Why Men Go Silent And Fail To Share Or Communicate How They Feel

Silent Man Fail Communicate Feelings

Have you ever wondered why men go silent? Every woman at sometime in her life has wondered the real answer to his “lack of communication.”

If you’ve ever wondered, asked, or talked about anything below then I’m urging you to read on because I’m going to give you the real truth behind his silence…and all of your questions…

“Why won’t he talk to me?”

“Why do guys hide their feelings?”

“Why won’t he tell me he loves me?”

“Why are men seem afraid to talk about their feelings?”

“Every time I want to talk about where our relationship is going he gets angry and cold.”

“All he does is nod and say ‘uh hu’ and then goes right back to his game or whatever he is doing. What does he always ignore me when I just want him to listen?”

“I ask him an important question which only requires a simple answer and it’s like he doesn’t even care.”

It’s my bet you can not wait to hear the absolute truth. Like you’re just itching for an answer… I can keep teasing you about it until you smack me up side the head.

If I keep this up you’re going to assume I’m like every other guy you’ve known refusing to answer what seems to be a simple question about how I feel.  🙂

Ahhh I got you there. Okay…I”ll get on with it.

But first you’re going to need a reminder or an education on the evolution of the male side.

Men are instinctively natural-born hunters and we’ve evolved from that. So talking  was not exactly the smartest thing to do when we were hunting our next meal.

Hunting often requires almost complete silence.

If we’re in a group we could use hand gestures (or actions) to formulate the attack.

The last thing we wanted to do was scare away our prey. Now this is just a theory but the guy who did scare away dinner probably didn’t make it home…

Silence equals safety especially when dealing with an animal who could rip us to shreds.

That and a few other reasons is why man’s primary form of communication evolved differently than women therefore men have learned to communicate with actions, hand gestures, and directly focused eye contact.

So what does this have to do with men not sharing their feelings or talking intimately with their wives, girlfriends, or even the quiet girl at the end of the bar just looking to meet a nice guy?

As I mentioned above we are action orientated. 

It’s not often what is coming out of our mouths but what we do and we’ve learned to be very good at it. (At least in our minds because sometimes it’s hard for men to clearly see how you might be missing our point or how you’re looking for vocal reassurance on how we feel about you or anything.)

Consider this because it explains how our actions will ALWAYS show how we feel.

When a guy is acting sweet…

When he is sharing intimate moments with you…

When he is there for you…

When he wants to be in your life…

That is our action orientated way of telling you we care. Yes, in our minds we may be guilty of assuming you are understanding us when you don’t.

Now that I’ve shown you a little about how a man’s mind works and how it’s more important you understand our actions means more than our words….

Why will a guy choose silence over talking to a woman?

There are several reasons for this and I’ll give you a small glimpse into what a man might be thinking in certain situations:

“I didn’t want to lie about how you looked or how I felt that day.”

“You didn’t look good and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and cause a huge fight over something I feel is trivial.”

“I don’t want to ruin my day. Let’s say I’m having a great day and then you ask me a question which I know will lead to a huge discussion about how we feel about each other and if I don’t answer correctly it will end up in a fight.”

“I don’t think about our relationship as much as you do. I believe if things are going good we should just go with it. Why bother rocking the boat.”

And how about this.

Our vulnerability must be kept in check. If we open up too much we’re considered a wuss.

If we open up too little we’re considered a jerk.

It’s a fine line to walk and most men will opt for the jerk side because, well, we’re men and not wusses.

Just like in court anything we say can and WILL be used against us at later time.

Think of a man who has been in a few failed relationships.

It only stands to reason he is expecting another breakup. He could actually have a fear under a bad breakup  you might reveal his intimate private secrets.

Sure it’s probably not going to happen but I believe men do fear that a woman will tell everyone his secrets which will make him appear less than a man.

Next up…

There are groups of men who do not have a clear understanding of what love is.

The last thing men want to do is tell a woman he loves her only to find out his definition of love is different from hers.

Our mom’s love us growing up.

Our father’s act like we do, men.

Add puberty and sex to the equation of “love” it can be very difficult for any guy to conceptualize what love really is.

