Why Does A Guy Stare At A Woman But Not Approach

Guy Staring At Woman

Guys will stare and it’s inevitable fact that most of them, will NEVER approach a woman. The reasons why are actually simple so let’s get right to it so you can get back to that hopefully cute guy who was checking you out and not saying a word.

Some, actually guys fear the approach as much or even more than speaking in public and if you know how scary that can be for people, that is a lot of fear.

They get way too nervous.

They think way too much about what to say and if they can not come up with something clever, they don’t, won’t or never will approach a woman.

Some even think you’re amazingly hot and can only think of telling you how beautiful they think you are. (A comment they know every guy has already said to you sometimes a thousand times.)

Here’s a fact:

Men are not conversational driven like women which presents many more problems on top of the nervousness.

They’re not taught how to approach a woman in school or anywhere.

They have to rely on their friends to help them and since many of them, don’t know how to do it themselves, there’s not much knowledge being passed on. Of course there’s you tube, movies, and pick up ebook and programs but it’s safe to say most guys won’t or don’t get the right education on “picking up” women or girls which become another problem in itself.

You can assume most guys are nice and seeking help through a pick-up book is not something they will ever invest in because they don’t want to pick up women. They merely want to talk to the woman they’re staring at because… and here it is…

They’re feeling instantly attracted to the object of their stares!

Here’s the whole of the problem:

They’re feeling nervous and believe being nervous around a woman is not attractive – one reason to not approach.

They don’t know what to say which will make it feel like they’re not trying to pick you up. Anything they come up with in their head, if anything does beyond “Hello” feels like a pick up line and they simply do not want some pretty girl think they’re a sleazy player pick-up dude just trying to get in your pants.

Another reason to just sit back and stare.

Some men also don’t really know how to talk to a woman let alone make a public approach to a stranger. Yes, men suffer from stranger danger too but in a way that’s a little different.

They fear public rejection. They imagine the worst scenario. They become so wrapped up in their own projected future thoughts it compounds the fear and just choose to remain silent.

Some DO understand women are not solely into looks and you might think that’s a good thing, but to a guy, it’s not. When they consider how much attraction needs to be created through their body language, attitude, social status, and conversational approach – the pressure mounts and starts running through their entire body and more.

Because now they believe if they screw up the conversation and (any or all) of the so-called attraction triggers they must create in you (after the approach) you’ll never give them a chance. Hence the fear of rejection continues to grow at an alarming rate.

A guy stares at a woman and does not approach because he’s nervous, doesn’t know what to say, fears being publicly rejected and humiliated which will all but destroy his confidence.

Guys Checking Out Staring At Girls

By now it’s safe to assume you are wondering WHY is he staring then and that’s a great question I hear a lot. No worries – I’m going to reveal that too although I did mention it a few paragraphs ago.

He likes what he sees. He’s feeling instant attraction. 99 or more time out of a 100 it’s pure physical ATTRACTION!

This is how the “notice her and don’t approach” goes most of the time for men:

We notice her from afar. Wow. She’s hot. A friend might even smack them on the arm and say,

Dude. Look at her. She’s incredible.

We would check her out casually and turn away quickly when she caught us. Yeah, we try to be all smooth about it thinking you didn’t notice… but you did or else you wouldn’t be here on this article today.

We don’t want her to think we’re like every other “creepy” guy. We don’t want her to think we were objectifying her body even though in part, we were. Can you blame us. You’re quite hot!

Let’s say we’re out playing pool and notice you. We will use every opportunity to admire your beauty but of course at the same time find every excuse to not approach her:

  • She probably has a boyfriend or worse yet married.
  • She wouldn’t like us.
  • We could embarrass ourselves if she shot us down.
  • If we only knew what to say to get her interested but doubt “that’s” going to happen.
  • What if she says something hurtful or worse yet, calls us an ugly loser… ouch!
  • Who are we to believe we could ever have a woman like you. We’ve never even been given the opportunity before so we wouldn’t even know what to do if she talked back. Ahhh yes, the very real and compounding fear of success!
  • We could stutter like some fool and look totally pathetic.

Hopefully you can now see the full effect of our attraction towards you, what goes on inside our minds, and why you find most men will not approach you but continue to stare.

Let’s go deeper into the “Staring” part so you can fully understand why and how it happens.

Men are generally drawn to the physical attributes on a woman as if you didn’t already know it, but there may be some details you’re not aware of that is happening which is associated with the fear of approach.

When we see a girl that we are highly attracted to there’s a mysterious force ( attraction ) which draws our eyes to her. Some guys stare right at the breasts. Some try to position themselves to check out her ass. It all depends on the “type” of guy.

Some gaze at her eyes hoping and praying she will approach him and magically they will run off together. Okay this one is absurd but believe me, it does happen.

This staring mechanism goes deep and the feelings or imagery create last a really long time. That’s how effective and powerful it is for us.

I remember seeing this incredible woman at a baseball game and by the end of the ninth inning my mind had us doing the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff together. Sure it was pathetic but let’s not focus on how sad and lonely it was for me during those times.

