…Its over four years now i have been having these strong feelings so in between these years we kissed ,so yesterday i decided you know what let me send him an sms i told him how i feel he just read my sms and he said nothing . please give an advise on what to do.
One very real reason he said nothing is because you skipped the dating phase.
What you two had, (from what you wrote me), does not equal dating in a guys mind AND most men need that part to figure out things. That’s where we pursue and chase and put high value in the women we’re attracted to. (See number 3 at then of the article.)
Sure, some guys go right for the relationship but I guarantee they will pull back and start to think about how everything happened so quickly and begin to question their commitment.
The other reason is because you sent him a text message instead of just showing him you felt.
Guys are not always good at responding to words (from a woman) when they’re a surprised romantic gesture from someone we’ve known for a while.
They will monitor and censor their response more when they are given a choice and in text messaging, we ALWAYS have that choice to wait or not wait or to decide exactly what to say.
If a woman I wasn’t sure about, or we only fooled around a little without any real dating, suddenly revealed her feelings for me in a text I would send back, “I know.” and nothing else.
I would also send it at a time which was convenient.
That is IF I were to respond at all.
“She TOLD HIM how she felt. She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.” – A Secret About Men Women Do Not Know
We (guys) know… in situations like this, anything we text back will have a measurable effect on the future between us and if we’re unsure, confused, not ready, etc… saying absolutely nothing too revealing (if anything at all) is usually in our best interest.
Now that you have some valid reasons why he said nothing back what can really be done in your situation?
I’ll give you my male opinion based on what I would want from a woman in this situation and you can take it however you’d like.
1st – If he doesn’t reveal his attraction for you in some way then you must step back and immediately remove yourself. Once your feelings were breached you put him in decision mode and spending more time with you will NOT help.
Separation is a good thing because that is when we begin to feel what we’re missing or not missing which encourages us to take action in one direction or another.
This means no pestering or constant streams of messages asking him why he isn’t getting back to you. This will also help you avoid taking back what you said in an attempt to down play what you wrote.
2nd – It never happened. Give it a few days and do your best to get back to where things were before this happened.
I’m not saying it will be erased from his mind, it’s already there BUT he needs to understand that just because you revealed your feelings does not mean you were looking for an instant relationship because of it.
Over time, as he begins to understand and fully realize you were not sending him a conditional thing where he must either do something or get nothing and walk away, he’ll feel more free to chase or pursue you without worry.
3rd – Men tend to believe that when a woman feels something for him it automatically means she wants a relationship and nothing else. If a woman tells me she loves me I could easily assume she wants to marry me and start a family BUT we both know that’s not the truth.
However, I’d say there lots of guys who won’t understand that and will act based on the assumption that every woman who says it is saying she wants something more right then and there.
So… this point MUST be clarified to him and to yourself.
Figure out what YOU want from all this. Figure where you want things to go and imagine what your possible plans with him means to you.
IF you are in fact looking for a relationship now and he’s not coming around, then it’s certainly time to move on to something else.
IF your feelings are merely something to consider for now and don’t necessarily mean you want the quick commitment and sudden relationship then, as time passes and the first two are followed – slowly reveal to him these facts.
Just don’t say it directly because that will have the same effect as just revealing your feelings.
A direct statement would be, “Just because I love a guy does not mean I want to have his children.”
A better statement would be, “Love is a strange thing, isn’t it?. Ever wonder how you can love someone and not feel like you want more but with someone else, someone you’re not feeling it all yet, you get the feelings it COULD be great if…”
Notice the difference.
The first is like you’re telling him what you want him to hear and you have an agenda, to blatantly tell him that just because you love him does not mean you want to marry him. Not a great idea.
The second simply reveals the fact that love is not conditional and it’s open to discussion what loves means to each individual with respect to their future together.
4th – Since this is partly a texting problem you might want to get some cool tricks up your sleeve which won’t make it worse and could possibly turn into something wonderful – Lots of women have used these texts successfully and although I won’t admit if they have ever worked on me 🙂 you’re more than welcome to try them on your own.
It’s a great investment either way because you “get an exact sequence of texts to send to get the best possible chance of getting them back.” Watch the video here –> Text Your Ex Back.
One last thing…
It’s not the end of the world!
Since you’ve kissed there is probably something going on here. Men don’t normally make out with women they’re not interested in. Actually they are more than likely to have sex with a woman no strings attached then just opt for kissing for nothing attached.
Kissing is normally a very personal thing to all of us.
How he now acts will always come down to how attracted he is to you, where he is in his life and his comfort or not comfortable single life, and how much of a challenge you can still be even after your feelings were revealed.
Men need three very important things if a woman is to be “one” they can not get enough of… to a lasting healthy relationship:
- An intense urge to please her physically and emotionally.
- A controllable need to support her in a masculine way which clearly defines his leadership as the male.
- A feeling that she is valuable and something rare in which he must work for a little harder than some other woman.
Get those right and trust me, you can make a lot of regular or texting mistakes with a guy without ever having to worry that his silence will last very long.
Your guy friend,
Are you looking for more reasons why guys do, say, or act the way they do?
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