I know that may be confusing so think of it this way.

We’re taught to love our Mothers and respect our Fathers and as we grow we’re supposed to love our girlfriends and respect her too.

When you add our raging hormones demanding we procreate and release our sexual frustration you get one confused man who probably functions much better by just keeping his mouth shut.

Like I clearly stated above…. sometimes it’s just best to keep quiet because… Being quiet means being safe.

Lastly I want you to consider how confused men can get and why it could easily cause him to go silent.

We all know men who have been at least fairly successful with women despite their inability to communicate with her. He might even believe…

“Why should I start saying anything when what I am doing is working?”

To him he’s only doing what has works and if he tries something different this can cause more problems than he’s willing or able to solve.

And what about…

When a man shares too much of how he feels he appears needy.

When a man doesn’t share enough of his feelings he could miss out on something or find the only women who are attracted to him are interested in changing him. By constantly trying to open him up.

If we share too much of our feelings too quickly women assume we’re us only interested in her body. When in reality the guy only uses what he was either taught or refuse to learn how to attract her. These are typically the guys who over-compliment or tend to objectify women constantly.

Let’s wrap up all this because I’m getting the feeling you’re a little confused. I may not be getting my point across because well – these are just words and I’m a guy…I need action. 🙂

  • Man’s primitive design gives us the blueprint -> Silence is safe.
  • Man’s primitive design teaches actions and not words.
  • Men are brought up often leaving them more confused about what love really is. And it’s best for him to not communicate his deepest feelings because they may be different from yours.
  • His fear of being seen as less than a man is a major cause of men who refrain from expressing their feelings. You might call this an instinctive urge to protect his “male ego.”
  • A fear of being vulnerable also means, as above, not feeling safe.
  • Lastly – men everywhere have still managed to raise families or have long-term relationships despite clear verbal communication with the opposite sex. For lots of men this often means saying less is better because it has worked and will continue to work.

Take a minute to consider all what I’ve shown you today so the next time your man goes silent or fails to communicate how he feels you’ll have a deeper understanding of all the reasons why.

Now I’m not asking you to just deal with it and I’m definitely NOT suggesting an answer to getting him to open up… merely just a verbal explanation so you can begin to understand him better.

If you truly want to get inside the mind of a guy as it relates to your dating and relationship life – check this out.

Get Ready to Learn How Men Think, What Their Words & Actions Really Mean… and How to Effortlessly Be That One One-In-A-Million Woman Your Man Never Wants to Lose.

If you truly understood how guys think about and feel about women and relationships, then you wouldn’t be still feeling frustrated wondering what in the world men are thinking, and why they do such crazy things.

The Inside The Mind Of A Man program will change your love life and do so by changing your story with men.

Watch This Entire Program Online RIGHT NOW, Risk-Free

Sign up below for your free copy of my 80 page book – “The Silent Man – Why men go silent, ignore you, or fail to share their feelings.”

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52 comments… add one
  • Emily

    Please give me some advice. I need someone tell me what should I do.
    We’re in long distance relationship, it’s almost 2 years from now. We had a small conflict few days ago. At first, he tried to talk to me, made me feel happy by his jokes and stuff.. He kept send mess for me in FB, but I ignore..Then on last sunday, I didn’t see him online FB, so I started replying his mess…and now, still didn’t see him read mess. I worried and make a phone to be sure that he’s safe, he answered and he’s ok ( I used a strange number, not mine). I really upset because of his silence, why don’t he online and reply my mess? ‘Cause we are in distance, so I can come to his house and face to face and deal the problem or something like that. I can’t stand it, his silence. What should I do? Should I give him a period time to think or let him relax or what else? Please help me.
    P/s: Sorry for my bad English. Thank you so much.

  • Lyn

    Hi Peter, would like to seek your advice on a situation I’m in.

