Why Does A Guy Stare At A Woman But Not Approach

Guy Staring At Woman

Guys will stare and it’s inevitable fact that most of them, will NEVER approach a woman. The reasons why are actually simple so let’s get right to it so you can get back to that hopefully cute guy who was checking you out and not saying a word.

Some, actually guys fear the approach as much or even more than speaking in public and if you know how scary that can be for people, that is a lot of fear.

They get way too nervous.

They think way too much about what to say and if they can not come up with something clever, they don’t, won’t or never will approach a woman.

Some even think you’re amazingly hot and can only think of telling you how beautiful they think you are. (A comment they know every guy has already said to you sometimes a thousand times.)

Here’s a fact:

Men are not conversational driven like women which presents many more problems on top of the nervousness.

They’re not taught how to approach a woman in school or anywhere.

They have to rely on their friends to help them and since many of them, don’t know how to do it themselves, there’s not much knowledge being passed on. Of course there’s you tube, movies, and pick up ebook and programs but it’s safe to say most guys won’t or don’t get the right education on “picking up” women or girls which become another problem in itself.

You can assume most guys are nice and seeking help through a pick-up book is not something they will ever invest in because they don’t want to pick up women. They merely want to talk to the woman they’re staring at because… and here it is…

They’re feeling instantly attracted to the object of their stares!

Here’s the whole of the problem:

They’re feeling nervous and believe being nervous around a woman is not attractive – one reason to not approach.

They don’t know what to say which will make it feel like they’re not trying to pick you up. Anything they come up with in their head, if anything does beyond “Hello” feels like a pick up line and they simply do not want some pretty girl think they’re a sleazy player pick-up dude just trying to get in your pants.

Another reason to just sit back and stare.

Some men also don’t really know how to talk to a woman let alone make a public approach to a stranger. Yes, men suffer from stranger danger too but in a way that’s a little different.

They fear public rejection. They imagine the worst scenario. They become so wrapped up in their own projected future thoughts it compounds the fear and just choose to remain silent.

Some DO understand women are not solely into looks and you might think that’s a good thing, but to a guy, it’s not. When they consider how much attraction needs to be created through their body language, attitude, social status, and conversational approach – the pressure mounts and starts running through their entire body and more.

Because now they believe if they screw up the conversation and (any or all) of the so-called attraction triggers they must create in you (after the approach) you’ll never give them a chance. Hence the fear of rejection continues to grow at an alarming rate.

A guy stares at a woman and does not approach because he’s nervous, doesn’t know what to say, fears being publicly rejected and humiliated which will all but destroy his confidence.

Guys Checking Out Staring At Girls

By now it’s safe to assume you are wondering WHY is he staring then and that’s a great question I hear a lot. No worries – I’m going to reveal that too although I did mention it a few paragraphs ago.

He likes what he sees. He’s feeling instant attraction. 99 or more time out of a 100 it’s pure physical ATTRACTION!

This is how the “notice her and don’t approach” goes most of the time for men:

We notice her from afar. Wow. She’s hot. A friend might even smack them on the arm and say,

Dude. Look at her. She’s incredible.

We would check her out casually and turn away quickly when she caught us. Yeah, we try to be all smooth about it thinking you didn’t notice… but you did or else you wouldn’t be here on this article today.

We don’t want her to think we’re like every other “creepy” guy. We don’t want her to think we were objectifying her body even though in part, we were. Can you blame us. You’re quite hot!

Let’s say we’re out playing pool and notice you. We will use every opportunity to admire your beauty but of course at the same time find every excuse to not approach her:

  • She probably has a boyfriend or worse yet married.
  • She wouldn’t like us.
  • We could embarrass ourselves if she shot us down.
  • If we only knew what to say to get her interested but doubt “that’s” going to happen.
  • What if she says something hurtful or worse yet, calls us an ugly loser… ouch!
  • Who are we to believe we could ever have a woman like you. We’ve never even been given the opportunity before so we wouldn’t even know what to do if she talked back. Ahhh yes, the very real and compounding fear of success!
  • We could stutter like some fool and look totally pathetic.

Hopefully you can now see the full effect of our attraction towards you, what goes on inside our minds, and why you find most men will not approach you but continue to stare.

Let’s go deeper into the “Staring” part so you can fully understand why and how it happens.

Men are generally drawn to the physical attributes on a woman as if you didn’t already know it, but there may be some details you’re not aware of that is happening which is associated with the fear of approach.

When we see a girl that we are highly attracted to there’s a mysterious force ( attraction ) which draws our eyes to her. Some guys stare right at the breasts. Some try to position themselves to check out her ass. It all depends on the “type” of guy.

Some gaze at her eyes hoping and praying she will approach him and magically they will run off together. Okay this one is absurd but believe me, it does happen.

