I see the frustration in your eyes… You love a man but for some reason he refuses to love you back.
Maybe he’s shows some interest… but it’s never enough.
Maybe he gives you a little but it’s never as much as you give him… he always holds back.
Whatever he does it’s always less than what you want – you want his love and can not see anything less.
Men have clear stages ( in love ) which need to be met in order for him to want to be in a relationship with you.
I feel once you understand them you can begin to discover the deeper truths behind this question.
1st stage – Attraction.
You can’t force it but you can amplify it.
You can make it happen easier and you can do certain things to make it more likely to happen.
But without it – the kind of love you’re looking for can not happen.
2nd stage – Connection, comfort, and safety.
This is simply him connecting to you.
Sometimes it’s him seeing how much you have in common or how closely you think.
Whatever it is, he has to feel like you talk or act on a different level. ( You’ll find it easier to see when you call it chemistry. )
He has to feel comfortable around you to be himself.
Sure he may begin to experience love without complete comfort but there still has to be a level in which he gets – you understand him.
Since so many of a guy’s fears have to do with the opposite sex it’s very important he feels safe with you.
He’s not looking for you to protect him or anything like that – but he does need to feel you’ll protect his “feminine side”.
He must feel safe enough with you to let his guard down once in a while and understand you’re not going to see him as less than a man.
You can read more about that in my another post I wrote -> What Does A Guy Want? Communicating To His Real Fears
3rd stage – Love.
When you satisfy both stage 1 and stage 2 you’ll find most men are more likely to open up to you and love you back.
He can only love you as much as you love yourself.
I do not see any way around it unless he doesn’t know you personally.
You’ll find lots of men think they “fall in love” with a picture, model, or star. You know how that goes and it’s usually an unhealthy act.
Now let’s put this in a real world example.
You meet a guy and you’re positive he feels attracted to you.
You both connect.
He opens up to you a little.
Then one day you tell him you love him and are looking for more than just a casual thing. You want a relationship with him.
Suddenly he pulls back – “I’m sorry. I’m not ready.” He doesn’t even mention the word love.
Without getting into the mistake causing him to withdraw… He’s Afraid Of A Relationship – Dating That Leads To Love & Happiness
Let me ask you a very simple question:
How much do you love yourself?
If your self-esteem is wrapped up in how much a guy feels something for you – you’ll find real true love is always a step away.
You see men learn at a really early age about their attraction mechanism.
They know quickly how images affect them but when it comes to love there has to be more – such as the second stage above.
Sexual love comes with adult maturity.
And that kind of maturity has to exist in both parties involved for a real genuine love to happen.
In the second stage above – it’s really not your job to make that happen for him – in fact much of it ( with him ) is beyond your control.
However, as a mature woman, YOU have to make it happen for yourself.
And if you find one guy, or many men, are not loving you back then you are unfortunately not taking care of it for yourself or you’re not satisfying the first two stages without any doubt.
I’ve found the strangest part of all this is, these steps a man must encounter to love you must also happen for you to love yourself.
Let’s face it, you have to feel attracted to yourself in some way to attract someone else. You have to like at least some things about you.
You must feel connected to your real feelings and as Carol Allen so eloquently puts – Know Your Why’s – >Your First Step In Avoiding Another Heartbreak or a Bad Relationship
You must feel comfortable with who you are.
This means not taking what others think of you so personal.
Sure advice and objective criticism can help, you don’t want to close yourself off to the world around you, but there must always exist a relaxed comfort in who you are on any given day.
Safety is an issue most people don’t get. Safety is about overcoming your fears which do no real harm.
Every man or woman who lives, has ever lived, or will live, has fears. And during those heightened experienced when we feel them the most – it’s impossible to feel safe.
Now think of how easy it is to love yourself when you’ve satisfied those above.
Think of how easy it is for any man to love you back when your state of mind is in (that) place.
Granted – I’ve reduced an incredible emotion down to its primitive base – meaning there’s always something more going on – but I also believe the path to getting love will almost always come down to how much of it you have to give yourself.
The more you know yourself – the easier it becomes.
The more you like yourself – the easier it becomes.
The more you feel safe being who you are – the easier it becomes.
And the more you can love yourself – the easier it becomes to have others love you back.
Please take the time to read something Mirabelle Summers wrote which I have posted here – How To Be The Girl That Guys Want To Date.
You will definitely find it useful and a great add on to further explain this whole loving you back thing.
Thanks for listening and all the best to you,