Why Does A Guy Stare At A Woman But Not Approach


Some fear the approach as much or more than speaking in public.

They get nervous.

They think about too much about what to say and if they can not come up with something clever, they don’t approach.

Some even think you’re amazingly hot and can only think of telling you how beautiful they think you are.

A comment they know every guy has already said to you sometimes a thousand times.

Men are not conversational driven like women.

We’re not taught how to approach a woman in school.

We have to go by our friends while growing up, pickup movies where the nerd somehow gets the girl in the end, and worst of all, we get shot down a lot.

Some men also don’t really know how to talk to a woman.

They don’t understand how much you can turned on, or how much attraction a man can make with just his body language, attitude, and words.

And when they do realize it that puts even more pressure on them…

Because now they believe if they screw up the conversation you’ll never give them a second chance.

Here is what I used to do which might be some help or insight into how some men think when it comes to approaching women…

I notice her from afar. Wow. She’s hot. A friend of mine might even smack me on the arm and say,

Dude. Look at her. She’s incredible.

I would check her out casually and turn away quickly when she caught me.

I didn’t want her to think I was like every other guy.

I didn’t want her to think I was objectifying her body.

Let’s say I was out playing pool and I noticed her. I would use every opportunity to admire her beauty but I would find every excuse to not approach her.

  • She probably has a boyfriend or worse yet married.
  • She wouldn’t like me.
  • I could embarrass myself if she shot me down.
  • If I only knew what to say to get her interested enough in me but I doubt that’s going to happen.
  • What if she says something hurtful or worse yet, calls me an ugly loser.
  • Who am I to believe I could ever have a woman like her. I’ve never even been given the opportunity so I wouldn’t even know what to do if she talked back.
  • I could stutter like some fool and really look pathetic.

Men are generally drawn to the physical attributes on a woman.

When we see a girl that we are highly attracted to there’s a mysterious force ( attraction ) which draws our eyes to her.

Some guys stare right at the breasts.

Some try to position themselves to check out her ass.

Some gaze at her eyes hoping and praying she will approach him and magically they will run off together. Okay this one is absurd but believe me, it does happen.

I remember seeing this incredible woman at a baseball game and by the end of the ninth inning my mind had us doing boyfriend and girlfriend stuff together.

And let me tell you I can’t remember a thing about who won the game or who was playing, but I still can see her in my mind… and that was over twenty years ago.

Consider this…

If the attraction mechanism that is put inside a guy is that powerful imagine how powerful the fear associated with approaching a woman is.

Years ago us guys could get smacked up pretty hard for approaching the wrong woman.

We could even lose our lives.

Imagine a group of 20 humans living as animals in the wild.

Chances are during our small lifetime we would be extremely lucky to even come across another group.

Therefore if we were to approach a woman we felt attracted to and failed, we could ruin our chances with every limited available women in the group (that wasn’t a family I hope.)

Us guys stare because we’re attracted to one or more physical features on a woman.

It varies from man to man although there are some features most men are attracted to.

We won’t, don’t, or can not approach because:

  • Fear of failure and sometimes success.
  • The women we have approached in the past were rude and made us feel like a loser for just wanting to talk with them.
  • Some women appear unapproachable to us.

We stare because it’s a driving force of our sexual energy.

For me it’s the shapes. I love the shape and curves on a woman’s body.

The way the small of her back flows smoothly into her hips.

The soft curvature of her butt which I feel inside my mind being cupped in my hands as we kiss…

And ALL guys gets those same emotions even though we have different preferences in what we’re attracted to.

The real truth…or why does a guy stare at a woman but not approach will and has always come down to one thing – he’s feeling attracted to you but is either too scared, nervous, or clueless on how to approach you.

Of course YOU ( as a woman ) play your part too. 🙂 You MUST be open to the approach… Meeting Him, “Why Won’t Men Approach Me and How Do I Make It Happen”

If that doesn’t help you, you can always try using a pickup line on him – Don’t Wait For Him To Approach You! Pick Up Lines For Women

Or even this one: How To Approach A Guy At Work – He Wants to Be Noticed

Please check out my absolutely free “Why Do Guys…?” for more great info on men. All me 🙂 All original. Get the inside scoop on men straight from a man… Peter White.
83 comments… add one
  • Tanvi

    I want to know tat i m confused with a guy ..i m in my colg n he is senior to me . We both njoy a proper eye contact daily . N also i would like to narrate a incident ..once he was walking infront of me..n i was at his back . N on tat day he turned around ennumber of times .i thought tat maybe i should send req ..i did the same …n he accepted..bt now he is not messeging me…but making proper eye contact . What to do?

