I’m still confused. As someone shy & oblivious, it’s hard. I end up with guys I am not really into because they are obvious. help!
Don’t ever feel like you have to settle with guys you’re not “into” just because they seem to be the only men who are way too obvious about being into you.
Listen, I don’t make the rules of attraction. I can not help how they work.
It doesn’t matter what we all want to believe but in any early interaction regarding attraction, when a guy shows too much interest or shows it in ways which is obvious, women will, just like you, NOT feel it back.
This means in your case, or any woman who feels shy and oblivious as to knowing when a guy is interested, you’re bound to feel confused.
You’re not alone.
You can’t tell if those “other” guys (the ones you really want) way are into you so you feel like you just have to take what’s being handed to you.
I can tell you from hundreds of personal experiences with women that the harder I tried, the more know I make my attraction clear, the more “obvious” I am, the chances of me actually getting with her decreases a lot. Practically to nothing.
And I wasn’t one of those “try hard” guys when I was single.
Sometimes I didn’t even try at all.
My point is, as men, the only chance they have is to just go about their business and walk a fine line between being attentive or indifferent.
When they weigh the odds of success, too much attention ALWAYS gives them little or no results and being indifferent (to a certain extent) is by far much more effective.
The line is often drawn out by many factors about the guy – looks, wealth, health, status, etc…
Meaning – A man who is average or below average in many of those areas can NOT be 100% indifferent because that doesn’t work. However a guy who is above average in many of those areas can be more allusive and still have success.
This will tell you CLEARLY that you’re being shy and oblivious if some guy is into you or not is NOT the determining factor AND that you’re never going to be 100% sure and not many women – with the guys they actually DO want.
If you can understand that and agree with it and how guys have to work off the traits they have (or not have) then you must also understand the men you will ultimately feel the most for will rarely (if ever) do the initial chasing.
This means you must learn to LURE him in just enough.
You must show a hint of interest.
You must give him a reason to start the chase AND you must also be willing to RISK the rejection just like some of us guys risk the same failures.
Just because you’re not sure if he’s into you does not mean you should start settling for guys who show way too much interest.
It simply means you have to use your wild feminine charm and nature to literally tease more men with broad strokes and see who nibbles.
No, it doesn’t guarantee success with every guy. I’m not going to lie to you.
But it does increase your success rate IF you’re willing to accept rejection as nothing personal and understand within each guy there exists different images of women they will become the most attracted towards.
You don’t have to become “Miss Outgoing” or a social entrepreneur.
You don’t even have to read every guy like a book. In fact, that will actually destroy the process. Knowing what every guy thinks and how or when they “want” you will not make your world any more excitable.
Trust me, it WILL become boring and you might find yourself chasing guys who show absolutely no interest in you and THAT will only make the problem worse because guys do NOT enter relationships with women who chase and hunt them down – successfully that is.
Yet, you DO have to open up some more conversations. You DO have to be more casual with the guys you’re feeling it for.
Just a little more than you might be doing now.
You MUST become STRONGER on the inside.
From that point, it’s again, simply a matter of luring him in by using something women already have hardwired inside them – you’re a WOMAN.
I’m not saying you have to be a lame female damsel in distress or act 100% feminine all the time or pretend you’re the supposed weaker sex because that will only attract one type of guy.
But you have to do those things a little because it’s part of the luring process.
You can’t entice a guy to chase a woman who appears more masculine (in the natural sense of the word) than him unless you’re ARE in fact looking for a woman and who wants to marry a closeted gay man.
Here is a great plan and I’m positive if you (and every other woman with the same feelings) tries this on every guy you believe are not into you because they’re not being so obvious you’ll start to see some quick changes in how those men are reacting and then acting towards you.
Be willing to face rejection and understand it’s rarely a personal thing against you.When you’re shy you tend to avoid social situations and interactions because you’re (generally) being overly self-conscious and facing those fears is a great start to overcoming them.
Remain honest with yourself if nothing is working. Just like I tell my guys, be willing to try something else when you’re consistently failing – and don’t be afraid to try something different.
In other words – STOP worrying about the outcome, STOP worrying about being anxious, STOP putting so much pressure on yourself and START focusing on the just the PROCESS alone even if it’s just a simple greeting or a one minute conversation.
Little steps before big leaps.
Don’t be afraid to change HOW you are doing things and a few things about yourself too. Learn to be objective as you can during the process. If that’s not possible yet, seek objective advice which you’ll find below in The Modern Siren.
Show a guy a little interest. Let him discreetly know you’re willing to give him a chance to attract you.
Guys are not always clear on the signals you think you’re giving them so that’s kind of a must. Yes, I know you’re shy but PLEASE hear me – guys LOVE shy woman… period! Remember that when you’re talking to them.
Lure him in a little.
Challenge him in many ways.
Encourage his need to chase you. Guys must chase and they instinctively know it.
Give him some time and space which will allow him to DO his thing which means to live your life without giving away all your secrets too early or too easily and let the time between messages draw out a little because you ARE too busy living your life.
All that CAN be achieved in one or two meetings and most of it (besides the time between messages) can actually be achieved within a few minutes IF you get really good at it.
Do that with every guy you ARE attracted to and you WILL see a difference.
Understand it’s a learning process and not a fail pass one time thing.Don’t get all bent if it doesn’t work at first. Don’t become discouraged if you feel rejected from time to time.
You’re building confidence each time.
Follow ALL of that exactly and you will succeed.
If you want a guaranteed fool proof plan then get this:
You’ll learn the amazing yet powerful combination of:
Being STRONG on the inside and SOFT on the outside.
The great news is – if you’re shy that means you’re already soft on the outside and guys do love that in a woman so all you need to do is learn a little confidence in yourself, takes some risks to overcome some of your outward shyness (not all – just a little) AND then connect with those men you DO WANT in a way which doesn’t land you another friend but an actual date which can lead to a real relationship.
STOP settling for guys who you are not feeling it for and START believing in yourself as a WOMAN because last time I checked- most guys like that about a female – that she’s a woman.
Shy or not – you CAN be a MAGNET for men you do want – being oblivious to their interest in your doesn’t play a major role in doing that at all anyway.
- Modern Siren was produced by Rori Raye. More info page.
- Rori Rye – Have the Relationship You Want – Sign up for her free newsletter here.
- Rori Raye – All articles and editor notes posted here at Meet & Attract Him
- Image by Pixabay found at Pexels.
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