In a lot of David DeAngelo’s earlier newsletters (the ones which first captured my attention) he would grab a few questions from guys who wrote him and give them blatant but simple and very truthful answers.
This one was about approaching women and that’s why I’ve included it here.
He also brings up an important in the beginning which trapped me:
What to do when a woman blows you off and exactly what NOT to do.
Then he Addresses fears and behaviors that you may have when approaching a woman you want to meet.
Today’s overall theme is about:
All the ways guys BLOW IT when approaching women… … and how you can do it RIGHT to get killer results instead.
There’s also a powerful “Approaching Women” quiz that EVERY “shy” guy should take right NOW).
I like a girl (20 yrs old) and I am 24. We are all college students.
Recently, she didn’t reply to me anymore nor is she seeming online anymore after approaching her.
Today, I use a invisibility detector to check if she is online (but invisible).
Then I saw that she is invisible, I jump on and say Hi, I know you are invisible, have a good night.
Then she replied me that “If you know that I am invisible, you should know that I need private time. I try to keep the friendship with you but…”
I wonder what should I do here.
Listen to me close on this one, TT:
Any time that a woman “blows you off” (also known as doing not-so-subtle things like “hiding” from you online) then I can guarantee you 2 things:
ONE: It’s not some kind of computer glitch — you said or did something to basically make her want nothing to do with you.
TWO: At this point, there’s almost nothing you can do to fix the situation.
You see, once you come across as “Wuss” or a “loser” when first meeting a woman, it’s almost impossible to change her mind.
It’s ALWAYS something that YOU said or did that’s caused it to happen!
That in mind, here’s what I want you to do…
Stop wondering if there’s anything you can do to win her back.
And PLEASE… stop thinking about “confessing that you like her” (the NUCLEAR BOMB of Wussdom).
Instead, take this opportunity to take a look at YOURSELF… why it is you’re acting in ways that make a woman block you online… and start figuring out how you can STOP getting these kinds of reactions.
I’ll get you started, TT:
I want you and every guy reading this to take my quick “Approaching Women” quiz, and try to be brutally honest with your answers.
Okay, here we go:
QUESTION #1: When you first approach a woman, what should both your words and body language be communicating to her?
a: That you couldn’t care less how she feels about you, or how things turn out.
b: That you’re very interested in her, and that you’d love to have a long conversation.
c: That you’re a bit nervous about approaching her, but it’s okay. It’s “cute” and “charming.”
QUESTION #2: What should you be thinking about as you start talking to a woman that you just met?
a: Getting her number and getting out fast.
b: Keeping a fascinating conversation going with her to make her like you.
c: How to control all that stuttering and stammering you’re doing.
QUESTION #3: During a first conversation with a woman, do you:
a: Bust on her and make teasing jokes.
b: Behave extremely politely and treat her with total respect, just like your mom taught you.
c: Offer to buy her some drinks and maybe even dinner.
QUESTION #4: After a few minutes of conversation with a woman, do you:
a: Leave suddenly, telling her that there’s somewhere else you need to be.
b: Do everything you can to “lock down” that first date.
c: Linger around her for as long as possible to make sure that you stay “on her radar”
Okay, that’s it, TT. Let’s see how you and everyone else out there did…
If you answered anything but (A) to every question above, we need to talk.
You see, most guys are just plain clueless about what they’re really “communicating” to a woman when they first approach her…
… as well as what they’re NOT communicating.
Most guys are basically running around like headless chickens, doing things that they’re not even aware of to KILL their chances of success.
Or — if they are aware of what they’re doing — they’re not aware of what it makes a woman THINK about them.
Worst of all:
Because most guys feel so “clueless” and “helpless,” they default to saying and doing whatever they *think* will please a woman… mentally anticipating what they think she’s going to do and trying to “kiss up” to her.
In fact, if most of us guys could get a realistic look at how much we’re trying to act in a way that pleases women, we’d slap ourselves.
So here’s what I want you to take away from this quiz, TT…
When you first start talking to a woman, your inner attitude, words, AND actions are critical.
Every thought, idea, and preconceived notion you bring with you as you approach a woman changes your body language.
Every word you say reflects those thoughts.