This staring mechanism goes deep and the feelings or imagery create last a really long time. That’s how effective and powerful it is for us.

I remember seeing this incredible woman at a baseball game and by the end of the ninth inning my mind had us doing the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff together. Sure it was pathetic but let’s not focus on how sad and lonely it was for me during those times.

Well let me tell you I can’t remember a thing about who won the game or who was playing, but I still can see her in my mind… and that was over twenty years ago.

Consider this…

If the attraction mechanism that is put inside a guy is that powerful, just imagine how powerful the fear associated with approaching a woman is too.

Man Fear Danger Approach

Now think back to how all this started. You know, before our modern social world was built. Years ago we could get smacked up pretty hard for approaching the wrong woman. We could even lose our lives.

Imagine a group of 20 humans living as animals in the wild. Chances are during our small lifetime we would be extremely lucky to even come across another group.

Therefore if we were to approach a woman we felt attracted to and failed, we could ruin our chances with every available woman in the group. On top of all we’ve covered today – this fear – is very real because it feels like if we screw it up with one woman – every other woman sees it and therefore we’ve blown our chances with them also.

We realize it’s not true but remember, it FEELS that way so it become very real to us.

Let’s wrap this all up with a few reminders or points so you can get back to whatever you were doing before you cam here.

Hmmm I wonder how many of you actually googled this question on your phone while some guy, at this very moment was staring at you and not approaching – feel free to leave your story or comment below because it’s something I am very curious to know.

Man Staring Into Distance

Guys stare because they’re feeling attracted to one or more physical features on you. It varies from man to man although there are some features most men are agreeable attracted to under any circumstance.

We won’t, don’t, or feel we can not approach because:

A fear of failure, public rejection, and sometimes the very real fear success. (Yes, getting you to talk to us is one thing but then what do we do if we succeed in that.)

Not knowing what to say, how to say, how to act, or basically how to approach a woman we’re attracted to which causes us to overthink, become nervous, and freeze up internally. Read exactly what’s goes on inside a man’s mind during this phase in my article so eloquently titled: What Goes On Inside His Mind – From The Moment Of Approach And Beyond.

Some men at some point did gather their courage and approached some woman they were checking out and was interested in meeting and it didn’t go well. Maybe it was him screwing it up and just maybe the woman (or women) made them feel like a loser and publicly humiliated them causing them to relive the same feelings of anxiousness over and over again.

Anxiety and nervousness based on old “fight or flee” modes experienced long ago which still run through our bodies. Back when approaching the wrong woman at the wrong time could easily lead to death or forever being banned from finding a mate.

We didn’t mention this but it is very real: Some women appear unapproachable to us. As if they’re doing everything they can (knowingly or not) to make themselves less available to start a conversation.

Whether it’s a look, surrounding yourself in a group, nervousness yourself, not paying attention or noticing what is happening, some women just put out a vibe,

“Do NOT under any circumstance approach me. I do NOT want to talk to you or anyone. Stay away please!”

You can read more about that problem in this article: The Number One Reason Men Won’t Approach You Even When He Notices You.

Guys stare at women, check them out, eye them from afar because it’s a driving force behind how their initial attraction triggers work. And it feels GOOD to experience that attraction so we want or sometimes can not help ourselves from doing it.

More than 99% of the time, when a guy is staring at you it’s because he sees something he likes. He’s feeling ATTRACTED to you. Something about you is triggering an instinctual emotion which has been around a very long time.

It does NOT matter how attractive you think you are at that stage (mostly) or how you’re dressed, where you’re going what you’re doing, who you’re with, whether you’re married, engaged, in a relationship, NOTHING makes a difference.

If we feel attracted to you we’re more likely to check you out and for some guys this leads to stares, glances, up to and unfortunately including creepy longing looks which become all too annoying and confusing at the same time IF you don’t know why it’s happening or the guy doing it.

This concludes today’s episode of The Secret Dirty Truth About Men – make sure you sign up below for more great stuff on understanding men and all our secrets…

Your guy friend… Pete  (Peter White)

Sign up below for your free copy of my 80 page book – “The Silent Man – Why men go silent, ignore you, or fail to share their feelings.”

  • The 6 main reasons men will go silent and ignore you. Once you know these you’ll never have to ask why is he not talking to you ever again.
  • 49 personal situations that reveal (from a guy’s point of view) about why he has stopped contacting you.
  • You’ll find out if it’s him or you so you can fix and best figure out what to do next. Finally get some closure to either move on or remove him from your life!
  • Start changing how you see men & how they see you by understanding how your communication differences might be stopping you from connecting with him or all men.
  • 80 pages filled with everything you’ll ever need to know about why men go silent. (Only one picture so when I say it’s full – I meant it!

Silent Man Cover

The Secret Dirty Truth About Men is a dual newsletter with one goal in mind – help you understand men so you can truly connect with them.