    3 mths ago, I started on a relationship with this Virgo guy. He never communicate through words, and as what you’ve illustrated in your article, he prefers to show his love through actions, e.g. not using his phone when we’re together (he’s a person who shares alot of stuffs on FB everyday). I do appreciate this small effort he has put in. He’s a loner/introvert who likes to spend time alone (e.g. taking up cooking classes alone or watch movies alone), though he enjoys going for anime events/activities with his guy friends. He never tell me these, I saw his updates on FB. And yes, he never talks to me about his personal life until I saw his posts/photos on FB. Sometimes I get abit upset and lonely, especially when he would rather watch movies alone (saw his check-ins on FB) than to ask me out for movies. We only have dinner dates once a wk. I do trust that he’s usually alone, because he’s straightforward and doesn’t lie, and he told me he doesn’t like mindgames. So yes I do trust him.

    1 mth ago, we had an argument. I got so emotionally upset, I told him impulsively that maybe we shld end this relationship because I’m tired. He never reply/respond anymore after I said this. 1 wk after the argument, I msg him and told him that I was just impulsive, that I really do cherish our relationship and I do love him. I told him we both have other options, but I’m sticking to my choice (him) because love is not about giving up and finding someone new when issues arise. Of coz, I gave him his options, whether to let go of this relationship or we can start all over again. But he NEVER reply. Nothing. Occasionally I will see posts on his FB that says about “silence being the best answer”. And I’m confused. I’m not sure what his “answer” implies.

    It has been more than 2wks now. I thought he might need his space to think through what I’ve said. So I’ve given him space and time to reply me, while telling him that I’ll be where I am waiting for his answer. I don’t want to appear clingy or needy. But now I’m feeling scared. I’m not sure if he’s really hiding in his cave because he needs time to think, or has he moved on without giving me a closure? Or is he simply not interested?

    Can you pls advise me, do I continue to wait for him or should I let go and move on?

    • Lyn

      Hi Peter, would like to add that I made the mistake of asking him for an answer bout where this relationship was going during the initial stage (before we got together). He only replied 2 days after being silent, but he never walked away. He never give empty promises too, and he still chose to begin on this relationship with me. He told me he look forward to a “forever” with me. To him, his principle is: ‘if someone knows me well enough, I don’t have to explain anything. But if someone doesn’t really know me, it’s no use explaining.’ Hence he would rather remain silent.

      I am not sure now, whether is he not replying because he’s not interested in me anymore.. am not sure if I should continue to hold on to this relationship. I have restrained from messaging him because I don’t like to appear clingy or needy or pursuing him. I’m not sure what I should do.

      Thank you for your advice in advance 🙂

      • Peter White

        Hi Lyn,

        He’s not replying because he probably feels no matter what he says, it will be taken for something else. You’ve already proven to him than when you get mad or emotionally upset, you’re going to use the relationship as a hostage until he meets your demands or makes the effort to walk away. At which time he might even believe you’re not willing to follow through with your demands anyways.

        Please read this…

        Stop Overfunctioning and Get The Love and Relationship You Do Deserve.

        Hopefully it will help you determine whether or not what you’re asking for is a big ticket item or something which might be compromised over.

        Now it’s obvious you both are having communication problems. One you’re doing all the talking and he’s doing none of it. Two because of this pivotal item you said to him, “I gave him his options, whether to let go of this relationship or we can start all over again. “

        You don’t have the right to give him options just the same as he doesn’t have that right to give you options either. It’s something we must decide for ourselves. Any and all means, no matter how you communicate it to him only really tells him, HE has no rights in this relationship. It’s either your way or nothing.

        Letting this one go is not my decision.

        If you both find a way to better communicate with each other, who am I to say to let it go or not.

        If you’re getting the big ticket items, then there’s probably a good reason to work it out.

        If you’re going to continually fight over the little things and can’t find a way for both of you to compromise more, then there’s probably a good reason to work on those things after AND before you enter another relationship.

        Hope Rori helps you out and I DO wish you the best of luck,


        • Lyn

          Hi Peter,

          Thank you so much for that advice. Much appreciated 🙂


  • karis

    We were just doing fine but two week ago he wnt talk to me,,reply my text nor asnwer any of my calls,,,i have no ideal what to do,should I walk away?

