This report contains the raw truth. As such, parts of it may be difficult to read, or possibly even offensive.
I considered leaving out the parts that don’t reflect favorably on my gender, but then I would have to change the subtitle to something like, ‘The Somewhat Honest Truth.’
I apologize in advance for any discomfort you may feel as I pull back the curtain and reveal the inner workings of a man’s mind as he evaluates a woman.
In addition, I should point out that this report is meant to be brief and to the point.
As such, it lacks much of the background information that supports many of the points made.
Rest assured, these are not simply my opinions.
The information you will find in this report was carefully gleaned from hundreds of research studies and hundreds of private conversations with men.
I should also mention there are many factors that I leave out of this brief report which have an impact on how men evaluate women.
I have chosen to focus on the most powerful factors that influence how men evaluate women.
Let’s get started.
Your Sexual Vibrancy
Men unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) evaluate women based on characteristics that have to do with sex and the potential for healthy offspring.
This is true even among men of an older generation dating women who are postmenopausal.
The simple fact is, men don’t feel that special kind of ‘in love’ feeling unless there is some level of sexual attraction.
Do not ignore the importance of connecting with a man on a physical level.
It’s where his attraction to you will start.
Fortunately, the most critical aspect of sexual vibrancy is something you can consciously control.
Before we get to that, let’s discuss some of the other very important variables that affect the way a man experiences a woman in terms of her sexual vibrancy.
Women like fashion.
They like to impress their girlfriends with cute new outfits and trendy colors for everything from toenail polish to lip gloss.
The truth is, men are only turned on by a small set of variables that are biologically hardwired into their brains.
The most powerful of these variables are the ones that differentiate women from men.
Tomboys make for good friends but rarely have men longing for a special kind of committed relationship with them.
In other words, your femininity is sexy.
You’ll want to fully embrace all the aspects of your body that differentiate you from a man.
One of those factors is your waist to hip ratio.
Men typically have very little difference in the circumference of their waste relative to their hips.
Naturally, women have wider hips relative to a narrower waist.
There is a ‘golden ratio’ that scientists have discovered regarding the nearly universally most attractive ratio.
It’s not a stick-thin woman that men feel automatically attracted to.
Here’s a quick piece of advice to help you accentuate the curve of your body.
Stand like a woman, not like a man.
Men tend to stand with their legs set wider apart. It’s a somewhat dominant stance and more natural to men.
Women can accentuate the way their body triggers a man’s sexual interest simply by adopting a feminine stance.
Keep your feet close together and allow your hip to jut out to one side.
This causes the differentiation between your hip and your waste to become exaggerated in a way that will unconsciously trigger his attraction toward you.
Even though the model in the picture has small breasts, she has a great deal of sex appeal to men because of the curve of her waist.
Notice how she pushes her hip out to one side to accentuate this.
You don’t have to be this skinny to get the effect.
However, if your belly protrudes to the front or sides to such an extent that your curve is reversed, you really should invest in your love life by taking the difficult steps toward losing weight.
Another powerful factor is a woman’s hair.
Don’t cut your hair short.
It may be in style and it may be cute, but it will not attract men on a primal level.
Without going into all the details, I’ll just say that you should aim for the longest hairstyle you feel comfortable with that is currently in style.
You probably don’t need to be reminded of this one, but anything you can do to improve your complexion will have an enormous impact on that unconscious evaluation process that a man’s mind does.
The truth is, makeup works.
If you’ve already done everything you can to naturally improve your skin complexion, and you don’t have particularly nice looking skin, you can trigger a man’s attraction by using a light cover that improves the appearance of pores and complexion.
Another area where makeup has an effect on men is darker or longer eyelashes.
Everything else will make little impression on a man.
In fact, using rouge and any lipstick color other than red will have no impact on the biological attraction response a man experiences.
It can actually detract from his attraction to you.
You may think only a shallow person would judge someone else based on the size of the pores in her skin or the length of her eyelashes. But remember, this is an automatic process in the mind of a man.
It cannot be turned off.
It’s like opening your eyes and trying not to see the tree in front of you.
Your brain automatically decodes the barrage of light striking the retina in your eye and sends an image to your mind.
