Why Do Some Guys Turn Into Losers AFTER You Start Dating Them?


He acts attentive, excited, and completely into you while you’re dating but soon after the relationship begins you find yourself with…

“A typical loser guy forgetting special days and then hanging around the house wearing sweatpants, refusing to go out anymore.”

In a readers words exactly.

So why does a guy turn into what she called a “loser?”

We’ll have to define a “loser” at some point but let’s not do that today because I just don’t feel like it.

Let’s get right into the number one reasons and then take a look at how you have more to do with finding losers than you might suspect.

There’s the deeper issue of your dating criteria or ability to successfully qualify a man and you must always admit – and this is no different for guys – it is always your choice on who you decide to date.

And now the first “suitor” up please…we’ll call him:

MAN TYPE 1: The “Comfortably Complacent Stand By” Guy.

“If you find yourself wanting to change the person he is now, first get clear on the kind of life you want and the kind of guy you’ll need to have that life. The Top 5 Relationship Mistakes That Get In The Way Of Lasting Love

I know it’s quite a mouth full to say but try it because it does roll off the tongue quite nicely.

This guy will easily turn into a loser because he feels he already has you. He literally goes from dressing up and doing things with you to hanging around the house in sweatpants.

He believes he worked his ass off getting you and now it’s time to relax.

When we look at a very common question from men I help become more attractive this become obvious.

“Can I relax when I found a great women or do I have to keep IT up? Sometimes I just get tired of having to pay close attention to what I’m doing, you know so I don’t slip back to my old unattractive ways. When can I finally relax?”

Of course he never likes the answer I give him.

Never stop doing what you did to attract her.

This guy gets lazy. He grew tired of having to live up to your attractive expectations.

Which is in no way your fault.

I have found these guys have only touched the surface of attraction and have not yet found a shift in their perspective. To them, attracting you is work. A job. A chore they’ve put off.

They have failed to realize in the “game” if you’re not having fun – you’re doing something wrong.

When you encounter what we call the “closet sweatpants dude.” be warned because he’s itching to get a girl so he can go back to his couch.

But let’s keep this post from going one-sided…

If he works his ass off, has two kids and you’re now living together maybe a little relaxation should come his way. Just as long as he keeps doing what it takes keep the attraction growing.

Never forget the possibility you’re overly needy yourself or have lofty expectations from the men you date – this is a well-known pattern of having a low self-esteem.

MAN TYPE 2: The Rare “Easy Way Out” guy.

This is when a guy knows he can get you to break up with him by slacking off. It’s his way of not taking responsibility for ending the relationship.

This is not too common because most men are just not into scheming. Especially the ones you would call a loser because…

Losers are generally lazy people to begin with. Lazy people rarely finish the scheme therefore I doubt they would attract you in the first place.

But if you do find your guy is just trying to get out of the relationship the easy way I can guarantee:

  1. He was not ready for the relationship so make sure you have a real commitment from him.
  2. He’ll typically only offer immature communication when you first start to date so qualify his maturity early and learn to notice the signs.
  3. He may be strong on the outside be when it comes to relationships he scares easily. Mostly because he’s not sure how to make one work.

MAN TYPE 3: The “You’re Too Much Work For Me” guy.

This is the guy who most likely fell into a relationship with you because he sincerely liked you but quickly realized you had little in common.

Another reason might very well be you’re high maintenance, at least to him.

Remember when you push a guy too hard and fail to communicate with him effectively you could easily see the most charming gentlemen turn into what some women call a “spiteful loser.”

You keep pushing to do more things but each time he just pulls back more. He’s afraid to tell you the truth and in this uncertainty decides to hold his true feelings in. This will appear “spiteful” to you.

He will also grow numb except for the sad feeling he get from not understanding you AND he fails to see why nothing seems fun with you anymore.

I’ve found the best way to avoid this is to be sure:

  1. You have reasonable expectations AND you are clear and effective with your expectations from him.
  2. You are happy and able to completely function as a single women first before fully committing to any man.

You can quickly learn to spot this guy by making sure HE is leading and not you. Not overbearing or demanding but leading you step by step up to the relationship.

Now that you have a generalized very small list of the type of guy who is most likely turn into this loser we must definitely take a quick look at you dating criteria…

That is if you want to avoid men becoming “something else” after you start dating him.

I knew this woman who only dates guys (consciously or subconsciously,) who will eventually let her down. It’s almost a criteria for her.

She is attracted to men who have so many great qualities but have a few “deal breakers” which most women notice quickly.

You see her fear of long-term commitment (whatever they are) has her choosing those guys because she can back out easily and will always have a guaranteed excuse.

She lessens her feelings of guilt by making it easy to place the blame on them.

And so every guy she dates eventually has her ranting,

“All guys are losers. I can not find just ONE GOOD GUY!!!”

The truth of it all made me realize something very important…

If you find yourself making many generalized “limiting belief” statements about men I can almost bet your dating qualification or who you’re choosing to date is not functioning the best it can.

It may not be an easy fix but once you know where the problem arises you’re halfway there already.

Listen… the signs are usually there that a guy will become your loser someday and unless he goes through a major transformation chances are he will be no different tomorrow.

I knew a different women who has this down like no other and I feel with a few words from her you can learn her secrets of qualifying men.

I only wish she were still around to tell you herself. 🙁

She was extremely good at getting men to show their true colors immediately and she didn’t do it using trick or mind games or even playful little flirts.


Her way was much more effective and I suggest you do the same and you’ll spot a loser a mile away.

  • She never over analyzed men or attempted in any way to scrutinize their every move.
  • She took every man at face value and demanded only the best from herself.
  • She held this empowering belief the choices she makes  are hers and no one elses.
  • She took full and complete responsibility for her every action or move.

If the men in your life keep turning into losers I don’t feel you are doing what she was so good at.

You might be over analyzing them and stepping out of the present.

I can tell you from experience the longer you spend outside your present the more likely you are to miss those signs.

They’ll end up in the blind spots and can easily self-sabotage lots of your relationships.

But when you demand only the best in your life and take men at face value…

When you empower yourself and take responsibility for your choices, the present can become the most real thing in your life.

Learn to spot those “so-called” losers early and you’ll never have to ask why men turn into losers after you begin to date them.

I’d love to hear from you if you have any other types you believe are out there. Just leave them below. It only takes a few seconds…

If you’re sick of “Bad Boys,” “Players” and guys who just won’t commit, you need to go watch this new video renowned relationship expert Michael Fiore put up. It’s called 3 Steps To Make A Man Love You” and it teaches you how to make a man not just “fall” for a you… But to actually make him obsessed with you so HE decides he WANTS to be serious… Make him powerfully addicted ( in a really good way ) to you!

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