    • Peter White

      Yes, walk away. I’m not sure what you were texting him or what your conversations were like before BUT apparently this guy has either chosen to ignore you OR has serious phone problems. At this point you can’t push him into responding. You can’t make someone do something. You’ll only waste valuable time and energy which can be best used doing something else.

      Thanks and hopefully he wakes up soon BUT let him contact you again before you ever get back to him,


  • Venice

    Hi pete…

    Came across your websites and i need some
    advise. I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for 6 month and everything was ok. No argument… no disagreement… basically we are happy together.

    Then i realise he had a sudden slow down on texting me. It all started on my birthday where he supposed to celebrate it with me but he cant due to some financial issue. I assured him that everything is ok and everyday would be my birthday as long he stay by my side. That was in september.

    Then we went on a holiday in october…. a long awaited holiday for both of us and the holiday went on well. 3 weeks after the holiday…. i had another getaway with my fellow friends and when i came back everything has become bad.

    I ask if something is bothering him and he said yeah… but its ok. He simply assure me that i don’t have to worry. Then there goes the second… third and fourth day.. and i didnt know what to do. I dont want to appear super needi and super clingy sudddenly.

    i ask him if he needs some times to settle his stuff.. he did not answer. Then i pop another question where i told him… i will give him some himself time to get things done and i assure him that i will be there for him and will check in messages every other day to check on him.

    It’s been four days now without checking and hearing from him and i’m going crazy soon. I love this man. I don’t want to give up on him. The only reason that i felt he is facing is financial and he just don’t want to speak up. I don’t know if my assumptiom is correct

    Please give me your advise. My world is falling apart already. This silence is killing me.


  • Zia

    Hi Peter,

    Need your advise and your “man” perspective. It’s been 1.7 years of our rships. For your information, he’s an army and I’m a graduate who still looking for job.
    Our relationship seems okay. I described it as “okay” because when he come back home, we met. We text each other but not as much as early months of our rship. LOVE is still there..i can feel it.

    There are times he didn’t text me or reply my text and my insecurities come out, made me sent him texts until he reply. I did some research why he act that way. I’ve learned something, he had problems and will come back to me when he is okay and back to normal. I try to understand him, i afraid to lose him but my mind keep thinking about negative things that makes me to keep in touch everyday.

    Now, its happen again. Its already about a week he didn’t text me or answer my calls, but this time I’ll make sure that i gave him his time and space, act like more mature and looks like i’m understand him. I texted him that i’m waiting for him like always, if he needs me, i will be there for him, and i do ask him if i made a mistake, i’m open to talk about it.This time, i’ve become detective, spying his routine. He still can online, checking his facebook ( we know from fb messager when he last active), update his wechat moments but why he didn’t reply my text or send me texts or whatsapp. Did i too demanding or needy or my insecuritues make him feel disturbed?

    What should i do, waiting for him to come back to me like before, give him some time, is it okay to let him ignored me? I’m afraid that he will not text me or never come back to me again. I do show him my respect, bcoz if im going out with my friend, i will let him now. I have plan to enjoy my weekend, but still i will let him know. Is it okay or i just follow what he did, doing things and didnt inform him my plan and just update it in wechat moments?

    I do appreciate your feedback and your “man” perspective on this things, Peter.
    Thank you in advance..

    • Peter White

      Hi Zia,

      I’m a little confused… you said, “this time I’ll make sure that i gave him his time and space, act like more mature” BUT your actions resulted in this, “I texted him that i’m waiting for him like always, if he needs me, i will be there for him, and i do ask him if i made a mistake, i’m open to talk about it.This time, i’ve become detective, spying his routine. He still can online, checking his facebook ( we know from fb messager when he last active), update his wechat moments but why he didn’t reply my text or send me texts or whatsapp”

      Absolutely yes. Your actions are only showing him the opposite. That you’re not respecting his space and how if he doesn’t respond quickly enough to your messages, you’ll continue to prod, examine, intrude, spy, etc.. into his world AND you’re telling him that you feel you did something wrong which caused it.

      Your fears are controlling you and it’s affecting the relationship negatively.