You can’t stop doing it.
In the same way, a man cannot turn off the automatic sense of attraction he will feel toward a woman whose physical characteristics accentuate her feminine traits and sexual vibrancy.
All of these factors have to do with sexual vibrancy.
Healthy skin, long hair, and womanly curves trigger a man’s brain to mark you as a good sexual partner who is healthy enough to produce offspring.
It sounds terribly unromantic, but from his desire to have sex comes his desire to become a good mate for you.
Embrace this truth and set yourself free from any insecurities or fears you have about using your sexuality to attract a quality man.
Here’s the good news.
A man will automatically judge a woman’s sexual vibrancy based on her overall energy and attitude, not just her physical characteristics.
Think about what the word ‘vibrant’ really means.
Here are the definitions from the Encarta (North American) English dictionary.
Read each one to get a sense of the rich meaning behind this word:
- Energetic full of liveliness or energy
- Pulsating with energy seeming to quiver or pulsate with energy or activity
- Resonant having a full rich sound that tends to continue for some time
- Bright dazzling or radiantly bright
When men are looking for a partner to take seriously for a long-term relationship, they looked to a woman’s vibrancy.
A positive attitude goes hand-in-hand with energy.
Men are attracted to women with a positive, energetic attitude toward life and relationships.
Think about times in your life when you have felt depressed or down in the dumps.
What happens to your energy?
When things go wrong, our mental energy shuts down.
For people with clinical depression, it can get to the point where getting out of bed is difficult because of a loss of interest and motivation for pursuing goals.
The opposite happens when we become excited about some event in the future.
When you get a raise or simply realize it’s Friday afternoon and you have the weekend off, your energy increases.
In other words, positive expectations for the future increase energy while loss or negative expectations about the future shut down our mental energy.
A woman’s capacity for reproduction is intricately interlaced with her energy level and attitude toward life.
It may not be romantic, but these unconscious psychological factors influence the primal attraction men feel toward a partner or potential partner.
Research studies have confirmed that the number one reason men give regarding their initial attraction to a woman they later asked to marry comes down to this:
“I don’t know how to explain it. She seemed so happy and energetic.”
There are many ways to be energetic.
You can tailor this information to fit with your particular personality and style.
For example, some women enjoy playful banter that demonstrates the sharpness of their wit, while other women show their energy in their facial expressions and playful physical gestures.
The key is to allow your positive energy to shine through and be visible on the outside.
The Next Layer of Attraction
Physical attraction gives a spark to a relationship, but it remains an important factor in long-term relationships and marriages.
Keeping that spark alive requires attention and conscious effort to keep your man interested and hooked by desire.
That said, a man’s evaluation of a woman has to do with more than just physical attraction.
In this section were going to discuss the two most powerful variables that a man evaluates in a woman’s personality.
These two powerful variables can be summarized with two questions:
“Will she enhance my freedom or interfere with my freedom?”
“Will she contribute to my success or interfere with my success?”
Not all men have enough introspection to explain it with words, but all men have an obsession with freedom.
We don’t like to answer to a boss.
We enjoy camping out and hunting because it makes us feel the thrill of freedom, playing around with the idea that we could survive all on our own in nature.
Most entrepreneurs are men.
The number one driving force behind the long hours entrepreneurs put into a new business is the desire to be free.
It’s ironic that men will work many more hours with fewer benefits and lower pay in order to achieve a sense of independence.
So where do you fit into a man’s desire for freedom?
The answer is complicated and depends on many factors that have to do with his particular circumstances, hobbies, and sources of joy in life.
The key is for you to ask that question yourself.
Where do you fit into your man’s desire for freedom?
By asking this question you empower yourself to interact with him in ways that cause him to evaluate you as a good long-term partner.
For example, a women who freely encourages a man to take time to spend with the guys is the same woman who will be pursued to the point that ‘the guys’ get irritated at his absence while he spends all his time chasing her.
Ever heard the term ‘high maintenance?”
This is why it matters to guys.
A high maintenance woman can threaten the man’s freedom if she requires excessive time, money, or power over her man’s life.
One of my clients recently e-mailed me, asking for my advice in a relationship that was going bad with the boyfriend she had been fairly serious with for quite some time.
