t’s no secret there’s a communication problem between men and women.
What we often tell women about what we “really” want is misunderstood, taken out of context, twisted, or just plain ignored.
What women assume about us is sometimes based on misconceptions, rumors, other guys, and “their” past experiences.
If you ask a woman what she wants from a man, one type of guy will either try to give that to her and fail to create attraction because what she says she wants does not always equal what she needs to feel.
That means, according to everything I’ve studied and experienced, women always have an idea of what they’re looking for in a guy. They will seek it out continually but rarely, if ever, will it manifest itself into a tangible relationship because they end up following their feelings and not some logical though process. Generally speaking of course.
This happens because ALL a woman really needs is to feel something for a guy. That feeling, normally called “attraction” is BEYOND her control. Something which has been proven in the now famous Ebook… Attraction Isn’t A Choice by David DeAngelo.
When it comes to men, this problem is somewhat different but the same when it comes to attraction.
He will also declare certain traits that he looks for in a woman. He will tell some women exactly what he’s looking for, and he too, no matter what he says he wants, will often go with a feeling over a logical conclusion.
So yes, it’s true. With men attraction is not a choice either and some will argue that a man’s commitment is not a choice either which I have yet seen proven. Perhaps I’m a little too deep in the forest to see those “trees”.
The difference comes because it’s become quite clear that what triggers attraction and causes a guy to commit OR what men actually need beyond something they have control over, is remarkably different from what a woman needs.
I’d say those needs have a lot to do with a man’s fears because as in attraction, he has no direct control over them.
He can only decide or practice or learn to deal with it consciously so they are not controlling his actions.
The best explanation of those fears was written by Carlos Xuma. Mister Dating Dynamics/Bad Boy himself,
Men’s Biggest Fears In Dating:
He will be rejected by her – possibly by missing one of her “rules” of the game.
He will lose his freedom in his search for connection.
He will be seen as incompetent or a “failure” (i.e., not a success).
He will not satisfy her sexually.
He won’t know how to handle or manage her emotions.
Men’s fears relate mostly to their own ego, competence, and independence. He fears he will be inadequate and trapped.
Women’s fears relate to their feminine identity, need for connection, and emotional needs. She fears she will be unattractive and alone.
These different needs, fears and our upbringing as men or the way in which we become men often causes the communication breakdown.
Take a closer look above and you’ll see what I mean.
If, as a guy, I might be rejected it could easily threaten my manhood or my “secret status” among other men which would cause us to choose a quiet safety over a blatant declaration to someone when we’re not sure how she feels.
Add to that a fact we’re not only taught, but experience (in reality) that telling a woman too early often decreases her attraction.
Leading me to believe THIS I what I want women to know about me or men in general:
Just because I’m silent or don’t approach you does NOT mean I’m not attracted to you. If you reject me, no matter how I act or how many women I have slept with or been with or dated means something to me and it could threaten my masculinity.
The silence is justified because it’s hard to be personally rejected if I do nothing.
My freedom to me is important and under certain circumstances my freedom gives me the option to choose someone better for me thus making me feel important.
The awful truth might be: The more I settle, the less fair it is to you, the less I feel about myself and my ability as a man to seek and get my greatest attraction.
Freedom means something different to every man but in the context of dating and attraction… freedom means having more choices and/or better and greater options.
I’m not going to break down any more of those today.
he purpose of this page is to…
Give any man an anonymous (if needed) place to tell women how you really feel about certain things but you could never tell them face to face for obvious reasons:
- Approach or meeting women – What’s your biggest concern or gripe about it?
- Attraction or impulse – Is it fair? Are there double standards? Do you believe women are more into looks and social status/money than they lead others to believe?
- Dating – When does it become more? Again, is it fair? Do you like doing it or not? What is the primary reason you do date?
- Relationships – When makes you commit to one woman or another? When does it become a relationship? Who is in charge, the woman or the man?
Obviously those topics are wide open along with the question I proposed. I just came up with some stuff off the top of my head.
So let women or the world know…