      As a guy, I might like it at first because it actually feels good to be admired and needed so much, but over time and overly done, it feels like you don’t trust me and your worries and actions based on those fears will push me away further because I will grow tired of having the same conversation about YOUR needs again and how you think everything is always your fault.

      I understand that’s a blatant statement but I feel it had to be said.

      I believe, or my opinion is that you must focus less on him and more on your own fears, your own insecurities and how they are controlling your actions and why they are happening.

      There’s no blame game here. You don’t have to take it all.

      BUT you must come to terms on how you got in this state of mind and whether or not you’re capable of handling this kind of relationship at this moment.

      Think about these questions… What are you afraid of? When do you think those fears started? How have they grown over the years? Have the affected your past relationships?

      Focus on building a stronger self and following your life especially when he isn’t getting back to you.

      I did NOT get to this point in my life by not doing those things myself or else I couldn’t ask you to do the same. I looked inward and came to many conclusions and searched for the answers to solving or overcoming my fears and looked less into all the reasons why some or one woman might be ignoring me or not into me and that’s where I found my answers.

      Hopefully by doing so, you’ll also find your personal answers which will help you build a stronger more trustful relationship with this man or the next one.

      Wishing you all the best and please read into the articles posted here for women because I’m sure they will direct you to a much better place.


      • Zia

        Hi Pete,

        Thx 4 your feedback. These few days, I’m doing exactly what you have suggested, while waiting for your feedback. I feel better when I think less of him, stop thinking of what exactly happened, why this happened and etc.

        I’ll make my mind, think less about him even I keep wondering all the unanswered questions, respect myself more. Trying to control my emotional insecurities.

        If this relationship meant to be ours, its meant to be. Just follow the flow. Thx Pete, I hope i can be more stronger than ever and understand him more.

        May all the things will get better. Thanks.

      • Zia

        Hello Pete,

        I come back jusy to say thank u so much 4 your advises and Its work. I’m still working on understanding my man and keep reading from your post. Most of them help me so much in SEARCHING THE NEW ME, UNDERSTANDING MAN’S SIGNALS and BUILD A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP .

        Men are simple and easy when ladies understand them. It’s more easier to deal with them when we know our inner trust and understand them better.

        Hopefully, things will get better and better. God bless you and your team Pete by helping people.

        Have a nice day!!!


  • Deb

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for six months. It just turned into a long distance relationship due to his job transfer. Now there will be 1 1/2 hr distance, not much, but enough where it will require more planning ahead. Usually he doesn’t make advance plans. We were seeing each other two or three times a week when he lived in town. With packing and the move we’ve seen each other once in the last three weeks. His last relationship ended very sour, she lied and he walked away, he’s still very angry if there is a mere mention of her name. The only time he talks about her is if he brings her up which is very seldom. Knowing this I knew he would have trouble with trust. He knows I go out with my friends but he assumes people are approaching me and I am obliging. However, the entire time I’m out he is on my mind and I stay by my friends side. Recently he pulled a friend of mine aside he ran into you and asked several questions about me, “do I go home often with men? “. It hurt that he doesn’t trust me but nothing I say changes his path of thinking. If I get upset because I didn’t get to see him and a few weeks passed, he pointed out the obvious, “I’m packing and moving”. Did I mention when he lived in town he lived less than 2 miles from my house. I would ask him, why don’t we just hang out for a few minutes but again, he’s busy, points out I should be understanding. I asked if I could help with the move, no, I would be in the way. He has met all my friends, I have met none of his, nor his family. I have told him this bothers me but I suspect the last time he let his ex in his life he now keeps his friends and dating life completely separate. For the first two months of dating he showed interest but when he would grow silent over a few days I got tired of it so I stopped texting altogether. After a few weeks he came around, told me he would make things better, which he did but it’s still not fufilling. He still takes a few days to himself without saying a word and then suddenly appears like nothing happened. I’m not used to this kind of relationship, in fact, it makes me a bit uncomfortable because I don’t know where he stands and he’s not verbal with his emotions. I’m contemplating whether I should stay and let time tell or go knowing he may be still working on past issues within.

