Should You Ever Tell A Man You Like Him Or Ask If He Likes You?

There’s a “sort of” rule in dating – “Never Tell A Man You Like Him.”

Except in the real world of dating rules are sometimes meant to be broken or they are at least designed to be slightly altered to fit the situation or need.

This led me to question “revealing your feeling” and how the rule applies to everyday dating. Hopefully that question or its effectiveness brought you here today so we can explore and learn:

  • If there’s a right time to tell a guy you like him.
  • How you can benefit from holding back your desires with him.
  • How this rule can lead you to men who are less approval seeking or needy.
  • Will telling him make you less or more attractive (in his eyes)?
  • Why you would feel the need to tell him and what does that say about you?
  • If you’re not allowed to “tell” how DO you let a man know you like him?

I’ll briefly cover everything and if you still have any questions leave them below…let’s get started because once again, I’m eager to tell. 🙂

Is there a right time to tell a guy you like him? …Or should you tell him at all?

FACT: Men are terrible at determining if a woman likes him. (generally speaking of course)

Lots of them just don’t get it and they fail to notice the subtleties you might believe are not subtle at all.

Okay if you’ve dated for a while and his actions prove without a doubt he likes you, but he appears to question you liking him back, I say go ahead make it known…

Be clever, creative, and make sure you “moderately” appeal to his “ego.”  I’m not telling you to devote yourself to him or declare your absolute love for him. I’m merely asking you to turn up the hints and let it be known. Do it indirectly.

And don’t question him, push him, or expect any response at all or you will push him away. No pressure is what you’re aiming for.

But…Should you tell him? That depends on what type of guy you’re looking for and how far you’re willing to take it.

You see “high quality” men or the ones with the most attractive personalities do not ever need to be told. They assume it or they just don’t care. And they are rare.

They or We know.

We assume.

We understand.

And sure some of us are even quite cocky about it.

The exception is when you’re in an exclusive relationship as an act of romance. After all isn’t that what romance is about… A prelude to intimacy in which we show through our actions how much we care for an individual.

If you stick to the rule…”Never Tell A Man You Like Him,” will it lead you to a man who is non approval seeking or needy?

But first…

When you meet a man who is not constantly searching for clues you like him AND he still makes you feel excited AND he is excited around you…Why would you have to tell him anyways?

If it’s working…why change it? When it levels let it simmer a little and then “ramp” it up again. There are many similarities in dating and a great sexual experience, or life in generally where you have to see the connection.

So yes…Sticking to this rule and remembering the exception I pointed out above can lead you to a better more secure man.

You might have to go through more men or go on more dates but I feel it’s worth it.  How about you?

This is a hard truth –  and I suppose it’s only hard for men because I’m asking you to let go of so many men who just don’t get it…

If he does not show signs of understanding women on a whole he will not suddenly get it three years down the relationship.

He will only be reacting to what he understands is how you act.

There’s a clear difference.

Remember this about relationships and how they grow…

You’re not learning how to train men,  You’re learning how to better share your life with someone else.

Now what if you go in the dreaded direction of asking him if you likes you, does it make you less attractive?

If you ask him, yes it will.

Unless you feel without a doubt he’s a great sincere man who just does not seem to get women but you want him anyways. Which is why this rule is so confusing. Easy to understand but hard to determine when to implement it. Truthfully I’ve known a couple of women who like to be the leader and they don’t mind being it. They actually prefer it.

If you want a relationship with this type you may have to become the leader in the relationship and take charge. I don’t recommend it but I would hate to see so many guys miss out on you just because they were not given the education I have, or even know where to begin.

Now this won’t make you less physically attractive, if that wasn’t obvious. But it can very easily push a guy away. Repelling in some ways is really just “an absence of attractiveness.”

In other words – if you do the wrong thing when there he doesn’t feel attraction – you will push him away quickly.

Which leads me to ask you a very important question…

Why do you feel the need to seek the approval of a man?

Remember school. How we had to tell another we liked someone. How “Johnny” passes a note to “Sarah” to tell “Lisa” he likes her…? Remember that stupid little paper or petal game so many girls played growing up…?

“He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.”

If you find yourself asking others or even yourself if you should tell a man he likes you it pains me to say…

You are exhibiting a classic sign of neediness and you are seeking approval from a source outside yourself.

You’re living out a childhood game which was fine when we didn’t understand our emotions and how to deal with them, but as an adult only proves itself to delay success in meeting the “man of your dreams.

If you’re not allowed to “tell” then how DO you let a man know you like him?

You flirt with him.

You tease him.

You playfully interact with sexual overtones and in a strange twist you actually accuse him of liking you!

Here’s an example:

NOT GOOD: “You’re awesome. I really like you.”

BETTER: “Wow you smell great tonight. You must really want to impress my cute ass.”

Since flirting is an adult or mature way of showing you’re smart, confident, and have a sexiness about you which is desirable it’s important to learn how to flirt better to attract more men.

