First dates are very important. When you meet a guy you only get a few minutes to get to know him and he has even less time to decide to ask for a date or walk away with your number.
I’m going to assume you nailed that first impression. Great job!
You know without a doubt you left a lasting impression on him and you’re more than positive he’ll be asking you out soon.
But now those great feelings are being replaced by nervousness and doubt…
You start fantasizing about that fist date.
What if you run out of things to say?
What if you don’t say the right things?
What questions are you going to ask him?
What could you possibly talk about when you’re not sure who he is?
And what are some mistakes in your conversation you must definitely avoid?
Hey..first of all…STOP thinking so much. I can guarantee most men are going through the same thing you are.
Secondly, dates are supposed to be fun for the BOTH of you.
You’re NOT alone on this ride.
Third, you have me and when it comes to conversations with men I know what they want to hear, what your conversations must be about, and best of all how to talk to a guy so you can quickly find out who he really is.
Now of course I can not get into everything today, you’ll have to wait for my book. 😉
But I can tell you backed up by my experience and the fact I’ve learned from only the best…
What NOT to talk about on a first or even a second date.
Avoid these classic mistakes, focus on enjoying those positive moments with him, and allow yourself to experience chemistry and you’ll be well on your way to a third, fourth, and fifth date.
Here we go, of course in a classic list format to help you easily memorize it all.
You can add your own below or argue with me on a few.
I’m not going to bore you with a long discussion about each one but I will lead in on how to talk to men successfully.
I wouldn’t want you to do that with me on a first date so I won’t put you through it here.
1. No long boring discussions about anything.
If he keeps nodding and saying “yes” or “uh huh” you’re probably doing it.
Change the subject immediately.
I realize this might seem trivial but keep in mind this is a first date.
If you bring up subjects that take too long to fully engage him there’s a good chance it could end up being long and boring.
Even if it could be interesting in the end. Save it for another time and let it go quickly.
2. Don’t talk about past relationships.
If you slip and talk a little about them you must stay away from being negative about them or the person you were involved with.
Old relationships are in the past.
Leave them there for now.
3. If you have children keep them out of the conversation.
This is just a first date. Save this special material for later.
This also goes for your friend’s kids, your nieces, your nephews, and their kids and so on. I think you’re getting the point.
This is a first date and unless you’re at Chucky Cheese – flirt and have fun.
There’s just nothing sexual about this type of conversation and I feel ( along with a lot of other guys ) this discussion should be at a later time.
It’s best to not “sell” a relationship too early.
You’ll have plenty of time to see how good he is with kids or qualify him for something more.
4. Don’t “talk” about your job or career.
The secret words here are “job” or “career.” They often lead to number 1. ( Long and boring conversations. )
What you want to do instead is discuss your goals or passions and not what you “do.”
Even if they are one and the same.
Here is what I mean.
Job -> “This is what I do. I like it. The people are nice.”
Goals -> “You know what I really want to do some day…”
Notice the difference because it’s huge in many of your interactions with guys.
5. Don’t ask him questions which are, (this won’t be a big surprise) about his job, his children, or his past relationships.
You can break this one but you must be careful. Stay away from questions that don’t lead to a fun flirty conversation.
Here are some examples:
BAD: “What do you do for a living?”
BETTER: “Wow. You have wonderful hands. You must be a hand model.”
BAD: “How long have you been single?”
BETTER: “Haha! You’re a lot of fun. I bet you’re married. Let me check that finger for a ring.”
6. Don’t give excuses on topics you feel like venting on.
Your attraction goes down with each excuse you give.
Sure you might find a guy who is willing to listen and I know you want a guy who can do that but if you are looking for a better than average man… no excuses or venting… Okay?
Remember – if you find a guy who appears to always be listening to all your problems I can guarantee there’s no real interaction going on.
The exception to this rule is when you’re demonstrating a quirky habit.
Lots of men find quirky habits on a woman they FEEL attracted to extremely cute.
However always get that attraction first because without it a cute quirky habit is honestly just plain weird.
7. Don’t complain about your life.
Again, like above, the more you complain, the less interested a guy will stay in you.
He may go along with it but you’ll turn a guy who is maybe looking for something more into the “Well maybe just sex with her would be cool.” kind of guy.
No exceptions here.
8. Don’t talk about a bad day when you’re having it and do not apologize for being in a bad mood.
If you want a man to become attracted to you even more, ( remember he’s on a first date with you so chances are he already sees something in you he likes) don’t ruin it by telling him you’re sorry.