    • Deb,

      He’s obviously still struggling with trust issues and he still has feelings for his last girlfriend.

      He feeling insecure and doesn’t feel confident or capable of keeping you faithful as if it’s his job to do so.

      Let him figure things out on his end, give him some time to work it all out. I’m sure you’ll know soon enough whether or not he’s ready for another relationship. It doesn’t sound like he is but I’m not sure if that’s a good enough reason just to leave him so casually.

      If it doesn’t work out, make sure it doesn’t end badly because because there’s always a chance sometime down the road he’ll once again find his security and believe his is capable and confident to catch and keep a woman around. Of course he will have to first understand it’s not his job to keep you faithful. Most men never get that.

      Thanks for writing and hopefully I’ve given you a little more to consider where you want this to go,


      And never forget, if you’re not getting what you want out of a relationship, if your needs, as long as they are reasonable, are not being met, there’s nothing wrong with ending it early and safely.

      • Debbie

        An update. After a month of not seeing him, knowing he was coming into town every weekend, not texting or calling to get together, I decided to break up. I shared how I felt and then kept my distance. Recently he went to a place (bar) he knew I would be, casually running into me. There was no deep discussion and we kept things light, not dissecting the emotional distance that just occurred. Now he is texting, calling and seeing me more regularly. I have found the more relaxed I am, the more he comes to me. I try to keep myself busy/distracted but I’m still left wondering why he pulls away when he feels me pulling in. I am open with my feelings but he is emotionally distant. He has told me point blank that he has problems expressing himself emotionally. He was adopted at birth, along with his two older biological brothers to the same adoptive parents. His relationship with his parents was described as cold, uncaring and he feels an obligation to them as they age. He is a loner. Often my friends will see him out at a bar, drinking alone, though he has many friends. I want to connect with him beyond this casual chitchat, after all we have been dating each other over 7 months. He declared us boyfriend/girlfriend. I want to connect with him on a deeper level without being intrusive but my approach causes him to pull away. Any suggestions? I’ve told him I love him, and I do. I figured if he were not on the same playing field then he’d bail, but he didn’t. He has not told me he loves me. I’m ok with this knowing he’s not expressive, afterall we’ve only dated for 7 months. His actions are more important to me but I want to connect on a more emotional level.

  • Sharlene

    Hi Peter,
    I have been with my bf fr three years now.. Our two yrs were beautiful but this one yr hasn’t been so nice.. He lives in another country but comes around on holidays. He seems to busy to talk to me yet his friends tell me he isn’t.. Wen he comes around never tells me just get to hear it from a friend.. He came back for the Christmas holiday bt hasn’t told me athing.. What can I do?

    • Peter White

      Hi Sharlene,

      It he’s coming back around without telling you then he probably doesn’t believe or want to be your boyfriend anymore. Why is obviously beyond my scope but I’m sure the distance might be an issue.

      The only thing you can do is to communicate to HIM your concerns and hope by doing so, he’ll be honest about what is going on.


  • Celia

    Well I have been in love with a guy who has been s childhood friend for about 10 years we separated for 4years(he is 21,I am 20now) but when we met again each of us had our separate lives ,afterwards I got pregnant with my then boyfriend`s baby but 5months into the pregnancy we broke up,well my childhood Friend was there all along and saw me through the pregnancy though he was far off in college. He later admitted his feelings for me and assured me of his continued support all through when I asked him about her girlfriend he told me not to worry for he had cleared everything with her and told her about us,thing is I don’t know or rather I can’t really tell if he is telling me the truth or just leading me on

  • Linh Nguyen

    Hi Peter,

    I hope you could look into my comment and give me the advice. Im breaking down and dont know what to do to have my bf back.

    Last month, we had a big issue and our relationship has changed badly. I hid from him the truth about some guys I used to hook up in the past, I dint know tell him about those stories when he asked me at the very first dates of our relationship. Then something happened and i told him the truth about that after we are dating for 2 months. It was a shock by him and he supposed that I’m a big liar, he lost all trust and didnt think we could get back together.

    I admitted my mistake by hiding my past from him, i appologized and came clean with full honesty that I’m no longer in contact with them or seeing them since I met him. But he questioned everything about my intergity and had no more trust in us.

