I’m Asian and he is from States. We openly talked about our problems and comfort and support each other. He has an ex wife and 2 kids and a woman who has been leeching on him and he keep saying he is trying to get rid of her from his life. Past couple of weeks ago he told me, she called him again crying about her sick child as she is single mother but living with another man but calls him whenever the other guy goes away to work. So my only advise to him was he has to sort things with he of he ever want to be happy with another woman and move on with his life and he agreed. After that he start acting strange and start distancing and now completely vanished no messages no nothing and he never read and of my messages until this week he start reading my messages but won’t reply me. I mean what did I do wrong? I was always there for him and supported him even when I had feelings for him and he even suggested that I visit him during my travels. I really confused and do not know what to do. Shall I just say goodbye to him?

    • Peter White

      Hi Jay,

      Obviously this guy is going through more than he can handle and he appears to have little control over his life. When it comes to your relationship with him, he may feel in complete control. Meaning he can come and go as he pleases and do what he wants, and only come to you when it’s convenient for him. Whether he wants more with you, it’s not going to happen anytime soon. Based on what you wrote, “he even suggested that I visit him during my travels”, is a big sign that he never intends to visit you or make anything real happen.

      Think of it this way – you were always there for him emotionally and you can not be there physically. Which poses a big problem for him and you too. So, he’s not there for you, you didn’t mention if he had feelings for you, AND he’s not moving forward with his life to make space for you. All signs are pointing to – Say Goodbye.

      Consider it just an event where you learned some, had some fun, had a new experience, and now it’s time for something new. Something better. Something more exciting. AND something which will benefit you just as much.

      All the best,

      • Jay

        Hi Pete,

        Thank you for your reply, He suggested that I visit him during my travel and even find a job near by giving places to look for and even website where I could actually apply to move there. But I guess you might be right, he is not ready to move on with his life. We actually shared a lots things together and he even played his guitar and sang a song for my birthday and always did it whenever I’m going through some difficulties in life. Whatever it is the moment he pulled away, I should have known that he is not ready to move on with his life and he is definitely back with the other woman who comes in to get money from him. I should have thought about it sooner but it’s not to late now. I’m glad did not accept the job offer to be near him as he asked me and it wouldn’t disaster for me now that the woman is back in his life. Well I guess he need to sort if his life himself. To bad that he lost me as good friend and never will be my lost because I never give up on friends. Nice of you to reply. Thank you.

  • Ashyah

    I met a man on an online site for people over 50. I was sent matches he was on the list I contacted him he responded right away. It has been a month since we first started talking on the site then texting. The problem is that he is only texting all this time. He will text in morning then in evening while at work. Lately it has only been in morning. He will say good morning how he is going to run errands then go to his evening job. He has said he likes me I told him same. And, how he wants a serious relationship with a woman that he will not extend his membership on the site because he wants to only contact me. Well, after texting for two weeks I told him I wanted to meet to see if he is real. We made a date, night before he called(only time he has called) and cancelled because he was called into work for double shift. He didn’t reschedule. During the week we planned to meet again. The day of meeting there was a big snowfall he cancelled again with no future plans to meet. It has been four days without him scheduling. We have been still texting. I am getting bored of his simple texts just asking what my agenda for day is how I am. Somethings concern me. He is a widower with no children. Says he is only surviving member of his family has a couple of cousins which he hasn’t seen in long time doesn’t know where they live. I checked his name saw he works in local hospital. Of course I am trying to figure him out. Right now am frustrated and if he never texts back I wont worry about it.

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