Written by Peter White – Creator of Why Do Guys…?
How can a beautiful woman (fed up with players) pursue a good nice man without seeming desperate?
Can she pursue him several times if he doesn’t do it at all?
People tell me that I am too pretty and because of my career nice men are scared. I am so polite and nice to all people, shall I give up my career or stay single?
I cannot wait for the nice guy to come, because I have a certain age.
This is a pattern, good men run away, players look for me just to dump me and brag.
Let’s say I meet a sweet man, I talked to him, then later I wrote him an email asking him out. He answered yes, we went out, he seemed shy and his face was red. He did not call since then, nor write me . I think, let’s say 70% that he liked me, but I feel shy to write him again. We have no friends in common, I only have that mail.
What do you suggest?
It’s not a matter of looking desperate but career or not – beautiful or not – you must NEVER pursue a man IF you’re looking for a real long-term relationship.
AND you certainly do NOT have to make the choice of giving up your career or to just stay single.
That answer will certainly take care of the question pursuing him several times if he doesn’t do it at all. Meaning – No – never once, therefore definitely not any more.
You CAN wait for a nice guy because you must, but there are lots of things you can do to entice a better man for you. Lots of which will be covered today so read on…
Tired of wasting your time with jerks and players? Then watch this:
Now that we’ve got all that out of the way, let’s look at your problem one step at a time:
“People tell me that I am too pretty and because of my career nice men are scared. I am so polite and nice to all people (..)”
First lesson – STOP listening to people that only want to give you reasons for your supposed failures!
It’s one thing to not have much faith in yourself, it’s one thing to not believe in yourself, BUT when you start taking on other’s “excuses” as if they were you’re own – you’ll run into a ton of self-esteem and confidence issues AND you’re only adding to the list.
So… just don’t do it.
Here’s the truth and believing anything else is a LIMITED BELIEF which can and should be erased from the connection you make in your mind.
You can NEVER be TOO pretty!
They’re totally different and will only ever – surprise – surprise – have you chasing or pursuing men which we’ve already covered, must NEVER be done.
Next up, you wrote:
“I cannot wait for the nice guy to come, because I have a certain age.”
You’re right in a way – NICE GUYS won’t ever come to you but you know why – something I cover in my two types of men theories you can read about at Why Do Guys…?…
It’s because “nice guys” are emotional greedy, they don’t understand women, they believe JUST because they’re nice – women “should” like them and they’re highly manipulative in the sense they think – just because they DO nice things – they should be rewarded for it.
I ask – rewarded for WHAT – being a decent human being?
My point is:
A GOOD guy is what you’re after.
A GOOD guy who understands women.
A GOOD guy who NEVER has to prove he’s good – because the ACTIONS he does and how he acts – is all he ever needs to let others know what type of guy he is on the inside and out too.
I have a ton of material on this nice guy stuff over at DiaLteG TM but this explains the nice guy mentality quite clearly and forcibly too:
“…a weak identity and so little self-esteem, that they base their own self-worth on what other people THINK OF THEM.
These guys are at the mercy of everyone else in their lives, so they try their best to please the people around them, hoping they’ll continue to think highly of them, so they can feel good about themselves.”
Please understand that’s generally meant for guys so the article won’t help you too much BUT it is a great perspective and will lead us to you. If you know any men who needs to read it – send it to them or send them to the page where I try to talk them OUT of being nice: You Want To Attract Her? Start By Changing How You Define Being Nice so they can start being GOOD and start chasing YOU the right way.
The same rule appropriately applies to you because you wrote this:
“I am so polite and nice to all people…”
That’s good but WHY do you do it?
Is it to make yourself feel good about yourself?
Is it because that’s how you want others to see you because that’s what you want them to be like too?
If so – that’s an issue because “nice” is not a defined term – your definition of nice is in no way someone else’s and honestly – you have absolutely NO right to push your ethical views on “niceness” on another.
AND by doing so – you WILL push good men away from you leaving you to only CHASE rather than be pursued.
I know – ruthless tough advice but think about it and I know you’ll see how spot on it is.
Now I’m definitely NOT telling you to stop being so polite and nice – merely trying to get you to see where your niceness comes from and why you’re that way because in the world of attraction and attracting men – one must KNOW ONE’s SELF deeply in order to communicate THAT to another attractively.
Moving on…. you wrote:
“…a pattern, good men run away, players look for me just to dump me and brag.”
Men, good men, men you really are into – will ALWAYS run from women who pursue and chase them.
You’re taking away something very primitive about men when you chase them – you’re taking away their masculinity and the role they must play to feel like a man.
So that’s a guarantee.
You have to…
Let him chase you!
“In order for a man to feel attracted to you and to pursue you, he has to feel “a pull” towards you. There needs to be some tension and the actual space for him to move forward into that space.
This is what we think of as “the chase.”