(18 years of age or older please due to some adult content and language. No spam will ever be sent to you! Your Privacy – Disclaimer – Disclosures is always respected. This free email subscription will also send you broadcasts and updates from my personal blog: Why Do Guys…?  Your info is private, never shared, sold or rented to anyone!)

94 comments… add one
  • Tanvi

    I want to know tat i m confused with a guy ..i m in my colg n he is senior to me . We both njoy a proper eye contact daily . N also i would like to narrate a incident ..once he was walking infront of me..n i was at his back . N on tat day he turned around ennumber of times .i thought tat maybe i should send req ..i did the same …n he accepted..bt now he is not messeging me…but making proper eye contact . What to do?

    • mishal

      make a plan.. go for movie..

  • Cj

    I get this all the time, I just want to know why do they watch all the time, just come over guys and chat and break the ice.

  • Anne

    Hi! I have a doubt: I am really confused, because there is one guy (that I like), and he used to stare at me a lot (from far away). One day, with my side vision, I ‘felt’ that someone was looking at me, and It was him. He did not turn away(It was unexpected for me, because usually a guy would turn away when caught staring at a girl). So, I smiled at him, and only after this, he turned away. Is It a sign that he’s not interested? A friend of mine said to me that this boy looks a lot at my direction ( she sits near him in the class). But I really don’t know If he feels something for me. At the moment, he’s dating another girl, but I really thought that he liked me, before he started dating. Do you think that It is possible to like someone, but date another person because the guy thinks that he has no chance with the girl that he likes? Or nobody would do this?
    By the way, I don’t know many other signs that can prove that he may like me, because I am a shy person and I don’t pay so much attention to the signs. Some things that made me think he liked me are:
    -One day he said that I was the only nice person in the class
    – He had done some favors for me, like collecting a paper that felt on the floor and rememebered me that I forgot my material in the classroom
    – He kind of defended me from a guy that was being annoying to me ( once)
    – He complimented my homeworks (3 or 4) in high school, and he compliemnted me for the tests that I succeed
    – He said to someone to let me pass when this person was in front of me and I could not pass
    – He knows I am shy. When someone asked something to me and I delayed in answering this person, he would answer the person in my place. This happened when he knew what I’d say ( like an objective question)
    – He stopped one day, in front of my school desk, and he kept watching me while I was writing something. When I saw him, he made a random question, like ‘how was the test?’. I answered, and he said something brief and got out. ( It was weird)
    – He greeted me in the bus and asked how I was ( he only said this, besides hi/bye)
    -I’ve seen he looking at me when I was eating in the canteen ( he was in other table)
    – We have similar musical taste
    -I don’t know If It is a sign, but in the Secret Santa, he asked me to hug him after I had given him the gift
    In the other hand, he really confuses me, because of some reasons:
    – He has a girlfriend now ( I don’t know If she is really his girlfriend, but they are kind of a couple) and this fact makes me think If everything was only an illusion
    -He was reaaly rude to me once ( I wanted to ait in an empty chair near him, because mine was occupied, and he said in a rude tone that I couldn’t, because his friend was going to sit there ( actually, his friend didn’t)
    – when a guy was complimenting me, saying that I was intelligent, ( I was between this guy and the other one),he said: ‘let’s return to the other subject that I was talking about before’
    – he gave me blank stares, without smiling or winking or something like this
    – we both were great students in high school, so I don’t know If he stared at me because he had envy or because he was curious or liked me.
    – I can’t remember any situation that he got jealous of me ( I can have not got It, and he can hide It well, or he really does not like me)
    – He does not get nervous around me. Only once, I thought he was a bit strange, but in the other days, he was normal, in my opinion.
    -He is an outgoing boy, and I am shy. Although, I think every guy must be nervous around girls that they like, but I eon’t know for sure.

    I am sorry for the long text, but I really would like to know your opinion about this situation . Do you think that he likes me? Why would he not return my smile? I am so confused.
    Thank you for your help!

    • nada boras

      do u know what girl .the story that u are being rolling with its waves is just another version of mine.i mean i ve been there.this matter was going through my head at evrey turn intil i was driven super crazy about a male creature.so.all i have to say .give over thinking about him .try to forget him as possible .either by loud music or such thing .i mean maybe the whole matter is just an allusion as you have already mentioned .and its not really worth it.if he has a girlfriend .its probably for the best to wave your white flag about him.actually all male creatures stare at females.if your actually hot .there is definitely something going on

      • Stacie

        Im having the some problem just move on. Hes just finding you attractive. Most likely has gf if hasnt made any moves yet

  • Angela

    Wow Anne, those are alot of points. But what I would do is, ignore him!Maybe he gets attracted to you and talks to you, if not maybe he is not really interested. But anyways, remember there are many guys out there and you are beautiful, many guys are probably interested in you. 🙂 Bye, take care.