She relayed how he told her he needed some space because he wasn’t sure he could manage the stress of the relationship.
As I interviewed her about any reason why he might feel stressed by the relationship, she relayed an unfortunate sequence of events involving her own poor health and some relationship strain with family members that caused her to lean on him more than she had ever intended to for several months.
He did basic things like drive her to surgery and help her through her recovery.
As we discussed the road to healing the relationship, I advised her to write him a letter that contained the story of their relationship.
She was actually a very strong, independent woman with many resources, talents and skills, and she was in no way a dependent personality type.
Yet he had experienced the relationship as a burden that diminished his freedom rather than enhancing it.
We worked on refining her letter until it painted a beautiful picture of the relationship and its potential.
The story included the period of time where he became burdened and the story went on to describe the way this series of events created a mis-perception that she would hamper his freedom.
The last part of her story painted a picture of the potential future if the relationship was to heal and continue.
She described the way she would enhance some of the basic dreams he had.
For example, she described how she would keep up the home he had dreamed of owning deep in the woods, caring for the sheltered dogs he wanted to take in but couldn’t care for consistently due to his job as a pilot.
It was a beautiful story that literally brought tears to my eyes because of the genuine, pure desire of this woman to enhance the freedom of a man she truly loved.
How could he say no to that?
When a man evaluates a woman, he evaluates the effect his relationship with her will have on his freedom.
Success and Respect.
The second powerful question driving a man’s evaluation of a woman’s personality relates to his desire for success.
For women, the ultimate success in life is often defined in terms of meaningful relationships and love.
It’s no different for men, but the conditions in which they feel loved are very different.
Men feel successful when they are powerful, effective, and loved by people they have a deep, meaningful relationship with.
But for men, feeling loved requires that they feel respected.
For a man, success is meaningless if others demonstrate subtle indications of disrespect despite their accomplishments.
Even having an extremely attractive wife could be a measure of ‘success’ in the minds of some men, but the relationship will not last if the woman is in any way condescending toward him.
Men simply cannot thrive when their ego is being trotted upon.
The problem is, the way a man feels disrespected is often a mystery to women.
Women who claim to have a great deal of respect for a man often push him away without realizing the ways their words and actions were interpreted as disrespect.
When a man evaluates a woman, he automatically and unconsciously makes a mental judgment about the extent to which she will contribute or detract from his sense of ‘success’ as a man.
The primary determinant in the way he defines that success will be the degree to which he feels his partner builds him up in the ways that make him feel manly and respected.
This relationship factor is so powerful and so deeply misunderstood by so many women, we have developed instruction materials focused on bridging the gap between women’s desire to build a loving committed relationship with a man and her understanding of the respect principle the way man experience it.
1. Wear clothes that fit snugly against your hip and waist so that your curves do the talking for you.
2. Practice jutting your hip out slightly to accentuate the curves in your body. Practice in front of a mirror.
3. If you don’t see curves when you look in the mirror, consider whether it would be worth it to you to lose some weight (and get healthier in the process).
4. Browse some celebrity magazines and look for a longer hair-style that you could live with.
Cut it out and keep it to show your hair professional as you grow your hair longer. It really does make a big difference by erasing the androgynous effect of a short hairdo (even cute ones).
5. Do anything you can to improve the health of your hair and skin.
Use moisturizers and consider using biotin to thicken your hair. It’s 3000 mcg of biotin that many women I’ve worked with have had great success with.
Nature’s Bounty ‘Skin, Hair, and Nails’ is a good product to go with for the 3000 mcg of biotin. Thick, healthy hair is very attractive to men of all ages.
6. Think about the way you interact with your boyfriend. Think about the way you spend time and interact with new dating partners.
Do you do or say things that could cause him to feel smothered?
Think about ways to communicate your willingness to participate in enhancing his freedom.
7. Watch for times when a man gets quiet, grumpy, or seems to pull away.
When this happens, there is a good chance he is feeling unloved because of the way men equate love and respect. You may have done something that seems normal to you, inadvertently causing him to feel disrespected.
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James Bauer is a dating and relationship expert who has coached couples to help them achieve a happier more productive marriage.