At this point it become obvious – Don’t tell a guy you like him, Don’t ask a guy if he likes you, and you will naturally appear less needy.

Flirt with him and tease him the right way and you’re showing you’re at least interested – and if he takes the hint – or runs with the game – or responds by calling you out on each level – He likes you. Assume it. And assume since you’re appealing to his “manly” urge to be with you – he’s going to love it.

A major benefit of becoming a great flirt is to never have to worry about whether you should tell him you like him.

If you’re not sure why you feel the need to ask this question or tell a guy consider this type of behavior is constantly reinforced in those who find themselves in one bad relationship after another.

With each failure your esteem may drop causing even more questions like this to appear. You start second-guessing yourself and your attractiveness because you’re doing what you can to avoid another failure.

“Should I tell him?” or “Does he like me?” are just two forms of second guessing yourself.

Evan, in his quest to help women find better men profoundly states this…

Men win you over by giving to you.

We ask you out. We call you. We pay for dates. We initiate sex. We ask for commitment. We propose marriage.

We give. You receive.

Reverse this order by asking him out, initiating sex, asking for commitment, or proposing marriage, and a masculine guy will feel, well, emasculated.

Thus, if you want a masculine guy, your greatest move is to embrace your passive feminine side.


Untangling your past experiences and opening yourself up to new and more exciting experiences today, can and will stop many of these questions from ever coming up. And wouldn’t it be great not to have to question your every move in a relationship or in dating..?

The Secret to Keeping a Man: Forget the Future, Enjoy the Present –  from Evan Marc Katz

 Exploring this seemingly innocent question, ” Should You Tell A Guy You Like Him?” has definitely shown it’s not so innocent.

  • It shows the absolute truth in attracting better men.
  • It gives you a clear “scale” to mark your esteem and your level of ability to flirt.
  • It unlocks how your past failures can almost invisibly affect your present which in turn affects your future relationships.

As always these so-called “rules” of dating and attraction are there for a reason – follow them correctly and you can start attracting better or more ‘masculine’ men in your life.

By acting in the present and not reacting to your past you may never have to ask or feel the need to know whether you should tell a guy you like him, or if he likes you back.

Man Ignoring Woman She Unhappy

You’ll never believe all the reasons why a guy will ignore a woman. Some of them are absolutely absurd.

Thanks for stopping by – Peter White Why Do Guys…?

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29 comments… add one
  • Claire

    Hiya Pete.

    There is a man I talk to quite often when I see him out and about. Sometimes we can talk for a while, sometimes its just a passing hello.
    I do get the impression that he is interested.
    When there are a few of us, it always ends up where me and him end up talking amongst ourselves, rather than joining the group.
    He has said he was going to get coffee one day, and I am unsure if that was a subtle hint for me to invife myself ha. I analyzed it too much and obviously didnt go! He lingers when we are about to go our seperate ways.

    There are quite a few signs that he is interested, but I havent been able to actually come up with any questions to find out if he is actually single or not! Because I know my reasons for asking arent just for general conversation purposes…I find myself really struggling.

    I just dont know if im flirting enough to make myself look as interested as i am (I am no good at flirting), or if I am picking up his signals all wrong!

    How can I make this more clear cut without directly putting it out there?

    Thank you 🙂

    • Hiya Claire,

      I’d say it (the coffee) was his way of trying to get you to go with him. Next time a guy does this just say something like, “Oooo afternoon coffee date with some secret hottie or are you just using coffee to steal their free wifi?” Something like that tells a guy you think he’s worth dating and you throw in a little humor too. That should get you a pretty decent idea of what he’s up to AND if he’s single. If you want to invite yourself along just tell me how much you love coffee. How you’re addicted to it and how he’s a bad influence on you. Guys loves to pretend they’re a bad influence on a woman.

      Now… women are very good at telling when a guy is interested so go with your instinct… if it feels right, then it probably is. The lingering and getting you alone to talk are very clear signals a man is interested.

      The flirting thing, it’s not how much you flirt, it’s HOW you flirt. And how you flirt can get a guy to reveal a ton of information you can use. It also lures him in. Something you should do… lure and then lead him in the right direction. You should NOT have to do more than that. It sucks this guy isn’t taking the hints you’re giving him but some guys are like that – they want a guarantee with a woman to avoid rejection instead of just going for it – which works better even if she’s apt to say no.

      I say keep doing what you’re doing Claire. Add to the conversations things you love to do which he might offer to do with you or take you there.

      As far as finding out if he’s single, I’d use the old “girlfriend” technique I often use on women. Bust his ass on being a pain in the ass boyfriend. Make sure he’s laughing and it’s funny. If that fails make him believe you think he’s a player or how he must have so many women chasing him. Women use those “lines” on me all the time. It doesn’t work on me but on most guys, it works.

      If nothing is working, talk about yourself and your single life then he’d be more likely to add to the conversation with his own details.