    • mishal

      make a plan.. go for movie..

  • Cj

    I get this all the time, I just want to know why do they watch all the time, just come over guys and chat and break the ice.

  • Anne

    Hi! I have a doubt: I am really confused, because there is one guy (that I like), and he used to stare at me a lot (from far away). One day, with my side vision, I ‘felt’ that someone was looking at me, and It was him. He did not turn away(It was unexpected for me, because usually a guy would turn away when caught staring at a girl). So, I smiled at him, and only after this, he turned away. Is It a sign that he’s not interested? A friend of mine said to me that this boy looks a lot at my direction ( she sits near him in the class). But I really don’t know If he feels something for me. At the moment, he’s dating another girl, but I really thought that he liked me, before he started dating. Do you think that It is possible to like someone, but date another person because the guy thinks that he has no chance with the girl that he likes? Or nobody would do this?
    By the way, I don’t know many other signs that can prove that he may like me, because I am a shy person and I don’t pay so much attention to the signs. Some things that made me think he liked me are:
    -One day he said that I was the only nice person in the class
    – He had done some favors for me, like collecting a paper that felt on the floor and rememebered me that I forgot my material in the classroom
    – He kind of defended me from a guy that was being annoying to me ( once)
    – He complimented my homeworks (3 or 4) in high school, and he compliemnted me for the tests that I succeed
    – He said to someone to let me pass when this person was in front of me and I could not pass
    – He knows I am shy. When someone asked something to me and I delayed in answering this person, he would answer the person in my place. This happened when he knew what I’d say ( like an objective question)
    – He stopped one day, in front of my school desk, and he kept watching me while I was writing something. When I saw him, he made a random question, like ‘how was the test?’. I answered, and he said something brief and got out. ( It was weird)
    – He greeted me in the bus and asked how I was ( he only said this, besides hi/bye)
    -I’ve seen he looking at me when I was eating in the canteen ( he was in other table)
    – We have similar musical taste
    -I don’t know If It is a sign, but in the Secret Santa, he asked me to hug him after I had given him the gift
    In the other hand, he really confuses me, because of some reasons:
    – He has a girlfriend now ( I don’t know If she is really his girlfriend, but they are kind of a couple) and this fact makes me think If everything was only an illusion
    -He was reaaly rude to me once ( I wanted to ait in an empty chair near him, because mine was occupied, and he said in a rude tone that I couldn’t, because his friend was going to sit there ( actually, his friend didn’t)
    – when a guy was complimenting me, saying that I was intelligent, ( I was between this guy and the other one),he said: ‘let’s return to the other subject that I was talking about before’
    – he gave me blank stares, without smiling or winking or something like this
    – we both were great students in high school, so I don’t know If he stared at me because he had envy or because he was curious or liked me.
    – I can’t remember any situation that he got jealous of me ( I can have not got It, and he can hide It well, or he really does not like me)
    – He does not get nervous around me. Only once, I thought he was a bit strange, but in the other days, he was normal, in my opinion.
    -He is an outgoing boy, and I am shy. Although, I think every guy must be nervous around girls that they like, but I eon’t know for sure.

    I am sorry for the long text, but I really would like to know your opinion about this situation . Do you think that he likes me? Why would he not return my smile? I am so confused.
    Thank you for your help!

    • nada boras

      do u know what girl .the story that u are being rolling with its waves is just another version of mine.i mean i ve been there.this matter was going through my head at evrey turn intil i was driven super crazy about a male creature.so.all i have to say .give over thinking about him .try to forget him as possible .either by loud music or such thing .i mean maybe the whole matter is just an allusion as you have already mentioned .and its not really worth it.if he has a girlfriend .its probably for the best to wave your white flag about him.actually all male creatures stare at females.if your actually hot .there is definitely something going on

      • Stacie

        Im having the some problem just move on. Hes just finding you attractive. Most likely has gf if hasnt made any moves yet

  • Angela

    Wow Anne, those are alot of points. But what I would do is, ignore him!Maybe he gets attracted to you and talks to you, if not maybe he is not really interested. But anyways, remember there are many guys out there and you are beautiful, many guys are probably interested in you. 🙂 Bye, take care.


  • no

    smiling andwaving just makes the weirdos staring have hostile look on their face. baloney. if men never approached beauties like me, there would be no beautiful humans! get your mind on something else besides body shapes! no one is allowed 2 stare, and sometimes they stare becuz u have some ketchup on your face/clothes!

