“I keep attracting losers – should I give up on finding a partner now that I am in my mid 4os?”
Let me tell you a little story about a poor boy who couldn’t find a girlfriend.
His teens while littered with testosterone and yielded one real girlfriend. This drove him crazy.
In his twenties his frustration was growing. Then came the anger to top it all off a desperation to have his physical needs fulfilled.
As he turned thirty a close friend of his, who was a woman, denied him because of his age. She claimed he was too old for her.
It was yet another sharpened stake through his heart.
Sure it was less hurtful because he has been through it a hundred times and was use to it but this one had a sharpness which could have only been delicately made over time…
Because this time he suddenly realized, due to his age, he may never have a relationship most enjoy in their late teens and twenties.
He might have to settle and not ever know what it feels like to be with the women he wanted so badly.
And so comes despair.
Like “someone” stole his past.
Like “someone” denied him his youth.
But you see he was not ready to live in the present.
“Living in the present is the most effective way to make a man fall in love with you. The Secret to Keeping a Man: Forget the Future, Enjoy the Present
He was not ready to date his own age until he experienced the youthful desires he missed out on.
And as his 30’s was passing quickly so was, as he believed, his ability to attract younger women.
After all he was not rich or famous so even finding a “younger lay” felt completely beyond him.
Then something mysterious happened… he met a man and no he didn’t realize he was a gay.
This new friend showed him a new perspective.
An alternate view of a world he never even knew existed but was always there before.
Of course the answers did not magically appear out of thin air but it only took a very small shift in his beliefs about himself and the world around him.
“So many single people – both men and women – continue to do the same things over and over again to meet people, but they continue to expect different results. How To Take Control Over Your Dating Life – Doing Something Different
Here’s what I mean.
Imagine long wide blinds hiding the outside world. They’ll block out almost everything. But if you turn the handle even a little, a sharp ray of light can easily shine through.
Turn it a little more and even a little more and suddenly those blocking blind become a mere slim distortion of what exist out there.
Sure they are always there but they don’t hide much of anything at all.
But there’s a catch.
Your feelings of despair…
Your feelings of hopelessness…
You know those “blinds” you carry around with you…
They are and always will be a part of you because your experiences have built them to help you cope with the world around you.
And yeah so what.
Some of them may not have been the “right” thing to do or the perfect way to cope with your problems.
If you could make the perfect choice every time who really knows who you would be today.
My bet is you probably wouldn’t like yourself much at all.
You see to truly get what you want out of life you must first…
Give up on living in the future because you will never be happy there.
So just give it up.
Mind you I did not say give up hope or trying.
I’m saying to keep yourself from thinking you will be happy in the future if you ( do this or that.)
We all do that to an extent:
“So if I dress better I’ll attract more guys.”
“So if I know what questions to ask…I’ll get him to stay interested in me.”
“If I do this – I will get that.”
Each day all you have to do is find a way to turn those blinds just a little more.
Just a small easy turn of the handle will slowly open a who new world to you and you do it for the one reason that it makes you happy in that moment.
“By creating an amazing lifestyle and being passionate about the things you do, you will start attracting men instead of spending your life chasing them and hoping you’ll connect with them. 5 Simple Ways To Become Instantly More Attractive Through Lifestyle
Sure a little planning is good. I don’t want you to live life “blindly” forgetting your present actions can easily affect the outcome your life.
But you have to remember when you question your future or your happiness in the future you’re forgetting the most important part of life…
The present. Your happiness NOW! Not tomorrow. Not the next day. Not yesterday or even twenty years ago.
Please ask yourself this very important question most seem to overlook…
“Who will I be in the next year of my life if I do not make myself happy today?”
Then ask yourself this…
“Who will I be in the next year of my life if everyday I wake up finding a new “thing” or perspective on life by doing something that makes me happy?”
Within reason of course.
Okay. Yes. That man above was me.
You know what made me happy on some days?
- Flirting with a woman and allowing her to be happy just being around me that moment.
- Writing a chapter in my journal and learning what good came from the so-called bad decision(s) I made the previous night.
- Doing things I could not afford. Sure it put strain on my future. But this new confidence I was developing in the present helped me to cope easier with the problems I avoided in the past.
- If I felt lonely I went out and met people I would have never even associated with before.
All those little things I did were the ones I avoided in the past but made me happy in the present and it just so happened to make the people around me more happy and much more attractive.
Sure I was still learning new things. I was a sponge of knowledge but I never allowed the logic of it all to stop me from “doing”.
So I found a balance.
Those decisions I made did not always work out in my favor.
Some of them I’m still dealing with today as I write this.
But I’m also going through them with a wide open window making it so much more enjoyable and while I’m doing them I developing a “past happiness” of never having to say I missed out on anything.
Who you are inside and how the world sees you are not always going to be the same.
In fact most of the time they won’t even be close to what you thought.
But the overall effect will attract those who are at your “level” or slightly below it.
When you’re happy you attract happy people.
“The more you can truthfully and honestly love yourself – the more love you can allow into your life. Rori Raye – New Rules for Love and Attracting Men
When you’re angry you attract angry people.
When you’re sad you attract sad people.
And if you have found yourself attracting only loser guys… ( No it does not mean you’re a loser,) But I bet somewhere inside you do not feel worthy of another.
But you can change that.
You can build confidence in yourself.
You can date or find a partner who no one would ever consider a loser now matter how old or young you are.
And this is because it all starts with today.
The real truth I’ve found about men is that when they are in their forties, their thirties, their twenties or whatever their age is…
If they are not happy they are most likely NOT living in the present.
And trust me you DO want a man who lives in the “now.”
When you learn how to do that more yourself just as I showed you above. When you learn to turn those blinds even the tiniest amount each day…