Well let me tell you I can’t remember a thing about who won the game or who was playing, but I still can see her in my mind… and that was over twenty years ago.

Consider this…

If the attraction mechanism that is put inside a guy is that powerful, just imagine how powerful the fear associated with approaching a woman is too.

Man Fear Danger Approach

Now think back to how all this started. You know, before our modern social world was built. Years ago we could get smacked up pretty hard for approaching the wrong woman. We could even lose our lives.

Imagine a group of 20 humans living as animals in the wild. Chances are during our small lifetime we would be extremely lucky to even come across another group.

Therefore if we were to approach a woman we felt attracted to and failed, we could ruin our chances with every available woman in the group. On top of all we’ve covered today – this fear – is very real because it feels like if we screw it up with one woman – every other woman sees it and therefore we’ve blown our chances with them also.

We realize it’s not true but remember, it FEELS that way so it become very real to us.

Let’s wrap this all up with a few reminders or points so you can get back to whatever you were doing before you cam here.

Hmmm I wonder how many of you actually googled this question on your phone while some guy, at this very moment was staring at you and not approaching – feel free to leave your story or comment below because it’s something I am very curious to know.

Man Staring Into Distance

Guys stare because they’re feeling attracted to one or more physical features on you. It varies from man to man although there are some features most men are agreeable attracted to under any circumstance.

We won’t, don’t, or feel we can not approach because:

A fear of failure, public rejection, and sometimes the very real fear success. (Yes, getting you to talk to us is one thing but then what do we do if we succeed in that.)

Not knowing what to say, how to say, how to act, or basically how to approach a woman we’re attracted to which causes us to overthink, become nervous, and freeze up internally. Read exactly what’s goes on inside a man’s mind during this phase in my article so eloquently titled: What Goes On Inside His Mind – From The Moment Of Approach And Beyond.

Some men at some point did gather their courage and approached some woman they were checking out and was interested in meeting and it didn’t go well. Maybe it was him screwing it up and just maybe the woman (or women) made them feel like a loser and publicly humiliated them causing them to relive the same feelings of anxiousness over and over again.

Anxiety and nervousness based on old “fight or flee” modes experienced long ago which still run through our bodies. Back when approaching the wrong woman at the wrong time could easily lead to death or forever being banned from finding a mate.

We didn’t mention this but it is very real: Some women appear unapproachable to us. As if they’re doing everything they can (knowingly or not) to make themselves less available to start a conversation.

Whether it’s a look, surrounding yourself in a group, nervousness yourself, not paying attention or noticing what is happening, some women just put out a vibe,

“Do NOT under any circumstance approach me. I do NOT want to talk to you or anyone. Stay away please!”

You can read more about that problem in this article: The Number One Reason Men Won’t Approach You Even When He Notices You.

Guys stare at women, check them out, eye them from afar because it’s a driving force behind how their initial attraction triggers work. And it feels GOOD to experience that attraction so we want or sometimes can not help ourselves from doing it.

More than 99% of the time, when a guy is staring at you it’s because he sees something he likes. He’s feeling ATTRACTED to you. Something about you is triggering an instinctual emotion which has been around a very long time.

It does NOT matter how attractive you think you are at that stage (mostly) or how you’re dressed, where you’re going what you’re doing, who you’re with, whether you’re married, engaged, in a relationship, NOTHING makes a difference.

If we feel attracted to you we’re more likely to check you out and for some guys this leads to stares, glances, up to and unfortunately including creepy longing looks which become all too annoying and confusing at the same time IF you don’t know why it’s happening or the guy doing it.

This concludes today’s episode of The Secret Dirty Truth About Men – make sure you sign up below for more great stuff on understanding men and all our secrets…

Your guy friend… Pete  (Peter White)

104 comments… add one
  • James

    Women are screwed up in the head. They don’t deserve my attention anymore. I’ll never approach one again. I advertise, and let them come to me — works every time.

  • Melissa

    I’ve worked in the same building as this guy for 6 years, and about 5 months ago he started following me around the building and staring at me all the time.
    I’m married. He’s married.
    I thought my lack of attention would be enough to get him to leave me alone,but apparently I’ve just pissed him off. SMH.
    I don’t know what to do.

    • Assala

      You should one day tell him that we can’t keep doing this i am married. Tell him i don’t like you anymore you broken my heart and you should go back to work. If that doesn’t help just tell him to f**k off okay. That what i would do

  • Assala

    There this guy i really like but i don’t know if he likes me back. Like his friends tell him that i like him, and others thing i try to get his attention. Why does he stares at me? Him are often really quite when see each other we hardly talk. I don’t know what i should do to do, and he says he doesn’t like me, but why is he always talking about me with his friends, and all that. I just hate him so much, and love him at the same time but i just don’t know what to do i want ask him out but i afraid i get rejected, and i hate rejected.

  • Parisa

    Hi,I’m really confused!well I’m a girl and that incredible guy saw me before,and I used to ignore him then I started liking him,he always stares at me and when he saw that I see him staring at me,he didn’t turn her face away😳He keep staring.Why?does anyone here know the reason?pliz help me.

