When A Guy Says These Two Things, Is It Time To Stop Dating Him?

Hurt Hot Cold Guy Not Moving Forward

“Hi i have been dating this guy for three months now we see each other about two times a week he told me at christmas he would never love a woman again. He is very living and affectionate to me he lookes me in the eye and tells me im beautiful he has also told his friends that he has never met a woman like me before i am 14 years older than him and that does not bother us he had never let me down but players it very cool im not needy and i have my own life i do text but not all the time he hss been hurt in a previous relationship i just want to no if im wasting my time with is guy as im getting mixed signals with him a bit hot and cold.”

Lisa,

Guys will ALWAYS be hot and cold.

Just like yourself, you can not keep the intensity high because it’s emotionally and physically draining. Often it becomes overwhelming and we must step back to gather our thoughts and re-energize.

You’re getting mixed signals because he’s not ready to move forward. He’s using this time to enjoy it when he can and he’s also using it to decide where he wants things to go.

Maybe he’ll waste your time and never move forward.

Maybe he won’t.

BUT one thing is sure:

A terrible pattern is emerging.

When he’s hot, you feel like he’s into you and things are moving along.

When he’s cold you feel like he’s pulling away.

Sometimes you feel like you’re wasting your time BUT at the same time you can’t help but to feel attracted to him. You’re not willing to give up on him until he makes it clear to you one way or another.

Which I can tell you from my vast experience of men, they will rarely (if ever) make it clear to you WHEN they’re NOT CLEAR themselves where they want things to go or what they want.

Let’s remove the mixed signals as a basis for a decision and look at the real problems (or issues) I’m seeing with you dating this guy.

NUMBER ONE: He told you he would never love a woman again.

NUMBER TWO: He’s been hurt in a previous relationship and is acting hesitant because of it.

He’s hurt, scared, emotionally confused, making quick assessments about the future, AND he’s looking towards empathy and for someone who will nurture him back to health.

Not really what I would call a good start of a relationship and whether he knows that or not, doesn’t mean he’s not feeling it.

I’m sure he’s attracted to you and finds you beautiful. He’s singled you out for a reason and was vocal about it when he said he’s never met a woman like you before.

BUT…

When a guy says he’ll never love a woman again you’re more likely to continually seek his love. You’ll be left waiting for him to finally say it. Except you won’t know if he means it or not if he finally does say it.

Sometimes he’ll act like he loves you and on other days he won’t. More confusion and more questions than answers.

When a guy has been hurt in a previous relationship, (and tells you this to hold you back or used as an excuse to not get too close) he WILL have trust issues. He will question himself, other’s motives, and will have more of a tendency to act fearful and with restraint.

I’m not one to just blatantly tell you you’re wasting your time with him.

However, based on the information you shared about him not feeling he can love another woman and a previous relationship left him a little scarred and hurt – How do you think things will play out?

Thanks for your question Lisa.
Your guy friend,
Peter White

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3 comments… add one
  • Just Me

    Boy, we could be dating the exact same man!! Mine also said this to me. Is this the new thing to say to women or what? I flat out told him, “You think you’re the only one that has been hurt? You think you are the only one that isn’t afraid of being hurt again?” I think men say these things so they will not have to get serious or commit, but that’s just my opinion. It’s all the same game, all the same lines. I told him (on another occasion) “Don’t worry, one day you will meet Ms. Right, not Ms. Right Now, and she will make you change your mind because you will do anything to make her happy and to take her off the market.” He said he was afraid to lose me, yet knew on my internet profile that I said I wanted a serious, monogamous relationship…so I looked him in the eyes, smiled sweetly and said, “If you do, remember, you only have yourself to blame, and please don’t say I broke your heart either. I’m here for you now, you knew what you had when you met me….not bait and switch here…and when you told me on the first date that you weren’t looking for a relationship I told you that I was going to be on the market until I was taken off…so….” When you are in the beginning of the first stages of a relationship, there is a fine line between being a booty call and being in a relationship. Everyone is scared to take that next step, or women are making it too easy for them to treat you like a side chick. We have to stay classy and stand our ground. I’d rather be alone than to lower my standards. But that’s just me.

    Peter, thank you so much for taking so much time with us. You are a breath of fresh air and are inspiring a lot of women to wake up!! Do you have a youtube channel? If so, please let us know.

    • Thanks for sharing and I do have a youtube channel but have not posted there in years. I prefer writing. 🙂

      Thanks for the comments, here’s inspiring you as much as I can. 🙂

      You’re welcome,
      Pete

  • Sophie Opondo

    I am in the same damned situation no support system I have been dating this man for four years but right now it feels like his checking out of the relationship. His too busy doing nothing other than spend time on social media and doesn’t want to be asked nothing his nothing like the person I fell in love with

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