What Does A Guy Want? Communicating To His Real Fears


He’s not just looking for a companion. He wants to be fearless for himself and for you.

I‘m guessing a million different people have proposed a thousand different answers to the ever popular question – “What Does A Guy Want?”

You’ve heard it all before.

How we want trophies, beauty, sex, and wealth.

How we want something we can show off, something pleasant to look at, some way to release our pent-up sexual urges, and a way or means to feel important.

Well that may be true. I won’t deny the existence of desires in any shape or form they may depict themselves as.

However – a guy’s primitive needs of survival, including procreation, has and always will have something to do with his fears.

It plays an important and invaluable part which must never be overlooked…

Especially if we’re to simplify and understand the complexity behind what every man has wanted and ever will want from his most beloved female counterpart – or future wife and mother.

Let’s get a little philosophical. I hope it will all be clear by the end. If not, let me know about it so I can clean up my thoughts for you.

Men want to be fearless around women. We can then “assume” these fears are directly related to what a particular man would inherently want from a woman.

I’ve taken a piece of some clever little work by Carlos Xuma:


  1. He will be rejected by her – possibly by missing one of her “rules” of the game
  2. He will lose his freedom in his search for connection
  3. He will be seen as incompetent or a “failure” (i.e., not a success)
  4. He will not satisfy her sexually
  5. He won’t know how to handle or manage her emotions

Five Dating Fears For Men and Women, Accepting The Natural Differences

1. Men do not want to be rejected. – therefore men want to feel like he could never be turned down – therefore men want “her” to accept him no matter what he does.

A man needs “accept-ion”. He WANTS to know you’re okay with who he is.

Accepting a guy.

2. Men do not want to lose their freedom. – therefore men want to feel like they are always free to make the right choice for them.

A man needs to feel under any condition that he has a choice. He WANTS to believe, ( although even in choosing you,) he has other options.

Boosting his ego.

3 Men do not want to feel incompetent or like a failure. – therefore men need to succeed. They need to feel in charge. They need to feel useful.

A man needs the feeling of control in his success. He WANTS to be useful to himself and you.

His belief in control.

4. Men do not want to displease a woman sexually. – therefore he needs to feel like he can bring a woman to her greatest sexual experience.

A Man needs to feel his woman is satisfied after every sexual encounter with him. He WANTS to be the best lover she has ever had.

His sexual ability.

5. Men do not want to feel the woman he is with is beyond his ability to deal with. – therefore he needs to feel she is in control to a certain extent of her own emotions.

A man needs to feel no matter what mood she is in – he will be the one she goes to help ease her stress.

His strength of masculinity and maturity.

Now of course this is not the whole, men do vary but the primitive working inside him is relatively the same.

This means to understand what a man really wants – that is for his attraction to be taken to the next level you must be able to give him some combination listed above.

You want to “put at ease” his fears so he feels comfortable enough to open up further with you.

More simply put – the best I can that is.

Accept him for who he is and expect any change he makes is because it is what he wants and not you.

Allow his “ego” safe reinforcement by you and anyone else in his life.

Remember he owns his “ego” and any false boosting will actually prove destructive.

The correct way is to “Allow” it to grow and “support” its main function in every man.

Real men are not looking to control you but they must always feel like they are the master of their own destiny.

He will accept “help” from time to time by he must also ask for it first or you risk pushing him away by “taking” away his control over himself.

A giving man as it relates to sex with a woman he loves has a physical alarm built inside his desire to please you.

How to get you off before he gets off and how if something goes wrong will you be okay with him performing once more to “finish the job” so to speak.

Do not confuse this with “faking it.”

This is really about primitive communication.

During sex we open up and allow ourselves vulnerability for a limited time.

And as I know each and every person I have ever met in my life – communication is key to making wonderful things happen.

Without it we’re separated from ever speaking with our hearts and minds. Without we become closed off, frigid, angry, and disparity leaks into every part of us.

Sex, without real communication, to me means no real connection.

Let’s say a guy is not sure where to touch you to vamp you up. He may guess. He may poke and prod and if he hits something which gets a response he’ll probably understand that’s a hot spot for you.

But there are so many aspects of sex which are in our minds just itching to get out and if we fear and fail to communicate those hidden desires with the person we’re with ( especially over time ) sex can become mundane, predictable, and boring.

So it’s not so much as showing a guy how to please you, it’s about overcoming his fear to learn.

Which goes back to his “ego.”

The more you effectively communicate, ( the right way ) about both of your desires the more confident you’ll make him feel.

He’ll feel safer doing things with you.

That is what I mean when I say, “communicate sexual safety”.

Strength, maturity, and masculinity – Granted is a huge topic for everyone BUT…

When it comes to “what a man wants” (and keeping it simple) think of it as protection.

Sure there’s the inner protection and we covered that in feeling safe with you.

The primitive feelings of a man’s ability to protect things close to him like you, his family, his wealth and ability to uphold the family values you both believe in play a major role in every man’s life.

  • If he does not feel strong enough – he may revert to immaturity.
  • If he hoes not feel strong enough – he might not believe in his masculinity.
  • If he does not feel strong enough to protect you and how you feel about him (equally important) his fears will ultimately rule and perhaps ruin his life and happiness.

Now believe it or not, for this case, this is not all about him – it’s about you.

When a man sees you’re in control of yourself you’re actually making it easy on him to predict and prepare to protect you from those outside forces which could cause real harm and pain.

Sure in a way he wants to feel strong enough to physically fend off intruders but you must know that’s not always possible.

Sure some men who have unhealthy desires to pound his fists in his chest to protect you but again, this insecurity is really just him resorting to immaturity as a response because probably in many other ways – he does not feel strong enough to KEEP you.

So It’s not right to pretend you’re helpless when you’re not.

It’s not enough to create moments which unrealistically make him feel strong. You will probably only attract guys with the greatest fears.

What you want to do then is…

  • Be feminine. Be the female. When it’s appropriate of course.
  • Be strong. Be in control of your self.
  • Support his “cause” as a strong masculine mature man.

And I’m sure you’ll find more men who are ready, willing, and able to step up to the challenge of his own life struggles.

I’ve given you my ideas or concepts on how to continually increase his attraction – by ( osrt of ) giving him want he wants… Show me you understand by putting a little of it in your life productively.

When you actively seek knowledge and only accept advice with total scrutiny, when you strive to first understand and not to judge harshly – these ideas, concepts, truths, or your most enlightened answers – will easily find their way to you.

Thanks for listening today,


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