    He said he is torn of what to do with me, but I can see he has been giving efforts and trying hard to hold onto our relationship. He still accepts to talk to me, reply my message (even in the very cold way, and he will never message me first if I dont), and allowed me to see him or stayed over at his place. I have been trying hard to show him my sincerity, honesty and appreciation and I do hope to save our relationship. However, two days recently, I felt he is trying to keep distance from me, avoid seeing me with reason that he is tired or he has plans with friends already. I feel scared and dont know what to do in this case, i dont want to annoy him by keep messaging him or asking about how his day is going on. But I really dont know what to do, and what his attitude/reactions means.

    Hope to get your advice so that I can know what is the best to do for him, for us.

    Thank you Peter.

    • Peter White

      Hi Linh,

      I’m no expert at “getting your ex back” or keeping him after something goes wrong.

      I will just say, as a guy, fights happen, blame is thrown around, people lose faith in others, and most find a way to get past it. AND never forget a relationship and communication within that relationship is always a two-sided thing. You’re not as much to blame as you think you are. Don’t let anyone including him, make you feel inferior. That won’t ever help and will only hinder mending something.

      As a guy, I can see how he might not get over it and I can tell you it will have little to do with you apparently not being honest and more to do with your past relationships which he felt you did not tell him about.

      All I will now say, since I’m not an expert on rekindling relationships, is you can’t change how he feels, you can not “try” to prove something to anyone who doesn’t want to believe it or is not ready to accept it. These are things he needs to do on his own. You just can not allow yourself to feel belittled because that won’t help either.

      Remain calm. Give him time. So not push the issue or smooth it over. Say your peace and let that stand. The rest is up to him. Remain confident that there is a communication problem going on and even if things settle back down, will most likely happen again and again if it’s not dealt with by BOTH of you.

      Wishing you all the best,


  • aubrey

    hi pete.. have a good day.. i just already read your article about man.. and its actually happened to me now.. me and my boyfriend just started the long distance relationship for three weeks.. so i just probably say that were just started to know each other.. i am 26 then i met him in some site.. he is 34 and working in some garments company.. i know in myself that im matured enough in some relationship.. but this is my first time to have a long distance.. and im saying that we didnt met each other yet and were just talking in video call.. at first were okay.. he had plan to visit me this year.. we understand each other.. were talking after his work.. and im happy to know that , because despite of being busy at work he had time for me.. even though we both know that he is tired because of work.. but still we keep talking.. we spent time even though we have a different time zone.. then suddenly theres something happen to his work.. and because of that he get so much busy and the reason to not talk to me.. and he is not responsing 4 days from now.. but i keep messaging him.. telling that im still waiting until he find time for me.. hes been quite although i know he read all my messages to him.. i dont know what he think now.. just it happen one day he didnt message to me.. until now.. what do i need to do and think?.. i still trust him and believe in him.. thanks godbless..

    • Peter White


      First I must say, meet in person as soon as you can but of course, make sure it’s safe. Don’t linger around too long on the internet.

      Now, you need to stop messaging him. One, possibly two, just in case the first one didn’t get through and that’s it. With each message he gets where he doesn’t respond is only going to push him back.

      Four days is not forever. It would not have seemed that long when you first met and if you’re going to be in a relationship like this, you have to accept the bad parts (not knowing or lack of messages) with the good parts too.

      I’m not excusing him. I have no idea what he’s up to just like you don’t know BUT if he told you he was busy with work, and can’t be in touch with as much for a while, then messaging him constantly is NOT helping the situation at all.

      If you DO trust him, like you said, then you must remain patient.

      First time in a long distance relationship is tough. That I understand. The “not knowing” for real part is not always easy to accept.

      All I can tell you is, 4 days is not that long for a guy who is busy. All this over thinking will only make you trust him less. Sure, he kept up with you before but is finding it difficult now. It happens.

      Give him a few more days and no more messaging him. If this pattern continues, longer and longer periods of time between messages, then you have a problem and stepping away would probably be the smart thing to do.


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