      There are many conversational flirting techniques you can use without being direct but in the end, you don’t have to know. IF he manages to follow through with all the flirting, you’ll find out sooner than later where he stands.

      Your guy friend,


  • Shelley

    This is very complicated! I was and still am very good friends with this guy. We were very close in high school. Sort of dated but not seriously. After we graduated from high school together, her went off to the Military but before he left I told him I was scared for him to go and that if he’d stay I would marry him. Probably my biggest mistake ever in losing him. I never saw him or heard from him again until our 20th high school reunion. In the high school reunion address book were a few questions and one question asked “if you could go back to high school for one day what would you do.” He said he would tell me how he really felt about me. We were both married at the time. 20 years went by and a friend from ou high school graduating class put together a page on Facebook where we could all reconnect because our 40th reunion was not to far from then. So, I reconnected with him. We talked some back and forth. He was in the middle of a divorce and I was still married. He was not able to attend the 40th class reunion. Since then, I have divorced and I can not quit thinking of him. He was in my city about a year ago for one of his kids wedding so I told him if he had time to contact me and we could grab a coffee and catch up. He never said OK or no but I did not hear from him. The reason I think he might be interested in me is because last fall after my divorce, I changed my name back to my maiden name plus I had new address and phone number. I accidentally sent all my new information to him instead of my step sister in law. I was so embarrassed that I immediately sent a message to him explaining what I had done. He thought it was funny and said he kind of liked knowing where I lived. So I’ve not heard anything from him since. So I am not sure what to do now? Do I just leave it alone or do I try flirting with him to find out if he is interested? He lives a long way from me and I am thinking that he would not leave his home to be with me but however I would leave mine to be with him if he waned me to. I have always liked this guy and hate that I never made it clear to him!

    • Peter White


      Flirt with him. Do what you have to because just maybe something will come about. It’s been too long to wait around for “something” to happen. Make it happen yourself. He’s probably going to have trouble with the distance but if it’s all cool, I’m sure both of you can find a past it.

      Either way – enjoy the interactions no matter how long or short they are and have fun with it. If you’re reaching out to him, chances are he’s going to get the picture that you’re interested in him. How? or Why? Well let’s leave that in up in the air for now.

      Again – flirt – Have fun – Enjoy it – Let him enjoy you.


  • Unknown

    Hi Peter,
    I’ve been seeing him about a month now. We dated 3-4times a week. He told me he only sees me and wanted to make a plan to hang out with his friends. He remembers what I like and what I don’t like. He now seperated and getting divorce and I am also getting divorce soon. It may be short amount of time that we dated but he showed interest to me and I wanted to see if we can be exclusive later on. Rather than asking him directly I asked him how would he feel if I see another dudes but I don’t want to see other man, just asking. What I expected was him saying he wouldn’t like it. But instead of that he told me he can’t tell me what to do. He would be jealous but also told me to shower and see him after I sex with other man. Next time I see him I’m thinking about tell him why I asked him that way because I didn’t want to scare him off, be honest with him. But not going to ask for the answer to be exclusive. Tell him how I feel and I wouldn’t be happy if he wants to see other woman. Do you think this will work? He seems pretty honest person. He said don’t ask me a question when you don’t wanna hear the truth.

    • Peter White

      You wrote, “Rather than asking him directly”

      Men are not always the best at reading a women one way or another but they’re good at detecting ulterior motives. There’s a great chance he saw through what you were doing. He knew why you were asking him that and/or he also assumed you feel like you’re already in a relationship with him and was looking for confirmation from him.

      As the worst possible outcome – he also felt that you were trying to find out how many women he was seeing without actually asking him.

      Since this moment has already passed, going back and trying to explain yourself won’t do much good. He’s already imagined what it meant and will probably stick with his first guess or guesses.

      This is also not the time to ask to be exclusive. You must let a man step up when he’s ready to seal the deal. Considering he’s coming out of a separation, whether he commits or not to you, he won’t be in it fully because he needs freedom and time to get over what just happened.

      Sure, go ahead and reveal to him the reason why you were not as direct as you wanted to be. Make sure you start with THAT and don’t just say how you feel. Be honest about not being direct with him.


  • CC

    Are you still giving out advice? If so, could you help me out a bit as I am in a weird situation?

  • nicole

    i been flirting back and forth we have slept together few times.. he flirts back with me on a daily.. it has been a while since we last slept together he apologized foe being distant explined he been working alot and his school. so i asked hhim is he interested in having sex with me still.. because we flirt all the time aexual flirting.. he seems interested then seems NOT to be interestd. i was so confused and in aoo many wlrkmds i did express i do lime him aling witha list of his great attributes and hjs genuine peraonality. and now no reaction from him since i asked him he has not responded to me with anything since i asked. did i blow my chances did i push him away by asking him if he is really interested is having sex as in the beginning we both told each other we were nit looking for anythibg serious sobi have kept it strictly ablut casual sex. now i feel i pushed him away and i dont know why he doesnt respond ..

    smitten and confused

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