If the date goes well there’s a great chance you’ll forget all about your bad day very quickly so let it go before the introduction.
The right guy can turn your past experience seem like it was years ago so at least put on a happy face for now and if you can’t fake it – change the date to another night.
9. Don’t interview him or ask questions about his religion or politics.
This may be a “no-brainer” but I felt it must be put in to make this a more complete list.
Ask open-ended questions which require a full engagement. This will hep you avoid the interview style questioning.
The exception to this rule will depend on your religion and how much of a part in plays in your relationships with men.
However… Politics… never!
10. Don’t talk about the other men you are seeing.
Let him assume you’re dating other guys.
Let him believe whatever he wants to believe which may or may not be going on in your personal life.
If you want to create a “special natural connection” with him you won’t do it by talking about some other guy he’s competing with.
Better men who want better women will admit if you’re really that good – guys are chasing you AND it’s not a big deal to him.
Aside from the whole competition thing I feel this type of conversation only leads to you telling him what you want from a man or what you are looking for.
Yes you DO want to communicate that him to but there’s always a better way to get that point across.
But for now, definitely NOT the first or second date.
11. Don’t tell him what you are looking for in a man or what you are not looking for.
Think about it.
How do you respond when a man on a first date says things like,
“I really liked this girl but she was a wacko.”
“I don’t want a woman who can’t smile”
“I want a woman who can be there for me.”
They just create tension and not the good sexual tension you are looking for.
Your actions, how you go ahead with conversations, and how your personality comes across will show this.
Stating it blatantly only screams to a man,
“You’re a pain in the ass.”
As I stated above there’s always a much more attractive way to communicate what you expect from men.
12. Don’t talk about your last date if it didn’t go as planned – unless it’s a really funny story.
The exception would be if the last date showed up with his Mom, or his Mom dropped him off, you might want to mention that. 🙂
I understand you might confuse this with some other items on this list of “no – no’s” but there’s a subtle difference here.
Your last date is not a relationship.
Your last date is not one of the other guys you’re seeing.
Your last date is not a marker set to see how well this one goes.
You see most women who compare dates find themselves almost always mentioning it at the worst time and it creeps up on you when you least expect it.
The point is, at least as part of this list, is staying in the moment.
And each thought you have which can take you out of those critical “attractive” moments must be avoided.
13. Don’t talk about money.
The exception would be if you’re offering to pay or you want to make it known you’re going to be splitting the bill.
Just keep it short and move on quickly.
Money always equals bad tension.
Money breaks up marriages.
There’s just too much negative associations with cash people rarely see.
There’s NO place for it on the first date.
14. Your hair, your nails, your clothes, and how you feel about them.
I can not tell you how much it turns off a man to listen to a woman tell him how bad she is looking today.
It feels like you’re fishing for us to tell you it’s okay or worse you have very little self-esteem.
But hey…feel free to talk about something unique you may have just bought to wear tonight and the story behind how you got it.
Now obviously you’re not talking to a girlfriend of yours. You’re smart enough to realize that.
But think about what you’re going to do when the night goes dry.
Or there’s those awkward silences…
If you don’t have a “game plan” for those moments you could easily find yourself going into the “friendship” mode to ease the tension. And suddenly the “grooming” talk comes out of nowhere ready to ruin the night.
Now if you’re thinking that was a huge list – or what is there left to talk about – or how it seems impossible to even say a word without one of these mistakes creeping up in the conversation…I hear you.
I used to be the same way.
First follow a rule which is perhaps the simplest most profound way to a man’s heart…
If it’s positive and fun for the both of you – go for it!
Remember your first date must leave a lasting impression on him. It must leave him wanting more and give them the feeling that he can not wait to see you again.
It’s really hard to change a man’s mind eve he’s nor feeling it for you.
I find it’s actually much harder to change how he feels for you than it is for him to change how you feel about him.
I’m not going to get into all the reasons why so you’re just going to have to take my word for it.
Here’s a guide I found to help you form a better first experience with a man – Attracting Men and How To Make A Great First Impression With No Games.
I more than just suggest you read it before you accept another date request. It’s really that important.
These are two of my other favorites –> Flirting With Men – How To Do It With Compliments and Fun AND Make A Good First Impression With Men – Eye Contact, Smile and More.
Both are here at The Approach and should make meeting a guy and help you enjoy a great first date.
I do hope I’ve made your next first date much more enjoyable and will help you in another clever little way – when you recognize how his conversation seems to include everything on this list – you’ll be that much closer to understanding men and refining your standards of what to really look for in a guy.