  • MarDi

    Hi .. There is a guy whom I usually see at the bus station almost everyday after work. Acts like a stalker, he stares from afar in the crowd, but when he is near he is the most loudest person. One day I was hanging out with friends, suddenly my conscience felt like someone nearby was looking…when I looked he wasn’t looking. While I was back at the conversation with friends, I could hear his voice louder.. I pretended that I never heard him.. He than moved further in front so that I can get a better view… Boy your game’s just….???

  • Whattheactualfudge

    He stares at me, but all of them are blank stares. I am lost, because he tries to get close to me. But had a crush on someone else. Heck, he flirted with her, and made it obvious to me.

    Oh, and get this. He is married to someone who doesn’t work there. Can you give me tips on how to just forget his douchbag ass.

    Because he does a bunch of stupid shit, but never has he had any conversation with me. I’m shy, and I will reject him. I suspect he knows that I wouldn’t do anything other than just be a coworker. As he is to me. I don’t want to write too much, because there is a lot of detail. He has done many, but many weird shit.

    And possibly, even be reading these types of things. I donna no.

    • Peter White

      All I can say is “trying” to forget something or someone is impossible. Literally impossible. Imagine telling yourself you need or must forget the number 2. How you can tell yourself without actually saying it or thinking it?

      It’s best to replace your thoughts with something else so your mind can put it somewhere else. Someplace less reachable and less connected to your current state of mind.

      If this guy’s being a prick or playing games and you can’t remove yourself from the situation focus on things you can control… yourself and the place you put yourself in the world.


  • Sarah

    So whenever I’m at school I always see this kid. He’s really cute and I want to get to know him. Im not really a shy person but when it comes to guys I think are cute I am. But I always catch him staring at me and I look at him and then look away because I get to nervous to make eye contact. I really want to get to know him though. I don’t know what to do and I’m too scared to approach him. Any help ??

  • Allison

    So I liked this guy. He has recently moved but he used to stare at me then when I’d look at him he’d wave and keep staring. It always confused me and would throw me off. I couldn’t tell if he was staring at me b/c he liked me or was attracted to me and just playing it cool or if it was just him being friendly.

  • Sarah

    Hi. I am just curious about this guy at
    my workout. In the beginning he was always checking me out and staring at me and will do anything just to come near me or to get my attention and and touches me on my back or my waist Some days he was say hi to me when I walk in or bye to me when I leave If he was in another room he would come out just to look for me to see if I’m there and he would just stand and stare at me He would like to stand near me or if I’m talking to someone he would just like to listen when I’m talking about He would walk back and forth so I can just look at him. And there are some days that he gives me the coldest shoulders he won’t look at me he won’t talk to me , he will just try to get my attention. Monday we did an activity together and it was fun The next day after that he acted different like for example acting more cool or trying not to show it that he’s interested in me. Since then he’s giving me the cold shoulder he doesn’t say hi to me when I walk in he does not say bye to me when I leave, sometimes I do catch him looking at me I still catch him checking me out from the front and sometimes I do catch him checking me from the back and he likes to rub my back in circle motions what does that mean when a guy does that. I don’t know if he’s trying not to show it that he’s really interested in me or he’s over me by acting this way. Couple days ago he would hide from me he wouldn’t be alone with me. He would leave and keep himself busy with other people. That’s stopped now he’s back to normal the way he is but he still doesn’t say hi or bye to me when I walk in or leave He would just walk around by me and stands behind me when doing a workout. He’s giving me the cold shoulder is he playing hard to get or trying not to show that he still interested in me or he’s over me. When I’m doing a work out he would just rub my back with his hands and circle motions I don’t know what that means when a guy does that Is he still interested in me or he’s over me. Not as much as eye contact right now but he still tries to get my attention by walking by me or around me or just stands behind me when I’m doing a workout and rubs my back In circle motion but same time he’s acting cold. Every day is something different with him the way he acts towards me.

    • Sarah

      Hi Pete. Today at the workout he was cold towards me. He didn’t say hi or bye to me. He would stand in middle teaching us what to do but no eye contact from him. I usually get eye contact from him when he stands in the middle. Then he would go by the desk and stand there but I caught him looking at me. He also looks sad. He didn’t give no attention like he usually does. I don’t know if he’s over me or trying hard not to show it. If he was over me why can’t he just be nice towards me why is he ignoring me like I don’t exist. He was trying not to look at me today. He looked sad and not into training today. I just miss his attention and looking for me. today he did not come near me and I think I like the guy but he’s so distant from me.

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