And men enjoy the chase.
It makes them feel as if they are consciously choosing you and winning something they worked for.
Unfortunately, what often ends up happening is that we like a man so much – and want to make sure he knows we’re interested – that we inadvertently push into him rather than create the space where he feels pulled toward us.”
The players however is something entirely different.
Did you know you can avoid being played by a guy?
Players are all about power, control and sex.
Don’t give them the power, don’t let them control you AND you will NEVER allow yourself to be played by a general player ever again.
Yes – it’s as simple as that.
Sure – some guys are great at fooling you, it’s kind of what they do BUT if you don’t give them what they want – power, control, and sex:
They’ll have nothing on you.They will become bored and frustrated very quickly, and will quickly move on to a prey that’s much easier for them.
Here’s two GREAT articles to help you “avoid” being played:
And one I’ve personally written:
Hold off on the sex while you’re determining if he’s a good guy or not. Mind you not a “nice” guy but a genuinely good guy.
Maintain control over yourself and your life. Once you find yourself doing things “out” of that zone – then take a big step back and reassess why it’s happening and the root cause of it.
Keep in mind there’s a distinct difference between “trying” to control everything from giving up control to another and knowing the real difference can have a major impact on your dating life.
Power is a tough word to describe in situations like this BUT…
If you find yourself in a power match – where someone else seems to be using all means to gain power over you – to get you to do things you wouldn’t normally do – which in no way are good for you but better for them…
Then they are TRYING TO CONTROL your actions to better suit their needs…
Which means – you are BEING PLAYED!
Walk away. Remove that individual from your life immediately.
Okay… let’s move on to the last part when you wrote:
“Let’s say I meet a sweet man, I talked to him, then later I wrote him an email asking him out. He answered yes, we went out, he seemed shy and his face was red. He did not call since then, nor write me . I think, let’s say 70% that he liked me, but I feel shy to write him again. We have no friends in common, I only have that mail. What do you suggest?”
First – if it’s not obvious by now – do NOT ask a guy out – especially in an email.
Just don’t do it ever anyways.
It’s okay to start a conversation with a guy.
It’s perfectly fine to say “hello” and give him some hints or signs you’re interested in getting to know him more.
BUT it’s NOT good to ask a guy out – that’s for him to do and THAT is where he begins the “chase”.
This guy – yeah he’s shy – he’s a type two.
AND there are certainly ways to bring out the confidence in him a little more.
There are plenty of way to draw him closer to you.
Some of which I can explain in my book, “Understanding Men Made Simple” which you can pick up at Why Do Guys.
Most you’ll find by looking in on the brilliant Rori Raye’s:
That’s where you’ll learn how to keep your power, how to maintain the right control in your life, AND how to use your feminine ways to draw in those GOOD guys to you.
Think about a guy like this:
He’s (knowingly or not) handing YOU all the responsibility of being the MAN and in the end, even if you do hook up – THAT will create serious problems and I only see a terrible break in the future.
IF you use all from Modern Siren and he’s still not taking the lead…
There’s NOTHING you can do about it aside from changing the man and turning him into a guy – who will probably only leave you once his NEW self comes out – as he searches for a woman who will challenge him, connect with his masculine side, and allow him to chase her.
Which is something I know you do NOT want to happen.
Send him another email saying,
“Great meeting you – but I’m not interested. If you want a woman like me, because I only want the best for you – go here and memorize everything ‘this’ guy has to say: DiaLteG TM”
Lastly or in conclusion…
There are no ways to DO something without appearing desperate IF you feel like you are in that position.
So it’s not that ACT, it’s your mindset which is telling you or forcing you to feel desperate.
AND the only way to fix that problem once and for all is to change your mindset from one of scarcity to one of a abundance AND to STOP believing some guy, this guy, the next guy, that guy, or all the ones in between are you last hope in finding and entering the greatest relationship of your life.
Desperation comes from a loss of hope. A lowered self-esteem. A lack of confidence and belief in yourself.
Fix THOSE things and you will NEVER act or have to worry about appearing desperate EVER again!
There are a million plus things you can DO to try and not act desperate BUT that will only waste your time.
There is only ONE YOU – work on that and the desperation disappears like magic AND you won’t ever have to worry about looking that way because you can do ANYTHING as long as it comes from you.
Try the ad I suggested above before you do anything else:
Mirabelle WILL help you get all those things and SHOW you how to interact with men more positively, more confidently, and more assure with a real belief in yourself:
- Image by Daria Usanova at Pexels.
- Get a Great Guy Guide – Make Men Love You While Avoiding Time Wasting Jerks! – Video presentation by Mirabelle Summers.
- Mirabelle Summers – main page here at Meet and Attract Him.
- Modern Siren – Click Here to Tap Into Your Feminine Power – Product information by Rori Raye.
- Rori Raye – Main page at Meet & Attract Him.