  • no

    smiling andwaving just makes the weirdos staring have hostile look on their face. baloney. if men never approached beauties like me, there would be no beautiful humans! get your mind on something else besides body shapes! no one is allowed 2 stare, and sometimes they stare becuz u have some ketchup on your face/clothes!

  • MarDi

    Hi .. There is a guy whom I usually see at the bus station almost everyday after work. Acts like a stalker, he stares from afar in the crowd, but when he is near he is the most loudest person. One day I was hanging out with friends, suddenly my conscience felt like someone nearby was looking…when I looked he wasn’t looking. While I was back at the conversation with friends, I could hear his voice louder.. I pretended that I never heard him.. He than moved further in front so that I can get a better view… Boy your game’s just….???

  • Whattheactualfudge

    He stares at me, but all of them are blank stares. I am lost, because he tries to get close to me. But had a crush on someone else. Heck, he flirted with her, and made it obvious to me.

    Oh, and get this. He is married to someone who doesn’t work there. Can you give me tips on how to just forget his douchbag ass.

    Because he does a bunch of stupid shit, but never has he had any conversation with me. I’m shy, and I will reject him. I suspect he knows that I wouldn’t do anything other than just be a coworker. As he is to me. I don’t want to write too much, because there is a lot of detail. He has done many, but many weird shit.

    And possibly, even be reading these types of things. I donna no.

    • Peter White

      All I can say is “trying” to forget something or someone is impossible. Literally impossible. Imagine telling yourself you need or must forget the number 2. How you can tell yourself without actually saying it or thinking it?

      It’s best to replace your thoughts with something else so your mind can put it somewhere else. Someplace less reachable and less connected to your current state of mind.

      If this guy’s being a prick or playing games and you can’t remove yourself from the situation focus on things you can control… yourself and the place you put yourself in the world.


  • Sarah

    So whenever I’m at school I always see this kid. He’s really cute and I want to get to know him. Im not really a shy person but when it comes to guys I think are cute I am. But I always catch him staring at me and I look at him and then look away because I get to nervous to make eye contact. I really want to get to know him though. I don’t know what to do and I’m too scared to approach him. Any help ??

  • Allison

    So I liked this guy. He has recently moved but he used to stare at me then when I’d look at him he’d wave and keep staring. It always confused me and would throw me off. I couldn’t tell if he was staring at me b/c he liked me or was attracted to me and just playing it cool or if it was just him being friendly.

  • Sarah

    Hi. I am just curious about this guy at
    my workout. In the beginning he was always checking me out and staring at me and will do anything just to come near me or to get my attention and and touches me on my back or my waist Some days he was say hi to me when I walk in or bye to me when I leave If he was in another room he would come out just to look for me to see if I’m there and he would just stand and stare at me He would like to stand near me or if I’m talking to someone he would just like to listen when I’m talking about He would walk back and forth so I can just look at him. And there are some days that he gives me the coldest shoulders he won’t look at me he won’t talk to me , he will just try to get my attention. Monday we did an activity together and it was fun The next day after that he acted different like for example acting more cool or trying not to show it that he’s interested in me. Since then he’s giving me the cold shoulder he doesn’t say hi to me when I walk in he does not say bye to me when I leave, sometimes I do catch him looking at me I still catch him checking me out from the front and sometimes I do catch him checking me from the back and he likes to rub my back in circle motions what does that mean when a guy does that. I don’t know if he’s trying not to show it that he’s really interested in me or he’s over me by acting this way. Couple days ago he would hide from me he wouldn’t be alone with me. He would leave and keep himself busy with other people. That’s stopped now he’s back to normal the way he is but he still doesn’t say hi or bye to me when I walk in or leave He would just walk around by me and stands behind me when doing a workout. He’s giving me the cold shoulder is he playing hard to get or trying not to show that he still interested in me or he’s over me. When I’m doing a work out he would just rub my back with his hands and circle motions I don’t know what that means when a guy does that Is he still interested in me or he’s over me. Not as much as eye contact right now but he still tries to get my attention by walking by me or around me or just stands behind me when I’m doing a workout and rubs my back In circle motion but same time he’s acting cold. Every day is something different with him the way he acts towards me.

    • Sarah

      Hi Pete. Today at the workout he was cold towards me. He didn’t say hi or bye to me. He would stand in middle teaching us what to do but no eye contact from him. I usually get eye contact from him when he stands in the middle. Then he would go by the desk and stand there but I caught him looking at me. He also looks sad. He didn’t give no attention like he usually does. I don’t know if he’s over me or trying hard not to show it. If he was over me why can’t he just be nice towards me why is he ignoring me like I don’t exist. He was trying not to look at me today. He looked sad and not into training today. I just miss his attention and looking for me. today he did not come near me and I think I like the guy but he’s so distant from me.

Leave a Comment