    • Peter White

      Hi, men that stare at women and then not look away when she looks back are (generally) trying to show their confidence. It is what we teach guys and it’s something I practiced to get it right. The woman will usually look away (sort of) showing she’s submissive and the man is dominant. That’s all not much more to it unless he’s just a creep he either doesn’t care or realize you noticed him staring. Which is more rare than the latter.

      Hope that helps,

  • Sandy

    My big boss keeps staring at me.There was a time that he just stare and I also stare back at him and he really wouldn’t stop.Everytime I pass to his office,he looks at me,especially if I wear sleeveless.

  • Thatwomaninthegym

    Insightful article as a female many guys get a raw deal in my observations. The current climate where a guy has to checklist everything to ensure that he does not offend upset or get slammed for approaching a woman makes life hard. This for the ladies who are not opposed to approach but also for the man that would love to just approach. Thanks for this article explains a lot.

    • Peter White

      Thank you and good points. I appreciate it.

  • Brandon Flores

    Feminism has achieved its goal of empowering women to lord it over men! We should celebrate this victory and the fact that men are now cowering like the dogs they truly are.

    • Peter White

      Not sure how your comment relates to the post but whatever. Seems to me what you speak of is no better than what it appears you’re claiming men have done to women over the ages.

      It’s a cliche but fits, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” and I’m sure lots of great women would agree.

      The point of Feminism is not to gain power over men – it’s to gain equality. A fair voice. A fairness in respect and everything that goes along with it.

      If all you or someone hopes to gain through what you typed as “feminism” is to use that power to “lord” of men – how is that any better than what you claim the men have done?

      Why continue to war or battle? Shouldn’t peace be the goal?

      All you’re doing is creating more bullshit, hurt, pain, destruction, and a clash between humans which are inherently designed to be inseparable IF we’re to remain on this planet.

      Thanks fr your opinion, but I’ll stick to mine.


  • Lana

    My boyfriend loves to check out girls and it’s annoying. I first notice it on our holiday together where there are more attractive people.
    His head would follow the girl to where she walk, I would say like an owl who can turn its head 270 degrees. After he’s done with that one he will continue to the next one.
    I think i am also attractive but the way he stared at woman just makes me feel so unattractive and worst makes me feel like i am not good enough for him.

    I understand checking out hot people because i do it too but i do it in a creepy uncomfortable way especially not with my partner around. Some people say he is being disrespectful, some say its natural for them to look. You get so may mix advice but ultimately it comes to what you are comfortable with and i am definitely not comfortable.

    Spoken to him a few times, obviously he toned it down a little but then went back to full force again.

    • Peter White

      On the issue of staring – yes, you will get a lot of mixed opinions on the subjects EXCEPT when it’s obviously hurting the person as in your case.

      It appears something great is going on which is making him act this way and not respecting your feelings on the matter. THAT needs to be addressed, for sure.

      I’d hate to say it’s a reason to break it off BUT if staring at other women while he’s with you is more important than YOU, isn’t he really just saying he’d rather be with them AND if that’s the case – probably the perfect time to close the book on this one.

      When little things become big things – it’s normally a clear signal SOMETHING big needs to change.

      Prioritize this problem. Find out if it’s small or big and deal with it accordingly.

      Here’s a great article written on the difference between the little things and the big things which can help you decide its importance and your next step.


      Wishing you all the best,

    • Peter White

      Hello Lana,

      Thanks for asking, I noticed you left a longer comment at why do guys and your answer is there:

      He’s Losing Interest & You Tried Everything To Fix Your Relationship – What Comes Next?

      Your guy friend,

  • Belinda

    There is a guy that had been staring at me at the gym. He did eventually get the courage to say hi, we have spoken a few times, i got sick of waiting for him to get the courage to ask me out, so i asked him out for coffee, but he is already sort of seeing someone was his answer.
    I have left it alone, but he still stares, or takes sneaky looks when he thinks i am not looking.
    A couple of my friends that go to the same gym have said that he has smiled at them, and they feel him trying to get their attention.
    He shows off in front of me with his gym buddies, and looks over to see if i have noticed.

  • Tiffany

    Hi, Pete
    You say that how a woman is dressed doesn’t make a difference in how a guy becomes attracted to a girl in this article but in another article you say if a girl allows guys to see more they will imagine her nude, and that is does make a difference in attraction. So which one is it? Because if I’m at the beach in a bikini that’s what guys gonna see first.
    It does make a difference on how people see you. Can you clarify that?

    • Peter White

      Hi Tiffany – here’s the answer I came up with for you.

      When A Guy Imagines You Naked – What You Wear & His Two Stages of Attraction

      Your guy friend,

      • Tiffany

        Thank you Pete for taking the time to answer!
        The second stage is probably the hardest stage for me in general. I’m a very shy, reserved person so just walking up to a stranger is not something I would do , especially with men.
        I’m working on being open and more responsive. Maybe I too suffer from approach anxiety.

        • Tiffany

          Oh and I forget yes you can post the poll numbers for me please.

          • Peter White

            I would love to but as I expected, not enough men were generous enough to answer the poll so it has little value or meaning. Sorry.

        • Peter White

          You’re welcome Tiffany.

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