“…Its over four years now i have been having these strong feelings so in between these years we kissed ,so yesterday i decided you know what let me send him an sms i told him how i feel he just read my sms and he said nothing . please give an advise on what to do.”
One very real reason he said nothing is because you skipped the dating phase.
What you two had, (from what you wrote me), does not equal dating in a guys mind AND most men need that part to figure out things.
That’s where we pursue and chase or court. Whatever you’d like to call it.
Sure, some guys go right for the relationship but I guarantee they will pull back and start to think about how everything happened so quickly and begin to question their commitment.
The other reason is because you sent him a text message instead of just SHOWING him you felt.
Guys are not always good at responding to words (from a woman) when they’re a surprised romantic gesture from someone they’ve known for a while.
They will monitor and censor their response more when they are given a choice and in text messaging, they ALWAYS have the choice to wait or not wait or to decide exactly what to say.
If a woman I wasn’t sure about, or we only fooled around a little without any real dating, suddenly revealed her feelings for me in a text I would send back, “I know.” and nothing else.
I would also send it at a time which was convenient for me.
That is IF I were to respond at all because if I had felt nothing or little, I wouldn’t bother texting back at all.
“She TOLD HIM how she felt. She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.” –
Guys know or assume or just FEEL.. in situations like this, anything texted back will have a measurable effect on the future between you and him and if he’s unsure, confused, not ready, etc… saying absolutely nothing too revealing (if anything at all) is usually in their best interest.
Now that you have some valid reasons why he said nothing back, here’s what you can do.
If he doesn’t reveal his attraction for you in some way then you must step back and immediately remove yourself.
Once your feelings were breached you put him in decision mode and spending more time with you will NOT help.
Separation is a good thing because that is when we begin to feel what we’re missing or not missing which encourages us to take action in one direction or another.
This means no pestering or constant streams of messages asking him why he isn’t getting back to you. This will also help you avoid taking back what you said in an attempt to down play what you wrote.
“Pretend” – It never happened.
Give it a few days and do your best to get back to where things were before this happened.
I’m not saying it will be erased from his mind, it’s already there BUT he needs to understand that just because you revealed your feelings does not mean you were looking for an instant relationship because of it.
Over time, as he begins to understand and fully realize you were not sending him a conditional thing where he must either do something or get nothing and walk away, he’ll feel more free to chase or pursue you without worry.
Men tend to believe that when a woman feels something for him it automatically means she wants a relationship and nothing else.
If a woman tells me she loves me I could easily assume she wants to marry me and start a family BUT we both know that’s not the truth.
However, I’d say there lots of guys who won’t understand that and will act based on the assumption that every woman who says it is saying she wants something more right then and there.
So… this point MUST be clarified to him and to yourself.
Figure out what YOU want from all this. Figure where you want things to go and imagine what your possible plans with him means to you.
IF you are in fact looking for a relationship now and he’s not coming around, then it’s certainly time to move on to something else.
IF your feelings are merely something to consider for now and don’t necessarily mean you want the quick commitment and sudden relationship then, as time passes and the first two are followed – slowly reveal to him these facts.
Just don’t say it directly because that will have the same effect as just revealing your feelings.
A direct statement would be,
“Just because I love a guy does not mean I want to have his children.”
A better statement would be,
“Love is a strange thing, isn’t it?. Ever wonder how you can love someone and not feel like you want more but with someone else, someone you’re not feeling it all yet, you get the feelings it COULD be great if…”
Notice the difference.
The first is like you’re telling him what you want him to hear and you have an agenda, to blatantly tell him that just because you love him does not mean you want to marry him.
Not a great idea.
The second simply reveals the fact that love is not conditional and it’s open to discussion what loves means to each individual with respect to their future together.
Since this is partly a texting problem you might want to get some cool tricks up your sleeve which won’t make it worse and could possibly turn into something wonderful – Lots of women have used these texts successfully and although I won’t admit if they have ever worked on me you’re more than welcome to try them on your own.
It’s a great investment either way because you “get an exact sequence of texts to send to get the best possible chance of getting them back.”
Watch the video here –> Text Your Ex Back
One last thing…
It’s not the end of the world!
Since you’ve kissed there is probably something going on here.
Men don’t normally make out with women they’re not interested in.
Actually they are more than likely to have sex with a woman no strings attached then just opt for kissing for nothing attached.
Kissing is normally a very personal thing to all of us.
How he now acts will always come down to how attracted he is to you, where he is in his life and his comfort or not comfortable single life, and how much of a challenge you can still be even after your feelings were revealed.
Men need to feel or experience three very important things if you’re to become his one and only.
NUMBER ONE: An intense urge to please you physically and emotionally. Men have an instinctual urge to make you happy and that’s part of what makes a man happy and want to be with you.
Fact: men have kind of been played a cruel trick on by nature …
… because as men, their happiness is tied directly to yours.
To understand what I mean, you have to know something VERY simple about men:
Men are hardwired to feel the most pleasure when YOU are feeling pleasure.
NUMBER TWO: A controllable need to support you in a masculine way which clearly defines his leadership as the male.
This simply means – if what you’re doing is not making him feel like a man – or if what he’s doing is not making you feel like a woman BASED on him being the MALE – he will be far less likely to fall in love with you.
His masculinity is intrinsically tied to his ability to BE A MAN FOR YOU.
NUMBER THREE: A feeling that you are valuable and something rare which he must work a little harder for than some other woman.
He NEEDS to be challenged to come and get you.
BUT… he must also believe and feel like what he’s doing IS working based on number one and two above.
Get those right and trust me, you can make a lot of regular or texting mistakes with a guy without ever having to worry that his silence will last very long.
This concludes today’s episode of the secret truth about men.
Thanks for your question – always a pleasure to answer and to know it has helped you and any other woman who came here searching for an answer to understanding men and their situations better.
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