That’s why, if you don’t feel confident on the INSIDE… knowing how to control your body language… knowing exactly what to say to create attraction… in other words, how to communicate that you’re an in-demand, in-control man (even if you’re NOT)…
… then you’ll probably be mentally discounted (also known as REJECTED) by her within seconds.
Of course, to project confident inner beliefs and attitudes that ARE attractive to women, you can’t just “fake” them.
Shocking fact is, I used to try all kinds of self- help “tricks” and “techniques” to make this happen when I first met a great woman.
But when it came down to it, no matter how well these “techniques” claimed to work, women always seemed to lose interest in me as soon as I approached.
And it was all because I just didn’t get it:
As I said, there’s no way to “fake” this stuff!
So what was the solution?
It involved acquiring the ability to do 2 things like they were second-nature to me:
- FEELING confident and in-control on the INSIDE whenever I approached a new woman.
- Learning EXACTLY what to do and say, and what NOT to do and say under ANY circumstance.
Once I learned how to master these 2 things, EVERYTHING CHANGED for me.
I was suddenly communicating very quickly to the women I wanted that I wasn’t just another Wussy or desperate loser who just wanted to get in her pants.
And then women began to REACT to my approaches in whole new ways… MIND-BLOWING ways.
And by the way, TT — bear in mind that you may STILL get the occasional “blow off” from a woman.
You just have to just move on and learn not to take it personally.
Even if she’s hiding from you online.
Just get on with working on your “approach… then getting out and meeting a ton of wonderful NEW women out there…
… women who are desperately hoping to meet a CONFIDENT, IN-CONTROL guy…
… and watch what happens!
*** READER QUESTION ***
I met a girl while she was bartending at the place where I used to bartend. I flirted with her for a couple of her shifts when I was there with my buddies. I asked for her number and got it.
I found out that she has a boyfriend of about 8 months. I find myself thinking of her as my girlfriend, but still knowing that she is still going home to him at night.
Everything about this situation tells me to stay away, but I cant help to think that I would be missing out until I follow it through till the end.
Do I put an ultimatum on the table?
Well J.S., there are two ways to look at this:
One way is, you need to use a little common sense and understand an important fact:
SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.
And , although I admire your confidence that you have a shot at getting her if you try, I really don’t recommend it.
It’s because, first off… did I mention… SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!
Therefore, even if she responds to your “ultimatum” by deciding to drop the other guy, things could get messy for you if this guy’s in the vicinity, you know what I mean?
And who needs that?
Second: the fact that she’s so willing to flirt with you while she’s still with him… even possibly drop him for you… should have you thinking.
Maybe she’d be willing to do the same to you down the road.
So… unless you’re just looking for some dates and some dangerous fun… your time and effort would be MUCH better spent on meeting an AVAILABLE, high-quality woman at this point.
You’ll be glad you did.
*** READER QUESTION ***
I have a really good friend of mine who I asked out before I began reading your material and she rejected me. I didn’t take it personal… but ever since then our friendship has grown stronger, and now its to a point where I like her and she clearly is attracted to me.
I have used the C&F routine on her every time we hang out… she always wants to hangout with me.
She is very flirtatious when she is with me. I don’t know if I should move on, or go against your teachings and make a move.
Want to know how you can “make a move” at this point and NOT go against my teachings?
Just go ahead and do it!
That’s right — by getting off that hesitating, uncertain, insecure Wussy-fence that you’re sitting on… and just TAKING ACTION to see where you stand with this woman…
You’ll NEVER have to worry about going against my teachings.
In fact, you’ll be following my teachings to a T.
Now, of course, if she rejects you again, and instead of finally moving on you hang around… constantly calling her… running errands for her…
… THEN you’ll be going against my teachings (and everything that it means to be a REAL MAN) big time.
Then I’m going to have to come over and slap you.
But, until then, here’s how I suggest that you proceed with this woman:
When the time feels right, don’t “ask” before you make a move.
There’s nothing wussier (and more likely to shut down any feelings of attraction a woman may be starting to feel for you) than “asking” for permission.
Keep sending me those emails, and keep checking back here for my next mailbag answers.
The next one may be EXACTLY what YOU need to hear.
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